Friends on MFP with poor food diaries?

LuciaLongIsland

She is just trying to help people. We are on this site to help and support each other. I dont get why you think it is rude.

EDesq

Yes. You should probably tell them all what you think about their diaries. I'm sure they will appreciate how helpful you are.

Let us know how it goes.

SARCASM...Nice!

emilyc92

You don't know for sure what they are really eating. I can't speak for everyone, but I sometimes make recipes on here with really decadent sounding names, but they are actually healthy foods. That way I can sort of trick my mind into thinking I'm eating dessert when I'm really not. For example, I have one recipe that I call "Chocolate Cream Pie" but it's really pureed zucchini, cocoa powder, and a little truvia. Tastes good, sounds like dessert, and it's actually really healthy!

Josie_lifting_cats

I made my diary private for this reason. Thanks for reaffirming my decision to do so.

I have taken nutrition classes. I'm in a health career. I'm not stupid. My husband has done a "ton of research". He thinks he knows the best way. I think I know the best way. They are not the same. We disagree with each other. He lost a ton of weight really quick. I'm losing it slowly, but still making progress. He thinks he is doing it the healthiest way. I think I'm doing it the healthiest way. Does that make either of us right?

So my advice here is to be careful, because even though you think you are making the "best choices" you may not be. And sure, junk is junk, but if that's what is helping them reach their goals by "cheating" on breakfast, more power to them! They will either be successful or not, and if they are not they will either give up or change. Let them do their thing.

LuciaLongIsland

Relax, you are reading too much into it.

RAFValentina

I think you can say, "Hey, I was looking at your food diary and I thought I'd let you know of some ideas I think might help improve some of it if you'd like?! You can tell me to shove off if you like and I won't be offended!"

I did this and it worked and whereas some of my points were defended against or disregarded, they did seem to appreciate I bothered to look and help them out... and in fact...I've seen some of the improvements.

I think tact and seeing what kind of person they are from their updates and profile goes a long way to gauging whether its appropriate or not... always give them the opportunity to say no before you spout off.

I did the above and they did ask for my opinions so I did give them a long well thought out e-mail with examples and NOT based on one day or even one week. I also related it to their stated goals and offered constructive criticism and suggestions instead of their current choices.

Forme4real2

I don't always make the best choices and I know that. I don't want my MFP friends calling me out. Today for example I had a good breakfast but then got so busy cleaning my house that I forgot about lunch and BAM now it's dinner and all I have is leftover pizza. I know I'll be under my Cal's but my food choices were bad. I don't need ANYONE telling me that. It's MY diary, MY body and unless they/YOU want to come to my house and cook for me and my family. You don't get a say in what I do.

jmgcummins

Your heart is in the right place, but as you can see by the responses here, it would just be taken the wrong way and people would get defensive.

If someone as for advice, give it, if not best to just be supportive where you can, and be quiet when you can't.

This is my advice for online communities anyways.

EDesq

She is just trying to help people. We are on this site to help and support each other. I dont get why you think it is rude.

To Me, if a person is doing well (losing weight) let them continue THEIR JOURNEY! WHO is s GURU about Wt Loss!? NO ONE! NO ONE, NO ONE!!!

RAFValentina

Remember, we aren't all here to get uber healthy. Some of us just want to lose some fat, and make that journey as easy and as bearable as possible.

We know what we eat isn't the best, and we accept that.

Would you go up to a smoker and tell him the ciggies are bad for him? Of course not. They already know.

I would... especially if they;re in my airspace! I don't want their toxic fumes!

kelley_lynn

Being one that still makes my food choices. considering Im an Adult. (so im told) Im one of those, that makes mistakes, in my food diary, OFTEN, but i do admit to it, OFTEN.

But as like others say, unless asked, i would step carefully. On occasion maybe make suggestion, BUT only if sure, folks are not offended. Remember for some this is a massive journey, and its not just about the weight.

Forme4real2

And this is why I keep my diary private. :noway:

Mine is private too, no need to share

I had my diary open to "friends only" now it's private because of this topic.

MINE TOO

LuciaLongIsland

I have nothing to hide. My diary is public. I worry about you private ppl. Are we not here to help each othe

caseyp1122

Looks like this is the loaded topic of the day lol. Sadly I think it's our country's culture to be more concerned with what others are doing as opposed to channeling that energy into our own lives. Glad to see the majority of folks commenting find the original posters actions to be questionable.

merrick7871

My thoughts exactly! Unless you are asked for your opinion, don't offer it.

LuciaLongIsland

People get over it!!! What are you hiding?

mznisaelaine

My friends are more concerned about me eating enough and they will tell me about which I appreciate! Great support! And I don't look at anyone's diary as "very poor".... Overall, my friends do a great job and if they have a cookie for breakfast good for them..... They still eat good overall, still workout, still dropping pounds. I envy their dairies if anything lol...... I have the greatest MFP friends ever.

moushtie

I tend to not congratulate people if they've had a particularly uninspiring day, but if I notice it's a trend with a person I may bring it up eventually. Usually when they've posted a comment on their profile wondering why they've not lost weight in a while, or they're feeling a bit low for no good reason. I don't "tell them off", because we're all adults here, but gently getting people to look at their food choices over the long term can be helpful.

If I know a friend struggles with particular eating habits, I will congratulate them if they've made an effort, even if their day isn't perfect. I make sure to highlight the bit they've improved on, to recognise their small successes. I think that's more constructive than beating people up for making poor choices, as that can trigger a lot of people I know into "giving up" for a day or two, and not even trying to curb their eating.

AI1108

And this is why I keep my diary private. :noway:

Mine is private too, no need to share

I had my diary open to "friends only" now it's private because of this topic.

Agreed. I generally eat healthy, but I'm a grown up with a nurse for a mom and a doctor for an older sister so I've heard it all before & if there's something I've heard about and haven't changed, I'm not going to. Now where's that IV drip of 100 ccs NaCl...

LuciaLongIsland

When I smoked tons of people told me how disgusting I was. I see nothing wrong with helping each other. I have had many ppl give me advice, I am grateful for that.

tiabirdie56

I have my diary open for friends only. I did not open it for criticism on what I choose to eat. I opened it because I know people are naturally curious as to what others eat. Who knows, they may like what they see and decide to try it themselves. I don't make comments about anyone's mealplans. We are all adults. If someone wants advice they'll ask.

caseyp1122

Not to be rude but it is a discussion board...meant to discuss, so saying "get over it" is kind of ridiculous no?

Rewinds

Wow, I never knew people would get to defensive and aggressive about it.

It was an honest question about helping people/motivating people about making better lifestyle choices. I thought the friends option was about giving support and motivating to stay on the task and reach their weight goal.

Making poor food choices constantly is going to hurt their health >.> And if they were my friends in real life I'd do the same thing >.> Its like smoking excessively or doing drugs, or drinking far too much. My diary is private to the public because I don't know you, and when i friend someone it is like accepting constructive criticism but support at the time time >.>

The responses here kind of piss me off and I thought people on this site would have a more balanced response, I congratulate them when they exercise, or reaching their calorie goal or maintaining or people on recovery, why shouldn't I give honest feedback on a diary that isn't balanced?

lor007

The only time I would ever question the food in a friend's diary is if they usually eat close to their target and they have an exceptionally low amount of calories for any particular day. In that situation, I ask them if everything is okay because I am concerned about how they are feeling, not because I am being judgmental.

RAFValentina

People get over it!!! What are you hiding?

Exactly! Don't make it public if you don't expect comment on it! If you want to hide your guilty treats and over indulgences and not expect people who are trying to encourage you to say "oh come on! get back on the bandwagon" and then be disappointed by you again and again despite endless encouragement.

Oh and on that note... even if you;re under your calorie goal, I won't give you good feedback if you've eaten crap or its not balanced (I'm not talking about one meal or snack- but the entire day compared to your whole week) ... but I also won't say anything.

Yakisoba

When I smoked tons of people told me how disgusting I was. I see nothing wrong with helping each other. I have had many ppl give me advice, I am grateful for that.

Calling you disgusting and giving you advice are two different things.

wtf

LuciaLongIsland

Amen!!!

caseyp1122

Having questionable things in your diet is the equivalent to drug use? lol really?

richx83

my diary is open to friends (i think) and that is because i want them to look at it and to call me out on things, I have had negative experiences with health care professionals though telling me off for eating a salad for lunch so some times i don't have a lot of respect for some peoples opinions on things based on that.

I would always have time for anyone offering advise though

StartingAnewDay

I love this answer!! I totally agree!! Everyones process is NOT the same.. Everyone didn't begin when you did or end the same way or time you will. When they reach a point that they feel they need help, they will ASK for it.. and shocker though this may be.. You may not be the person they ask..