Spare the rod and spoil the child?
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Frankly, I am completely disgusted. This is actually really putting me off using this site. What most of you are talking about is sanctioned child abuse. It's sickening.
And no, I don't scream at my children unless they are making so much noise it is literally the only way for them to hear me, but knock yourself out with the attempts to pick at my parenting in retaliation.
I love how you pick at everyone's parenting choices, but seem offended when others might do the same to you. You said that making them run and such was not punishment, just a means to burn off extra energy. So your strategy is that if your child disrespects you, they don't need punished, they need a quick jog?
Most of the time, yes. When a child is "acting up" (I HATE that phrase) it's because they are bored or frustrated. So listen to them, and then suggest physical activity. After 6 years I have come to the conclusion that children are much like dogs, if you feed them well and run them every day they are happy. If you coop them up indoors with tv and computer games, they quickly become vile and violent.
Not always true. My daughter does not watch any TV and we play with her and keep her entertained but the minute we need to clean up or cook dinner, she is off looking for what she can get into. We have the house baby proofed from top to bottom but she will find that one thing that might harm her. And she is stubborn so a firm "no" does not work. We say no, it makes her want it more. Just yesterday my fiance had to swat her hand because she reached through the baby gate and grabbed a can out of the trash. She could have sliced her hand up pretty bad! We have told her numerous times to leave the trash alone but it has become a game to try and reach through the gate. I tell you what, he swatted her hand and she left the garbage can alone.
And for those that say "move the garbage can". What is this teaching kids? That things will always be re-arranged to accomadate them. Not that they have boundaries in life and some things they can't do.
So no, I am not going to teach her that lesson. She'll be better off for it in the long run.0 -
Did I just see that someone compared their children to dogs? :noway:
I don't know...I think I prefer dogs. You can lock them in the house and go to the bar and nobody will call social services on you! :laugh:
:laugh:
Cats are even better because you don't have to rush home to let them out!0 -
Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.
Wow.........This is not comparing apples to apples at all! Poor analagy!
and to think my ex husband literally told me (several times and with a completely serious expression) that he felt like if i disobeyed him he had every right to discipline me.
thus the "ex".
Good for you!! I dont blame you whatsover!! Jerk!0 -
I was spanked as a child and I don't hit people.
I spank my kids when they're out of line and I also use time outs & other forms of discipline (grounding).
I don't believe spanking teaches violence or hitting.
side note: I don't believe spanking is abuse, because it's not a 'violent' act--you're not trying to hurt them.
It only becomes abuse if you're actually beating the tar out of them.0 -
Turtles are even better than cats...you can go days without feeding them.0
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Well this is about to go over about like a turd in a punch bowl but here it is
We spank in my house when necessary and its very rare. When my kids misbehave (talking back, being rude, ignoring my requests over and over) i make my kids clean toilets, sweep and mop the floor, scoop dog poop, bag of leaves, and other forms of manual labor.
Sometimes we do push-ups or they have to stand on the wall. I am a screamer and it DOES NOT work for my kids. I have 2 very well behaved kids I am am very proud of them. However just like adults they can be buttheads. The difference between them is they are children and need to be taught what is appropriate and what isnt. I dont think you should ever spank your kids out of anger and excessive spanking is not cool. It shouldnt have to happen that often. If you are constantly spanking your kids then there is obviously another problem and it aint working, lets move on and check out other things possibly their diet. I know if i let my kids have sodas and junk they are completely different kids. I want to punch myself in the face for letting them have it. Its my own fault.
Kids will test the limits and the best thing to do is stay consistent. I can honestly tell you in MY personal life i have some friends that are the "by the book" or "time out" method parents and I would rather get a freaking colonoscopy then have their kids over. I have heard my daughters friends YELL at their parents IN FRONT OF of me and they did NOTHING. I wanted to slap the **** out of the parent for not dealing with that. Um excuse me you scream at ME like that and you will be dealt with. I am the parent and my kids DO NOT run MY home. There are rules and being respectful to others is one of them. And in my extended family if one of our kids gets out of line, who ever is closest to that kid has permission to discipline our kids and vice versa.
I rarely got spanked as a kid. I didnt need it because i knew early on what my mom would and wouldnt put up with. With that said, I may or may not have gotten my mouth popped for running it to my mom before. I deserved EVERY SINGLE SMACK I GOT.
But what works in my home may not work in yours.0 -
That is so funny! I know it was intentional, but good for you, you got your point across real quick! I guess he knows where his boundries are. Joe's parents should be ashamed of themselves, no wonder kids today are so entitled & disrespectful. My step son is 15 & is now starting to get big & thinks he's a tough guy. He is constantly play-punching his dad (in the arm), trying to show how tough he is. Well, his dad keeps wining about how it hurts, & he's getting bruises. I told him to haul off & punch him one time HARD & I bet he quits doing it. Well... it worked.I have to tell you guys this, not something I'm proud of, but it happened. My stepson was 12ish and had made friends with a boy who was an only child. This kid (call him Joe) would "freak out" and punch his parents whenever he was punished (they didn't spank). Joe's parents were so upset that they had upset him, they bought him a dirt bike as a "sorry" gift. Of course kids talk, and one day my stepson got sent to his room as punishment, and I went in to talk to him about it. Next thing I know, he sucker punched me in the face! I punched him right back! It happened so fast, I would have to say it was instinct. At school the next day, Joe asked if he got his dirt bike. My stepson said, " No, but I got my *kitten* kicked by my stepmother!" We still laugh about it. And no, he never tried to hit me again. He is 23 and a wonderful person/ father!0 -
In my life, I was hit. It wasn't spanking because it wasn't really for discipline, it was more because my mom was pissed at my dad or her life and so she took it out on us. We did misbehave but she was always angry.
My husband on the other hand, was talked to before he was spanked and after too. He was told he was loved and that spanking was just a punishment. I often fell asleep from crying so much after being hit.
I don't have kids and I used to be all about "when I have kids, yes I will spank" but I'm terribly afraid to ever spank my future kids if I'm a bit angry so not sure... We will cross that bridge when we get there.0 -
Turtles are even better than cats...you can go days without feeding them.
Bahaha! Nice.0 -
If hitting a child is oh so effective then why is it that parents who do so have to continue to hit their child day after day, a lot of times for the same exact thing they hit them for before?
You all say children behave better for people who aren't their parents but how does that make sense? You all say your children respect you more because you're not afraid to hit them. Yet my niece and nephew KNOW i won't hit them, no matter what they do, so wouldn't that mean they would actually act out more around me because they don't have to ever fear being hit?
My sister constantly complains about her 4 year old daughter being out of control and her having to hit her sometimes(though she swore up and down she would never hit her kids) yet when I have the kid(and let me tell you i have her kids A LOT, i've actually helped raised them) she doesn't act out and when she does do something bad all i have to do is give her a serious look, tell her to knock it off and she stops dead in her tracks and doesn't do that crap again.
there are so many better ways to raise a kid then Hitting them, it's a shame people are still stuck in their barbaric ways.
Big difference. You're their aunt, not their parent. Who said that parents who spank do so "day after day"? There was a recent study done (read Brene Brown's books on Shame vs. Guilt) and what she discovered was adults who were well disciplined as a child (including spanking) were proud of their parents. They sat around in small groups to discuss it. They would "one up" each other with, "Oh, yeah, well my dad would...." etc. The adults who did not speak up, and who were actually embarrassed were those raised by parents wo did not discipline, or who took the "Let's sit down and discuss why you shouldn't have done that" approach.0 -
If hitting a child is oh so effective then why is it that parents who do so have to continue to hit their child day after day, a lot of times for the same exact thing they hit them for before?
You all say children behave better for people who aren't their parents but how does that make sense? You all say your children respect you more because you're not afraid to hit them. Yet my niece and nephew KNOW i won't hit them, no matter what they do, so wouldn't that mean they would actually act out more around me because they don't have to ever fear being hit?
My sister constantly complains about her 4 year old daughter being out of control and her having to hit her sometimes(though she swore up and down she would never hit her kids) yet when I have the kid(and let me tell you i have her kids A LOT, i've actually helped raised them) she doesn't act out and when she does do something bad all i have to do is give her a serious look, tell her to knock it off and she stops dead in her tracks and doesn't do that crap again.
there are so many better ways to raise a kid then Hitting them, it's a shame people are still stuck in their barbaric ways.
Once again, like another poster said...kids have this funny way of acting MUCH better for other people than they do for their parents. I pick up my daughter from daycare and they talk about how much of an angel she was, then we get home 15 minutes later and she is a grouchy little tornado ripping through the house.
As for the parents that hit on a daily basis, they obviously aren't backing up their "discipline" with any real parenting. Then yes, I agree with you, it does not work. Spankings should not be doled out daily or very every perceived wrong the child has done. It should be a last resort and for things that are really bad. If these parents are spanking for every little thing every single day and not explaining right and wrong to their children, then yes, that is bordering abusive behavior.
I think this is where people are misunderstanding eachother.0 -
My parents didn't just spank me, they whipped my butt with belts, switches from trees, fly-swatters, etc. And not once did I ever think they didn't love me or that I was being abused, nor was I ever afraid of them. Every "spanking" was accompanied with an explanation about what I had done wrong and why I was being punished. It was never done in anger ... in fact, my dad cried every time he had to do it.
I completely understand that each parent has to do what they feel is best for their own kids, and as long as a parent has found an effective way to control their kids' behavior, I would never criticize their choice to NOT spank their kids. But it really irks me to hear people suggest that corporal punishment turns kids toward violence. There is a HUGE difference between physical discipline and physical abuse.
Agree 100%
I'm a single mother of an African American young man.
I rather be the one doing the disciplining than the police.0 -
Firstly, I do not have children yet. I was smacked as a kid when I was naughty/cheeky and I probably one of the least violent people you could meet.
If my kid was cheeky/naughty with me then I would give them a smack on the *kitten*, it sure stopped me from being a vile child. I see so many horrible arsehole kids when I am out and about and I'm sure a good old smack would sort them out, probably going to get flamed for this but so what
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If hitting a child is oh so effective then why is it that parents who do so have to continue to hit their child day after day, a lot of times for the same exact thing they hit them for before?
You all say children behave better for people who aren't their parents but how does that make sense? You all say your children respect you more because you're not afraid to hit them. Yet my niece and nephew KNOW i won't hit them, no matter what they do, so wouldn't that mean they would actually act out more around me because they don't have to ever fear being hit?
My sister constantly complains about her 4 year old daughter being out of control and her having to hit her sometimes(though she swore up and down she would never hit her kids) yet when I have the kid(and let me tell you i have her kids A LOT, i've actually helped raised them) she doesn't act out and when she does do something bad all i have to do is give her a serious look, tell her to knock it off and she stops dead in her tracks and doesn't do that crap again.
there are so many better ways to raise a kid then Hitting them, it's a shame people are still stuck in their barbaric ways.
My 3 year old used to throw bathwater out of the tub every time he took a bath. It would be a lot of water mind you. After a few good spankings, he no longer does this and I don't have to wade through the water in my bathroom anymore.
When he acts up, I count to 3, if he still insists on being naughty, he gets it. He usually come around by the time I reach three, we are making progress.
How are you supposed to reason with a kid who doesn't even comprehend the English language yet? You can't.
I love my kid and would die for him w/o question. This is why I use various forms of punishment. I want him to grow up to be a competent, respectful adult.0 -
Well this is about to go over about like a turd in a punch bowl but here it is
We spank in my house when necessary and its very rare. When my kids misbehave (talking back, being rude, ignoring my requests over and over) i make my kids clean toilets, sweep and mop the floor, scoop dog poop, bag of leaves, and other forms of manual labor.
Sometimes we do push-ups or they have to stand on the wall. I am a screamer and it DOES NOT work for my kids. I have 2 very well behaved kids I am am very proud of them. However just like adults they can be buttheads. The difference between them is they are children and need to be taught what is appropriate and what isnt. I dont think you should ever spank your kids out of anger and excessive spanking is not cool. It shouldnt have to happen that often. If you are constantly spanking your kids then there is obviously another problem and it aint working, lets move on and check out other things possibly their diet. I know if i let my kids have sodas and junk they are completely different kids. I want to punch myself in the face for letting them have it. Its my own fault.
Kids will test the limits and the best thing to do is stay consistent. I can honestly tell you in MY personal life i have some friends that are the "by the book" or "time out" method parents and I would rather get a freaking colonoscopy then have their kids over. I have heard my daughters friends YELL at their parents IN FRONT OF of me and they did NOTHING. I wanted to slap the **** out of the parent for not dealing with that. Um excuse me you scream at ME like that and you will be dealt with. I am the parent and my kids DO NOT run MY home. There are rules and being respectful to others is one of them. And in my extended family if one of our kids gets out of line, who ever is closest to that kid has permission to discipline our kids and vice versa.
I rarely got spanked as a kid. I didnt need it because i knew early on what my mom would and wouldnt put up with. With that said, I may or may not have gotten my mouth popped for running it to my mom before. I deserved EVERY SINGLE SMACK I GOT.
But what works in my home may not work in yours.
Very well said! :flowerforyou:
And :laugh: @ turd in a punch bowl. :laugh:0 -
If hitting a child is oh so effective then why is it that parents who do so have to continue to hit their child day after day, a lot of times for the same exact thing they hit them for before?
You all say children behave better for people who aren't their parents but how does that make sense? You all say your children respect you more because you're not afraid to hit them. Yet my niece and nephew KNOW i won't hit them, no matter what they do, so wouldn't that mean they would actually act out more around me because they don't have to ever fear being hit?
My sister constantly complains about her 4 year old daughter being out of control and her having to hit her sometimes(though she swore up and down she would never hit her kids) yet when I have the kid(and let me tell you i have her kids A LOT, i've actually helped raised them) she doesn't act out and when she does do something bad all i have to do is give her a serious look, tell her to knock it off and she stops dead in her tracks and doesn't do that crap again.
there are so many better ways to raise a kid then Hitting them, it's a shame people are still stuck in their barbaric ways.
Big difference. You're their aunt, not their parent. Who said that parents who spank do so "day after day"? There was a recent study done (read Brene Brown's books on Shame vs. Guilt) and what she discovered was adults who were well disciplined as a child (including spanking) were proud of their parents. They sat around in small groups to discuss it. They would "one up" each other with, "Oh, yeah, well my dad would...." etc. The adults who did not speak up, and who were actually embarrassed were those raised by parents wo did not discipline, or who took the "Let's sit down and discuss why you shouldn't have done that" approach.
If we're going to talk science and research (which we should, everything else in this thread is just anecdotal evidence and has little meaning) let's link to the actual studies and not just quote from memory.
Because if you do look at the research, from non-biased sources, you won't read anything like that. "People who were never spanked were embarrassed of their parents".. you should be embarrassed to have posted that.
http://www.parentingscience.com/spanking-children.html <-- link to actual studies by phd scientists studying the affects of spanking on children around the world.0 -
Well this is about to go over about like a turd in a punch bowl but here it is
We spank in my house when necessary and its very rare. When my kids misbehave (talking back, being rude, ignoring my requests over and over) i make my kids clean toilets, sweep and mop the floor, scoop dog poop, bag of leaves, and other forms of manual labor.
Sometimes we do push-ups or they have to stand on the wall. I am a screamer and it DOES NOT work for my kids. I have 2 very well behaved kids I am am very proud of them. However just like adults they can be buttheads. The difference between them is they are children and need to be taught what is appropriate and what isnt. I dont think you should ever spank your kids out of anger and excessive spanking is not cool. It shouldnt have to happen that often. If you are constantly spanking your kids then there is obviously another problem and it aint working, lets move on and check out other things possibly their diet. I know if i let my kids have sodas and junk they are completely different kids. I want to punch myself in the face for letting them have it. Its my own fault.
Kids will test the limits and the best thing to do is stay consistent. I can honestly tell you in MY personal life i have some friends that are the "by the book" or "time out" method parents and I would rather get a freaking colonoscopy then have their kids over. I have heard my daughters friends YELL at their parents IN FRONT OF of me and they did NOTHING. I wanted to slap the **** out of the parent for not dealing with that. Um excuse me you scream at ME like that and you will be dealt with. I am the parent and my kids DO NOT run MY home. There are rules and being respectful to others is one of them. And in my extended family if one of our kids gets out of line, who ever is closest to that kid has permission to discipline our kids and vice versa.
I rarely got spanked as a kid. I didnt need it because i knew early on what my mom would and wouldnt put up with. With that said, I may or may not have gotten my mouth popped for running it to my mom before. I deserved EVERY SINGLE SMACK I GOT.
But what works in my home may not work in yours.
I agree with this! It seems some people think that if we say we spank our children, it means "over and over" and all the time without any other forms of discipline. The truth is: if done correctly, you don't have to spank often at all. Most of us don't just haul off and whip with a belt either. We discuss it, let them know why they're being spanked, and let them know if they do the same action again, they'll get the same consequence.0 -
If hitting a child is oh so effective then why is it that parents who do so have to continue to hit their child day after day, a lot of times for the same exact thing they hit them for before?
You all say children behave better for people who aren't their parents but how does that make sense? You all say your children respect you more because you're not afraid to hit them. Yet my niece and nephew KNOW i won't hit them, no matter what they do, so wouldn't that mean they would actually act out more around me because they don't have to ever fear being hit?
My sister constantly complains about her 4 year old daughter being out of control and her having to hit her sometimes(though she swore up and down she would never hit her kids) yet when I have the kid(and let me tell you i have her kids A LOT, i've actually helped raised them) she doesn't act out and when she does do something bad all i have to do is give her a serious look, tell her to knock it off and she stops dead in her tracks and doesn't do that crap again.
there are so many better ways to raise a kid then Hitting them, it's a shame people are still stuck in their barbaric ways.
Big difference. You're their aunt, not their parent. Who said that parents who spank do so "day after day"? There was a recent study done (read Brene Brown's books on Shame vs. Guilt) and what she discovered was adults who were well disciplined as a child (including spanking) were proud of their parents. They sat around in small groups to discuss it. They would "one up" each other with, "Oh, yeah, well my dad would...." etc. The adults who did not speak up, and who were actually embarrassed were those raised by parents wo did not discipline, or who took the "Let's sit down and discuss why you shouldn't have done that" approach.
If we're going to talk science and research (which we should, everything else in this thread is just anecdotal evidence and has little meaning) let's link to the actual studies and not just quote from memory.
Because if you do look at the research, from non-biased sources, you won't read anything like that. "People who were never spanked were embarrassed of their parents".. you should be embarrassed to have posted that.
http://www.parentingscience.com/spanking-children.html <-- link to actual studies by phd scientists studying the affects of spanking on children around the world.
I'm not embarrassed that I posted it. I attended a seminar with the lady who did the study. She traveled around the country and got the same results. Oh....and she also has a PhD0 -
My parents didn't just spank me, they whipped my butt with belts, switches from trees, fly-swatters, etc. And not once did I ever think they didn't love me or that I was being abused, nor was I ever afraid of them. Every "spanking" was accompanied with an explanation about what I had done wrong and why I was being punished. It was never done in anger ... in fact, my dad cried every time he had to do it.
I completely understand that each parent has to do what they feel is best for their own kids, and as long as a parent has found an effective way to control their kids' behavior, I would never criticize their choice to NOT spank their kids. But it really irks me to hear people suggest that corporal punishment turns kids toward violence. There is a HUGE difference between physical discipline and physical abuse.
Agree 100%
I'm a single mother of an African American young man.
I rather be the one doing the disciplining than the police.
YES!0 -
If hitting a child is oh so effective then why is it that parents who do so have to continue to hit their child day after day, a lot of times for the same exact thing they hit them for before?
You all say children behave better for people who aren't their parents but how does that make sense? You all say your children respect you more because you're not afraid to hit them. Yet my niece and nephew KNOW i won't hit them, no matter what they do, so wouldn't that mean they would actually act out more around me because they don't have to ever fear being hit?
My sister constantly complains about her 4 year old daughter being out of control and her having to hit her sometimes(though she swore up and down she would never hit her kids) yet when I have the kid(and let me tell you i have her kids A LOT, i've actually helped raised them) she doesn't act out and when she does do something bad all i have to do is give her a serious look, tell her to knock it off and she stops dead in her tracks and doesn't do that crap again.
there are so many better ways to raise a kid then Hitting them, it's a shame people are still stuck in their barbaric ways.
Big difference. You're their aunt, not their parent. Who said that parents who spank do so "day after day"? There was a recent study done (read Brene Brown's books on Shame vs. Guilt) and what she discovered was adults who were well disciplined as a child (including spanking) were proud of their parents. They sat around in small groups to discuss it. They would "one up" each other with, "Oh, yeah, well my dad would...." etc. The adults who did not speak up, and who were actually embarrassed were those raised by parents wo did not discipline, or who took the "Let's sit down and discuss why you shouldn't have done that" approach.
If we're going to talk science and research (which we should, everything else in this thread is just anecdotal evidence and has little meaning) let's link to the actual studies and not just quote from memory.
Because if you do look at the research, from non-biased sources, you won't read anything like that. "People who were never spanked were embarrassed of their parents".. you should be embarrassed to have posted that.
http://www.parentingscience.com/spanking-children.html <-- link to actual studies by phd scientists studying the affects of spanking on children around the world.
I am sure there are studies out there to back up the sky is green.
Point being, there are documented studies to back up every single opinion and idea, nothing is "un biased"0
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