Spare the rod and spoil the child?
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Just so you know that if pushed to the extreme what you are talking about is physical counted as physical abuse.
Oh bollocks. It's not punishment. It's to burn off excess energy, which my children have in abundance. They like running, and it's good for them. How is getting belted good for anyone?
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Because what most people are saying yes when spanking is taken to another level it is physical abuse. However, if done in a proper manner and used with limitations then it is ok.
Heck look at the lady on trial in Alaska for child abuse because she made her kid take cold showers or hot sauce.0 -
Oh and if the kid likes to run then how are you finding that a form of punishment?
I have already said, it ISN'T a form of punishment. It is a form of time out. To burn off energy. Or is encouraging your children to get outside and run around child abuse now? Oh, but whacking them with a belt isn't.0 -
Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?
Within reason I do. If they spill milk or somethign stupid then no. When I think about people that are so anti-spanking and let's "talk" and negotiate about everything I look back at history and how things have changed so much. In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc. I didn't want for anything as a kid but I damn sure appreciated everything I got because I earned it in one way or another. Additionally to the total lack of respect you have kids bringing weapons to school and hurting each other, killing each other, kids doing things that get them charged as adults. Sure we had gangs and stuff growing up but I kind of see that as a different issue than your regular suburban upper-middle class teenager coming in a popping other kids at random. It's just so different and I'm glad my step-son is almost out of high school; I feel for anybody that has younger kids.
There's a time to talk and negotiate and then there's a time where kids need to know who's boss and what they're going to do, how they're going to do it, and when they're going to do it and what are the consequences of not doing it. Most things should be earned in some manner be it grades, chores at home, attitude / respect, etc. We did family counseling with my other step-son and both counselors said basically we have to give kids love, basic food, basic clothing, and an education, past that everything is a bonus and should be earned.
My thoughts exactly. I believe this is one of the reasons there are so many disrespectful kids. Kids don't fear the corner or timeouts, they do fear a spanking. Of course spanking should be the last resort, but it should never be ruled out.
I would like to add that you cannot reason with a 2 year old for those that are against spanking.
btw, i was spanked as a child and still like to be
If all that were true then why is that my 5 year old nephew, whom i "punish" through time outs and talking to him about what he did, has a ton of respect for me and almost never acts out but yet when he is with his father who spanks him he acts out all the time and talks back to him and just plain doesn't respect him?
There are a lot of differing factors that I don't know about your situation to give an answer. Kids respond differently to relatives who they don't live with. My niece is headed down a bad road, her mother doesn't enforce here rules or threats of punishment. It's no surprise my sister cannot control her. My niece is much more respectful of her aunts because she knows they don't fool around when it comes to discipline.
I don't know what other kinds of punishment your son gives to your nephew. No one is saying spanking is the only why to punish a child, rather it is one of many tools that should be used depending on the situation.
Think about how kids are today compared to how they were years ago when parents were allowed to parent without having to fear some ninny from the state paying them a visit because they spanked their kid. There is a lack of respect today by our youth because they don't respect their parents.
What will you do if the kids flat out tells you "no" when you tell him to take a timeout or go to his room? Would you beg him and ask him nicely?0 -
What I originally said was most bad behaviour is as a result of pent up energy. I get my children to run around the garden when they are being vile, and they are much happier for it. Twist all you like, you are just totally 100% twisting my words.
Seriously, some of you have some seriously warped logic going on here.0 -
Frankly, I am completely disgusted. This is actually really putting me off using this site. What most of you are talking about is sanctioned child abuse. It's sickening.
And no, I don't scream at my children unless they are making so much noise it is literally the only way for them to hear me, but knock yourself out with the attempts to pick at my parenting in retaliation.
I love how you pick at everyone's parenting choices, but seem offended when others might do the same to you. You said that making them run and such was not punishment, just a means to burn off extra energy. So your strategy is that if your child disrespects you, they don't need punished, they need a quick jog?0 -
Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?
Within reason I do. If they spill milk or somethign stupid then no. When I think about people that are so anti-spanking and let's "talk" and negotiate about everything I look back at history and how things have changed so much. In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc. I didn't want for anything as a kid but I damn sure appreciated everything I got because I earned it in one way or another. Additionally to the total lack of respect you have kids bringing weapons to school and hurting each other, killing each other, kids doing things that get them charged as adults. Sure we had gangs and stuff growing up but I kind of see that as a different issue than your regular suburban upper-middle class teenager coming in a popping other kids at random. It's just so different and I'm glad my step-son is almost out of high school; I feel for anybody that has younger kids.
There's a time to talk and negotiate and then there's a time where kids need to know who's boss and what they're going to do, how they're going to do it, and when they're going to do it and what are the consequences of not doing it. Most things should be earned in some manner be it grades, chores at home, attitude / respect, etc. We did family counseling with my other step-son and both counselors said basically we have to give kids love, basic food, basic clothing, and an education, past that everything is a bonus and should be earned.
My thoughts exactly. I believe this is one of the reasons there are so many disrespectful kids. Kids don't fear the corner or timeouts, they do fear a spanking. Of course spanking should be the last resort, but it should never be ruled out.
I would like to add that you cannot reason with a 2 year old for those that are against spanking.
btw, i was spanked as a child and still like to be
If all that were true then why is that my 5 year old nephew, whom i "punish" through time outs and talking to him about what he did, has a ton of respect for me and almost never acts out but yet when he is with his father who spanks him he acts out all the time and talks back to him and just plain doesn't respect him?
Because 9 times out of 10, kids behave MUCH better for others than they do for their parents. I can't even begin to tell you how frustrating that is for parents! On the one hand, I'm glad my kids behave for others, but wish they'd do it for me! I have a 3 year old, and he is something else!!! Time-outs, taking away toys or fun things, sending to room, "swats", none of it works for him. My 5 year old is very well-behaved though, and 1 time-out will solve any problem with her. I get so frustrated with my son, I don't know what else to try. I feel like I've done it all a hundred times and none of it works. So, I just keep trying. Eventually he'll grow out of this ornry stage he's in, and we'll get through it.
I do believe in spanking on occassion, when warranted. We call it a swat. My children know if they do certain things, they're going to get one. Sometimes, we can see they're getting frustrated, and ask, "What's going to happen if you do that?" They say, "Swat." Occassionally, my son will do it anyway, and get his swat.
But, like I said, we ust keep trying, and eventually we'll all figure it out! Good luck in your journeys!!!0 -
Ohhhh, hot topic.
When I was a kid my brother and I got spankings and we turned out pretty well adjusted. My little sister on the other hand, did not receive spankings and she is a complete monster! Okay, maybe not a monster, but she doesn't respect my parents and she just generally acts like a complete brat. (she is getting better but she is 21 now, it took a long time to reach "okay")
I wasn't sure where I would stand on the whole spanking thing when I had kids. Now that I am a mother I can say every situation is different. People say bite when they bite, tug on their hair when they pull hair...yea, my daughter laughed her head off. She thought that was a cool new game.
She is still too young for spankings so I am not sure where we will land on that with her. But for the most part, I don't believe they will turn people into violent people. Sometimes it is necessary. I do think they should only be given when that is the last resort. If they are given every time the child "acts" up then they won't be effective. IMO.
So funny how this is the same thing that happened to me... I was spanked (oldest), the my brother wasnt (middle child), and my youngest brother was spanked as well. Myself (32) and the youngest brother who is now 19 have graduated from HS, I graduated from college and he is attending his 2nd semester in college, but the middle child who is 30 and has never gotten a beating, has only a 10th grade education and is still running around like a 14 year old. He speaks to people all kinds of ways and we all was brought up in the same home. I would think the 19 year old would act like that because our Mom & Dad divorced when he was 4. Its crazy how my mom said she should have spanked him when he was smaller, maybe he would have been a better person today.0 -
Frankly, I am completely disgusted. This is actually really putting me off using this site. What most of you are talking about is sanctioned child abuse. It's sickening.
And no, I don't scream at my children unless they are making so much noise it is literally the only way for them to hear me, but knock yourself out with the attempts to pick at my parenting in retaliation.
I love how you pick at everyone's parenting choices, but seem offended when others might do the same to you. You said that making them run and such was not punishment, just a means to burn off extra energy. So your strategy is that if your child disrespects you, they don't need punished, they need a quick jog?
Most of the time, yes. When a child is "acting up" (I HATE that phrase) it's because they are bored or frustrated. So listen to them, and then suggest physical activity. After 6 years I have come to the conclusion that children are much like dogs, if you feed them well and run them every day they are happy. If you coop them up indoors with tv and computer games, they quickly become vile and violent.0 -
Oh and if the kid likes to run then how are you finding that a form of punishment?
I have already said, it ISN'T a form of punishment. It is a form of time out. To burn off energy. Or is encouraging your children to get outside and run around child abuse now? Oh, but whacking them with a belt isn't.
You are the one fueling the debate. Time out is a form of punishment. Encouraging your child to be active is not. There is a huge difference in the two. If you are making your child physically do something because they did something wrong then it could be considered child abuse.
The point is that if your child does something wrong as a parent you should be allowed to use whatever means needed WITHIN REASON to correct the situation. Every child is different and every situation is different. I have never hit my son with a belt nor would I. I was as a child though but I could count on my hand how many times that happened and it stopped me from doing said action again. If a parent uses spanking every day or on a regular basis then yes it IS WRONG!0 -
Did I just see that someone compared their children to dogs? :noway:0
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Again....every family is different, every child is different, every situation is different, and every BELIEF is different.
I personally feel that the generations keep getting more disrespectful and more out of control because of this PC "spanking your child with the back of your hand is abuse" mentality.
If parents out there are able to get their kids to behave without the use of punishment and spanking, more power to you.
But how dare anyone pass judgement on others who have chosen a different path.
Well I've never been afraid to jump into the middle of a heated argument.
I have the minority opinion that "passing judgment" is not the worst thing in the world or even necessarily a bad thing. Just because someone believes something doesn't give them a free pass. I can absolutely judge people and I see no problem with it. Example:
Some father spends most of his time drunk and collecting government assistance. The kids are poorly dressed and beaten on a regular basis. There's no emphasis on education, hygiene or anything resembling an emotionally stable household.
Is it wrong of me to judge him and say what he's doing to his kid's is awful? Of course not. We know that guy's a terrible father and poor excuse of a human being. I'm sure he himself would say, "What gives you the right to judge me?!" Well the fact that I take care of my child, work and don't spend my time in an alcoholic haze, that's what.
If you don't want others to judge you poorly I would suggest keeping your life in order as much as possible. Because like it or not we are all judged by others every moment of every day.0 -
Frankly, I am completely disgusted. This is actually really putting me off using this site. What most of you are talking about is sanctioned child abuse. It's sickening.
And no, I don't scream at my children unless they are making so much noise it is literally the only way for them to hear me, but knock yourself out with the attempts to pick at my parenting in retaliation.
I love how you pick at everyone's parenting choices, but seem offended when others might do the same to you. You said that making them run and such was not punishment, just a means to burn off extra energy. So your strategy is that if your child disrespects you, they don't need punished, they need a quick jog?
Most of the time, yes. When a child is "acting up" (I HATE that phrase) it's because they are bored or frustrated. So listen to them, and then suggest physical activity. After 6 years I have come to the conclusion that children are much like dogs, if you feed them well and run them every day they are happy. If you coop them up indoors with tv and computer games, they quickly become vile and violent.
Once again...it is different if you are encouraging them to be active before said negative thing vs you are making them run because of said negative thing.0 -
Did I just see that someone compared their children to dogs? :noway:
I don't know...I think I prefer dogs. You can lock them in the house and go to the bar and nobody will call social services on you! :laugh:0 -
Did I just see that someone compared their children to dogs? :noway:
I don't know...I think I prefer dogs. You can lock them in the house and go to the bar and nobody will call social services on you! :laugh:
:laugh:0 -
SWhat I originally said was most bad behaviour is as a result of pent up energy. I get my children to run around the garden when they are being vile, and they are much happier for it. Twist all you like, you are just totally 100% twisting my words.
Seriously, some of you have some seriously warped logic going on here.
So when your kids are "vile" they get to go outside to play and be happy. If I was your kid, I'd be naughty all the time.
Maybe we should try that with out criminals, instead of serving a dime in prison, we could make them run lapse as a way to reform them.0 -
When my kids act up... Out comes the duct-tape. They are so good when they see that stuff come out....
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Oh and if the kid likes to run then how are you finding that a form of punishment?
I have already said, it ISN'T a form of punishment. It is a form of time out. To burn off energy. Or is encouraging your children to get outside and run around child abuse now? Oh, but whacking them with a belt isn't.
You are the one fueling the debate. Time out is a form of punishment. Encouraging your child to be active is not. There is a huge difference in the two. If you are making your child physically do something because they did something wrong then it could be considered child abuse.
The point is that if your child does something wrong as a parent you should be allowed to use whatever means needed WITHIN REASON to correct the situation. Every child is different and every situation is different. I have never hit my son with a belt nor would I. I was as a child though but I could count on my hand how many times that happened and it stopped me from doing said action again. If a parent uses spanking every day or on a regular basis then yes it IS WRONG!
Timeouts can be a fine form of punishment and you talk to them about what happened and why they were punished. Sometimes there are things that can be severe that require a spanking.
It really all boils down to being consistent with the timeouts, making sure they know why they had a timeout, and making sure they know what's expected of them. It's like anything else, set the rules and expectations and set the rewards and punishments and be CONSISTENT. The other problem that I see from friends and personal experience is that divorced parents make this very hard if one parent is trying to outdo the other. My one step-son is father never wanted to be the bad guy and if he lost his video game privelages for that weekend for school or whatever his dad would never support us and follow through. He knew that he could act up during the week he was going to his father's because he could do whatever he wanted there and even if we punished him the following week instead it didn't matter. We fought a losing war with him and his father. Consistency is HUGE.0 -
Ohhhh, hot topic.
When I was a kid my brother and I got spankings and we turned out pretty well adjusted. My little sister on the other hand, did not receive spankings and she is a complete monster! Okay, maybe not a monster, but she doesn't respect my parents and she just generally acts like a complete brat. (she is getting better but she is 21 now, it took a long time to reach "okay")
I wasn't sure where I would stand on the whole spanking thing when I had kids. Now that I am a mother I can say every situation is different. People say bite when they bite, tug on their hair when they pull hair...yea, my daughter laughed her head off. She thought that was a cool new game.
She is still too young for spankings so I am not sure where we will land on that with her. But for the most part, I don't believe they will turn people into violent people. Sometimes it is necessary. I do think they should only be given when that is the last resort. If they are given every time the child "acts" up then they won't be effective. IMO.
So funny how this is the same thing that happened to me... I was spanked (oldest), the my brother wasnt (middle child), and my youngest brother was spanked as well. Myself (32) and the youngest brother who is now 19 have graduated from HS, I graduated from college and he is attending his 2nd semester in college, but the middle child who is 30 and has never gotten a beating, has only a 10th grade education and is still running around like a 14 year old. He speaks to people all kinds of ways and we all was brought up in the same home. I would think the 19 year old would act like that because our Mom & Dad divorced when he was 4. Its crazy how my mom said she should have spanked him when he was smaller, maybe he would have been a better person today.
:laugh: That is exactly what my mom says.
My parents didn't spank us for every little thing but when we really did something bad then yea. And looking back, I am surprised they didn't spank us more. I never would have dreamed of talking to my parents or adults the way my sister does. She also dropped out of highschool.
In one house we saw the difference.0 -
Frankly, I am completely disgusted. This is actually really putting me off using this site. What most of you are talking about is sanctioned child abuse. It's sickening.
And no, I don't scream at my children unless they are making so much noise it is literally the only way for them to hear me, but knock yourself out with the attempts to pick at my parenting in retaliation.
I love how you pick at everyone's parenting choices, but seem offended when others might do the same to you. You said that making them run and such was not punishment, just a means to burn off extra energy. So your strategy is that if your child disrespects you, they don't need punished, they need a quick jog?
Most of the time, yes. When a child is "acting up" (I HATE that phrase) it's because they are bored or frustrated. So listen to them, and then suggest physical activity. After 6 years I have come to the conclusion that children are much like dogs, if you feed them well and run them every day they are happy. If you coop them up indoors with tv and computer games, they quickly become vile and violent.
This just made me laugh. Really???? Children are like dogs? You keep them entertained and exercised and they should behave? Children are humans who need to learn to entertain themselves, and who need to have consequences for their actions. Sometimes a good ol' lecture is enough. Sometimes a time out will do it. Sometimes a kid needs a good butt spanking.0 -
If hitting a child is oh so effective then why is it that parents who do so have to continue to hit their child day after day, a lot of times for the same exact thing they hit them for before?
You all say children behave better for people who aren't their parents but how does that make sense? You all say your children respect you more because you're not afraid to hit them. Yet my niece and nephew KNOW i won't hit them, no matter what they do, so wouldn't that mean they would actually act out more around me because they don't have to ever fear being hit?
My sister constantly complains about her 4 year old daughter being out of control and her having to hit her sometimes(though she swore up and down she would never hit her kids) yet when I have the kid(and let me tell you i have her kids A LOT, i've actually helped raised them) she doesn't act out and when she does do something bad all i have to do is give her a serious look, tell her to knock it off and she stops dead in her tracks and doesn't do that crap again.
there are so many better ways to raise a kid then Hitting them, it's a shame people are still stuck in their barbaric ways.0
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