Spare the rod and spoil the child?
Replies
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This may be a US vs UK thing, but I don't know of a single good parent I know (in the UK) who thinks hitting children is ever acceptable.0
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I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.
That's great...I might have to try those
I do believe in spanking but not for everything. I don't believe it makes for violent kids / adults. Those that have issues with violence, usually had some extreme abuse as a child...not a smack on the butt.
As a PE teacher I get rather upset with parents that do this for their punishment. You are teaching your kid that fitness is bad and something that do when they do something wrong. I am all for parents finding what works best to punish their kid. However, fitness should be something fun not a form of punishment. In my class if a kid does something wrong the have to sit out and watch everyone else play. It is way more effective than to make them do push ups (even if they aren't my kid).
To answer the question about spanking though...I do believe in spanking when it is needed but not as normal form of punishment. My son is 9 and I think I have spanked him 3 times. I always explain why the situation happened and he then has to explain back to me what was wrong about what he did. Normally time out or taking away video games/toys/tv works best in our house.
There's nothing fun about the way fitness is taught in schools. I am quite a naturally fit person, but I spent 15 years of school (from 3-18) absolutely HATING PE with every fibre of my being. I would come up with any excuse to avoid it, even though I was also rowing 6 days a week, and doing weight training, and was one of the fittest people in my year, of either sex.
Clearly you haven't been in a PE classroom in many years. Several years ago PE theories changed and MOST PE teachers have changed along the way. I will admit that PE back int he day was not something fun for lots of people. However, I have been teaching for 5 years and have not have a single kid that didn't love coming to my class. My PE class aren't all sports centered and it isn't the athletes vs the non-athletic like I remember from when I was a kid. My students have options and actually help me plan the year around what they want to do. Most PE classes focus on lifelong fitness instead of team sports.0 -
I honestly wonder if people hear themselves when they speak?
Hitting a child = positive teaching
Hitting a CHILD with a BELT is ok
Using physical violence(don't kid yourselves, spanking is physical violence) is perfectly acceptable against a 30lb CHILD.
Children don't respect because we don't hit them enough.
I mean does anyone really stop to think about what they're doing?0 -
"In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc."
I see this too. I work with children daily and when I was a child we didn't back talk teachers. The respect level of children is pretty bad but when you call in parents to explain to them what their child is doing, you see why. I'm not sure how to fix it but yes, children today are very materialistic. Sure I wanted things that other kids had as a child but it didn't ruin my whole life when I didn't get them. I think a lot of it is the modern day teen reality shows. All kids think they need to have the lives they seen portrayed on tv... but why we parents feel the need to fulfill that is beyond me.
This is so true.0 -
I honestly wonder if people hear themselves when they speak?
Hitting a child = positive teaching
Hitting a CHILD with a BELT is ok
Using physical violence(don't kid yourselves, spanking is physical violence) is perfectly acceptable against a 30lb CHILD.
Children don't respect because we don't hit them enough.
I mean does anyone really stop to think about what they're doing?
I completely agree! I am really sickened. I don't know any parents who hit their children.0 -
I don't have kids, but I've sure seen plenty that I'd like to spank myself!
BTW - you ALWAYS start the BEST topics!0 -
In my opinion ---
It isn't spanking in itself that is ineffective, it's the inconsistency and incorrect methods that have made spanking such a controversial topic.
My mother spanked me (sometimes, probably too much) but always with an explanation, exactly when she said she would do it, and with a very healthy balance of love and positive reinforcement.
My step sister threatens her children for hours and then her husband comes home and literally beats the bejeebies out of them. That is abuse, and that is why she no longer has custody of her own children.
Our other sister uses spanking only in extreme situations when the children are too young to be "talked to" and a swat (using the palm of your hand and nothing else) to the rear is a quick and efficient way to deliver the message.
I'm not really a maternal sort of individual, but I've found that it all depends on the child. When babysitting my nephews from the abusive home, I wouldn't even have considered spanking them. But with my other neices and nephews, although I wouldn't do it myself, I knew their parents would deliver that punishment of their own accord if they felt it was warranted.
If I have children of my own, I seriously doubt I'll use this tactic, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's an absolute non-option. Just my opinion.
Well said.0 -
Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.
How nonsensical is this? An adult does not have to "obey" their spouse. Children need to obey their parents.
So have rules that are sensible (i.e. for safety reasons or to become likeable adults) and explain why they must be obeyed. What is it teaching a child to say "do what I say without question or I will hurt you"?
Some people would say a spouse should obey their other half. If you believe that, does it become ok to be physically violent? No. It's not with children either. There are other ways that are just as effective if you have the patience and intelligence to apply them. Any old thug can hit.
Who ever said to say to your child "Do what I say without question or I will hurt you"???? I don't know any decent parent that says that. Before a certain age, children cannot reason. Sitting them down and "explaining" to them does nothing until they can understand. I know many families from the UK who spank their children, and I would absolutely call them "good parents".0 -
I was spanked/hit as a child - though I was problematic. Every extended family member had a belt or something for me at each of their houses (just a warning, lol.) My younger sisters were not disciplined at all. I grew up to be great and all-knowing. They still wait for hand-outs from the parents. In my family, the clues point to some discipline helps. None at all creates a bigger problem in the long run.0
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I too was spanked and I turned out well behaved and very respectful of others. I have spanked my son when I felt it was needed.
My son is very respectful, doesnt hit others and knows right from worng.
I have seen other children out that were so out of control and the Mother and father both telling them in a nice calm matter that " NOW USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE..THIS IS NOT HOW WE SHOULD ACT NOW SHOULD WE"??
BULL**** !!!! You tear that *kitten* up once in a while and those kids wont act thay way !! I think thats whats wrong with so many of them now !! they know they can get away with it...NO WAY EVEN TODAY should my son try to get a little loud or in my face he will meet the SWAT TEAM ! FOR SURE !0 -
Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.
Wow.........This is not comparing apples to apples at all! Poor analagy!
and to think my ex husband literally told me (several times and with a completely serious expression) that he felt like if i disobeyed him he had every right to discipline me.
thus the "ex".0 -
I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.
I must say, I would have loved that as a kid! I liked to do any kind of sports including pushups and jumping jacks. So that would not have been a punishment for me!
But like the fact, that you use it as a form of punishment!0 -
Another debaaate! raaaaah!!0
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I think striking another person is demeaning (for both) and humiliating. It doesn't 'teach' anything except bigger ppl can get their way with violence.
I strongly disapprove of hitting children and animals. They are completely defenseless and WHAT can a child or dog do to deserve that? Now when my 18 mo old son was sticking his finger in an electrical socket, I did smack his hand - I felt terrible, but I figure it's better than him being electrocuted.
But no, I think hitting is wrong. period. it is never right. and people who hit eventually meet someone who can & will kick their *kitten*
The first time I ever spanked my daughter (she's 12 now) she was about 3. She pulled her hand out of mine, and ran into the street because she didn't want to go next door to her Grannies. She almost got hit by a car, so yes, I tore that *kitten* up! I'm sure it hurt a lot less than it would have if she got hit by the car, and she never ran out in the street again after that. I never really did much spanking, I'm more of a yeller...and that doesnt' work either. I have twin 16 month old boys now, and I have popped them on the hand a couple times and popped their butts and they think it's hilarious! Not to mention, they hit back at this age and think that's funny too. I don't think spanking is child abuse, I've seen real life child abuse as a kid, and I would never abuse my children. But, it doesn't work for everyone, and how one disciplines their child is really none of my business unless they're literally beating the mess outta them and I witness it.0 -
Again....every family is different, every child is different, every situation is different, and every BELIEF is different.
I personally feel that the generations keep getting more disrespectful and more out of control because of this PC "spanking your child with the back of your hand is abuse" mentality.
If parents out there are able to get their kids to behave without the use of punishment and spanking, more power to you.
But how dare anyone pass judgement on others who have chosen a different path.0 -
I honestly wonder if people hear themselves when they speak?
Hitting a child = positive teaching
Hitting a CHILD with a BELT is ok
Using physical violence(don't kid yourselves, spanking is physical violence) is perfectly acceptable against a 30lb CHILD.
Children don't respect because we don't hit them enough.
I mean does anyone really stop to think about what they're doing?
I completely agree! I am really sickened. I don't know any parents who hit their children.
Well I am sickened by any parent that makes their child run laps as a form of punishment. I don't know any parent that is a "GOOD" parent that would do that.0 -
if you spank to get their attention and not beat them, one swift but not hard pop on the butt, then yes. but a beating is wrong. actually hurting a child with physical violence is wrong, in my opinion. instead of teaching them to listen, to behave you're teaching them to hit when they lose control, when they don't get their way, etc.
you're the adult, find a more constructive way to achieve your goals.
i've two grown boys, neither has ever been hit. you'd be amazed how talking to (not at) them from the beginning will help you not lose control.0 -
Ohhhh, hot topic.
When I was a kid my brother and I got spankings and we turned out pretty well adjusted. My little sister on the other hand, did not receive spankings and she is a complete monster! Okay, maybe not a monster, but she doesn't respect my parents and she just generally acts like a complete brat. (she is getting better but she is 21 now, it took a long time to reach "okay")
I wasn't sure where I would stand on the whole spanking thing when I had kids. Now that I am a mother I can say every situation is different. People say bite when they bite, tug on their hair when they pull hair...yea, my daughter laughed her head off. She thought that was a cool new game.
She is still too young for spankings so I am not sure where we will land on that with her. But for the most part, I don't believe they will turn people into violent people. Sometimes it is necessary. I do think they should only be given when that is the last resort. If they are given every time the child "acts" up then they won't be effective. IMO.0 -
Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.
Wow.........This is not comparing apples to apples at all! Poor analagy!
and to think my ex husband literally told me (several times and with a completely serious expression) that he felt like if i disobeyed him he had every right to discipline me.
thus the "ex".
There you go! Obviously some people really do come away with that message.0 -
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@fteale
Earlier you said you had quite a pair of lungs. Does this mean you scream at your child? How is screaming any less detrimental to the emotional well-being of a child? I was spanked and screamed at as a child and I can tell you that being screamed at was far more damaging emotionally than a spanking.0 -
I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.
That's great...I might have to try those I do believe in spanking but not for everything. I don't believe it makes for violent kids / adults. Those that have issues with violence, usually had some extreme abuse as a child...not a smack on the butt.
Im not against a smack on the butt in some circumstances, but I always liked to be more creative than that!! I have also used the pushup & jumping jacks punishment!!! I think it's great!! Gets them some exercise, plus serves as a punishment. I raised 3 kids & what I found out worked the best (especially for teenagers) was simply threatening an unknown consequense. I would let them know they had a choice. For example: "your curfew is 11:00. It's your choice if you want to stay out later, but if you do, there will be consequenses." This way, THEY are responsible for their actions.I wouldn't tell them what the consequenses were. The unknown was best because they weren't sure what was going to happen to them if they broke the rules! Worked like a charm, I think they liked that I gave them the option to make their own choices intead of controling everything they did, but the threat of unknown consequenses helped them to make better decisions & kept them from being defiant.0 -
I honestly wonder if people hear themselves when they speak?
Hitting a child = positive teaching
Hitting a CHILD with a BELT is ok
Using physical violence(don't kid yourselves, spanking is physical violence) is perfectly acceptable against a 30lb CHILD.
Children don't respect because we don't hit them enough.
I mean does anyone really stop to think about what they're doing?
I completely agree! I am really sickened. I don't know any parents who hit their children.
Well I am sickened by any parent that makes their child run laps as a form of punishment. I don't know any parent that is a "GOOD" parent that would do that.
Oh bollocks. It's not punishment. It's to burn off excess energy, which my children have in abundance. They like running, and it's good for them. How is getting belted good for anyone?0 -
@fteale
Earlier you said you had quite a pair of lungs. Does this mean you scream at your child? How is screaming any less detrimental to the emotional well-being of a child? I was spanked and screamed at as a child and I can tell you that being screamed at was far more damaging emotionally than a spanking.
Totally agree 100% Screaming at a kid counts as verbal abuse just as much as hitting or physical tasks can count as Physical Abuse.0 -
I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.
That's great...I might have to try those I do believe in spanking but not for everything. I don't believe it makes for violent kids / adults. Those that have issues with violence, usually had some extreme abuse as a child...not a smack on the butt.
As a PE teacher I get rather upset with parents that do this for their punishment. You are teaching your kid that fitness is bad and something that do when they do something wrong. I am all for parents finding what works best to punish their kid. However, fitness should be something fun not a form of punishment. In my class if a kid does something wrong the have to sit out and watch everyone else play. It is way more effective than to make them do push ups (even if they aren't my kid).
To answer the question about spanking though...I do believe in spanking when it is needed but not as normal form of punishment. My son is 9 and I think I have spanked him 3 times. I always explain why the situation happened and he then has to explain back to me what was wrong about what he did. Normally time out or taking away video games/toys/tv works best in our house.
I thought the same thing.0 -
Again....every family is different, every child is different, every situation is different, and every BELIEF is different.
I personally feel that the generations keep getting more disrespectful and more out of control because of this PC "spanking your child with the back of your hand is abuse" mentality.
If parents out there are able to get their kids to behave without the use of punishment and spanking, more power to you.
But how dare anyone pass judgement on others who have chosen a different path.
Thank you!! :drinker:0 -
Just so you know that if pushed to the extreme what you are talking about is physical counted as physical abuse.I honestly wonder if people hear themselves when they speak?
Hitting a child = positive teaching
Hitting a CHILD with a BELT is ok
Using physical violence(don't kid yourselves, spanking is physical violence) is perfectly acceptable against a 30lb CHILD.
Children don't respect because we don't hit them enough.
I mean does anyone really stop to think about what they're doing?
I completely agree! I am really sickened. I don't know any parents who hit their children.
Well I am sickened by any parent that makes their child run laps as a form of punishment. I don't know any parent that is a "GOOD" parent that would do that.
Oh bollocks. It's not punishment. It's to burn off excess energy, which my children have in abundance. They like running, and it's good for them. How is getting belted good for anyone?0 -
Oh and if the kid likes to run then how are you finding that a form of punishment?0
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I have 5, ranging in ages 24-9. They've all been spanked when necessary. What I have learned, though, is different types of punishments work better for different kids. I do not think properly, appropriately spanking your child will make him/her violent. I think most kids need a good spanking!
I agree...I was spanked as a child and if my children get out of hand, they will be properly punished. I have noticed that I dont have to spank them anymore due to their ages (17 & two 11 yr olds). Now they have things that interest them and I take it away or they cant do the things they are used to doing. My mother in law calls me the sheriff :laugh: . I just make sure the rules are followed, but I will still give out a spanking if I think any one of them needs it.0 -
@fteale
Earlier you said you had quite a pair of lungs. Does this mean you scream at your child? How is screaming any less detrimental to the emotional well-being of a child? I was spanked and screamed at as a child and I can tell you that being screamed at was far more damaging emotionally than a spanking.
Totally agree 100% Screaming at a kid counts as verbal abuse just as much as hitting or physical tasks can count as Physical Abuse.
If you agree hitting is physical abuse, why are so many people on this thread condoning it?
Frankly, I am completely disgusted. This is actually really putting me off using this site. What most of you are talking about is sanctioned child abuse. It's sickening.
And no, I don't scream at my children unless they are making so much noise it is literally the only way for them to hear me, but knock yourself out with the attempts to pick at my parenting in retaliation.0
This discussion has been closed.
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