Ready to Say I DO?
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I would not be okay with someone marrying me just to "get the milk." I think that argument is stupid.
And again, why should he propose? He's already getting the benefits without the responsibility.This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
I hate to say it - but I TOTALLY agree!!!!
Why buy the cow when the milk's free?0 -
My husband of 10 years is older than me by 8 years. He was married once before on a high school whim and it did not go so well for him... One day after talking to his sister, who told me that he was NEVER EVER going to marry again and that I needed to 'get on board with it', he found me crying when he came home
. I told him that I thought his sister was the devil incarnate and he asked why. I told him the story and he looked at me in total shock and said "I am going to tell you something, but I need you to understand that I need things done RIGHT and this is not the time. But please understand the time WILL come" and he took a ring from his pocket:blushing: !!!! I couldn't believe it! He, as stated though, did NOT give it to me. That was in September, I think.
Christmas came and with each present I opened, I thought it was coming. It didn't.
My birthday was in February and he took me to a beautiful hotel with a hot tub in the room. The maid knocked on the door and said "Mr. Boobar? I have the towels you asked for." :bigsmile: I grabbed the bag that she brought in and unfolded every washcloth and towel...searching. I looked up to find him standing there staring at me like I had litterally lost my mind. He asked what I was doing and I simply said "nothing.":blushing:
On a weekend in APRIL I got home early from work to find the house completely empty. I went in to take a shower, all the while thinking of how no one was there to spend time with me, so why did I bother to come home early??? While shaving my legs, in walks my Boobar. He threw back the shower curtain and said "What do ya think? You wanna do this?" and had a beautiful ring in his hand
! I dropped my razor, stepped backwards in the shower and cut my foot!!! He had gone to pick up his son and wanted him to be there when he asked... once the decision was 'made' in his mind, he couldn't wait, not even until I got out of the shower!!!
We have been married for 10 years this past September and never looked back.......... Oh yeah, and the FIRST person I called??? His sister!!! :laugh:
Everyone has their own "right time"...0 -
I double posted accidentally so I deleted it
Sorry 0 -
I've been married for 10 years, and I'm still not sure I'm ready.
Wow...lol0 -
My older sister is in the same boat. been with her bf for almost 8 years and still no ring. He has it. (Ive seen it) but he hasn't asked her yet. they live together so I think that could be why he's not asking. Like he feels since they're already living together they don't need to make it official. Also neither has a set career and he says that's the reason but I don't buy it. Shouldn't he have thought of that before moving into a HOUSE together? makes no sense.0
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This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
Gurl you tell em!!!0 -
Don't be so old fashioned........ask him to marry you 0
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I've been married for 10 years, and I'm still not sure I'm ready.
My favorite answer yet! LOL
I've been married for over 15 years now and it still feels so surreal!0 -
Chivalry is dead.
I've gotta yell bull**** on this one!!! Chivalry is not dead! I happen to have been with my husband for over 15 years of marriage and next month we will be together for 17 years total. To this day he does romantic things to surprise me and reminds me that he loves me and checks on me when I'm not feeling well. Chivalry is still out there...some just don't know where it is!0 -
The whole idea of marriage - I don't know. It's a pretty pretentious idea to me. It doesn't take any commitment to slap a couple rings on and sign a piece of paper. Having children with someone, does. And I'm real *kitten* at picking 'em. I think I've quit while I'm ahead. Also, that whole saying that men say, you know, "Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?" - frankly enough, I believe I am now part of the, "Why buy a whole pig when all you want is a little sausage?" club.
Ha! I like that club!!!0 -
This thread has so much views on marriage and I find it very interesting. It looks like there are some people who wait for a very long time and there are some people who are like after 2 years it's either a yes or no.
Very different outlooks indeed. I'm a one year gal, so I have them beat. :laugh: One year for the ring, the wedding within the next year. That being said, I have also turned down a few ... something seemed "off" and I wanted the mutual if either of us were sick, disfigured, etc that we would be there for each other forever.
Ha!0 -
You always hear people say that marriage is nothing but a piece of paper and it's what's in your heart that matters, etc. etc. I am very happily married but I always felt that the previous statements were true...
Until last year when my friend passed away at 42 . My friend and her boyfriend were together for more than 12 years. She passed away of a stroke at a bridal shower. (Healthy as a horse, or so it seemed) Her family went crazy. At the funeral her bf was referred to over and over as "her friend", they never even mentioned his name! :noway: His two children were sitting in the front row by him and they were asked to move so that FAMILY could sit there... several of us put a stop to that and they remained seated in their places. They wanted to sell the house out from under him as his name was not on it (he paid the mortgage for those years though). All turned out ok in the end because they found her will. But it taught me that marriage is SOOOO much more than a piece of paper, it's protection for the one that you love:smooched: .
Good luck to you! I hope you get that ring!!!!
This brought tears to my eyes.0 -
You always hear people say that marriage is nothing but a piece of paper and it's what's in your heart that matters, etc. etc. I am very happily married but I always felt that the previous statements were true...
Until last year when my friend passed away at 42 . My friend and her boyfriend were together for more than 12 years. She passed away of a stroke at a bridal shower. (Healthy as a horse, or so it seemed) Her family went crazy. At the funeral her bf was referred to over and over as "her friend", they never even mentioned his name! :noway: His two children were sitting in the front row by him and they were asked to move so that FAMILY could sit there... several of us put a stop to that and they remained seated in their places. They wanted to sell the house out from under him as his name was not on it (he paid the mortgage for those years though). All turned out ok in the end because they found her will. But it taught me that marriage is SOOOO much more than a piece of paper, it's protection for the one that you love:smooched: . Good luck to you! I hope you get that ring!!!!
This brought tears to my eyes.
It was a very very sad thing to see unfold... seriously, made me look at the whole "marriage is nothing but a piece of paper" thing in a whole new light....0 -
he knows how i feel....
I really think a lot of it is he came from a family that had virtually nothing and everything he has he has built for himself... his house/cares/toys etc. His bank accounts and savings. He has more than his parents and brothers have ever had. And i think he is worried that with the divorce rate and CT being a no fault state and everything is 50/50 that one day it won't work out and he'll get taken for everything he's worked so hard for.
I also think that we have been together the longest out of any of our friends witht he exception of 1 married couple and he doesn't feel the need to get married yet because everyone else is just dating.
I just need to figure out how long that is going to be OK with me... I want to be married before i have kids and i dont want to be in my 30s either which means i need to get engaged and married and prego in the next few years lol
Can't you get a prenup to ease his fears of you "taking" his stuff? Some people think that takes the romance out of a marriage, but I think it shows that you aren't in it for what you can "get" from him.0 -
This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
I find this a little bit presumptuous. Not all couples are the same, and not everyone has the same experience as you may have. I personally moved in with my now fiance 2 years ago. We are engaged, and the wedding is set for April 28, 2012. Everything is paid for and finalized for the wedding, and we're just as happy as we were 2 years ago.
So, I don't need to wake up. I just chose the right guy, and he and I are sure that we want to get married, that's all.0 -
//// We are engaged, and the wedding is set for April 28, 2012. ///
That's my 20th birthday.
lol 0 -
I totally agree!!! Marriage is a commitment greater than any other...and the truth is..just as others have stated...if he wanted to marry you he probably wouldve asked by now...you need to decide the next move...S**T or get off the pot!!0
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pretty much every member of my family asked when we are getting married this xmas lol.. think he got the hint? lol0
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Can't you get a prenup to ease his fears of you "taking" his stuff? Some people think that takes the romance out of a marriage, but I think it shows that you aren't in it for what you can "get" from him.
For me it isn't that a prenup takes the romance out of it. It's about what it represents. DOUBT. A Pre-nup says that I DOUBT we are going to be married in 50 years. I DOUBT we will be married in 25 years. I DOUBT we will be married in 10 years.... It's all about Doubt. If you have any doubts that your partner isn't in it for the long haul, then you should NOT be getting married. Just my opinion.0 -
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