Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas

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  • westcoastSW
    westcoastSW Posts: 320 Member
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    First, I agree with many other posters here who opine that this probably isn't a wise idea in most North American households on Christmas.

    However, it also made me think -- how often do we hear someone comment on someone who is too skinny? Whether it's directed at someone who has always been skinny/small-boned/whatever, or any of us MFPers who lost weight and want to lose more ("You don't need to lose anymore weight! You'll whither away!"). It's unfortunate that our society generally feels it's more acceptable to tell someone they're too skinny than it is to tell someone they're overweight. (I don't mean people with legitimate eating disorders, who really may be too underweight, although informing them of this is also really unhelpful.)

    Lame double-standard :grumble:
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    First, I agree with many other posters here who opine that this probably isn't a wise idea in most North American households on Christmas.

    However, it also made me think -- how often do we hear someone comment on someone who is too skinny? Whether it's directed at someone who has always been skinny/small-boned/whatever, or any of us MFPers who lost weight and want to lose more ("You don't need to lose anymore weight! You'll whither away!"). It's unfortunate that our society generally feels it's more acceptable to tell someone they're too skinny than it is to tell someone they're overweight. (I don't mean people with legitimate eating disorders, who really may be too underweight, although informing them of this is also really unhelpful.)

    Lame double-standard :grumble:

    Very much agree with this. I feel like one's choice of body size and how they live is entirely up to them. No one should comment about it unless it's a genuine mental problem (food addiction, bulemia, anorexia, etc.).
  • VeganGal84
    VeganGal84 Posts: 938 Member
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    What a TERRIBLE idea. Please don't tell your loved ones that they are overweight unless they ask for your opinion about their weight, and even then, tread carefully.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    What a TERRIBLE idea. Please don't tell your loved ones that they are overweight unless they ask for your opinion about their weight, and even then, tread carefully.

    ^^THIS
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    Worst idea ever. Is Christmas also the right time to tell a family member they are a pompous *kitten*, drama-*kitten*, idiot, or ****-stirrer? Because that's exactly what someone would have to be to say "Merry Christmas, FYI, you're fat." Are people under the impression that overwieght people are confused about what the term "overweight" means?
  • tmm01
    tmm01 Posts: 137
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    Telling someone that they are overweight/fat/need to lose weight (no matter how gently) makes you the bad guy(or girl). It really does hurt a lot. Overweight people know that they are overweight, they don't need anybody else to remind them of the fact that they need to lose weight especially not during christmas.

    Absolutely, I completely agree with you. I was that hugely overweight guy that people used to think it was acceptable to say was fat, gross, overweight and so on. It really does hurt. I have lost two stone because I wanted to change my habits for life. I never tell someone they are fat or thin. Instead I lead by example. Because of seeing my weight loss my sister, a friend at work and two close friends have also started losing weight. They just said, "If Paul can do it so can I".

    Who needs sarcastic or nasty comments?!

    Absolutely agree. 'Fat' people (i include myself in this) don't need telling - we already know. Since I have started losing weight. My husband has decided to give mfp a go, and is steadily losing. My sister - who doesn't need to loose - has decided to lose those extra couple of pounds. friends have also decided to take control of their eating and exercise habits. They didn't need me ( or anyone else) telling them about their weight. Led by example your success will be contagious.
  • tmm01
    tmm01 Posts: 137
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    I might not like someone telling me I need to lose some weight, but I'll tell you, it's one of the things that will motivate me more than anything.

    Before I started to change my lifestyle, if someone had told me I was fat - which was true - I would have just gone to the fridge to comfort eat. 'I'll do something about it tomorrow!'
    Only once YOU make the decision, without pressure from others will you have the motivation to lose.
  • tmm01
    tmm01 Posts: 137
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    I might not like someone telling me I need to lose some weight, but I'll tell you, it's one of the things that will motivate me more than anything.

    Before I started to change my lifestyle, if someone had told me I was fat - which was true - I would have just gone to the fridge to comfort eat. 'I'll do something about it tomorrow!'
    Only once YOU make the decision, without pressure from others will you have the motivation to lose.
  • traceracer
    traceracer Posts: 303 Member
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    Or you can do the passive aggressive thing and buy that special someone a gym membership.

    (Sarcasm)
    LMAO!!.....Im sooo going to do this.....
  • geri1955
    geri1955 Posts: 106
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    agree with nevea
  • prencesskl
    prencesskl Posts: 123
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    I think it depends on the person. Some people if told the right way could take it, and it may just be the motivation to get on the wagon. Others maybe get some type of gym membership, or personal trainer sessions, or say "I really need to lose a few pounds, and want to go back to the gym, would you be interested in being my partner?"
  • rybo
    rybo Posts: 5,424 Member
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    Is there a difference between telling an obviously over wieght person that they are overweight, versus telling someone they gained a few pounds since the last time you saw them? I think the latter would have a much less harmful impact and let the person know that they've gained noticeable weight so they might be able to curb it sooner.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Is there a difference between telling an obviously over wieght person that they are overweight, versus telling someone they gained a few pounds since the last time you saw them? I think the latter would have a much less harmful impact and let the person know that they've gained noticeable weight so they might be able to curb it sooner.

    Try it and report back. We'll wait for the bleeding to stop from your broken nose.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I might not like someone telling me I need to lose some weight, but I'll tell you, it's one of the things that will motivate me more than anything.


    THIS. I think it also depends on who it is coming from. I see that most ppl are stating that "fat people" already know that they are fat.

    Well, from my own experience, I may realize that my clothes are beginning to fit a little tight, etc. and not really pay it much attention.

    But when someone that knows me says, "hey, your getting a little chunky". I take that into consideration because now OTHER ppl can see it!

    I assume most posters that are highly against this idea have struggled with weight most of their lives, in that case, it would probably be pointless for me to pull my obese cousin over to the side to divulge information that she clearly knows and has known for much of her life.

    I wore anywhere between a size 3 and a size 6 until I was 28 years old. I gained a few pounds and was a 12 at my highest, which lasted about a year before I got serious and lost back down to a 6. I'm an 8 now.

    I am against pointing out to someone that he or she has "gained a few" or just plain coming out and saying, "Hey! You're fat!" It's rude. People know. People will do something about it when THEY want to, if that time ever comes.

    I know a lot of overweight and obese people. Most of us do. I don't know a single one who needs ME to say anything. And when my mother kept making comments every time I gained 3 pounds (because as small as I was, 3 pounds showed) was not helpful. It made me want to crawl into a hole.
  • Shanna_Inc86
    Shanna_Inc86 Posts: 781 Member
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    My Grandfather and I are the only two on my Mom's side of the family who work out and watch what we eat.
    They will openly discuss needing to lose weight as they're shoveling food into their mouths.

    Before I had to move back home, my mother asked me to help her but then after I moved in, every time I'd see her with a damn cookie, she'd just say, "Not a word!" So I haven't said anything. They all know they weigh way too much and they're all walking heart attacks/strokes because their doctor's have told them so.

    If I try and say anything to any of them, they'll attack me and try and tell me I'm "too thin" Which I'm far from it, but their perception of a healthy weight is so skewed I don't waste my time arguing.

    *********************************************************************************************************************************

    I love this picture below btw
    917l.jpg
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
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    It backfires. Especially if they have been working at it. I've had STRANGERS tell me I need to lose weight! These people didn't know that I had already lost weight, and that their little spiel discouraged me so much, I went home, gave up, gained it back and then some!
    (For those of you who will take me to task for blaming others for my own choices, I really don't. They didn't force feed me. But they weren't the encouraging, enlightening, purveyors of good health they went home and patted themselves on the back for being!)
    If you really want to encourage a loved one to lose weight, you could share your own healthy recipes (because they are DELIGHTFUL, not in a "you should watch" sort of way), you could invite them to share some fun, physical activity with you, If you could pull it off without being judgmental, you could buy them a gift certificate to the gym you work out in for Christmas because you "think you'd both enjoy doing something together ....". But do NOT tell them they are overweight!
    (I do recognize that all the above suggestions could still be construed as telling them they need to lose weight if it isn't done in the most loving and tactful manner. If you can't do it in a way that won't offend them, then don't!)
  • SarabellPlus3
    SarabellPlus3 Posts: 496 Member
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    No, I disagree entirely with the poster who thought telling someone they were fat might be useful to someone who is just getting fat, whereas it would be less useful to someone who had been overweight for most of their lives. I've never been clinically "overweight," but I did gain some lbs with each kid, and I promise you, if someone said "Hey, Sara, FYI, you've gained weight since I last saw you," or "you're getting fat," or anything else, honestly, they're a jerk.


    I've never felt sensitive about my weight, but I've also never felt like I need to tell someone else they're fat. Honestly, if someone has to say that to someone this Christmas, I'll think it's more about the teller and something they need.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    Telling someone that they are overweight/fat/need to lose weight (no matter how gently) makes you the bad guy(or girl). It really does hurt a lot. Overweight people know that they are overweight, they don't need anybody else to remind them of the fact that they need to lose weight especially not during christmas.

    This.

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