Spare the rod and spoil the child?

hstallings13

I got spanked for major offenses as a child and my children get it for major offensives now. I think most kids need a good swat every now and again to keep them in line. My oldest girl usually only gets it maybe 2-3 times a year, but my son...geez oh pete, 2-3 times a month. I don't beat on anyone now and my kids like to rough house, but they aren't violent.

Pidders89

i was spanked as a child, only twice but it taught me not to do things again and it wasn't a hard one just a tap on the back of the hand or bum. I think it all depends of the force and reasons.

i dont think it has an affect on how violent you are in the future because i am not a violent person at all.

dvusk

I spank my son. When he gets really belligerent, it's the only form of punishment he responds to. I always try taking away toys/privileges and removing him from the situation to talk to him first, but if he doesn't respond to that, he gets swatted.

When I was young, my parents used to wail away on our rears so we couldn't sit for a bit. I refuse to do that with my son. I'll only give him a single spanking at any one time. It's just to call his attention to the fact that what he's doing is incorrect. If I ever find myself angry enough with him to spank him more than once, that's my cue to leave the room and calm down for a few minutes before I come back in to punish him.

Bigmomma0u812

I was spanked as a child by my mother and I'm a very calm and mild mannered adult. However my daughter (she's 4) is very aggressive and likes to throw things when she gets really mad. I don't make it a standard practice to spank but I do it when its necessary. I've done the whole taking toys away. I've even locked her playroom, sometimes these things are more effective than spanking and sometimes nothing works better than a spanking itself. So I say if its needed go for it but I don't define a spank to the bottom as abuse.

Gemini_at_36

How interesting......Spanking, the last time my daughter got spanked was maybe when she was in elementary school. Now she is 15, about to be a sophmore. And in the last month she has turned my life upside down, right side up, and every other which way. She called me from Georgia (visiting her father this summer because she didn't want to be bored in Maine) and said I'm not coming home on the plane, I'm going to live here. And now she calls me every name in the book, yells at me, curses at me, and says I'm not coming home. Now I am going to court because her father and I were not married so neither one of us has legal custody to our child. I thought we had a pretty good relationship, open communication, raising a teenager that is. So how can a child "throw her mother and fatty (father figure the last 8 years) away, over night. Did I not spank her enough? I don't think so. Talking to your children, making sure you as parent knows what is going on all the time is the most important. They will hurt you, they will lie to you, they will even steal from you. They are human. They are learning to be themselves. Sometimes destructive, sometimes parents are just lucky. For those of you who are parents, hug your kids today and think of me, a mother who has lost a child ( by distance and hurting words). love, jo

Amysgetnfit

Different children need different punishments. A spanking for me was no big deal, but OMG to send me to my room was the end of the word. My sister was the exact opposite! I think it is ok as long as it is ONE form of punishment, not a sole source of punishment. Besides, there is a difference between a spanking and a beating. One is for the child's benefit, the other is for the parent's frustration.

this is sooo true as well, some children you can scold & send them to sobbing tears, others just roll their eyes at you & yeah whatever...

gipperakh

Im a spanker. I was spanked when I was growing up. I was a pretty good kid growing up. I avoided all things that would result in a spanking. Just the thought of it made me think twice about my actions. I think that's the general idea of spanking. Obviously if you do it a lot, it's not working so then you should try something else.

findingfit23

I was spanked and whacked with the occasional spoon, Im ok with that.
I was also made to eat a lot of soap in my fine mouthy years, that is the one thing I will NEVER EVER do to my kids.

ricepattikay

Discipline means to teach, to me spanking a child is only teaching them that I am bigger than you so I can hurt you. And I think it makes everyone feel bad But most of all instead of teaching them (with your words) you are inflicting them with pain and shame, how could this possibly build their self worth?

I think you should treat your children with the same respect that you expect returned to you.

I also think that if you are mad and frustrated enough to spank your child, you are probably too mad to be spanking your child.

We all have different life experiences and therefore different beliefs, this is mine

MelMoly

Yes. Not violent spanking but a tap on the butt when behavior is out of control. I was spanked and I am a very peaceful/pacifist person.

Agree normally all i have to do is raise my voice! or time out chair...but sometimes you have to spank the hand or tush!

jumelle

I don't have kids, yet. But, I'll share my own experience.

My parents are Jamaican, strict and very traditional in that respect. We got spankings (my twin sister and I). We weren't spanked over ridiculous things, and whatever happened had to have been SERIOUS to merit one. I think my Dad spanked me 4 times in my entire life up to 13 years old and I'm 24 now. It definitely made us think twice about doing something stupid that may result in a spanking. It didn't make us violent, and I think I'd do it the way my parents did. We got a spanking and a sit down. My parents took the time to explain to us where we went wrong and what the consequences would be should we step out of line again.

But, that being said, that form of discipline doesn't work for every child. I know a couple that has a son that will laugh in their face when they try to spank him or threaten him with one. Take his Xbox away and he'll tow the line real quick. You just have to know what works with your family.

Heidi_Maggott

Give hidings, and / or use a naughty corner. Do what works for you! As a kid my mom would just say smack and I would start crying, but my sister jst shrugged them off. With my son I use a combination as some days he just shrugs them off and others they are effective.

lemonychick

The general rule here is that any physical punishment that leaves a mark on the childs body is too much. So a light smack would be fine, but generally it's frowned upon. My partner and I decided not to use physical harm as a disciplinary tool, and we have 3 well-mannered children that I am often complimented upon.

However, we do belive in discipline and never allow our kids to reach a level where hitting them would be our only option.

Mind you, they are only 10, 7 and 4 - the time may yet come......:laugh:

Ultimately, they are my kids, and I will love them, and discipline them as I see fit.

rhodesar

I'm a mother of two and have never spanked my kids. They are lovely, well mannered and respectful. I think kids learn by example and should never be demeaned or humiliated in this (or any) way.

kapeluza

I wish more parents gave their children a spanking or at least disciplined them more strictly. I see so many brats and children out of control, yelling at their parents and just running a muck! I would never behave like that with my parents. It's sad really, all the crap some parents let their children get away with.

sincerehope

What an interesting topic. Before I had children, I never really thought much about spanking as a form of discipline for children but now that I'm a parent, I have to say that I do not spank my son. I think spanking does confuse children as the message being delivered at that time is that it's ok to hit when you're unhappy with someone's behavior. Children don't have the means to comprehend the difference between themselves being a child in need of correction and you as an adult being the one to correct. Anyone doing wrong is fair game to their little minds. But the bottom line for me is that we are all human beings with very real feelings. It shouldn't matter if we're 4 or 40. Nobody deserves to be struck for doing something "wrong", especially when there are other means to change behavior. In addition, I would guess that most parents strike their children out of anger, which can be dangerous. I have been witness to out of control spankings where parents have crossed the line between "correcting" and expressing anger. This to me is completely inappropriate and definitely sets the stage for raising a violent child. I would be lying if I said that I never have the urge to spank my son when his behavior has reached a point beyond my patience. However, time and time again, I can honestly say that when the situation diffuses and I think back over it, I ask myself "Would his actions have warranted a spank or did you just want to vent your own frustration with him?". The answer is always the latter.

This is just the way I have chosen to raise my son. I don't judge parents who do spank because my opinion could be wrong and I am aware of that. I am interested in seeing what others have to say too.

KPaden1221

As always there is a debate going on here at work…I love these people, how we get any work done is beyond me! Anywho, the question is, and this is for everyone, you don’t have to have kids to have an opinion:

Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?

I'm for it. It should happen more often. Course, you should also be able to discipline ignorant parents too.

If you do something wrong, you should be able to take the consequences.

i COMPLETELY agree with this. I was spanked as a child and I turned out pretty dang good. I never got in trouble as a teenager nor did I ever really rebel. I was very well behaved, and knew I would be spanked if I didn't behave. My future children will be spanked and diciplined. This is what the Bible has to say about punishment/spanking

Proverbs 13:24(AMP): "He who spares his rod (of discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him diligently disciplines and punishes him early."

Proverbs 23:13-14: "Withold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the (reed-like) rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

macpatti

I'm a mother of two and have never spanked my kids. They are lovely, well mannered and respectful. I think kids learn by example and should never be demeaned or humiliated in this (or any) way.

If children feel demeaned or humiliated after a spanking, then the parents are obviously doing it wrong. It is discipline. It's meant to get their attention and let them know what they did was wrong or harmful. Before a certain age, children do not have mature morality to understand why they should and shouldn't do something wrong. They go from fearing punishment or spanking before they can go into respecting authority and not fearing it. There is nothing wrong with having your children "fear" a spanking. Our world would be a better place if we were all God-fearing people. That doesn't mean "fear" God in a negative way, either. We should fear making wrong choices.

Bigmomma0u812

"In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc."


I see this too. I work with children daily and when I was a child we didn't back talk teachers. The respect level of children is pretty bad but when you call in parents to explain to them what their child is doing, you see why. I'm not sure how to fix it but yes, children today are very materialistic. Sure I wanted things that other kids had as a child but it didn't ruin my whole life when I didn't get them. I think a lot of it is the modern day teen reality shows. All kids think they need to have the lives they seen portrayed on tv... but why we parents feel the need to fulfill that is beyond me.

joeygirl84

I was spanked... but my parents were responsible in their methods. It taught me a healthy sence of fear... of the results of my wrong actions. Something I believe kids really lack these days, hence why society... schools... ect, are the way they are.

Bigmomma0u812

I was trying to do a quote in my last post and I did it wrong... oh well, I'll learn eventually.

macpatti

How interesting......Spanking, the last time my daughter got spanked was maybe when she was in elementary school. Now she is 15, about to be a sophmore. And in the last month she has turned my life upside down, right side up, and every other which way. She called me from Georgia (visiting her father this summer because she didn't want to be bored in Maine) and said I'm not coming home on the plane, I'm going to live here. And now she calls me every name in the book, yells at me, curses at me, and says I'm not coming home. Now I am going to court because her father and I were not married so neither one of us has legal custody to our child. I thought we had a pretty good relationship, open communication, raising a teenager that is. So how can a child "throw her mother and fatty (father figure the last 8 years) away, over night. Did I not spank her enough? I don't think so. Talking to your children, making sure you as parent knows what is going on all the time is the most important. They will hurt you, they will lie to you, they will even steal from you. They are human. They are learning to be themselves. Sometimes destructive, sometimes parents are just lucky. For those of you who are parents, hug your kids today and think of me, a mother who has lost a child ( by distance and hurting words). love, jo

Sending hugs and prayers your way!

ckmama

Wouldn't it be weird if someone spanked us every time we did something wrong....ha ha.

Can you imagine your boss calling you in and you have to drop trow to get your whippin'



I was spanked, I have spanked, and all of it makes me feel bad.

ddrrooiiddppss0088

I rarely do it and would prefer not to, but some times its necessary. Its also an intimidation factor to. I just say "do you want spankings" and they say no and stop doing whatever it is wrong.

Now...my only problem is that I have twin toddlers and well they repeat everything. So if one does something wrong, the other will say "I will bank your bum". Very cute in funny and its hard to explain in a straight face that its wrong.

angryguy77

Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?

Within reason I do. If they spill milk or somethign stupid then no. When I think about people that are so anti-spanking and let's "talk" and negotiate about everything I look back at history and how things have changed so much. In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc. I didn't want for anything as a kid but I damn sure appreciated everything I got because I earned it in one way or another. Additionally to the total lack of respect you have kids bringing weapons to school and hurting each other, killing each other, kids doing things that get them charged as adults. Sure we had gangs and stuff growing up but I kind of see that as a different issue than your regular suburban upper-middle class teenager coming in a popping other kids at random. It's just so different and I'm glad my step-son is almost out of high school; I feel for anybody that has younger kids.

There's a time to talk and negotiate and then there's a time where kids need to know who's boss and what they're going to do, how they're going to do it, and when they're going to do it and what are the consequences of not doing it. Most things should be earned in some manner be it grades, chores at home, attitude / respect, etc. We did family counseling with my other step-son and both counselors said basically we have to give kids love, basic food, basic clothing, and an education, past that everything is a bonus and should be earned.

My thoughts exactly. I believe this is one of the reasons there are so many disrespectful kids. Kids don't fear the corner or timeouts, they do fear a spanking. Of course spanking should be the last resort, but it should never be ruled out.

I would like to add that you cannot reason with a 2 year old for those that are against spanking.


btw, i was spanked as a child and still like to be

KZOsMommy

I think striking another person is demeaning (for both) and humiliating. It doesn't 'teach' anything except bigger ppl can get their way with violence.
I strongly disapprove of hitting children and animals. They are completely defenseless and WHAT can a child or dog do to deserve that? Now when my 18 mo old son was sticking his finger in an electrical socket, I did smack his hand - I felt terrible, but I figure it's better than him being electrocuted.
But no, I think hitting is wrong. period. it is never right. and people who hit eventually meet someone who can & will kick their *kitten*

I completely agree with you =-)

Zeromilediet

@ vitawoman
When your daughter gets older she'll change ... they say terrible things to you and most times don't even remember. "How sharper than a serpent's tooth to have an ungrateful child" - William Shakespeare

Fifteen years after terrible teens my daughter and I have a wonderful, loving relationship (now on her 30s), my daughter asks me how I could still love her after having said certain things, and all I can say is I love you, and I've been a teenager drunk with the power of saying and doing whatever I wanted, so know what they're like.

As for spanking, I was spanked and vowed never to spank ... there was no negotiation or lax rules, there were timeouts on a chair, curfews, restricted privileges, etc. in lieu of hitting as age appropriate.

vim_n_vigor

I think spanking can be done, very sparingly. I use it only for instances where there is a danger aspect involved - running into the street, reaching for a hot stove, etc. Even then, I think what I do, most people would not consider a 'real' spanking as my intent is not to cause pain to my kids, but to surprise them and to get their attention.

nakabi

I was spanked as a child and although at the time I didn't appreciate it, I do now. My parents spanked me, not because they wanted to, but because they loved me. I spank my own son (2 years) out of love.

foremant86

I don't have kids, but I've watched a lot of them and have a couple nieces and a nephew. I do not condone spanking, it is ridiculous to think hitting a child is a good way to teach them anything.
I watch people around me who spank their kids and all of those kids are unhappy children who continue to act out because hitting them doesn't teach them a damn thing except to be more deceiving so they don't get hit again.

A time out and talking with the kid about what they did wrong has always worked for me.