Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas

traceracer

Or you can do the passive aggressive thing and buy that special someone a gym membership.

(Sarcasm)

LMAO!!.....Im sooo going to do this.....

geri1955

agree with nevea

prencesskl

I think it depends on the person. Some people if told the right way could take it, and it may just be the motivation to get on the wagon. Others maybe get some type of gym membership, or personal trainer sessions, or say "I really need to lose a few pounds, and want to go back to the gym, would you be interested in being my partner?"

rybo

Is there a difference between telling an obviously over wieght person that they are overweight, versus telling someone they gained a few pounds since the last time you saw them? I think the latter would have a much less harmful impact and let the person know that they've gained noticeable weight so they might be able to curb it sooner.

rml_16

Is there a difference between telling an obviously over wieght person that they are overweight, versus telling someone they gained a few pounds since the last time you saw them? I think the latter would have a much less harmful impact and let the person know that they've gained noticeable weight so they might be able to curb it sooner.

Try it and report back. We'll wait for the bleeding to stop from your broken nose.

rml_16

I might not like someone telling me I need to lose some weight, but I'll tell you, it's one of the things that will motivate me more than anything.

THIS. I think it also depends on who it is coming from. I see that most ppl are stating that "fat people" already know that they are fat.

Well, from my own experience, I may realize that my clothes are beginning to fit a little tight, etc. and not really pay it much attention.

But when someone that knows me says, "hey, your getting a little chunky". I take that into consideration because now OTHER ppl can see it!

I assume most posters that are highly against this idea have struggled with weight most of their lives, in that case, it would probably be pointless for me to pull my obese cousin over to the side to divulge information that she clearly knows and has known for much of her life.

I wore anywhere between a size 3 and a size 6 until I was 28 years old. I gained a few pounds and was a 12 at my highest, which lasted about a year before I got serious and lost back down to a 6. I'm an 8 now.

I am against pointing out to someone that he or she has "gained a few" or just plain coming out and saying, "Hey! You're fat!" It's rude. People know. People will do something about it when THEY want to, if that time ever comes.

I know a lot of overweight and obese people. Most of us do. I don't know a single one who needs ME to say anything. And when my mother kept making comments every time I gained 3 pounds (because as small as I was, 3 pounds showed) was not helpful. It made me want to crawl into a hole.

Shanna_Inc86

My Grandfather and I are the only two on my Mom's side of the family who work out and watch what we eat.
They will openly discuss needing to lose weight as they're shoveling food into their mouths.

Before I had to move back home, my mother asked me to help her but then after I moved in, every time I'd see her with a damn cookie, she'd just say, "Not a word!" So I haven't said anything. They all know they weigh way too much and they're all walking heart attacks/strokes because their doctor's have told them so.

If I try and say anything to any of them, they'll attack me and try and tell me I'm "too thin" Which I'm far from it, but their perception of a healthy weight is so skewed I don't waste my time arguing.

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I love this picture below btw

Helenatrandom

It backfires. Especially if they have been working at it. I've had STRANGERS tell me I need to lose weight! These people didn't know that I had already lost weight, and that their little spiel discouraged me so much, I went home, gave up, gained it back and then some!
(For those of you who will take me to task for blaming others for my own choices, I really don't. They didn't force feed me. But they weren't the encouraging, enlightening, purveyors of good health they went home and patted themselves on the back for being!)
If you really want to encourage a loved one to lose weight, you could share your own healthy recipes (because they are DELIGHTFUL, not in a "you should watch" sort of way), you could invite them to share some fun, physical activity with you, If you could pull it off without being judgmental, you could buy them a gift certificate to the gym you work out in for Christmas because you "think you'd both enjoy doing something together ....". But do NOT tell them they are overweight!
(I do recognize that all the above suggestions could still be construed as telling them they need to lose weight if it isn't done in the most loving and tactful manner. If you can't do it in a way that won't offend them, then don't!)

SarabellPlus3

No, I disagree entirely with the poster who thought telling someone they were fat might be useful to someone who is just getting fat, whereas it would be less useful to someone who had been overweight for most of their lives. I've never been clinically "overweight," but I did gain some lbs with each kid, and I promise you, if someone said "Hey, Sara, FYI, you've gained weight since I last saw you," or "you're getting fat," or anything else, honestly, they're a jerk.


I've never felt sensitive about my weight, but I've also never felt like I need to tell someone else they're fat. Honestly, if someone has to say that to someone this Christmas, I'll think it's more about the teller and something they need.

Elzecat

Telling someone that they are overweight/fat/need to lose weight (no matter how gently) makes you the bad guy(or girl). It really does hurt a lot. Overweight people know that they are overweight, they don't need anybody else to remind them of the fact that they need to lose weight especially not during christmas.

This.

BioShocked89

"Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas"

-Because nothing says Merry Christmas like "Hop on the treadmill fatty!"

kiwianjel

I found that just by telling my mother about my success and how good i was feeling was enough to interest her.. she has been joining me for a walk each morning this week and I am encouraging her as much as possible. My Mum is 65 and needs to walk slower and a smaller distance than I do( at least to begin with) so I do a short mod paced walk with her and then a longer quicker walk on my own. My Mum is just here for a month but im hoping she will have some success and feel confident to continue when she returns home in the New Year

Helenatrandom

I'ts always a fun time of year to say. "I'd like to get serious with you, but I am afraid we would have fat children"

:laugh:
(I'm assuming that you are being sarcastic! If I thought you were serious, I'd be using a different "Smiley" altogether!)

cbirdso

I'd be pissed if a family member picked the Holiday season to tell me I'm fat!

Elzecat

I think the person (or people) who said to set an example instead has the right idea. You might even "brag" about your weight loss a bit. Tell about your exercise, your weight loss, your eating, etc. Don't act stuck up about it though. Maybe that overweight person will think "if they can do this, so can I."

Being a good example works for me and makes me feel like I can make a difference in someone else's life. And it affects other areas of my life. I just had my annual review (a bit early) for the job I started in February. One of the things my boss said about me (after giving me lots of positive feedback on my work performance, yay!) was that he was impressed with how I've taken advantage of some of the fitness activities the company has offered (we do fitness and health challenges monthly for anyone who wants to participate, and many people walk/run on a park path outside the office), and he really appreciates how I've encouraged other people to walk/run with me

While I don't "brag" about my weight loss, I've lost enough that people constantly ask me about it--how did I do it, what do I eat, etc. I am very happy to share what has worked for me, and I encourage the people around me to be more active...when I was overweight, I knew it. Prodding didn't work...I had to be ready to do it myself.

keesh1123

We allow media, magazines, our enemies, doctors, etc. to tell us that we are overweight ALL of the time! Why is it so harmful and wrong coming from someone who genuinely cares about your health???

The topic is "telling LOVED ones that they are OVERWEIGHT", not "telling ppl that you HATE that they are FAT".

Like an earlier poster stated, we'd be quick to be concerned for someone that is getting way too thin, but b/c overweight is more acceptable we are wrong to say anything.

I've had "loved ones" point my weight out to me in the past and I wasn't mad at them, it forced me to really take my health and weight a little more seriously.

I think that the point of the article has little to do with it being Christmas, and more to do with the fact that this may be the only time of the year that some family members see each other.

elimay59

I think it Is aweful to tell people they are overweight, They allready know and no dought hate being that way, mind your own buisness unless they ask then be careful

anhancock10

i think it depends on the person also! If they were skinny and started getting fat most people dont realize they are even getting big, i would much rather a family memeber tell me "hey your getting chunky " than let it go and me not notice and keep gaining weight! But thats just me

keesh1123

i think it depends on the person also! If they were skinny and started getting fat most people dont realize they are even getting big, i would much rather a family memeber tell me "hey your getting chunky " than let it go and me not notice and keep gaining weight! But thats just me

My thoughts exactly!

rml_16

i think it depends on the person also! If they were skinny and started getting fat most people dont realize they are even getting big, i would much rather a family memeber tell me "hey your getting chunky " than let it go and me not notice and keep gaining weight! But thats just me

I was skinny. Weight crept up on me.

Trust me, I knew.

debussyschild

Telling just ANYONE that they are overweight is certainly not going to go over well nor earn you any brownie points.

However, when it comes to my family (and how prevalent diabetes is in our family) I'm not shy about it. We all know the dirty truth...

When I speak to my grandma (who's in her mid-sixties, but still gorgeous as ever) and tell her that she needs to lose weight, I don't tell her that outright. Instead, I usually show what I've been doing and share MFP with her, showing her what it's done for me. I love her and I know how much she's struggled with weight loss, so I approach it gently (if at all) with her, and ONLY because I care.

If you go about it the right way and you actually have SOME PLACE to start the conversation--i.e. they are a dear close friend or a loved one who you care about--then I don't see the real harm in talking about it, particularly if you know they've never made any attempts to lose weight in the past. They may not see it immediately, but knowing that their health matters so much to someone else might sway them to start taking better care of themselves... just maybe...

debussyschild

We allow media, magazines, our enemies, doctors, etc. to tell us that we are overweight ALL of the time! Why is it so harmful and wrong coming from someone who genuinely cares about your health???

The topic is "telling LOVED ones that they are OVERWEIGHT", not "telling ppl that you HATE that they are FAT".

Like an earlier poster stated, we'd be quick to be concerned for someone that is getting way too thin, but b/c overweight is more acceptable we are wrong to say anything.

I've had "loved ones" point my weight out to me in the past and I wasn't mad at them, it forced me to really take my health and weight a little more seriously.

I think that the point of the article has little to do with it being Christmas, and more to do with the fact that this may be the only time of the year that some family members see each other.

I agree. We're talking about telling your loved ones, here, not strangers (!), that they need to lose weight. It is interesting how most people wouldn't hesitate to criticize someone for being severely underweight. We'll just jump right in and immediately start offering unsolicited advice and comments about how to put the weight back on, lol. I've seen way too many "throw that B***H a sandwich!!" comments on MFP that it disgusts me!!

Why is it, then, that we get shy when addressing someone who needs to LOSE weight? Maybe it's because relatively few of us have ever known what it's like to be severely underweight and relate far better to being overweight. Thoughts?

JasonSwetland

This is not directed towards anyone specific here it is just 'food for thought': No amount of Nagging will get someone to change themselves. They have to want it for themselves. Telling them (when they didn't ask for feedback) in any case wll be seen as nagging or an a personal attack and may even hurt their feelings... and for what? So the newly reformed eater- in this case you - can feel like you did them a service by informing them that they are fat? Guess what smarty pants, they already know that they are fat and the last thing they want to hear from the new reformed eater this Christmas is that your new skinny-eyed arrogance thinks that they are fat.

If you choose this route, they will do just enough of what is required to either shut you up or shut you out. As long as your in the judging mood why don't you invite tem to feel free to judge something about you that you need to change but probably arent aware of. Becase thats all you are doing in this case and its only fair to ask for the same Christmas gift back from them. Be sure to smile and gracefully thank them for the feedback, the way you expect them to thank you for letting them know, "Say, ah did you know your getting kind of fat? Merry Christmas!"

Why not try a different approach and ask them to go for a walk or to do something active with you, and remember you will have to scale back your 1000 calorie "Nice burn" work out to something they can do too without trying to be Jillian. If they ask is this what you did to get fit, say "Yes, I do this all the time. It's this easy to start getting fit." instead of the classic discouraging one upper response: "No I work out way harder than this boo-yah!" You can give them the rousing and inspirational pep rally speech once they get up and get active and ask you for additional advice. The important thing is to get them off the couch so they can see they CAN do this.

Christmas celebrations are not the time for food addiction intervention. Unless you want everybody to hate you.

SarabellPlus3

Why is it, then, that we get shy when addressing someone who needs to LOSE weight? Maybe it's because relatively few of us have ever known what it's like to be severely underweight and relate far better to being overweight. Thoughts?

That's an interesting question. Maybe some of it is that. I think most of it is probably because (as a woman, anyway) "skinny" is more often meant as a compliment. So "too skinny" sounds different than "too fat/overweight," which I've never, literally NEVER, not once in my life, heard as a compliment. KWIM?

I was one of many skinny, skinny girls in high school, that age (of course since then it hasn't been so easy!), so I had many a waitress, driver, stranger, etc, ask me if I was anorexic. I promise you, not once did it ever hurt my feelings, not even a tiny bit. I know the principle is the same ("you're too skinny," "you're too fat,"), and a lot of times, that's probably true. But I don't think "skinny" has the same connotations as "fat" in our culture today, I just don't.

For the record, I don't generally tell people they're too ANYthing physical. Too fat, too skinny, too ugly, nothing. That's their business, and if I'm telling someone they're fat, I may as well be telling them they're stupid-- as though I think they can't figure out that they are clinically overweight. And that's just not true.

kelseyhere

I don't think telling people they are overweight is the best thing to do... ever.

You are better off setting an example for those around you, and hoping they decide for themselves to get on board.

Jeff makes a great point here - we are all setting examples for our families by staying in shape. Maybe instead of telling a family member how fat they are, you can suggest everyone goes on a walk together or play a round of ping pong- something active that everyone can do. If you live near to your family, maybe try and make it a weekly thing. You could also make the holiday meal together, and show you family how they can make healthier versions of classic recipes. Hopefully your healthy lifestyle will rub off on them.

On a side note though, I like it when people tell me I look ugly or fat (not all the time but every once in a while), because it keeps me in check. Otherwise I get complacecent and slip back into the "oh one cookie won't hurt me attitude."

kelseyhere

I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend! I may just like this because I'm a weird person that just needs to be told hey your FAT or chubby, or requests my bf to tell me I need to do an extra 10 or 20 on the treadmill because I'm feeling a little fluffy in the mid section again! I think before this is yelled, there should obviously be some kind of relationship with the person, and discretion should be used while saying it, but if it needs to be said out loud than say it!!!!!!

^ I do the same thing. I tell my boyfrined to tell me no. Sometimes I know my self control is weak, and it helps to have him backing me up. Sometimes I feel pouty at first when he says no, but then I remember why I told him to say it and that's all I need to put down that cookie!

kelseyhere

I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend! I may just like this because I'm a weird person that just needs to be told hey your FAT or chubby, or requests my bf to tell me I need to do an extra 10 or 20 on the treadmill because I'm feeling a little fluffy in the mid section again! I think before this is yelled, there should obviously be some kind of relationship with the person, and discretion should be used while saying it, but if it needs to be said out loud than say it!!!!!!

Perfect! So that person can feel ostracized and munch on carrots sticks while everyone else gorges themselves on cakes, pies, and cookies!

Then next year when they are thinner they will be ostracized AGAIN for not eating the same crap everyone else is! It doesn't go away even with the weight loss. When I was fat, I had a few "helpful" family members make remarks implying that I needed to lose weight. So now when I turn down all that crap (50+ pounds later), I get more snide remarks because I "think I'm better than everyone else." BEFORE I lost the weight and told people I was trying to lose it, friends, family and coworkers made it a point to monitor everything that goes into my mouth. It's pretty sad when I have to keep my eating and exercise plan a secret from everyone.

I'm not even overweight anymore but it's left me with that permanent stigma. My weight was and still is open to everyone's interpretation. Sorry, this is a touchy subject with me, I should probably just go away now...

Wait, so you're saying I should eat a bunch of cookies, cakes, and pies this Christmas because the rest of my family is? Just so I won't feel "bad" about eating some veggies? I think something is wrong here...

kelseyhere

ha! My whole family is obese and black. the first thing you will hear coming from my grandmothers mouth is "N**** why you so fat? you need to loose some mutha f*** weight!" Yes its true....my grandmother should be one The Biggest Loser she'll make a 500 pound man cry in a heart beat!:indifferent:

Your grandma should be my coach at the gym. I need some tough love motivation.

totally with you!! when i read that post i cracked up. drill sargeant granny with attitude would surely help kick my a** into shape a bit faster.

SarabellPlus3

I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend! I may just like this because I'm a weird person that just needs to be told hey your FAT or chubby, or requests my bf to tell me I need to do an extra 10 or 20 on the treadmill because I'm feeling a little fluffy in the mid section again! I think before this is yelled, there should obviously be some kind of relationship with the person, and discretion should be used while saying it, but if it needs to be said out loud than say it!!!!!!

^ I do the same thing. I tell my boyfrined to tell me no. Sometimes I know my self control is weak, and it helps to have him backing me up. Sometimes I feel pouty at first when he says no, but then I remember why I told him to say it and that's all I need to put down that cookie!

I think that's great, but I think you're the exception rather than the rule. So honestly, I think the status quo should be to NOT tell people they are fat. If YOU would like to be told that you are fat, then I think it's great for you to tell your boyfriend, your dad, your second cousin once removed, that they should let you know when you're gaining a few lbs.

I really do think that's great. I just don't think it should be the status quo. If it would HELP you, then tell people in your life to tell you if they think you're getting fat. But many, if not most, people would be disheartened rather than encouraged, so NO, it should not be the automatic thing to do.

kelseyhere

i think it depends on the person also! If they were skinny and started getting fat most people dont realize they are even getting big, i would much rather a family memeber tell me "hey your getting chunky " than let it go and me not notice and keep gaining weight! But thats just me

I was skinny. Weight crept up on me.

Trust me, I knew.

Yeah, I was thin too and I definitely noticed, but it would have been a lot more motivating to hear it from someone else. It's easy to get complacent with yourself and your body. I kept thinking, "oh, it's just two pounds, I'll lose it next week." But then it was another 2 pounds, another 2 pounds, another 2 pounds... you see where I'm going. If someone would have said, "hey, you don't look like you used to" I might have started getting back in shape sooner and it wouldn't be so difficult...