Spare the rod and spoil the child?
Replies
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You are exactly right! Amazing what people think!! I've made them run, jumping jacks, push ups, any thing I can think of to burn off some excess energy. You can tell when your kids start acting up it's usually because they sat in a class room all day or in front of a tv, they need to get out & run around & sometimes they don't want to. Always, after, they feel better, act better & are in a much better mood. That is so hilarious that anyone would think making your kids do some physical activity as a form of punishment or time out would be considered abuse!!! My daughter got into some big trouble when she was a teenager (I don't even remember what is was now) so we put her to work!! We made her move the entire wood pile piece by piece from one side of the yard to the other. One time her & my teenage step daughter got into some BIG trouble & they were grounded for a month. I surely wasn't going to let them sit around & do nothing for that month, everyday I gave them a LONG list of chores, washing walls, cleaning closets, anything I could think of to keep them busy. I guess this would also be some sort of abuse?!What I originally said was most bad behaviour is as a result of pent up energy. I get my children to run around the garden when they are being vile, and they are much happier for it. Twist all you like, you are just totally 100% twisting my words.
Seriously, some of you have some seriously warped logic going on here.0 -
I find it really sad that some of the people talking about being "spanked" as children are using words like "whipped" "beat" "belt" "leather strap" etc...you weren't spanked, that is a beating and that is not right and sends the wrong message.
A spanking done correctly and explained and done sparingly can be effective.
Being "beat" or "hit" regularly is not and is abuse. BIG difference here.0 -
:yawn:0
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I find it really sad that some of the people talking about being "spanked" as children are using words like "whipped" "beat" "belt" "leather strap" etc...you weren't spanked, that is a beating and that is not right and sends the wrong message.
A spanking done correctly and explained and done sparingly can be effective.
Being "beat" or "hit" regularly is not and is abuse. BIG difference here.
Nope. I wasn't abused. I was spanked. With a belt, because my dad did it. My dad is very big man, who is really bad at judging his own strength. He spanked my sister ONCE with his hand, realized he had done it way too hard, so he used a belt. My dad is a great man and by no means an abuser, so don't judge before you know the situation, thanks
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I find it really sad that some of the people talking about being "spanked" as children are using words like "whipped" "beat" "belt" "leather strap" etc...you weren't spanked, that is a beating and that is not right and sends the wrong message.
A spanking done correctly and explained and done sparingly can be effective.
Being "beat" or "hit" regularly is not and is abuse. BIG difference here.
Nope. I wasn't abused. I was spanked. With a belt, because my dad did it. My dad is very big man, who is really bad at judging his own strength. He spanked my sister ONCE with his hand, realized he had done it way too hard, so he used a belt. My dad is a great man and by no means an abuser, so don't judge before you know the situation, thanks
I wasn't talking about you so thank you very much.
I was "spanked:" with a belt too, these people are talking about being "whipped" and using very strong language when describing these "spankings" I am simply trying to point out the difference in being spanked and being whipped and beat.0 -
Easy Trigger, easy!!0
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Hallalulah!!! I'm on the same page. No harm in manual labor, or physical activity - that's for sure! Some of the parents posting here think we are just monsters!! I've seen the same kids, walking all over thier parents in front of people!!! Makes me want to say - "Hey! don't talk to your mother that way!" Oh, that's right, I HAVE said that to kids before. when my daughter became a teenager she used to try to push my boundries when we were in social situations, she thought I would let her get away with things rather than have a conflict in front of people. At first it took me by surprise & I wasn't sure how to handle it. Then I just decided I needed to show her that I was not afraid to dicipline her in public, around friends & family. Once she realized I wouldn't hesitate to embarrass her or myself, that behavior stopped.Well this is about to go over about like a turd in a punch bowl but here it is
We spank in my house when necessary and its very rare. When my kids misbehave (talking back, being rude, ignoring my requests over and over) i make my kids clean toilets, sweep and mop the floor, scoop dog poop, bag of leaves, and other forms of manual labor.
Sometimes we do push-ups or they have to stand on the wall. I am a screamer and it DOES NOT work for my kids. I have 2 very well behaved kids I am am very proud of them. However just like adults they can be buttheads. The difference between them is they are children and need to be taught what is appropriate and what isnt. I dont think you should ever spank your kids out of anger and excessive spanking is not cool. It shouldnt have to happen that often. If you are constantly spanking your kids then there is obviously another problem and it aint working, lets move on and check out other things possibly their diet. I know if i let my kids have sodas and junk they are completely different kids. I want to punch myself in the face for letting them have it. Its my own fault.
Kids will test the limits and the best thing to do is stay consistent. I can honestly tell you in MY personal life i have some friends that are the "by the book" or "time out" method parents and I would rather get a freaking colonoscopy then have their kids over. I have heard my daughters friends YELL at their parents IN FRONT OF of me and they did NOTHING. I wanted to slap the **** out of the parent for not dealing with that. Um excuse me you scream at ME like that and you will be dealt with. I am the parent and my kids DO NOT run MY home. There are rules and being respectful to others is one of them. And in my extended family if one of our kids gets out of line, who ever is closest to that kid has permission to discipline our kids and vice versa.
I rarely got spanked as a kid. I didnt need it because i knew early on what my mom would and wouldnt put up with. With that said, I may or may not have gotten my mouth popped for running it to my mom before. I deserved EVERY SINGLE SMACK I GOT.
But what works in my home may not work in yours.
Parenting is not an exact science & every household, every parent, child, situations are all different. Different things work for different people. But I liked your post, you are very down to earth & realistc in terms of parenting.0 -
I find it really sad that some of the people talking about being "spanked" as children are using words like "whipped" "beat" "belt" "leather strap" etc...you weren't spanked, that is a beating and that is not right and sends the wrong message.
A spanking done correctly and explained and done sparingly can be effective.
Being "beat" or "hit" regularly is not and is abuse. BIG difference here.
Nope. I wasn't abused. I was spanked. With a belt, because my dad did it. My dad is very big man, who is really bad at judging his own strength. He spanked my sister ONCE with his hand, realized he had done it way too hard, so he used a belt. My dad is a great man and by no means an abuser, so don't judge before you know the situation, thanks
I wasn't talking about you so thank you very much.
I was "spanked:" with a belt too, these people are talking about being "whipped" and using very strong language when describing these "spankings" I am simply trying to point out the difference in being spanked and being whipped and beat.
You're welcome. And you were talking about me, because I had mentioned in my post that I was hit with a belt and hit with a switch. I'm just saying that you don't know the situation to every person, so to tell someone they were beat when, in fact, it would hurt less than spanking with the hand, is ridiculous.0 -
Well said.Again....every family is different, every child is different, every situation is different, and every BELIEF is different.
I personally feel that the generations keep getting more disrespectful and more out of control because of this PC "spanking your child with the back of your hand is abuse" mentality.
If parents out there are able to get their kids to behave without the use of punishment and spanking, more power to you.
But how dare anyone pass judgement on others who have chosen a different path.
Well I've never been afraid to jump into the middle of a heated argument.
I have the minority opinion that "passing judgment" is not the worst thing in the world or even necessarily a bad thing. Just because someone believes something doesn't give them a free pass. I can absolutely judge people and I see no problem with it. Example:
Some father spends most of his time drunk and collecting government assistance. The kids are poorly dressed and beaten on a regular basis. There's no emphasis on education, hygiene or anything resembling an emotionally stable household.
Is it wrong of me to judge him and say what he's doing to his kid's is awful? Of course not. We know that guy's a terrible father and poor excuse of a human being. I'm sure he himself would say, "What gives you the right to judge me?!" Well the fact that I take care of my child, work and don't spend my time in an alcoholic haze, that's what.
If you don't want others to judge you poorly I would suggest keeping your life in order as much as possible. Because like it or not we are all judged by others every moment of every day.0 -
I have to tell you guys this, not something I'm proud of, but it happened. My stepson was 12ish and had made friends with a boy who was an only child. This kid (call him Joe) would "freak out" and punch his parents whenever he was punished (they didn't spank). Joe's parents were so upset that they had upset him, they bought him a dirt bike as a "sorry" gift. Of course kids talk, and one day my stepson got sent to his room as punishment, and I went in to talk to him about it. Next thing I know, he sucker punched me in the face! I punched him right back! It happened so fast, I would have to say it was instinct. At school the next day, Joe asked if he got his dirt bike. My stepson said, " No, but I got my *kitten* kicked by my stepmother!" We still laugh about it. And no, he never tried to hit me again. He is 23 and a wonderful person/ father!
Thank you for sharing this story. It speaks volumes! In a good way for me 0 -
I find it really sad that some of the people talking about being "spanked" as children are using words like "whipped" "beat" "belt" "leather strap" etc...you weren't spanked, that is a beating and that is not right and sends the wrong message.
A spanking done correctly and explained and done sparingly can be effective.
Being "beat" or "hit" regularly is not and is abuse. BIG difference here.
Nope. I wasn't abused. I was spanked. With a belt, because my dad did it. My dad is very big man, who is really bad at judging his own strength. He spanked my sister ONCE with his hand, realized he had done it way too hard, so he used a belt. My dad is a great man and by no means an abuser, so don't judge before you know the situation, thanks
I wasn't talking about you so thank you very much.
I was "spanked:" with a belt too, these people are talking about being "whipped" and using very strong language when describing these "spankings" I am simply trying to point out the difference in being spanked and being whipped and beat.
You're welcome. And you were talking about me, because I had mentioned in my post that I was hit with a belt and hit with a switch. I'm just saying that you don't know the situation to every person, so to tell someone they were beat when, in fact, it would hurt less than spanking with the hand, is ridiculous.
That is why it was a generalized statement and not directed at any ONE person. It did not apply to you, so then I was not speaking to you or about your situation. Easy as that.0 -
I haven't read through all of the replies and I'm sure someone probably already shares the same opinion as me about it. I don't believe that spanking children will cause them to be violent. However, I was spanked as a child and it was actually a really scary thing for me. I was a pretty sensitive kid and I think emotionally/physically it was tough. I could have just used a time-out. I do not plan on spanking my kids because of my own experience.0
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Until you ahve children you never know how you will bring up your kids. You can have ideas, but you never know.0
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Until you ahve children you never know how you will bring up your kids. You can have ideas, but you never know.
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I was raised by the belt. As a young boy I learned that hitting people would scare them into getting what I wanted. When I had my daughter, my wife and I decided that we wouldn't spank. I'm a stay at home dad and it took A LOT of patience to learn this. Many times I had to walk out of the room and take a breath. Why? Because I believe maybe the spanking brought in a shorter temper? Maybe.As always there is a debate going on here at work…I love these people, how we get any work done is beyond me! Anywho, the question is, and this is for everyone, you don’t have to have kids to have an opinion:
Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?
Anyway, I've never laid a hand on my daughter to punish her. It's been about talking and taking away priviledge and being consistent with punishment. I'm happy to say that she's a very good girl, gets commended a lot on her behavior, and is tops in her class in school.
So yes, I don't think you need to spank to teach a child. Children will test you patience, it's how you react to it that makes the difference.0 -
Oh, BTW I did get the "hot sauce" treatment when I was older.0
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No kids and frankly, I go back and forth on the whole thing. I see arguments both ways and guess I won't know how I really think unless I have kids.
But, I was spanked as a child and it didn't make me violent or teach me it was ok to hit at all. That being said it was always a big deal to get spanked, it wasn't done on the fly. It was almost a ritual both proceeded and follow-uped with a "this is what you did, this why it was wrong, and there are consequences" type of speech.
Your parents did it right. Spanking is a temporary consequence for wrongdoing until a child is out into the world enough that real consequences set in. If done correctly, the child knows exactly why they were spanked, it stings but does not leave bruises and the child still knows they are loved.
Incidently, that "Spare the rod spoil the child" is a misquote from the Bible, it's "spare the rod, hate the child." I'm sure as many pages as there are on this topic, somone has already pointed that out, but I thought I'd throw in my two cents.
I never saw on here where it was quoted as coming from the bible. I believe it was used as the topic subject, but not quoted. I agree that it is commonly misquoted, though.0 -
Oh, BTW I did get the "hot sauce" treatment when I was older.
Can you elaborate, if you don't mind? Personally, I think that is a quite cruel form of punishment, but I don't know your situation. What do you mean by it?
My sister got the hot sauce treatment as a kid, but maybe not the way you're thinking. She had this habit of drinking out of cups that were left in her reach, which was dangerous because if my parents had a beer or something, well, obviously that's no good. So they started purposely leaving cups around full of hot sauce, water, and salt. She stopped drinking out of cups that weren't hers. lol0 -
This has more to do with parenting than spanking. I would bet that half these kids you speak of were probably spanked and still act this way.Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?
Within reason I do. If they spill milk or somethign stupid then no. When I think about people that are so anti-spanking and let's "talk" and negotiate about everything I look back at history and how things have changed so much. In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc. I didn't want for anything as a kid but I damn sure appreciated everything I got because I earned it in one way or another. Additionally to the total lack of respect you have kids bringing weapons to school and hurting each other, killing each other, kids doing things that get them charged as adults. Sure we had gangs and stuff growing up but I kind of see that as a different issue than your regular suburban upper-middle class teenager coming in a popping other kids at random. It's just so different and I'm glad my step-son is almost out of high school; I feel for anybody that has younger kids.
There's a time to talk and negotiate and then there's a time where kids need to know who's boss and what they're going to do, how they're going to do it, and when they're going to do it and what are the consequences of not doing it. Most things should be earned in some manner be it grades, chores at home, attitude / respect, etc. We did family counseling with my other step-son and both counselors said basically we have to give kids love, basic food, basic clothing, and an education, past that everything is a bonus and should be earned.
Kids are a reflection of the parents. If there's no compassion, respect, or discipline with them, the kids more than likely will be the same.0 -
Again....every family is different, every child is different, every situation is different, and every BELIEF is different.
I personally feel that the generations keep getting more disrespectful and more out of control because of this PC "spanking your child with the back of your hand is abuse" mentality.
If parents out there are able to get their kids to behave without the use of punishment and spanking, more power to you.
But how dare anyone pass judgement on others who have chosen a different path.
Well I've never been afraid to jump into the middle of a heated argument.
I have the minority opinion that "passing judgment" is not the worst thing in the world or even necessarily a bad thing. Just because someone believes something doesn't give them a free pass. I can absolutely judge people and I see no problem with it. Example:
Some father spends most of his time drunk and collecting government assistance. The kids are poorly dressed and beaten on a regular basis. There's no emphasis on education, hygiene or anything resembling an emotionally stable household.
Is it wrong of me to judge him and say what he's doing to his kid's is awful? Of course not. We know that guy's a terrible father and poor excuse of a human being. I'm sure he himself would say, "What gives you the right to judge me?!" Well the fact that I take care of my child, work and don't spend my time in an alcoholic haze, that's what.
If you don't want others to judge you poorly I would suggest keeping your life in order as much as possible. Because like it or not we are all judged by others every moment of every day.
Or, just don't tell everyone all your business, that usually works too!0 -
No kids and frankly, I go back and forth on the whole thing. I see arguments both ways and guess I won't know how I really think unless I have kids.
But, I was spanked as a child and it didn't make me violent or teach me it was ok to hit at all. That being said it was always a big deal to get spanked, it wasn't done on the fly. It was almost a ritual both proceeded and follow-uped with a "this is what you did, this why it was wrong, and there are consequences" type of speech.
Your parents did it right. Spanking is a temporary consequence for wrongdoing until a child is out into the world enough that real consequences set in. If done correctly, the child knows exactly why they were spanked, it stings but does not leave bruises and the child still knows they are loved.
Incidently, that "Spare the rod spoil the child" is a misquote from the Bible, it's "spare the rod, hate the child." I'm sure as many pages as there are on this topic, somone has already pointed that out, but I thought I'd throw in my two cents.
I never saw on here where it was quoted as coming from the bible. I believe it was used as the topic subject, but not quoted. I agree that it is commonly misquoted, though.
I didn't say it was misquoted here, I just said it is a misquote.0 -
I don't have children, but I was raised with many doses of spanking. I now teach high school students... I don't hit them and I teach them not to hit others. I'm well-adjusted and feel happy and successful.
I've seen tto ground children fail miserably because of the kid's stubborness. Sometimes I think a good old whack is the only thing that can get certain kids' attention.
Of course... corporal punishment is illegal in schools....;-)
Shannon0 -
Of course... corporal punishment is illegal in schools....;-)
Shannon
Not always! In the school district I went to for middle school/junior high (this was early/mid 80s), there were wooden paddles in the rooms. Guess what *they* were for? My parents would have screamed bloody murder if any of their kids were paddled...then again, I can't imagine any of us acting up enough to ever *be* paddled.
The paddles were removed from the classrooms a couple years later after Mom and Dad joined the PTO and spearheaded a vote on the issue.
My siblings and I were never spanked. My mom always did this thing that used to crack up my friends - she would say "This is a yell." She wouldn't actually raise her voice, but that sentence would strike the fear of God into us! It's kind of funny to think of it now, but when we heard it then, WOW, we were in big time trouble!
I was grounded a lot. I used to think my friends who got spanked got off easier, because it was over and done with. Grounding took up a lot of time. Then again, I loved hanging out in my room when I was grounded - I could read or draw/color uninterrupted. :laugh:0 -
I have 3 children and I've only spanked my oldest once, I have established a relationship with them where they have a love, fear, and reverence of me as their father. I have a deep voice so that tends to be a little more intimidating, every time there is an event at our church i am always playing the "voice of God" (my voice is like that) But i was spanked growing up, the only thing i would really disagree with is spanking out of frustration .. if you had a bad day do not take it out on your child, if you've had a bad week don't take it out on your child.. if it's not necessary do not do it out of just because .. every family and child is different i've seen some children (like mine) who has been taught it's better to be rewarded for good behavior than not and than i've seen other kids that you want to check the back of their necks for 6's ... and than i've seen the kids where i was like dang you the child from children of corn aren't you??? those you almost have to dropkick (lol) but the point of a spanking is correction and direction not corporal punishment but the other argument is there is no such thing as bad children just bad parenting.. I'd rather use a staff than a rob in raising my children0
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Of course... corporal punishment is illegal in schools....;-)
Shannon
Not always! In the school district I went to for middle school/junior high (this was early/mid 80s), there were wooden paddles in the rooms. Guess what *they* were for? My parents would have screamed bloody murder if any of their kids were paddled...then again, I can't imagine any of us acting up enough to ever *be* paddled.
The paddles were removed from the classrooms a couple years later after Mom and Dad joined the PTO and spearheaded a vote on the issue.
My siblings and I were never spanked. My mom always did this thing that used to crack up my friends - she would say "This is a yell." She wouldn't actually raise her voice, but that sentence would strike the fear of God into us! It's kind of funny to think of it now, but when we heard it then, WOW, we were in big time trouble!
I was grounded a lot. I used to think my friends who got spanked got off easier, because it was over and done with. Grounding took up a lot of time. Then again, I loved hanging out in my room when I was grounded - I could read or draw/color uninterrupted. :laugh:0 -
I think striking another person is demeaning (for both) and humiliating. It doesn't 'teach' anything except bigger ppl can get their way with violence.
I strongly disapprove of hitting children and animals. They are completely defenseless and WHAT can a child or dog do to deserve that? Now when my 18 mo old son was sticking his finger in an electrical socket, I did smack his hand - I felt terrible, but I figure it's better than him being electrocuted.
But no, I think hitting is wrong. period. it is never right. and people who hit eventually meet someone who can & will kick their *kitten*
One could easily use the same logic regarding timeouts (or whatever other punishment one chooses).
"I think confining another person against their will is demeaning (for both) and humiliating. It doesn't 'teach' anything except bigger ppl can get their way.
But no, I think confining someone is wrong. period. it is never right. and people who confine others eventually meet someone who can & will kick their *kitten*"
A parent's job is to use the means necessary to get a point across. The VAST majority of the time spanking is unnecessary. But there are appropriate situations, and it should never be a spur of the moment emotional reaction. If a parent spanks a kid in anger that probably IS physical abuse. But in using well understood boundaries and escalating punishments i believe there is a place for spanking.
I went through about a month where my older son would push his younger brother for fun. We tried EVERYTHING. Literally everything we read. Taking away toys, timeouts, etc. And eventually we ended up using spanking, using the logic that an IMMEDIATE physically painful association with pushing would help deter him from pushing, and you know what? Within two or three spankings it worked. He hasn't pushed his brother in about 9 months.
It's not fair to my younger son to grow up in a place where his brother is physically abusive toward him, and it's impractical to keep them separated all the time.
So, in my opinion, coming up with absolutes in this parenting business is a quick way to be wrong.0 -
I have 3 children and I've only spanked my oldest once, I have established a relationship with them where they have a love, fear, and reverence of me as their father. I have a deep voice so that tends to be a little more intimidating, every time there is an event at our church i am always playing the "voice of God" (my voice is like that) But i was spanked growing up, the only thing i would really disagree with is spanking out of frustration .. if you had a bad day do not take it out on your child, if you've had a bad week don't take it out on your child.. if it's not necessary do not do it out of just because .. every family and child is different i've seen some children (like mine) who has been taught it's better to be rewarded for good behavior than not and than i've seen other kids that you want to check the back of their necks for 6's ... and than i've seen the kids where i was like dang you the child from children of corn aren't you??? those you almost have to dropkick (lol) but the point of a spanking is correction and direction not corporal punishment but the other argument is there is no such thing as bad children just bad parenting.. I'd rather use a staff than a rob in raising my children
dang i actually could hear the voice reading this! i feel like my father just had a nice chat with me.
Very well said!0 -
I also think that if you are mad and frustrated enough to spank your child, you are probably too mad to be spanking your child.
This quote displays that you have a very messed up perception of spanking. Anyone who hits a child out of anger or frustration has no business giving any discipline to that child. What a horrible thing to assume.0 -
I'm a mother of two and have never spanked my kids. They are lovely, well mannered and respectful. I think kids learn by example and should never be demeaned or humiliated in this (or any) way.
Can you please explain to me how spanking of more demeaning or humiliating than any other kind of punishment where you are taking away their free will and forcing them to perform whatever activity you have lined up for them?0 -
Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.
Is it okay to make your spouse run 10 laps around the garden if they disobey you?
Your flawed logic horrifies me.0
This discussion has been closed.
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