Spare the rod and spoil the child?

kerriknox

I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.

lol - that is awesome. I am going to try that.

We don't spank although there have been a fe times I have been so furious I have given my son a swat on the arm. Never hard though - just to grab his attention. I was spanked as a child so don't really have a problem with it for serious issues but my husband wasn't so doesn't want to spank our kids and I'm fine with that.

What I hate is when you see parents spanking their kids in public for not doing much at all.

statia152

I have to tell you guys this, not something I'm proud of, but it happened. My stepson was 12ish and had made friends with a boy who was an only child. This kid (call him Joe) would "freak out" and punch his parents whenever he was punished (they didn't spank). Joe's parents were so upset that they had upset him, they bought him a dirt bike as a "sorry" gift. Of course kids talk, and one day my stepson got sent to his room as punishment, and I went in to talk to him about it. Next thing I know, he sucker punched me in the face! I punched him right back! It happened so fast, I would have to say it was instinct. At school the next day, Joe asked if he got his dirt bike. My stepson said, " No, but I got my *kitten* kicked by my stepmother!" We still laugh about it. And no, he never tried to hit me again. He is 23 and a wonderful person/ father!

foremant86

Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?

Within reason I do. If they spill milk or somethign stupid then no. When I think about people that are so anti-spanking and let's "talk" and negotiate about everything I look back at history and how things have changed so much. In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc. I didn't want for anything as a kid but I damn sure appreciated everything I got because I earned it in one way or another. Additionally to the total lack of respect you have kids bringing weapons to school and hurting each other, killing each other, kids doing things that get them charged as adults. Sure we had gangs and stuff growing up but I kind of see that as a different issue than your regular suburban upper-middle class teenager coming in a popping other kids at random. It's just so different and I'm glad my step-son is almost out of high school; I feel for anybody that has younger kids.

There's a time to talk and negotiate and then there's a time where kids need to know who's boss and what they're going to do, how they're going to do it, and when they're going to do it and what are the consequences of not doing it. Most things should be earned in some manner be it grades, chores at home, attitude / respect, etc. We did family counseling with my other step-son and both counselors said basically we have to give kids love, basic food, basic clothing, and an education, past that everything is a bonus and should be earned.

My thoughts exactly. I believe this is one of the reasons there are so many disrespectful kids. Kids don't fear the corner or timeouts, they do fear a spanking. Of course spanking should be the last resort, but it should never be ruled out.

I would like to add that you cannot reason with a 2 year old for those that are against spanking.


btw, i was spanked as a child and still like to be

If all that were true then why is that my 5 year old nephew, whom i "punish" through time outs and talking to him about what he did, has a ton of respect for me and almost never acts out but yet when he is with his father who spanks him he acts out all the time and talks back to him and just plain doesn't respect him?

smcandee

This is a super touchy topic but imo... spanking doesnt encourage violence. Both my sister and i were spanked. and if i was bad over at a friends place, my parents gave my friends parents permission to spank me. i am not violent but i do believe that depending on the child of course, it is an effective behavior correction

I know I'll probably piss alot of ppl off in saying that but that is how i feel

KZOsMommy

Do you believe in spanking children, or do you think it teaches them that it’s ok to hit people and in turn makes them violent?

Within reason I do. If they spill milk or somethign stupid then no. When I think about people that are so anti-spanking and let's "talk" and negotiate about everything I look back at history and how things have changed so much. In general, kids seem to be pretty out of control and they have very little respect for anybody or anything. When I was a kid I spoke to my friends parents and other adults as Mr. so-and-so, Ms/Mrs. so-and-so. I would never dream cus at another adult or disrepsect them because I knew my dad would kick my butt. Plus, it seems that kids have a very big sense of entitlement anymore. They expect everything be given to them, expensive clothes, phones, cars, etc. I didn't want for anything as a kid but I damn sure appreciated everything I got because I earned it in one way or another. Additionally to the total lack of respect you have kids bringing weapons to school and hurting each other, killing each other, kids doing things that get them charged as adults. Sure we had gangs and stuff growing up but I kind of see that as a different issue than your regular suburban upper-middle class teenager coming in a popping other kids at random. It's just so different and I'm glad my step-son is almost out of high school; I feel for anybody that has younger kids.

There's a time to talk and negotiate and then there's a time where kids need to know who's boss and what they're going to do, how they're going to do it, and when they're going to do it and what are the consequences of not doing it. Most things should be earned in some manner be it grades, chores at home, attitude / respect, etc. We did family counseling with my other step-son and both counselors said basically we have to give kids love, basic food, basic clothing, and an education, past that everything is a bonus and should be earned.

My thoughts exactly. I believe this is one of the reasons there are so many disrespectful kids. Kids don't fear the corner or timeouts, they do fear a spanking. Of course spanking should be the last resort, but it should never be ruled out.

I would like to add that you cannot reason with a 2 year old for those that are against spanking.


btw, i was spanked as a child and still like to be

I totally see what you are saying. I have three kids (8,almost 7 and 5) and I do not spank. My kids are very respectful to mom and dad and every other adult or child. They know that are punishments if they do wrong but they also know that the punishment is not going to physically hurt. As an adult when I do wrong my punishments dont physically hurt (I mean I am not talking about jail and that extreme as I have never been nor will I do things to end up there) so why should theirs. My kids do not get everything they ask for and we teach them that they have to work for things. So all I am saying is it can be done without spanking.

RhonndaJ

I don't have children, but I do believe that there are times where spanking is appropriate. But only as a last resort, in other words, when talking, time outs, etc have failed, and as I once read a 'spanking should hurt nothing but the feelings'.

ItsCasey

My parents didn't just spank me, they whipped my butt with belts, switches from trees, fly-swatters, etc. And not once did I ever think they didn't love me or that I was being abused, nor was I ever afraid of them. Every "spanking" was accompanied with an explanation about what I had done wrong and why I was being punished. It was never done in anger ... in fact, my dad cried every time he had to do it.

I completely understand that each parent has to do what they feel is best for their own kids, and as long as a parent has found an effective way to control their kids' behavior, I would never criticize their choice to NOT spank their kids. But it really irks me to hear people suggest that corporal punishment turns kids toward violence. There is a HUGE difference between physical discipline and physical abuse.

fteale

I don't believe hitting children is acceptable as a form of discipline. I have quite the most difficult boy anyone who has met him has ever encountered, but children need love at home, not violence. I have quite a pair of lungs, though.

rhodesar

Surely if your kids need spanking on a regular basis the "discipline" isn't working? My 2 year old may be too little to reason with, but she's also too little to understand why the person she loves the most is hurting her. There are better ways to discipline your children (in my humble opinion).

Chunkabutt83

i was spanked as a child and i believe i turned out right because my parents werent afraid to discipline me. Now everyone is scared of child abuse allegations and you see their children running amuck. My daughter is very young, when she gets older and misbehaves, she will be spanked if the situation warrents it, id rather spank my child than have them be a menace to everyone around them. To me it taught me respect that many kids lack today, hasnt anyone else noticed the difference in our generation vs our kids generation?

fteale

I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.

I make mine run around the garden 10 times. Most of the time bad behaviour is pent up energy anyway, so a quick run outside helps.

Ashley_Panda

We do swat Jay on the hand or on the butt but it's when he's doing something to deserve it undoubtedly. He's a bit stubborn. But Jay is also Deaf. So it's not like we can sit down and have a conversation with him about his actions and to tell him that's wrong or right. ''Cause I can guarantee it's going to get his attention to smack his hand a lot faster than it is trying to sign it to him.

ebramlett

Thanks mom and dad for spanking me when I needed it. I wouldn't be the hard-working/driven/independent/intellectual person I strive to be today without the discipline you gave to me when needed. Spanking, not out of anger/frustration, but rather spanking out of love/commitment/encouragement/betterment. Yes, there is a difference. Spanking was harder on my parents then on me receiving it, a life lesson always was learned with it.

^^^^^^^^ This!!!

There was no such thing as time out at our house when I was kid. You knew automatically when you did something really bad, Daddy was gonna get ya! I got spanked a lot because, well, I was hard headed and did bad stuff! It didnt make me turn out to be angry want to go hit someone all of the time type of person. It taught me discipline, and respect for what my mom and dad told me what to and not to do. And if I got a spanking at school, I got another when I got home from school that was worse than the first one. But you know what, I would learn my lesson and not do it again! That might be whats wrong with some of the kids today since they can no longer spank at school. I know if they gave me "time out" when I was a kid, that wouldnt have taught me right from wrong. I would be like, "whew, got off easy this time". I spank my kids not because I want to hit them, but out of love and wanting them to respect their elders and know right from wrong and that if they do wrong there will be consequences other than going and sitting in the corner. This is how I was raised and how I will continue to raise my children.

macpatti

My parents didn't just spank me, they whipped my butt with belts, switches from trees, fly-swatters, etc. And not once did I ever think they didn't love me or that I was being abused, nor was I ever afraid of them. Every "spanking" was accompanied with an explanation about what I had done wrong and why I was being punished. It was never done in anger ... in fact, my dad cried every time he had to do it.

I completely understand that each parent has to do what they feel is best for their own kids, and as long as a parent has found an effective way to control their kids' behavior, I would never criticize their choice to NOT spank their kids. But it really irks me to hear people suggest that corporal punishment turns kids toward violence. There is a HUGE difference between physical discipline and physical abuse.

^^^^THIS!

G0dsP3n

BEAT'EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMBO!! Kidding. Honestly I hate spaking kids. I wasn't a bad child so I only got spanked maybe twice my whole life. But i'm definately not against it. I believe if a child gets out of control and you've warned them several times then spank them!! Now i'm not saying beat the daylights out of the child! Spank on the behind when needed i'm not against. I got it, and i'm far from violent!! Never even been in a fight my entire life! And i'm 29! Lol!:bigsmile:

cabaray

When done in an appropriate manner, I do not believe spanking leads to violence. With my children, there are consequences leading up to a spanking, ie timeouts, lectures, grounding. If these do not work, then sometimes I spank. My oldest daughter (12) has only been spanked a few times in her life. My other daughter (9) goes through phases where the only punishment that will change her behavior is a spanking.
To be effective, a spanking cannot be done in anger. You can't just grab them and start spanking, that leads to fear, resentment, and a possible bully in the future. However, I get eye level with my child, explain to her that what she did was wrong and why it was wrong in a calm voice. Then, and only then, will I spank.

macpatti

Surely if your kids need spanking on a regular basis the "discipline" isn't working? My 2 year old may be too little to reason with, but she's also too little to understand why the person she loves the most is hurting her. There are better ways to discipline your children (in my humble opinion).

You'd be surprised how little you have to spank once they understand that you WILL spank if necessary. Two year olds can't understand WHY they shouldn't stick something in a socket or run into the street, but they will understand a slap on the hand means they shouldn't do something. They aren't even capable of thinking, "why does the person who loves me the most hurt me"?

smcandee

also it rings true what my parents would say "this is going to hurt me more than u" it does..

fteale

Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.

bmfrazie

I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.

That's great...I might have to try those I do believe in spanking but not for everything. I don't believe it makes for violent kids / adults. Those that have issues with violence, usually had some extreme abuse as a child...not a smack on the butt.

As a PE teacher I get rather upset with parents that do this for their punishment. You are teaching your kid that fitness is bad and something that do when they do something wrong. I am all for parents finding what works best to punish their kid. However, fitness should be something fun not a form of punishment. In my class if a kid does something wrong the have to sit out and watch everyone else play. It is way more effective than to make them do push ups (even if they aren't my kid).

To answer the question about spanking though...I do believe in spanking when it is needed but not as normal form of punishment. My son is 9 and I think I have spanked him 3 times. I always explain why the situation happened and he then has to explain back to me what was wrong about what he did. Normally time out or taking away video games/toys/tv works best in our house.

macpatti

I am not judging anyone here. I'm only speaking out to the people who say spanking is wrong, violent, dangerous, and unnecessary. If you choose not to spank and your child is the angel you always thought he/she would be, then more power to you. But, please do not pass judgement on those of us who use spanking as a positive parenting tool. And to those of you whose kids 'need' a spanking.....you know who you are.

macpatti

Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.

How nonsensical is this? An adult does not have to "obey" their spouse. Children need to obey their parents.

fteale

I believe there are times for physical punishment but i mainly make my son do pushups, jumping jacks & run in place when he has issues.

That's great...I might have to try those I do believe in spanking but not for everything. I don't believe it makes for violent kids / adults. Those that have issues with violence, usually had some extreme abuse as a child...not a smack on the butt.

As a PE teacher I get rather upset with parents that do this for their punishment. You are teaching your kid that fitness is bad and something that do when they do something wrong. I am all for parents finding what works best to punish their kid. However, fitness should be something fun not a form of punishment. In my class if a kid does something wrong the have to sit out and watch everyone else play. It is way more effective than to make them do push ups (even if they aren't my kid).

To answer the question about spanking though...I do believe in spanking when it is needed but not as normal form of punishment. My son is 9 and I think I have spanked him 3 times. I always explain why the situation happened and he then has to explain back to me what was wrong about what he did. Normally time out or taking away video games/toys/tv works best in our house.

There's nothing fun about the way fitness is taught in schools. I am quite a naturally fit person, but I spent 15 years of school (from 3-18) absolutely HATING PE with every fibre of my being. I would come up with any excuse to avoid it, even though I was also rowing 6 days a week, and doing weight training, and was one of the fittest people in my year, of either sex.

RachelJE

It infuriates me when people mis-use the scripture, "Spare the rod...". If you go back to the original Greek, the word "rod" actually translates "staff," as in "shepherd's staff.". This scripture is calling people to guide their children gently, as a shepherd does his sheep. To get them back on track when they get in line. This scripture is not an excuse to beat children, and any pastor who preaches it that way clearly doesn't know the origin of the text.

cabaray

@fteale
Earlier you said you had quite a pair of lungs. Does this mean you scream at your child? How is screaming any less detrimental to the emotional well-being of a child? I was spanked and screamed at as a child and I can tell you that being screamed at was far more damaging emotionally than a spanking.

FattySins

That is not an option to me at all. There are a lot more efficient ways to deal with discipline in my opinion.

My children are well behaved, a lot better than most! Not angels, sometimes they need talking to more than once, but they have enough respect for me to listen when needed. I got spanked as a child and I would hate doing that to my children.

ebramlett

Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.

Wow.........This is not comparing apples to apples at all! Poor analagy!

writtenINthestars

I do believe in spanking, I do believe there are definately lines that should not be crossed, and I do NOT believe that spanking in itself creates a violent child who thinks it's ok to hit others.

I grew up with a father who was an old school Catholic raised man and he was raised by the belt...and so were my brother and I.

My brother certainly got spanked a hell of a lot more than I did, but when we were spanked it was because we absolutely crossed the line.

And we never crossed those lines again. In fact, past a certain age we figured out our parents are in charge, we are not, and we do what we're told and were never spanked again.

To each his own. There is a difference between spanking and punishment for horrible behavior and abuse, IMHO.

fteale

Is is ok to hit your spouse if they disobey you? No. So it isn't ok to hit a child who is smaller and more defenceless. I am quite horrified by most of the responses on this thread.

How nonsensical is this? An adult does not have to "obey" their spouse. Children need to obey their parents.

So have rules that are sensible (i.e. for safety reasons or to become likeable adults) and explain why they must be obeyed. What is it teaching a child to say "do what I say without question or I will hurt you"?

Some people would say a spouse should obey their other half. If you believe that, does it become ok to be physically violent? No. It's not with children either. There are other ways that are just as effective if you have the patience and intelligence to apply them. Any old thug can hit.

chocolateandvodka

In my opinion ---

It isn't spanking in itself that is ineffective, it's the inconsistency and incorrect methods that have made spanking such a controversial topic.

My mother spanked me (sometimes, probably too much) but always with an explanation, exactly when she said she would do it, and with a very healthy balance of love and positive reinforcement.
My step sister threatens her children for hours and then her husband comes home and literally beats the bejeebies out of them. That is abuse, and that is why she no longer has custody of her own children.
Our other sister uses spanking only in extreme situations when the children are too young to be "talked to" and a swat (using the palm of your hand and nothing else) to the rear is a quick and efficient way to deliver the message.

I'm not really a maternal sort of individual, but I've found that it all depends on the child. When babysitting my nephews from the abusive home, I wouldn't even have considered spanking them. But with my other neices and nephews, although I wouldn't do it myself, I knew their parents would deliver that punishment of their own accord if they felt it was warranted.

If I have children of my own, I seriously doubt I'll use this tactic, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's an absolute non-option. Just my opinion.