Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....

Options
123457

Replies

  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
    Options
    Talk to him about it, because it does send off creepy vibes. Straight up say, "you're a step parents, not a BFF. Your comments are freaking out some of the younger kids and you possible good intentions are coming out horribly wrong." This way, you aren't accusing, but making it clear the behavior needs to stop.

    If it doesn't, have your daughter put privacy controls on him. I've got some "friends" that can read what i post, but dont have the ability to comment.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
    Options
    I already know how it is going to go. They are going to bad mouth me a lot and try to turn it around on me and make me the bad guy, like usual. We talked about that a little too, and she knows that is coming as well. But she also knows it isn't the truth, which is good.

    I just re-read this and my question is what do you have to do with it? I mean, if she has issues with the stepfather posting what he posts, your name shouldn't even come up in her conversation with them about that. If they somehow blame YOU for her being upset about it, they're wacko.

    This may be a big step to take and maybe not the appropriate one, but in most states, a child that age can petition the court to live with the parent who doesn't currently have custody. There would probably still be visitation, but at least the contact with such toxic people would be minimal for her if she lived with you.

    In many cases, courts will take custody from a parent specifically for badmouthing the other parent. My boyfriend's custody agreement with his ex specifically states they aren't allowed to do that.

    I know a lot of people who's custody agreements state that the other party aren't allowed to talk negatively about the other party in front of the kids.

    I don't understand why parents do this, my kids haven't seen their bio-dad in a looooong time.

    I NEVER, EVER talked negatively about him in front of them. Sure I have some resentment towards him but I remember vivdly how that impacted me when my mom and her family would talk negatively about my dad. Even when I would tell them that it hurt my feelings and he was still my dad I was basically told "too bad"

    Eventually I moved into my dad's house (looooonnnng story on the WHYs on that one).....he made less money, had a smaller house and was a horrid alcoholic. To make a long story short, it was picking the lesser of two evils.

    At the bare minimum you are there physically AND emotionally for your daughter, I'm sure that means a lot to her especially being a teen!
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Options
    Believe me, I would take her living with me in a heartbeat. I don't think it is a very winnable case at this point though. Unless there is more to the OP than I know.
  • Izable2011
    Izable2011 Posts: 755 Member
    Options
    I'd say that's a little creepy. Maybe you should ask your daughter.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
    Options
    Believe me, I would take her living with me in a heartbeat. I don't think it is a very winnable case at this point though. Unless there is more to the OP than I know.


    Wow....It sounds like this has been brewing for quite some time.

    Have you thought about talking to an attorney? What could it hurt to speak to a family law attorney to see what their take is on this situation? At least to get their feedback and you can be somewhat prepared if the *kitten* hits the fan...

    Just a thought....
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
    Options
    Believe me, I would take her living with me in a heartbeat. I don't think it is a very winnable case at this point though. Unless there is more to the OP than I know.
    Have you thought about talking to an attorney? What could it hurt to speak to a family law attorney to see what their take is on this situation? At least to get their feedback and you can be somewhat prepared if the *kitten* hits the fan...

    It might be something to talk to your daughter about- let her know it's an option. You said earlier that she's comfortable talking to your wife, right? Not sure what your circumstances are that you think it wouldn't be a winnable case, but even if you can't do that, maybe she can come live with you next summer as a sort of "trial run" to see if she likes it.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Options
    She knows that I'd like her to come and live at my house. She's too worried about hurting her mom's feelings though, so it will never happen.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
    Options
    Never say never! LOL I never thought I would've moved in with my dad and I SPLIT (circumstances were waaaay different though).

    Good luck, I hope it all works out for the best!
  • joseph9
    joseph9 Posts: 328 Member
    Options
    It's definitely poor judgment, and probably but not definitely creepy. I try not even to "like" my kid's posts because I don't want her or her friends to remember I can see her wall.

    As to why the kids friend him -- a lot of kids that age are collecting all the friends they can, plus there's the classic reason of wanting to see what he's posted. (That's another reason I ignore friend requests from my daughter's friends -- I have a lot of pictures of her from when she was younger, and I don't tag her or friend her friends because I'm not sure she wants them passed around).

    It's generally bad judgment to be too buddy buddy with a bunch of teenaged girls -- you want to know what's going on in your kid's social life, but you don't want to insert yourself in it.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Options
    So she is no longer friends on FB with her step-dad. She also is no longer friends with my wife. I guarantee they made her do that. That basically sums up their parenting skills.
  • angelicdisgrace
    angelicdisgrace Posts: 2,071 Member
    Options
    I would definitely be concerned.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Options
    I'm pretty sure they took her phone away from her too. By asking her step-dad to stop creeping on her FB profile so much, both step-parents have been removed as her friends on FB and she gets her phone taken away from her. Can someone please explain to be how that is good parenting coming from her mother's house?
  • Reneda
    Reneda Posts: 140
    Options
    I'm pretty sure they took her phone away from her too. By asking her step-dad to stop creeping on her FB profile so much, both step-parents have been removed as her friends on FB and she gets her phone taken away from her. Can someone please explain to be how that is good parenting coming from her mother's house?

    is her phone her way of communicating with you???
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Options
    We don't communicate too much when she isn't at my house. I try to let her be as her mom texts her all the time when she is at mine, which I find a little rude considering how little she's here. Basically though, yes. They don't have a home phone.
  • hmbensinger
    hmbensinger Posts: 6
    Options
    I understand parents being on facebook and commenting on children's pages (my mom comments on mine every once in a while) but that's a little too much...it's going over the creepy line
  • Sasssy69
    Sasssy69 Posts: 547 Member
    Options
    We don't communicate too much when she isn't at my house. I try to let her be as her mom texts her all the time when she is at mine, which I find a little rude considering how little she's here. Basically though, yes. They don't have a home phone.

    As long as they let her use their phone to contact you. It's in my parenting plan with my ex that we cannot interfere with phone calls. I despise my ex but I would NEVER do what your ex is doing. And I don't talk sh** about him either. My kids NEED their dad. Period. Just as your daughter needs you. This is complete BS what they are doing. Pisses me off. She's almost 15 right? She should be at the age where she can decide where she wants to live. Or if she wants to increase her visits with you.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Options
    They are punishing her for this though. I can't even begin to explain how upset I am at this. I have to get her out of that house.
  • Sasssy69
    Sasssy69 Posts: 547 Member
    Options
    They are punishing her for this though. I can't even begin to explain how upset I am at this. I have to get her out of that house.

    Which is why this is BS. Her step dad is creepy. I'm a high school teacher, and your original post sent red flags out all over to me. If anything, it's incredibly inappropriate. She should have just been able to say, "It makes me uncomfortable that you post and comment all the time on my fb page. Can you please stop?" She has that right. The fact that they took away her phone to punish her for, what, being honest is ridiculous. She needs to be able to talk about things without fear of being punished. It's called letting her grow up. Ugh. I'm angry for you.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    This all makes me very happy to have an ex-husband that doesn't completely suck.

    That is all.
  • 3ball
    3ball Posts: 338
    Options
    Thanks. She has asked him before to stop, and he would for a little bit, but would always come right back in a couple of weeks. Now that I've been brought in to it, all hell breaks loose and she gets punished. Horrendous parenting, IMO.

Categories