Free Therapy: Another Open Letter!

Options
1…910121415…25

Replies

  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    Options

    I now invite you to perform an impossible act of self-love.


    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Ditto. That was hilarious. :laugh:

    You can thank my Grandpa for that one. He fought in WWII, and taught me all manner of vulgarity when my mom and grandma weren't looking :wink: I like to think that every time I use one, he smiles in heaven.:tongue:
  • stephaneyh
    stephaneyh Posts: 53
    Options
    :grumble: Dear husband,

    Stop playing 'avoidance' games and take the dog out in the evenings. I am responsible for our big pit bull from 7am until 7pm and I am getting tired of doing your ONE promised trip outside with her for a pee-break at 9pm. You think if you tip toe around and don't wake her up where she sleeps in a crate in the kitchen, or at the very least don't make her aware that there are humans still downstairs, you can escape upstairs to bed and whatever happens is on ME. Yesterday, I woke to find her bedding soaked because she couldn't hold 'it' anymore and she'd been left to sleep in that condition for up to 5 hours. SHAME ON YOU! I should put YOU in the crate from 7pm until 5am and see how YOU hold yours!

    And, I'm sick and tired of hearing that you have a job to report to everyday and I don't. BIG DEAL. I'll guarantee you that if I was still working, I'd STILL have to do everything for our dog with no help from you.

    You say you think she's the smartest, best dog you've ever owned in your entire life, so PROVE IT. It's just one lousy trip outside with her and won't take you more than 5 full minutes. She loves you more than me, though why I have no idea.
  • stephaneyh
    stephaneyh Posts: 53
    Options
    :noway: :grumble: :mad: Dear son,

    Remember all those promises you made to us if we let you bring home the tiny pit bull puppy? Remember the promise to pay for all her needs, the promise to take her outside for a pee-break just before you go to bed every night, which is usually around 2am?

    Well, guess what? YOU AIN'T DOIN' ANY OF IT WITHOUT A HASSLE!!

    Your dad has paid for part or all of her last 3 medical needs, you've taken her to the vet, yourself, only once in her 6 months, you've spent time with her exactly 3 times in the last 6 months, so, why do we have this dog? Maybe you can refresh my memory. I was perfectly OK with our old dog before you convinced us that you've always wanted a pit bull. Now our old dog has to stay crated to feel safe from the playful 'horse' your dog has become.

    I do everything for both dogs while you are at work and college and while your dad is working, so, why can't you let me and your dad go to bed confident that YOUR dog will get adequate attention before I get up in the mornings? You will do what you promised me if I stay on your back about it, which is called nagging and you and your dad, both, hate nagging.

    What would you do if I and your dad weren't around anymore? Would you take up the slack and be responsible for your dog or would you be trying to find someone to take her off your hands, asap?

    The dog loves you to death, I guess because you are around her so little. You are the only one she will obey when she's off the leash outside, so, with all this special consideration from HER, why can't you give her some regular special attention, yourself?

    P.S. Let me remind you, also, that what I said about strapping her to your back when you move away from home, still goes. I don't work and I'm having to get up anywhere from 3am to 7am every morning to check on this dog's well being because no one else does what they're assigned to do, so, believe me, I can't wait to be ENJOYING being out of work and sleeping late, which, by the way, is something you and your dad enjoy every single weekend. Me? I'm the 24 hour dog sitter.:huh: :yawn: :explode: :angry:
  • Losing_It
    Losing_It Posts: 3,271 Member
    Options
    Dear Self,

    Turn off the flippin' Food Network already!!!!! It's making you crazy..all that ooey, gooey, goodness that Paula Deen shows you how to make. Did you NOT learn your lesson watching "Unwrapped" and seeing those DELICIOUS Brownies form SimplyDivine.com????? Next time you want to watch TFN, turn it over to the Travel channel and watch the guy eat weird stuff...like bugs & guts...ewww!!!! I bet you won't want to order 2 boxes of THOSE!!!

    Signed,

    The part of you that DOESN'T want to want all that yummy stuff!:bigsmile:
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Options
    Dear Self,

    Turn off the flippin' Food Network already!!!!! It's making you crazy..all that ooey, gooey, goodness that Paula Deen shows you how to make. Did you NOT learn your lesson watching "Unwrapped" and seeing those DELICIOUS Brownies form SimplyDivine.com????? Next time you want to watch TFN, turn it over to the Travel channel and watch the guy eat weird stuff...like bugs & guts...ewww!!!! I bet you won't want to order 2 boxes of THOSE!!!

    Signed,

    The part of you that DOESN'T want to want all that yummy stuff!:bigsmile:

    The Food Network.
    The source of many a late night binge for me.
  • lynniejones
    lynniejones Posts: 1,291 Member
    Options
    Dear me,

    I know you are stuck alone in a hotel room surrounded by all the food you love. It must be quite lonely and I am positive you are homesick. Must you try to eat it all at once making yourself physically sick? STOP IT! I commend you for not going out to eat one time since you arrived at your destination, but you are being faced with some serious issues all dialed down into one room and you are failing miserably. You have two more weeks on the road to go, so GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!
  • prayerfulmom
    prayerfulmom Posts: 409
    Options
    Dear worn out Kidney,
    I know your getting tired. I'm trying not to stress you by limiting the sodium and protein as prescribed by the doctor and nutritionist. I'm doing my part. I thought it would please you to know how much I pamper you. Its really ok not to hoard water. It would be so kind of you to let it go. I hope you decide to reward me for all my hard work and next weeks weigh in is an unbelieveable amount of loss that catches me up from the last two weeks of eating great moving a ton.
    Your body
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Options
    Dear Tummy,

    We are headed to Buffalo Wild Wings here shortly.
    I invite you have order whatever you like.
    I do not think we should eat ALL of it though.
    I think we should save half of it tomorrow.
    I hope you see what I'm saying and agree.

    Love,
    The Head
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Options
    Dear Tummy,

    We are headed to Buffalo Wild Wings here shortly.
    I invite you have order whatever you like.
    I do not think we should eat ALL of it though.
    I think we should save half of it tomorrow.
    I hope you see what I'm saying and agree.

    Love,
    The Head


    Dear Tummy,

    Um, good try?
    No, I know better. You did that on purpose.
    The entire wrap. AND the chocolate cake.
    I'll forgive you and thank you for at least choosing water.
    But please remember next time --- all that terrible food makes me (the head) ache.

    Love,
    The Head
  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
    Options
    Dear My Life--

    I really, really hate you lately. Yes, I know you could be worse. But, you could sure be a helluva lot better, too. I'd like to be thankful for something good rather than always having to find the silver lining in the crappy dark clouds that you're always putting over me-- enough stress-- Lay off, already, will ya?

    :noway: :noway:
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Options
    Dear Mr. Headache:

    GO AWAY.

    Signed,
    Lauryn


    Dear "Desktop Services":

    I appreciate that you have your own separate line you force me to call to get additional tech support for my work equipment. I appreciate you have your own voicemail box so that my calls are directly routed to those who can service my needs. I DO NOT APPRECIATE TWO UNRETURNED VOICEMAILS IN TWO DAYS. DO YOUR FRICKIN' JOB. If you don't wanna do it, ther are are hundreds who will gladly jump at the opportunity.

    Signed,
    Pissed off analyst in charge of getting the printer issues fixed for the entire group of 12 other pissed off analysts

    Dear Daughter,

    I love you to death. There is nothing better than the snuggles of a 3 year old, honestly. It's like pure sunshine being poured upon me.

    But if you drag another dozen stuffed animals into my bed at 3am and hit my in the face with them one more time, I swear they will be shish-kabobed by that evening.

    And while we are at it, SLEEP IN YOUR OWN BED. I enjoy my SPACE!!!

    Love,
    Mommy

    Headache,

    For real. Get lost.

    Me
  • Mireille
    Mireille Posts: 5,134 Member
    Options
    Dear Gym Members,

    There are only 2 stair masters at the gym.
    One is mine. Please stay away from it.

    Thanking you in advance,
    Mireille
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    Options
    Dear Gym Members,

    There are only 2 stair masters at the gym.
    One is mine. Please stay away from it.

    Thanking you in advance,
    Mireille


    Oooooh, THAT is what the sign reading "THIS BELONGS TO MIREILLE, STAY AWAY OR I KILL YOU" meant. I see! :wink:
  • Mireille
    Mireille Posts: 5,134 Member
    Options
    :wink:
    Dear Gym Members,

    There are only 2 stair masters at the gym.
    One is mine. Please stay away from it.

    Thanking you in advance,
    Mireille


    Oooooh, THAT is what the sign reading "THIS BELONGS TO MIREILLE, STAY AWAY OR I KILL YOU" meant. I see!

    Exactly! You understand, why can't other members understand that simple note. :wink:
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
    Options
    Oh oh oh! I have one for the gym members, too!

    Dear gym members,

    Just b/c you wear the skimpiest clothes & have your hair all cute does NOT mean that you should be at the front of the class. You are clumsy & I hope you fall. :flowerforyou:

    Signed,

    The chick at the back of the room in the baggy clothes that can actually DO the routine!
    AKA - bitter that I don't look good in spandex. :bigsmile:
  • Mireille
    Mireille Posts: 5,134 Member
    Options
    Oh oh oh! I have one for the gym members, too!

    Dear gym members,

    Just b/c you wear the skimpiest clothes & have your hair all cute does NOT mean that you should be at the front of the class. You are clumsy & I hope you fall. :flowerforyou:

    Signed,

    The chick at the back of the room in the baggy clothes that can actually DO the routine!
    AKA - bitter that I don't look good in spandex. :bigsmile:

    Yes, I totally agree with this one.

    Here's another:

    Dear stuck up gym member,

    You not better than me so get off your high horse. So when I say hello or good morning, I except your skinny *kitten* to respond.

    Signed,
    I am better than you
  • jackeh
    jackeh Posts: 1,515 Member
    Options
    ugh i have another gym one....

    dear ladies in the change room,
    Please do NOT strike up a conversation with me while you are standing there naked with your tatas and chacha fully exposed! you start swinging your arms when you talk not only are you gonna poke your own eye out you are gonna hit me with something id rather not be hit with. It makes me very uncomfortable when you start a conversation with me as i dont know wether to look at my shoes or at your face... but when i look at your face i still see them swinging everywhere out of the corner of my eye... Please stop talking to me..
    Blinded by the headlights
    Jackie
  • soon2bgaudet
    soon2bgaudet Posts: 65
    Options
    ugh i have another gym one....

    dear ladies in the change room,
    Please do NOT strike up a conversation with me while you are standing there naked with your tatas and chacha fully exposed! you start swinging your arms when you talk not only are you gonna poke your own eye out you are gonna hit me with something id rather not be hit with. It makes me very uncomfortable when you start a conversation with me as i dont know wether to look at my shoes or at your face... but when i look at your face i still see them swinging everywhere out of the corner of my eye... Please stop talking to me..
    Blinded by the headlights
    Jackie

    .....eeewwwwww.....:indifferent:

Categories