Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas

kyle4jem

I found this on the BBC News website - 'Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas' http://bbc.in/u8CisK

While I think at this time of year it's a bit pompous to pontificate, but it's certainly something that we might consider in the new year. One of my best friends took me to task this summer and that triggered my weightloss program and my hubby's also been getting it in the neck from our friends since I lost weight and trimmed down.

Here's the text for those who might not be able to get to the link:

'Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas'

Christmas may be a time of indulging for many, but health experts believe it is the perfect time to tell a loved one they are overweight.

The National Obesity Forum and International Chair on Cardiometabolic Risk said it was important to be upfront because of the health risks.

Being overweight - particularly around the waist - increases the risk of diabetes, heart disease and stroke.

But a poll by the groups suggests too many people shy away from the issue.

The survey of more than 2,000 people found 42% of 18 to 24-year-olds would not tell a loved one they should lose weight because of a fear they would hurt the other person's feelings.

For those aged 25 to 44 it was just over a third, while for older people it was about one in four.

Men find it hardest to tell their partners, while women were more worried about bringing up the issue with a friend.

But with families and friends getting together up and down the country over the festive period, the experts believe there is an opportunity that should not be missed.

Prof David Haslam, chair of the National Obesity Forum, said: "Suggesting to someone that they should consider losing a few pounds may not be a comfortable conversation to have.

"But if someone close to you has a large waistline then as long as you do it sensitively, discussing it with them now could help them avoid critical health risks later down the line and could even save their life."

Dr Jean Pierre Despres, scientific director of the International Chair on Cardiometabolic Risk, agreed.

"Start by encouraging someone close to you to make simple lifestyle changes such as becoming more active, making small alterations to their eating habits and replacing sugary drinks for water."

IronSmasher

That sounds a good way to make the festive period uncomfortable for all!

eeebee

Interesting - thanks for sharing this.

My aunt, who is editor of a very high profile fashion magazine (go figure) - seems to annually tell me that I need to lose weight, when I fully know I do and I am actively doing something about it. Even when I have lost weight since the last time, she is so used to skinny models etc that when I am actually at a healthy weight, she sees me as fat.

It only serves to make me feel even worse about myself just when I think I am making progress. It's almost a knockback and gets me down every time she says it, which is every time I see her at Christmas and maybe one other day of the year. Kind of dampens the mood.

I used to live with her around 14 years ago and whilst there, I was bulimic, I was a lot slimmer because of that plus I was 15 and didnt take my health seriously. I didnt eat breakfast, I starved myself at lunch time and then eat a tiny dinner and throw it up later anyway. that was me back then though, she seems to think I could have maintained that weight but saldy my genes did not allow it and I became good friend with FOOD!

My point is, telling relatives they are overweight can often hurt them a lot, and 99% of the time, they already know they are overweight so why add insult to injury at Christmas time of all times?

I agree that waiting until the new year would be a much better bet and even then, unless you are their immediate family or best friend, I'd personally leave it to someone else.

BerryH

I remember my lovely late mother, who throughout my life had called me "skinny child", pinching my tummy flab and saying, "I think it's getting a bit much, dear." In the most loving way!

neveahnadira

Telling someone that they are overweight/fat/need to lose weight (no matter how gently) makes you the bad guy(or girl). It really does hurt a lot. Overweight people know that they are overweight, they don't need anybody else to remind them of the fact that they need to lose weight especially not during christmas.

Barneystinson

Or you can do the passive aggressive thing and buy that special someone a gym membership.

(Sarcasm)

eeebee

Actually I'd love someone else paying for my membership. That's a lot more helpful than just saying "You are over weight"

kag1526

Having someone pay for your gym membership would only be a plus if you wanted to go to the gym.

For me I know I am overweight. That is why I'm here. My husband knows he is getting overweight. but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to eat what I do. He doesn't want to go to the gym. He also doesn't see a problem. I have high blood pressure so he admits it is an issue for me (I am also much more overweight then he is) but since his blood pressure is fine and he isn't seeing any health issues he doesn't care to change.

Until he does me telling him he is overweight won't help.

appleseeds

If people decided to tell me I was overweight without me asking to be told I think I would probably want to kill myself.

Also my grandmother every single year has taken my mother aside to tell her that she needs to take better care of her son and not let him be so fat. Genuine hurt/anger crossed my mothers face when she told me about grandma doing this last year.

Perhaps if someone has only gained a LITTLE bit of weight and is approaching a BMI or overweight when previously they were skinny. But I dont think any other time it is appropriate - because when youre buying a size 16 pair of pants you know your fat. Let alone any larger size.


Edit: I would probably want to punch them in the face

jsteffen80

I don't think telling people they are overweight is the best thing to do... ever.

You are better off setting an example for those around you, and hoping they decide for themselves to get on board.

PBJunky

pandabear_

That's awful - being told you are fat really hurts your feelings, so why do it over Christmas?

I get over the New Year as it's a time for change, etc. But Christmas is about being nice to everyone!

m1shootr

Absolutely a terrible idea! Crass

UpEarly

Overweight people don't need people telling them they're overweight - they ALREADY know. Christmas is probably the worst time to do it, too! I know from personal experience!

My mother tried this 'Christmas approach' with me when I was 21 and had gained substantial weight after graduating from college and starting my first job - a 50+ hour a week desk job. Of course, she didn't do it gently or compassionately. In the middle of Christmas Eve dinner, she said 'Geez... stop eating already. Don't you see how fat you've become!'. I was crushed and humiliated.

I had planned to stay for a full week to visit. But, I got in the car the next morning (after a very chilly Christmas breakfast) and drove back home and spent the rest of the holidays with my friends, instead of my family. I really didn't speak to my mother much for a few weeks.

A couple years later, when I was 23, I decided ON MY OWN that it was time to lose some weight.

paulyarwooduk

Telling someone that they are overweight/fat/need to lose weight (no matter how gently) makes you the bad guy(or girl). It really does hurt a lot. Overweight people know that they are overweight, they don't need anybody else to remind them of the fact that they need to lose weight especially not during christmas.

Absolutely, I completely agree with you. I was that hugely overweight guy that people used to think it was acceptable to say was fat, gross, overweight and so on. It really does hurt. I have lost two stone because I wanted to change my habits for life. I never tell someone they are fat or thin. Instead I lead by example. Because of seeing my weight loss my sister, a friend at work and two close friends have also started losing weight. They just said, "If Paul can do it so can I".

Who needs sarcastic or nasty comments?!

somuchsolittle

Yeeeeah... not so much with the being a good idea.

plzlbsbegone

Maybe the best way to inspire someone to lose weight is to do just that, INSPIRE! My overweight aunt asked me how I was doing it, and I told her all about this website, the wonderful people, and all the awesome tools! She said," I will have to check that out!" So I think the best thing I can do is to share my story, and let people make their own decisions. Nobody had to tell me I was fat, for me to finally make the decision to give this my best shot. Just my opinion!

flausa

Well, it was thanks to my "darling" mother-in-law having a "quiet" conversation with my husband last Christmas about my weight that finally motivated me to get off my fat *kitten* and do something about my weight problem. Well, after my initial response was to spend a week on the sofa stuffing my face with Pringles and Doritos muttering, "if she thinks I'm fat now ... " As much as I hated what she said and how she said it, she's the first person in a looooooooooong time to suggest I needed to deal with what could bring health problems in the future. Now that I've lost over 80lbs, I find that everyone talks about my weight <sigh> "Don't lose any more." Why not? Where was your concern when I was morbidly obese? Why are you so concerned now that I'm actually healthy?

Not sure I'd have the weight conversation with anyone else though unless I thought they were ready for it.

summertime_girl

People KNOW when they are fat. They don't need to be told. And I'm very sympathetic, as I needed to lose about 90 pounds when I started out.

That said, people don't seem to have a clue when their child is fat. Some gentle prodding may be worthwhile when it comes to kids, as I've seen so many, who truly have children who are overweight to obese, honestly think their child is "husky", "solid", but definitely, "not fat".

These kids are being set up for a lifetime of obesity, as studies show that children who are overweight have a much harder time losing weight in adulthood, than those who gained in adulthood.

paulyarwooduk

Well, it was thanks to my "darling" mother-in-law having a "quiet" conversation with my husband last Christmas about my weight that finally motivated me to get off my fat *kitten* and do something about my weight problem. Well, after my initial response was to spend a week on the sofa stuffing my face with Pringles and Doritos muttering, "if she thinks I'm fat now ... " As much as I hated what she said and how she said it, she's the first person in a looooooooooong time to suggest I needed to deal with what could bring health problems in the future. Now that I've lost over 80lbs, I find that everyone talks about my weight <sigh> "Don't lose any more." Why not? Where was your concern when I was morbidly obese? Why are you so concerned now that I'm actually healthy?

Not sure I'd have the weight conversation with anyone else though unless I thought they were ready for it.

Wow what determination though...84lbs? That's incredible! What a way to inspire.

marianne_s

... My husband knows he is getting overweight. but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to eat what I do. He doesn't want to go to the gym. He also doesn't see a problem.... his blood pressure is fine and he isn't seeing any health issues he doesn't care to change.

Until he does me telling him he is overweight won't help.

This is how my identical twin sister acts - she lives in a different country than me. But when I started my weight loss at the beginning of the year, by joining a diet club, I scanned the diet & emailed it to her t see if she wanted to do it as well.

Well... she has done nothing....
I haven't said anything more about it, because it's like giving up smoking... the person ha to want to do it, or they're not going to be successful.

So telling someone they are overweight/fat is like saying the sky is blue.... it won't bring about any change, unless the person wants to change.

ChrissyLu723

Well, it was thanks to my "darling" mother-in-law having a "quiet" conversation with my husband last Christmas about my weight that finally motivated me to get off my fat *kitten* and do something about my weight problem. Well, after my initial response was to spend a week on the sofa stuffing my face with Pringles and Doritos muttering, "if she thinks I'm fat now ... " As much as I hated what she said and how she said it, she's the first person in a looooooooooong time to suggest I needed to deal with what could bring health problems in the future. Now that I've lost over 80lbs, I find that everyone talks about my weight <sigh> "Don't lose any more." Why not? Where was your concern when I was morbidly obese? Why are you so concerned now that I'm actually healthy?

Not sure I'd have the weight conversation with anyone else though unless I thought they were ready for it.

Another reason why Mother In Laws should mind their own business....I am glad you lost weight after hearing that but I find it rude that she would talk to your husband about your weight.

ncwingnut71

Since my daughter and I are the only 2 in our family who REALLY need to lose weight, I wouldn't want to be told by the 12 others at the gatherings that I need to. I have one brother-in-law who really needs to stop the drugs and alcohol....do I tell him that? No. Because HE'S the only one who can make that decision.

Christmas is about giving and love and family - not putting people down, which is how a lot of people would take that. If you want to have a healthy meal, that's fine. I'm all about eating right. But pointing out my "flaws" at this time of year is not cool...at all.

engineman312

Do it during the Airing of the Grievances.

DonaA123

Actually I'd love someone else paying for my membership. That's a lot more helpful than just saying "You are over weight"

I agree!

Sarahbear83

I'd venture to say that most people who are overweight already know they are overweight. They know there are health risks to being overweight too. They don't need anyone to tell them so.

VAMommyAgain

That sounds a good way to make the festive period uncomfortable for all!

ITA!!! It's supposed to be a time of just enjoying our time together. I do not know a single fat person who doesn't already know that they are fat!!! Who the hell can't see it in the mirror? And fat people are already self conscious about people seeing them...why in the world would we want to point it out to them and make them feel worse?!

DonaA123

love this

OnionCookie

Most people are already well aware that they need to lose weight, no one has to tell them they do. It's the matter of getting the solid, kind, encouragement to do so rather than being told to do so. At least that's my case.

auntie_missy

Dear Professor David Haslan and the National Obesity Forum:
Really? You think Christmas is an appropriate time to sit down with a loved one and explain to them what you think is wrong with them? Because nothing helps people lose weight more than feeling like their support system is judging them and there is no better time than the already hectic, sweets laden emotional fraught days of Christmas. "Honey, I think you're overweight. Grandma thinks so, too. Now let's go eat honey roasted ham, scalloped potatoes and oh, yes, I made 20 kinds of cookies as well."
What's really irksome about this is that there is an appropriate time for this conversation, and it's only about a week away. Make your New Year's resolution to let someone in your life know that you'd like to be there to support them through working on their resolutions. Take advantage of the great sales on diet and exercise items that take place in January. Resolve to take a closer look at yourself and see if the change can begin with you - one persons success can be really motivating for others.

Amy_B

I think the person (or people) who said to set an example instead has the right idea. You might even "brag" about your weight loss a bit. Tell about your exercise, your weight loss, your eating, etc. Don't act stuck up about it though. Maybe that overweight person will think "if they can do this, so can I."