Tell loved ones they are overweight this Christmas

castadiva

I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend!

Or maybe they will feel so judged that they start to eat in secret, or start eating for comfort after being shamed in front of their family, and then you have a real problem. This is the one time of the year when most people really like to let loose and relax - a little gorging this weekend is not the end of the world. More to the point, this is meant to be a happy, loving time of year. How happy would you be if someone called you out in front of everyone you cared about for soemthing that you're probably really self-conscious and ashamed about already. If you're really concerned, have a quiet, private chat early in the new year, or between Christmas and NY - public shaming is not a happy or helpful way to go.

MelanieAG05

My mother-in-law is the expert at commenting on people's weight! She is a nightmare. She is always asking - how is the diet/fitness regime? Have you lost any weight? She can talk lol! Myself and my husband know we are overweight - only me is doing something about it at the moment though!

raw_sugar

I have a great job with the government and she suggested that I go an wait tables because the exercise would "do me good". Nevermind the fact that I am a single mother who makes a decent living now. She would rather me be in poverty than fat......

That is so messed up. Gah. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

rml_16

When I have her for weekends in the summer, I try to take her bike riding with me. I know this is hard on people that aren't used to it. I stopped two years ago when she still couldn't ride a bike without training wheels, at 9! She has no interest in learning. She says that she can walk where she wants to go.

Just in regards to this, if she refuses to ride a bike because she can walk where she needs to go, maybe that's a time to say "Awesome, then. Let's go for a walk." If she's seriously overweight like you say, walking will be a good start to getting activity in, and can provide more bonding time than bike-riding because you can walk and talk at the same time.

I agree. Biking isn't the only exercise option. And long bike rides cause serious pain. Last time I was on a bike (first time in about 22 years), by bottom hurt for a week from the seat.

NicLiving

I'd do it any day EXCEPT Christmas! What a mean way to ruin someone's day. Wait til New Years when everyone is making resolutions and offer to help them achieve a weight loss goal.

0RESET0

When I have her for weekends in the summer, I try to take her bike riding with me. I know this is hard on people that aren't used to it. I stopped two years ago when she still couldn't ride a bike without training wheels, at 9! She has no interest in learning. She says that she can walk where she wants to go.

Just in regards to this, if she refuses to ride a bike because she can walk where she needs to go, maybe that's a time to say "Awesome, then. Let's go for a walk." If she's seriously overweight like you say, walking will be a good start to getting activity in, and can provide more bonding time than bike-riding because you can walk and talk at the same time.

Thank you for pointing this out. Sorry, I was kind of rambling there. We do other stuff now, I didn't just give up. A couple months ago we spent the whole day at the river collecting "prety rocks" I ran them thru my rock tumbler and will be giving them to her when I see her next week.

Just1forMe

I don't think telling people they are overweight is the best thing to do... ever.

You are better off setting an example for those around you, and hoping they decide for themselves to get on board.

EXACTLY!!!! Seriously, do they think overweight people don't KNOW they are overweight and unhealthy??? Until THEY are ready to do something about it, you will just make them feel worse about themselves which will cause many of them to overeat. Worst advice ever! And seriously....way to ruin the holidays!

dutchjacky

Totally agree with you orpheus, these kind of comments are what started my life long battle with food, I am now having to learn to eat more food after a year and a half of not being able to move and hardly eating at all but still gaining weight. This site has helped tremendously but i found it on my own and am doing it for myself.

Jacquibennett

Please don't single anyone out over this. If you are spending Christmas with a group of loved ones let them indulge as they will and enjoy themselves and perhaps when everyone is feeling bloated in front of the telly maybe say something like "Well I'm going to have to work this lot off in the new year, who's with me?" opens it up for them to join in or not, because ultimately the decision is theirs.

I don't think there is actually a nice way of telling someone they are over weight.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

0RESET0

First, your 11-year-old child for whom you are responsible is not the same as your adult child/sibling/aunt/uncle/whatever. Apples and oranges.

Second, with an 11-year-old girl, you seriously need to tread carefully to avoid turning a too-fat child into an either morbidly obese child (and yes, I HAVE seen this happen where bugging the kid makes it worse) or create bulimia or anorexia because even her own father doesn't love her because of her weight (I know that's not true, but it's how she'll take it if you approach it wrong).

Thanks. I am tiptoeing around this very carefully. I don't try to ruin every visit with her. I think I would make more progress if I didn't have here full time caregiver, my ex, reinforcing the bad habits and convincing her that I am just being mean.

KellyKAG

That sounds a good way to make the festive period uncomfortable for all!

Exactly!

Phoenix1401

ha! My whole family is obese and black. the first thing you will hear coming from my grandmothers mouth is "N**** why you so fat? you need to loose some mutha f*** weight!" Yes its true....my grandmother should be one The Biggest Loser she'll make a 500 pound man cry in a heart beat!:indifferent:

JustLindaLou

I think it would cause less consternation if you just let it slip into dinner conversation. "Pass the gravy, Fatty" should do the trick nicely. Or the more subtle "You're not going to have any pudding, are you?"

BWAHAHAHA Thanks for making me LOL!!!

Qarol

This is a terrible idea. While we're at it, let's point out all their failures in life at once. You know...get it out of the way. Heaven forbid we let a moment go by without airing our grievances on how another human being is living his own life.

charlotte66

Please don't single anyone out over this. If you are spending Christmas with a group of loved ones let them indulge as they will and enjoy themselves and perhaps when everyone is feeling bloated in front of the telly maybe say something like "Well I'm going to have to work this lot off in the new year, who's with me?" opens it up for them to join in or not, because ultimately the decision is theirs.

I don't think there is actually a nice way of telling someone they are over weight.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

i think thats a good idea i was going to say somthing similar

like trying to include the people into say an evening walk/jog cycle who knows somthing that will include them

steffiejoe

My aunt told me I was getting fat over a year ago. I was pissed . The nerve of her when she needed to lose weight herslf. Yes it does hurt. But she was the only person in my family who was honest enough to tell me. I knew I was gaining weight but looking in the mirror I would not have considered myself as fat. Hearing it made me face it.

kmtetour

"Hey, fatty, here's some celery and a gym membership. Now hop to it! Oh yeah, and Merry Christmas."

Wow.

Marig0ld

I love this!!!! I think if people actually hear the words they will be less likely to engorge in front of the family during a big gathering which is also going to help with a less gain over the holiday weekend!

Or maybe they will feel so judged that they start to eat in secret, or start eating for comfort after being shamed in front of their family, and then you have a real problem. This is the one time of the year when most people really like to let loose and relax - a little gorging this weekend is not the end of the world. More to the point, this is meant to be a happy, loving time of year. How happy would you be if someone called you out in front of everyone you cared about for soemthing that you're probably really self-conscious and ashamed about already. If you're really concerned, have a quiet, private chat early in the new year, or between Christmas and NY - public shaming is not a happy or helpful way to go.

Exactly. My mom always kept healthy food in the house and cooked healthy meals. I got fat by taking my allowance money and going to the convenience store to stock up on candy and potato chips to hide in my room. My family tried to restrict my food, so sneak eating was my way of saying "I'll show them, I can eat whatever I want!" Even though it didn't even taste good because I would INHALE everything! Sounds messed up, but then again so is the whole obesity experience.

pfeiferfit

Actually I'd love someone else paying for my membership. That's a lot more helpful than just saying "You are over weight"

Agree, that'd be HEAVEN.

Cooking healthy stuff instead of GARBAGE CORN SYRUP FILLED SWEETS would also be a good start, and choosing perrier, or something lovely, instead of heavy drinks. I know we won't win at christmas since it's a time of celebration, but what about making a hike or a jog a christmas tradition...?

castadiva

My daughter is seriously over weight. She has been removed from public school because she could not handle the bullying. I see a lot of comments that we overweight people know we have a problem. Trouble is that my Ex is morbidly obese and she has brainwashed my daughter into thinking that "beauty is on the inside" applies to unhealthy people too. I know I am fat. I am working on that. When I have tried talking to my ex about my daughter, all I get is yelled at. When I talk to my ex's mother, she tells me that my daughter is physically active and that she will grow out of it. Sorry, she is 11, "growing out of it" is going to get really hard soon. When I have her for weekends in the summer, I try to take her bike riding with me. I know this is hard on people that aren't used to it. I stopped two years ago when she still couldn't ride a bike without training wheels, at 9! She has no interest in learning. She says that she can walk where she wants to go. I don't get to see my daughter as often as I like and I don't like getting phone calls every time from my ex yelling at me about me talking to my daughter about her weight. I am not allowed to weigh her so I have no idea what her weight is anymore. I do know that when I bought her school clothes last year, I had to but her women's capri pants so that they would fit her waist without being too long. My ex is barely over 5 feet tall and I know my daughter isn't going to get much taller.

My point, there are three pages of responses saying "we already know" and it just hurts feelings. how about a little help for those that are trying to help that have been convinced by their loved ones that they are "fine the way they are". Or should I just suck it up and be supportive when my 11 year old daughter has to shoot up insulin every day?

I understand your concern for your daughter, but is she seriously overweight in your view (and that of the kids who have teased her) or in the view of her doctor? If she's 11, she's just pre-puberty, and this is a classic age for weight to increase in preparation for the physical changes that are about to occur. In many kids, this does even out as they develop. If she's active and clearly doesn't mind walking to get somewhere (I liked the poster who suggested forgetting the bike and walking with her - not everything is for everyone, and maybe her balance isn't great, or she finds the seat really uncomfortable) then perhaps it's not such a health issue. As for having her in women's clothes - yes, that is a common occurrence in many girls, overweight or otherwise. Childrens' clothes, like adults, are designed with a particular build and physique in mind - if you're a bit different, often you'll have to look elsewhere, or wear a mix of adults and children's clothes.

I was teased unrelentingly throughout primary school for being 'fat'. In fact, I was a little chubbier than many, but not all of my class mates (also a year younger and 2nd tallest in the class, so it makes sense that I might have been a bit bigger than them!), and on an overall bigger frame, that adds up. Kids can be cruel and their perception is not always accurate. Looking back at photos now, I was 'well-covered' but certainly not significantly overweight. In common with many girls, I ballooned just prior to, and in the early years of puberty, but this balanced out by my late teens. The harrassment I received from my peers, and later, the chivvying from my mother and other adults (PE teachers were the worst!) only made me resentful, secretive and less inclined to do anything about it. Don't forget as well that body shape is partially genetic - we're not all chemically programmed to be slim, and if both parents are larger, then she's unlikely to ever fit the mold of the petite 11 year-old.

If you see her infrequently, as it seems you do, I would suggest that the best thing you can do is to make sure she eats healthily and exercises appropriately when she's with you. Perhaps you could arrange to go with her to her next annual check up or similar, and see what her doctor has to say? This might also be a way of defusing the situation with her mother. If it's a medical viewpoint that your daughter is dangerously overweight, this may make your ex more inclined to see it as a problem, which she clearly doesn't at the moment. In the meantime, try to ease up on the weight-related discussions with her - as someone else said, you run the risk of her feeling that she is unloved or not good enough for you, the way she is, and that would be really sad for your relationship with her, and potentially problematic if this is a medical issue, as it seems you're the person most aware of it. Just my two or three cents' worth - Good luck!