Can a Fit, Sexy Girl Like a Fat Guy?

ditzyFlip

I've seen it happen before, it's all about confidence!

But I'll be the ***** and say that I wouldn't date someone who is fat. But my definition of "fat" and someone else's definition of "fat" may be different.

-shrug-

lukewind

Hard to admit but I am now 36 and I have never had a girlfriend. I have hated myself so much that I never put myself out there. I had a few dates in my 20's but have been alone pretty much all my life. Every person I know tells me I am funny and easy going but all I see is my obesity and can't imagine having anyone put up with it. Its hard to think that anyone could look at me and see past my physical appearance.

ThatMouse

I'm not "fit" and I'm not sure if I'm what you'd consider "sexy", but I'm known to be hard on myself. I'm normal weight. Working towards the lower end of it for them abs (and to save my weakened knee for when I finally rehab it enough to go full-force back into martial arts and running).

I can like a fat guy, but I don't know if I can love him.

My boyfriend and I were pretty chubby (him skinnyfat, me just fat) when we started dating. Since April of last year, I've been making a serious effort to lose weight and have become pretty thin. He was inspired by my action and has started trying to "recomp" - frankly, he's sabotaging himself, but he's happy with what he's doing and he is making progress, so I'm not about to try to "correct" him. He likes what he does and it's working, albeit slowly.

I love that he and I are working on our bodies together. It means a lot of fun activities for us in the future. Hiking? Oh yeah. Climbing? Yes. Powerlifting competitions? Heck. Yes. Going on mud runs together? Yes. Biking through the volcanoes in Hawaii? Absolutely. Snorkeling/Diving? Sign me up, just forget about the damn boat (seasickness is a *****).

It also means that my kids will be healthier, and happier. My dad was fat when I was born and growing up. His lack of activity and bad diet - and my mother's terrible influence on both - made for me to become the chubster I did. Pizza every week, ice cream every day, very few vegetables, white rice in abundance. It took me years to break those and build better habits. I still struggle with that. Not only that, but he has chronic hypertension (some of which is health-related, some of which is environmental). I worry about him, I stress about him - he's more likely to kick it early than not, and I DO NOT want that.

For me, I can like a fat guy. Heck, I hang out with a good number of 'em! They're fun, they're loving and they know how to have a good time. We have a lot in common.

But I couldn't be in a long-term relationship with one. At least not one who displays no intention of changing.

A fat person with no intention of changing is likely to be a negative influence in my life, as well as an insufficient partner. Not that they won't love me or provide for me (in most senses), it's more that I couldn't consider them to be my soulmate if they can't or won't participate in activities I find enjoyable. I want to go for a run, so I want my partner to be game to come out for a run with me. Or a bike ride. Or a long, long walk. Or to go try out that new gym that just opened and has this awesome lifting platform. A fat partner (once more, with no intention of changing), will be limited in how much they can enjoy these activities - "healthy" or not.

Not only this, but how will they enjoy my kids? I don't want to be the only parent able to keep up with my kidlets. I want to be able to take a break every now and again and know that my partner will be able to run around and keep up with them. To tire them out. I also don't want my kids thinking that fat is a good thing. I don't need them to have a phobia or a hate of fat people, but I don't want them to think it's "good" and "normal". It is not, and it will not be healthy for them. I want them to have constant good role models. I can't control the outside world, or my partner, but I can at least try to make sure that the home environment is as good as it can be. I can't see a fat partner being a part of my good example.

Finally, I want a soulmate and I want him for as long as I can have him. A fat person will have more health problems later in life, and will end up being taken from me sooner than he needs to. I don't want that pain. I will fight my boyfriend - my soulmate - tooth and nail and drag him kicking, screaming and ugly crying into the gym and into a dietitian's office if he lets himself go completely. I will cook all his food for him and not allow him to buy any on his own if it comes to that. Fortunately, he's proving to me - and most importantly to himself - that he has the discipline and drive to do this on his own.

A fit partner (or someone in progress to that end) like my current boyfriend is what I could marry and love for the rest of my life. He's establishing healthy habits that will impart well on our children, he's getting strong so that later in life he'll still be able to be active, he's learning to enjoy being active and having fun outside of the TV and video games, and he's getting more and more physically attractive.

Let's delve into vanity for a moment, here, too - I want to be the hot chick in the bikini at the pool (we don't have beaches where I am) and I want to make all the girls jealous of me. I also want to draw the eyes of all the boys. Then I want to walk up to my (by-then built as ****) boyfriend and snuggle him close. I want the both of us to make everyone else jealous. I want to be someone my boyfriend is proud enough of to show off (yes, yes, ladies, I know I don't need this, but I want it and if anyone is misandric enough to insist that I don't, then kindly **** off); by equal exchange, I want him to be someone I'm proud enough of to show off. I want to swat swooning girls off him (and intimidate them with my awesome arms) and I want us to look amazing.

TL;DR - I can like a fat guy, but I cannot love him.