Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas

Barneystinson

Actually I'd love someone else paying for my membership. That's a lot more helpful than just saying "You are over weight"

Yeah, but you actually WANT that membership. That's a little different. Giving the active person in your life new sporting gear or complimentary gym / fitness memberships are okay.

A little different when the gym membership is given to someone who had no desire for it in the first place and thinks of it only as a "hey guess what, you're (insert term here - fat, lazy, slobby, etc) and need to get off your @$$" message. That may strike a bit of resentment and end up being a waste for both people.

kimberg75

That's hilarious!! I love Dr. Phil!!
My opinion on this issue is it's not a good idea....especially at Christmas, which is suppose to be a happy time spent w/ family. I agree with what everyone else is saying, if you're fat you probably know it....and a person has to decide on their own whether to do anything about it. Just someone saying Hey lose some weight isn't going to make the person want to do it...the motivation to lose weight has to come from within.

JulieBoBoo

Telling someone that they are overweight/fat/need to lose weight (no matter how gently) makes you the bad guy(or girl). It really does hurt a lot. Overweight people know that they are overweight, they don't need anybody else to remind them of the fact that they need to lose weight especially not during christmas.

<---- this

BerryH

I think it would cause less consternation if you just let it slip into dinner conversation. "Pass the gravy, Fatty" should do the trick nicely. Or the more subtle "You're not going to have any pudding, are you?"

rml_16

Are there actually people in the world who are overweight and don't know it?

I will never understand this attitude (especially amongst some people on this board) that it's perfectly OK to tell another person he or sheneeds to lose weight or to push your own diet and exercise advice when it isn't solicited. It's a good way to get a punch in the nose or cause people to never speak to you again.

Leave people alone. They know. They will choose to do something about it or they won't, but they KNOW.

I came into my job yesterday morning and someone in the office thought it had been a good idea to leave "Our Daily Bread" on my desk. It's the same thing. I'm not Christian and I'm not going to be. Keep it out of my face. If one day I decide to be Christian, then I will take that step, but it won't be because some jerk tried to talk me into it.

Same with weight loss.

BobbyClerici

No way!
They all know they're too fat already, and the last thing people want to hear during a family gathering is us blabbing on and on about weight loss, fitness or our program results. Here's what you do if you really seek to make an impact.

Shut up and just let your results speak for itself. People will notice you, me, and some will comment. It's hard, but don't be a bore and limit your answers about your weight loss to 20 seconds.

Any more than 20 seconds is boring.
They say "John, you've lost weight!"
You say "Yes, thank you. I needed to get fit".
They respond something like "How'd you do it?"
You say "Eat less and move more. It's just that simple".

And change the subject. People will respect the simplicity and those really seeking to change might follow up with you later.
I know what I am talking about.

There is nothing more annoying or boorish than a new convert to anything: religion, politics, fitness - whatever!

therealangd

I wouldn't dare tell anyone they are overweight. D'uh. They're not stupid too. I'm sure they already know that. By telling them, you're just being a pompous jerk.

I'm leading by example. And it's working wonders.

charlotte66

That sounds a good way to make the festive period uncomfortable for all!

:laugh: can just imagine it at partners parents house "excuse me your overweight"...............................silence!

rml_16

Do it during the Airing of the Grievances.

Festivus for the rest of us!!!

picol

"happy christmas, i love you... now would you mind losing a few pounds please? cheers"

Hambone23

Bwha ha ha! (I can be fat and still laugh at that, right?)

Actually, I have yet to meet someone who is overweight and -doesn't- know it. We're overweight -- not idiots.

Besides we pay doctors good money to tell us so over, and over, and over. ;}

christinad95

Ya because that makes everyone feel better about a situation that they probably already feel crappy about. Why not add to their holiday cheer and drive it home.

I learned along time ago to keep my mouth shut and lead by example. Some people are not hurt by someone telling them they are overweight, but the majority of people are. The only way weightloss will be successful for them, or any lifestyle change, is when they come to the conclusion themself that they need to change. Pushing them can only make them do the exact opposite in many cases. If I'm asked questions then I will answer, and even then I will choose my words carefully. Encouragement and positive reinforcement are more effective then, "Merry Christmas, my gift to you is the truth......you're overweight".

Words are the one thing that cannot be taken back once their said. They linger over an individual for many years, and for some, all of their life. It's like squeezing the toothpaste out of the tube and then trying to put it all back in. Not happening. There's no return procedure for a gift like that.

ElizabethRoad

Are there actually people in the world who are overweight and don't know it?

Possibly, but if so, they have put a heck of a lot of effort into not knowing it, and telling them about it isn't going to change that.

Grumbletron

Thing about being overweight is, most of them already know. (Personally, I was extremely conscious of the fact.) And no matter how carefully you word your comment, the loved one might take it as insulting rather than motivating.

I'd rather just try my best to set a good example of eating healthy. It's a lot easier to exercise your own self-control when you see someone else already exercising theirs.

Instead of criticizing someone's plate piled high with snacks, I'll simply enjoy my plate of fruits and veggies -- and when they inevitably ask, I'll explain my choices. Then later on, I'll suggest we all take a walk around the neighborhood to burn off some Christmas calories. Stuff like that. Feels to me like a much more positive approach.

10kaday

"Do it during the Airing of the Grievances. " -- perfect answer! I wish we celebrated Festivus day like that! LMAO! But seriously, this is something I've been thinking a lot about!! There is more than one friend I want to say this to. I don't think it's possible. I think the only way we can really help is to live by example. When they ask us "why you gettin' that salad vrs a big mac"... give 'em some truth to your own personal experience of weight loss.

chatterbox3110

As if those who are overweight don't already know?

Perhaps a comment about how nicely dressed they are, or their hairdo, or smiling face might just be the encouragement some people need to start feeling good about themselves and want to make efforts to lose weight, not 'you're fat, lose weight'.

I know if someone told me that it would have done nothing for my self-esteem, which is already below rock bottom.

I'm losing weight for me, not anyone else, but if someone wants to follow my example, they are more than welcome, but I certainly wouldn't push them into it.

gunmetalsunrise

No thank you. I'm not going to shame my friends and family into eating better or getting more exercise. I would definitely NOT like it if someone did it to me, and I'm already doing my best! So why would I want to do it to others?

Juliebean_1027

Are there actually people in the world who are overweight and don't know it?

Exactly! Good Lord. I know I'm fat, thanks. I wash it every day in the shower, I have more than one mirror in my house (and even if I didn't, I do catch my reflection in the window a time or two throughout the day). I don't need someone bringing it to my attention... Nobody wants to spend Christmas in jail, and that's exactly where I'd end up if someone told me I was fat at Christmas (or any other holiday, gathering, etc.)

d2footballJRC

Having someone pay for your gym membership would only be a plus if you wanted to go to the gym.

For me I know I am overweight. That is why I'm here. My husband knows he is getting overweight. but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to eat what I do. He doesn't want to go to the gym. He also doesn't see a problem. I have high blood pressure so he admits it is an issue for me (I am also much more overweight then he is) but since his blood pressure is fine and he isn't seeing any health issues he doesn't care to change.

Until he does me telling him he is overweight won't help.

This, I got REALLY over weight, my wife has always been a twig. She'd say stuff and it only ticked me off, it wasn't a priority to me. When it was, it just clicked and I kept on going.

Crowhorse

That sounds a good way to make the festive period uncomfortable for all!

I agree. Totally not the right time to be doing that, unless your goal is to make someone be depressed through the holidays.

DWilbanks

You can tell someone they are over weight and risk hurting their feelings and damaging a relationship, but until that person has decided that he/she is ready to loose the weight it will not do any good. Each person comes to the "I'm overweight" conclusion in their own fashion, and time. Telling a person they are overweight doesn't work until that person has decided for himself that it's the right time. Only then will they start taking the measure's to correct the situation. I would never tell a coworker, friend, or family member that they need to loose, because I know that I never liked it when people hinted that I needed to do it.

warneg

That's just plain mean. On top of the insult about being overweight, you imply that they are also too stupid to know it. Jeeeez.

annabellj

my step mother told me i was fat from the time i was in grade school mourning the loss of my mother and my favorite aunt until she died when i was 19 from lung cancer. she was way fatter than i was! in fact my goal weight is my high school weight! definitely only made me eat more of the chips and soda she bought for me!

Yanicka1

hummmm.....no

Teliooo

Overweight people don't need people telling them they're overweight - they ALREADY know. Christmas is probably the worst time to do it, too! I know from personal experience!

My mother tried this 'Christmas approach' with me when I was 21 and had gained substantial weight after graduating from college and starting my first job - a 50+ hour a week desk job. Of course, she didn't do it gently or compassionately. In the middle of Christmas Eve dinner, she said 'Geez... stop eating already. Don't you see how fat you've become!'. I was crushed and humiliated.

I had planned to stay for a full week to visit. But, I got in the car the next morning (after a very chilly Christmas breakfast) and drove back home and spent the rest of the holidays with my friends, instead of my family. I really didn't speak to my mother much for a few weeks.

A couple years later, when I was 23, I decided ON MY OWN that it was time to lose some weight.

That actually upset me. How cruel.

harrydresden

I actually intend to have a conversation with my little sister about weight if when I see her, she's gained again. She's been gaining weight throughout the year, and it's starting to get to the point where it shows far too much, and she's probably overweight. I'm not especially waiting to talk to her because it's Christmas, but rather, it happens to be when I'm seeing her next.

She's had health problems (bone cancer), and lost a leg (above the knee) (she's 23), and exercise is just starting to be really possible again, because her prosthetic is good enough. However, as her brother, and as the only damn person who will say, "Hey, look, you've gained weight this year, I know we talked before about food and diet, but you need to take this **** seriously now", I feel it's a responsibility. I love her, and so I need to make sure she keeps her head out of the sand.

She won't take it badly, and hell, it's not like I intend to say "hey! Nice to see you, you're so fat!", because that's just ridiculous. But. Someone has to be kind enough to actually say "okay, you can start caring about this now. Don't know how? I can help!". I intend to point her towards MFP and encourage her as closely as I can.

Not once do I intend to tell her she's fat. But I do need to tell her her weight's creeping up--maybe she's not noticed, I think we all know that can happen--and she might want to start a healthier lifestyle in the new year.

I'm telling her because I care, and don't want to see her unhappy and unhealthy later in 2012.

PegasusDeb

My dad has been telling me that for quite some time. Sometimes in a nice way, sometimes, not so much. It's very hurtful. I know he's just concerned, but still, telling your daughter she's getting heavy is no way to be. I do realize I'm fat, dad, thanks... BUT the most hurtful thing of all is the fact that over the past year, I have lost over 40 pounds, and he has NEVER acknowledged that. To me, that's harder to take then the fat stuff. It's alot harder to lose then gain. Just once I'd like him to say I look good & that he's proud of me. (Ps. My mom isn't much better. She's never told me I was fat, but the only time she says anything about my weight loss is when I say something. Then she'll compliment me, but it's like I have to beg for it.)
Please, don't follow this advice. We know we're heavy, thanx... Just support us when we decide on our own we need to make the changes.

rml_16

Not once do I intend to tell her she's fat. But I do need to tell her her weight's creeping up--maybe she's not noticed, I think we all know that can happen--and she might want to start a healthier lifestyle in the new year.

I'm telling her because I care, and don't want to see her unhappy and unhealthy later in 2012.

You really, truly, honestly believe she hasn't noticed? Good grief. I'm glad you're not *my* brother.

GilesGuthrie

If someone told me I needed to lose weight, they'd get a two-word response, the second of which would be "off"... Either that, or I'd return fire with an equally personal insult. "I can lose weight, can you grow brain cells?"

But this isn't even a "fat" issue. This is an issue with modern society where people have completely lost track of what constitutes "good manners". It's not holding doors for ladies, or using the right fork to eat. It's taking extra effort to ensure you make those around you feel comfortable and happy. Insulting someone's body shape is absolutely not good manners. People in general need to butt out of the issues of others. So, beyond the two-word response above, the best you could hope to get from me would be "Mind your own damn business"

Najay

Although we could all tend to lose extra pounds, I don't think it is a good idea to tell family members they are fat. My grandmother, and aunts and uncles on my dads side use to tell me this and I can honestly say all it did was hurt my feelings and make me indulge more to alleviate the pain. Funny thing is they were fat themselves; so it makes me wonder if they are the types of individuals where "Misery Loves Company".