Nudity - and your children

MaraDiaz

My mom used to run around naked all the time. She just didn't care. Finally my brothers got old enough to find it really annoying and asked her to stop.

By the way, neither of them are traumatized. They're normal, happily married, non-window peeper types.

So in short, don't worry about it.

MaximalLife

You need to cover up or he'll grow up all sexually weird.
Don't say you weren't warned.

AmandaCaswell1982

"To each his own" said the lady..... as she kissed the cow.

AmandaCaswell1982

sorry to add to hilarity... but we call it a peep 'n' hein (peepee and heine combined) (say it with a German accent as well...) Peepinhein. haha...Ok, I'm done

kennethmgreen

Totally agree with the "your house, your kid, your rules" sentiment, though after about 12 it might be different. But age is only one component in considering what is OK. Puberty, emotional maturity, convenience, gender of parent/child - all of these can play a role.

To be honest and personal, one of the saddest things for me as a dad was having to stop showering with my daughters (now 10 and 7). When they were both a lot younger (6 and 3) showering with them was convenient and enjoyable. But as they grew older (and taller) it just seemed like it was time to stop. Not out of shame, but convenience. It was getting difficult to complete my own shower without putting my package in my kid's face. Sorry. That's about as delicate as I can put it. I was getting uncomfortable not because of the nakedness or even the questions, but the grabbing when I had soap in my eyes.

There isn't any shame about nakedness in our house (at least not yet). I ask the kids for privacy sometimes because I want privacy. They accept that answer. Both girls walk around the house naked. My oldest is already starting puberty, so I figure that will stop soon. She is self-conscious about the wispy pubes she's getting, but not so much that she won't ask me to shave her armpits when she's in the shower. (whole other issue, I know. My wife is now growing her pit hair out to model that it's a choice the girls can make - to shave it or not. My eldest wanted to shave her armpits because she didn't notice any of her friends with hair.)

I do think Americans, in general, are pretty uptight about nakedness, sexuality, etc. We (our family) try not to buy into that too much. We teach a respect for privacy, that it's OK to be naked around family and for the doctor, etc. So far, they have accepted the privacy explanation at face value. I suppose when they start challenging *why* it should matter the conversations could get trickier. But that's good.

I think parents get tripped up with the trickier conversations because we put this crazy expectation on ourselves to be absolutely perfect for our kids, to always say the right thing. When that pressure gets combined with topics we ourselves feel awkward with, it makes talking to our kids that much more difficult. I think this is why many parents take the lazy way out and want schools to teach their kids things that kids should be hearing at home. (for the record, I support sex ed - but I think it should be *in addition to* what the kid is hearing at home.)

My wife grew up with a mom as a nurse, both her parents were blue collar hippies, and we had our girls at home with a midwife. So we aren't very shy or awkward talking about things like our bodies. We try to be appropriately honest with our kids about everything. It takes a little more effort and sometimes some careful navigating, but I think it's worth the effort. We have always used the natural/scientific terminology about genitalia (hoo-ha and schlong).

To return to the original post... I always thought I'd shower with my kids until they were ready to not shower with me. Turns out I needed to get away from those toddler pinchers so I could wash my face.

[fixed typo]

alex215

if you have nice boobs your son is lucky.

solpwr

I would suggest sticking to social norms fairly quickly. Kids are interacting with other kids, and often 5/6 year old kids are testing out gender stuff. I had a "girlfriend" in the first grade. I remember another girl who's dad had Playboys, and we had access to them, at age 6. It was a big deal. Boys can get pretty wrapped up in that stuff, girls see it totally different.

I'm not suggesting that kids should be getting the message that nudity is "sinful" or wrong. The opposite is true. But just be aware of what messages they are getting from society and pop culture as well. When your son is 25 years old, will you have any problem with him walking in on you when you are nude then? If that will be a problem then, its just a matter of determining a cutoff point. I would suggest sooner rather than later, because he probably already understands that this barrier/boundary exists.

christine24t

My mom usually goes to the bathroom with the door open, and will change her pants in front us, and I'll wear a bra in front of her and my sister. I try not to go by the bathroom when she's going, it's just my comfort level. I think I will be more modest with my own children though, it's my comfort level.

veganbaum

Totally agree with the "your house, your kid, your rules" sentiment, though after about 12 it might be different. But age is only one component in considering what is OK. Puberty, emotional maturity, convenience, gender of parent/child - all of these can play a role.

To be honest and personal, one of the saddest things for me as a dad was having to stop showering with my daughters (now 10 and 7). When they were both a lot younger (6 and 3) showering with them was convenient and enjoyable. But as they grew older (and taller) it just seemed like it was time to stop. Not out of shame, but convenience. It was getting difficult to complete my own shower without putting my package in my kid's face. Sorry. That's about as delicate as I can put it. I was getting uncomfortable not because of the nakedness or even the questions, but the grabbing when I had soap in my eyes.

There isn't any shame about nakedness in our house (at least not yet). I ask the kids for privacy sometimes because I want privacy. They accept that answer. Both girls walk around the house naked. My oldest is already starting puberty, so I figure that will stop soon. She is self-conscious about the wispy pubes she's getting, but not so much that she won't ask me to shave her armpits when she's in the shower. (whole other issue, I know. My wife is now growing her pit hair out to model that it's a choice the girls can make - to shave it or not. My eldest wanted to shave her armpits because she didn't notice any of her friends with hair.)

I do think Americans, in general, are pretty uptight about nakedness, sexuality, etc. We (our family) try not to buy into that too much. We teach a respect for privacy, that it's OK to be naked around family and for the doctor, etc. So far, they have accepted the privacy explanation at face value. I suppose when they start challenging *why* it should matter the conversations could get trickier. But that's good.

I think parents get tripped up with the trickier conversations because we put this crazy expectation on ourselves to be absolutely perfect for our kids, to always say the right thing. When that pressure gets combined with topics we ourselves feel awkward with, it makes talking to our kids that much more difficult. I think this is why many parents take the lazy way out and want schools to teach their kids things that kids should be hearing at home. (for the record, I support sex ed - but I think it should be *in addition to* what the kid is hearing at home.)

My wife grew up with a mom as a nurse, both her parents were blue collar hippies, and we had our girls at home with a midwife. So we aren't very shy or awkward talking about things like our bodies. We try to be appropriately honest with our kids about everything. It takes a little more effort and sometimes some careful navigating, but I think it's worth the effort. We have always used the natural/scientific terminology about genitalia (hoo-ha and schlong).

To return to the original post... I always thought I'd shower with my kids until they were ready to not shower with me. Turns out I needed to get away from those toddler pinchers so I could wash my face.

[fixed typo]

I think I love you and your wife.

Becky1971

True!

I was just thinking about this stuff a week or so ago, reading a book, the author mentioned her dad, he was part of an area where the people ran around nude, and all, and she mentioned that he and his girlfriend were pretty open sexually with the author. At a point she mentioned that they would have sex very loudly in the room next to hers. She said that her therapist mentioned that it was overt sexual abuse. So I was like WHAT? And looked up Overt sexual abuse, this link was what came up. It made me wonder about how many things being harmlessly done, could be considered sexual abuse.

My son and I was talking about this thread yesterday, and he said that there wouldn't be an issue if we were as open as Europe is. My thoughts were that if there wasn't so much sexual abuse, maybe it would be easier to be open. So then it became, a which came first and for what reason discussion. But I definitely thought his point made a lot of sense, that if we weren't so oppressed, then all this likely wouldn't be an issue at all.

Exhibitionism is considered overt sexual abuse, at least in the state of Oregon. Not my definition, theirs. I am in no way saying http://www.dhs.state.or.us/spd/tools/cm/aps/community/sex_abuse.pdf
I am in no way saying that this is all wrong, I simply stated my thoughts about it, and my experience.And saying that someone who was raised around his nude mom and dad, and is now sexually messed up, doesn't mean I'm saying that everyone who was raised like this is, or would be.

I absolutely agree!

I also lived next door to a family where nudity was embraced. The parents walked around naked all the time. I know for a fact that their son grew up with no respect for women, and some very odd sexual ideas.

I do it all the time with mine, even though I came from a culture to be naked in-front of anyone is a taboo, I think its good for kids in a way so they can embrace their own body and not be ashamed of it.

A kid doesn't have to see their folks naked to "embrace their own body and not be ashamed of it".

I don't believe that being naked in front of your kid has much, if anything, to do that at all. One can choose not to be naked in front of their kid, and still raise them as healthy human beings without hang-ups -- like me!

Oh my gosh! That's completely anecdotal, just like what I'm about to add is. I mentioned this in the public breastfeeding thread that some people thought went on way too long (um, have you ever tried NOT allowing your finger to act of its own accord when clicking on threads?) - my brother and I were raised around people who went nude - not just our single mother, but her friends as well. They would sunbathe nude, be in the sauna nude, etc. The kids would go swimming nude also, at least before physical changes happened. It was the teenagers who were often covered up (likely due to becoming comfortable with changes in your own body). My brother and I are not scarred (or have "odd sexual ideas" - of course, I don't know what your idea of "odd" is). My brother shows so much more respect for women than A LOT of guys I know. It's all cultural - and even in the U.S. there are subcultures. Certainly all the cultures around the world that are more open about nudity are not raising damaged children. While we may not be able to go nude, generally, in public in the U.S., it's not difficult to raise children in such as an environment as I was raised who can still present an acceptable level of "modesty" to the mainstream.

I appreciate you adding that clarification. But, exhibitionism by general definition is exposing one's genitalia to a stranger. While I didn't read the whole law you provided, I did not see that it provided a different definition of exhibitionism, so usually the law then follows with the most common definition, unless case law has defined it otherwise. So, nudity with those you know wouldn't fall under that definition and become sexual abuse.

TheNaturalNanny

Children shouldnt be taught to be ashamed of their bodies. I think american culture has over-sexulaized the body to begin with. Look at how many other cultures have no probelm with it at all. Our kids should be taught to be comfortable in their own skin, but should also be taught modesty when appropriate. I think along of the lines of my body is sacred, there fore I dont just go around letting the whole world see it. kids are naturally curous creatures, and questions will come up, perhaps a little earlier if they are accustomed to seeing you nude on occasion. Thats when you address the questions in an age appropriate manner, and be thankful they are asking you and not going out finding things out on their own.

I too am a single mom, while i dont make it a point to run around sans clothes, i dont go to great lengths to keep covered when changing etc... If nothing else it will teach your son to knock first

kimberly702

My kids are 6 (girl) 5 (boy) and 3 (girl) and we don't try to "hide" ourselves... but we DO try to be descret though there have been countless times I forget to grab a towel (closet is in the hall next to the bathroom) and have to run out there. Plus my family of 5 lives in a very small 2 bedroom house where the kids usually get dressed out in the living room since their room is so small. High hopes for 2012 to be the year we buy a house! YAY!

rml_16

Being far too open about one's sex life with one's children is an ENTIRELY different thing than what's described in the OP of this thread.

tashajayne2011

I have a 5yr old girl and a 10 yr old boy. I don't swan about the place naked generally but first thing in the morning I have always gone from the bedroom to the bathroom without clothes and have always slept naked too (as has my fiance)

I must admit I have started to think it might be time to cover up but my son doesn't seem to notice whether I have clothes on or not, lol. I guess its just never been a big deal

busterbluth

ok some people are mentioning that it is fine until a certain age

so what is the age?

how do you determine that?

When s/he starts to get embarrassed about nudity (you seeing him or her change, him/her seeing you change, etc). The kiddo will let you know.

odusgolp

Wow... HOW did sexual abuse get brought up here? That's really freaking disturbing to me that you think a kid seeing their parents naked could border on abuse.

beckie4442

Ok I'm going to add to this because I come from the place where the world belives we are the most uptight, prudish and restrained people on the planet, you guessed right, I'm english.

My daughter is nearly 15 and I still walk around naked as does her dad ( though he does try to cover up more ) I see absolutely no issue in walking around naked. My daughter still talks to her dad whilst he's in the shower and has never made any comments to the fact that she's em-bare-assed about it. She however does cover up mostly when she's getting dressed though she's quite happy about calling us to see something in the shower!! Who'd figure huh?

Here's my reasoning,
I saw my mum naked or in underwear whilst growing up, I NEVER saw my dad naked, I had no idea what a male form looked like at all and i was curious, this led on to risky behaviour with male teens when I was a middle teen which in turn turned my life upside down.

I do not want my daughter to be curious..... Yet.

I do not consider our behaviour to be sexual abuse!

rml_16

Ok I'm going to add to this because I come from the place where the world belives we are the most uptight, prudish and restrained people on the planet, you guessed right, I'm english.

My daughter is nearly 15 and I still walk around naked as does her dad ( though he does try to cover up more ) I see absolutely no issue in walking around naked. My daughter still talks to her dad whilst he's in the shower and has never made any comments to the fact that she's em-bare-assed about it. She however does cover up mostly when she's getting dressed though she's quite happy about calling us to see something in the shower!! Who'd figure huh?

Here's my reasoning,
I saw my mum naked or in underwear whilst growing up, I NEVER saw my dad naked, I had no idea what a male form looked like at all and i was curious, this led on to risky behaviour with male teens when I was a middle teen which in turn turned my life upside down.

I do not want my daughter to be curious..... Yet.

I do not consider our behaviour to be sexual abuse!

First, let me just say that I don't think you're doing anything wrong. But I have to say your reasoning is ... off.

I saw my dad naked. I was still sexually curious and got pregnant at 17. It's not seeing a penis that is the problem. It's using it.

Prozack1964

I dont see anything wrong with it to that point now it might be different if he was watching you have sex but your not so its ok I know my girls and I are very close and its not that I let them see me nude but since I was mom and dad to them they are very ok with me seeing them nude and I am always telling them they are getting to old to be doing that but when you are the one that had to measure them for the first bra and teach them how to use personal items well you get the point

jennajava

There's a difference in seeing mom change and having mom purposefully show him her knockers. I don't think it matters.