Not accepting new friends. Need to... vent? Im not angry.

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  • TNTwedell
    TNTwedell Posts: 277 Member
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    I didn't realize that people were so overwhelmed, not to mention so important, that they feel the need to declare they are not accepting friends.

    Really... seriously??? This is a fitness website.. get over yourself.

    And, OF COURSE, I will be your friend. :)

    ^^^ THIS! :heart:
    selfrighteousness is just laughable - in my humble opinion :blushing:
  • MommyTKD
    MommyTKD Posts: 61 Member
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    I'll accept anybody at any time as my friend. I DO try to comment on your accomplishments but like everyone else I have other committments as well. Whether or not I manage to comment on EVERY accomplishment, I will cheer you on. I will hopefully make you laugh a little. I welcome anyone. What I WON"T do is false flattery. If you're eating less than 12K calories, I can't in good conscience tell you I think you're doing a great job... because whether I'm right or wrong, I don't believe that to be healthy. And I have to stand for what I believe. B ut I will still be your friend. I will tell you the truth, I will kick you in the pants when you need it, and I will celebrate with you. Add away.
  • MystiqueASAP
    MystiqueASAP Posts: 747
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    I'm sorry to hear your frustration. Feel free to add me as a friend. Keep your head up! :smile:
  • IamRoJ
    IamRoJ Posts: 530 Member
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    I honestly don't think people are trying to be 'cliquish', I think people just want to be able to focus on and have time for the friends they have on MFP.

    {Edited}

    I want to be a supportive friend, but I have a life outside of MFP, so I can't have super long lists of friends to chat with or i'll be on here too much.

    This. I've had to cut back on my interaction the last month or two, but I'm still* on here too much and I kinda really need to keep my job. It's not that I don't want, need or appreciate all the friends I can get...I just worry I'm not adequately ... <ahem> ... servicing the ones I already have. :wink:

    First...this cracks me up. Fortunately, as a DR friend and fan, I feel adequately serviced.

    My response - I often get criticized from folks on my FL that I don't do enough interacting, or that I couldn't possibly have strong ties to so many people. While there are various levels of friendships I have with those on my FL, I do my best to support everyone when RL doesn't get in the way, and I have stopped accepting FR's not because I'm cliquish or snobby but because of creep-avoidance and I'm tired of people telling me I don't do enough.
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
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    I've sent a few FRs that got declined. A few of them bruised my ego a bit, mostly because it took a lot of built up courage to send them. Unfortunately, one of my character flaws I struggle with is holding grudges, even though I know it's irrational and pointless. Some times I do better than others in avoiding it. I happened to realize over time that I'm not so sad I'm not friends with some of those people. I had added some people that mutual friends spoke highly of, but that doesn't guarantee we would make good friends. It's not personal. Sure, if I was declined from someone I thought was super cool I'd be disappointed, but realizing it's not personal decreases the chance I'll let myself be hurt over it.

    You guys who think it's rude to write that on your profile are cute. *pinches cheeks*
  • PositivePower
    PositivePower Posts: 976 Member
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    :laugh: Wow girl you really got something started here! It was fun to read! I am loving MFP and have enjoyed lots of friendship and POSITIVE results :happy: I too like new friends and love to offer support, but want a few words why someone wants to be my friend. Feel free to friend me...I also have a Postive Changes for life group...we look for people who post often and we share our struggles and successes...I would be happy to have you join us if you think that would be helpful to you:flowerforyou:

    I really need to get some work done before my Hot Yoga Class :happy:

    Hang in there you can do this!!!!! ~ Good luck
  • vacherin
    vacherin Posts: 192
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    I would actually understand BETTER if someone, having been my friend for a certain time, decided that they didn't like me much and dropped me. I can be immensely annoying, so this would not be a massive surprise. To effectively drop someone without even knowing them is, to me, a little rude. I accept people's choice to do that if that's what they want to do, but it's not what I would do.

    And does anyone really have THAT many friends that they feel thinly-spread between them and unable to be an effective support? Would a quick straw poll among non-newbie-accepters' (NNA) friends reveal that the NNA committed heaps of time to each and every friend and was an invaluable support?
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    I was dropped recently by someone and was kinda surprised. I log every day and sometimes make comments but not always. We even have a sport in common.

    Hunt her down in real life and creep into her house. Then read all of her messages about people and see if she talked about you.

    If that doesn't work, wait until she gets home then tie her up with duct tape and torture her until she tells you WHY.

    I think thats the best option.

    I have done this. It's super effective.
  • Edithrenee
    Edithrenee Posts: 546 Member
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    I understand. I really do. You have too many already. You really want to be able to support those you have. Whatever.

    I get it but it still sucks.

    Im having a real hard time right now (I know... wah, wah, wah) and I was reading through the blogs out there to see if anyone can relate. So, I find your words to be inspiring and think that maybe you would be a great support for me.
    (totally selfish I know, but I do try to support my friends also. So dont lecture...)

    When I click through to your page to send a request Im met with a...

    **PLEASE READ***
    I am not accepting new friends at this time, [insert reason here]...

    ok, that sucks but I move on. Back to the blog. Maybe I can just "subscribe" to it. Maybe just having your words in my inbox will be just as inspiring. So I click subscribe...

    Nope, you dont want that either.

    So, essentially you have your group and thats it. I get it. I really do.

    It still sucks.

    I was on that beachbody site and, honestly, its worse there. Everyone's so fit and perfect that they have no need for... newbies? fatties? someone not like them...

    Unfortunately, MFP sometimes feels like that.

    Sorry, its just a bit disappointing sometimes. Feeling like the outsider...

    Agreed I have thought about not being on here anymore there are other sites i was htinking of going to. I have some friends though and they are great that is y im still here, but honestly out of 50 i think i have only a handful talk to me if you can call it talking to me lol But i am guilty too sometinmes i dont have a lot of time to talk to each one but do try. I would never not take a new friend.. I like to help but i am having trouble myself but i love to have friends.. I have not lost a pound, but i can be the fat friend to relate to lol..
    No at first when i got on here people seemed like they cared but the more post i read the less i like it people are rude and it is like there rude to get comments from there friend to cheer them on for being rude.. it is stupid.. what goes around comes around adn they may find one day they are back into there fat jeans and needing a friend... I was fat then skinny for a ong time and i never thougth id gain it back but life happens..
  • fitzyloveslife
    fitzyloveslife Posts: 19
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    Thats hilarious that people actually do that x what planet are they on! add me if you like x keep motivated and happy x
  • pauljsolie
    pauljsolie Posts: 1,024 Member
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    Kind of junior high(ish) don't you think. The OP has 101 friends, how many more does she need. I really wonder sometimes about the "friend *kitten*" on MFP. I have a couple with 100+ friends but they take it very seriously and offer lots of encouragement. I post on my profile I won't accept friend requests without a reason for making the request. If I don't get a reason then somebody either is a friend *kitten* or didn't take the time to click on my profile. Why would I want someone that isn't really interested enough to check my profile to be my friend?
  • AtticusFinch
    AtticusFinch Posts: 1,263 Member
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    I kinda agree with your point about Blogs, if someone posts a public blog they may well choose to ban additional comments and critique but why stop people following it? Seems a bit pointless.

    Accepting friend requests - that's an individual choice about participation and nothing to do with cliques. If you 'get that' as you say, why moan about it, just accept ?
  • Symphony6
    Symphony6 Posts: 116 Member
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    There are some not-so-friendly people out there. The trick is to weed those people out and find the ones who are. I like having friends, especially local ones, but I'll accept anyone with an honest, humble attitude. People with heads as big as their biceps can suck it :laugh:

    I can't guarantee that I'll comment on everything you do or say, but I will comment, and I'll answer every question, and I hope that my food diary, my successes, failures and workouts at the gym are there to inspire you. If you can accept that, then you are made to be my friend! :)
  • RebeccaJay37
    RebeccaJay37 Posts: 18
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    haha!! seriously?

    reading about people being so stuck up that they think 'allowing' you to be their friend is 'favour' is hilarious!! Morons.

    My friends list is small and exclusive, but that is because I am new and havent figured out how to add people yet, not because i'm stuck up

    Anyone who wants to add me is more than welcome :) we are all here for the same reason!!

    Don't let them frustrate you, just remember this: They might be able to use diet and excercise to get rid of the internal fat, but they will never get rid of internal ugly
  • darkrider42
    darkrider42 Posts: 5,340 Member
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    This. I've had to cut back on my interaction the last month or two, but I'm still* on here too much and I kinda really need to keep my job. It's not that I don't want, need or appreciate all the friends I can get...I just worry I'm not adequately ... <ahem> ... servicing the ones I already have. :wink:

    First...this cracks me up. Fortunately, as a DR friend and fan, I feel adequately serviced.

    My response - I often get criticized from folks on my FL that I don't do enough interacting, or that I couldn't possibly have strong ties to so many people. While there are various levels of friendships I have with those on my FL, I do my best to support everyone when RL doesn't get in the way, and I have stopped accepting FR's not because I'm cliquish or snobby but because of creep-avoidance and I'm tired of people telling me I don't do enough.

    Huge* fan with much adoration for the RoJ here too! You just keep doing whatever works for you. I know how to find you when I start missing you! :bigsmile:

    I'm not, not accepting new friends....but I'm more likely to accept if I've interacted with you on the forums or you introduce yourself in your friend request message.

    I totally do NOT believe I'm "all that" nor am I self-rightous. But last I checked, this is a free-will website and I have the right to define my own limits and thus my journey. Sacrificing personal interests and freedoms is what got a good many of us here in the first place....is that not right?

    Peace. smiley-hug008.gif
  • Sandytoes71
    Sandytoes71 Posts: 463 Member
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    I honestly don't think people are trying to be 'cliquish', I think people just want to be able to focus on and have time for the friends they have on MFP. This site is not just a casual site like facebook where people blog about everything and anything. For the most part, the people here are really trying and some really struggle with weight loss. It's nice to be able to actually keep up with your list of friends and be encouraging. I trim my friend list quite a bit, because I just feel like i can't keep up. If I see people who are not active, I have to cut them. I want to be a supportive friend, but I have a life outside of MFP, so I can't have super long lists of friends to chat with or i'll be on here too much.

    This ^^^ but, I also understand the let down. I know for me, I am alittle ocd and therefore, I get really stressed if I feel I've missed showing a mfp friend care and concern, but I haven't limited my list because I feel bad also for doing that. But, honestly I understand ur feelings, I just want u to know it's not all about cliques. Not for me anyway.
  • kiminikimkim
    kiminikimkim Posts: 746 Member
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    Feel free to add me. I accept everyone but I will delete if they become inactive or attack someone else on the site.
  • KMSForLife
    KMSForLife Posts: 605
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    Kind of junior high(ish) don't you think. The OP has 101 friends, how many more does she need. I really wonder sometimes about the "friend *kitten*" on MFP. I have a couple with 100+ friends but they take it very seriously and offer lots of encouragement. I post on my profile I won't accept friend requests without a reason for making the request. If I don't get a reason then somebody either is a friend *kitten* or didn't take the time to click on my profile. Why would I want someone that isn't really interested enough to check my profile to be my friend?

    Yes, I do agree with your first sentence. However, I think the majority of those friends came after she posted this topic.
  • narrington77
    narrington77 Posts: 98 Member
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    I was dropped recently by someone and was kinda surprised. I log every day and sometimes make comments but not always. We even have a sport in common.

    Hunt her down in real life and creep into her house. Then read all of her messages about people and see if she talked about you.

    If that doesn't work, wait until she gets home then tie her up with duct tape and torture her until she tells you WHY.

    I think thats the best option.

    I have done this. It's super effective.

    funniest comment ever. lol
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    haha!! seriously?

    reading about people being so stuck up that they think 'allowing' you to be their friend is 'favour' is hilarious!! Morons.

    My friends list is small and exclusive, but that is because I am new and havent figured out how to add people yet, not because i'm stuck up

    Anyone who wants to add me is more than welcome :) we are all here for the same reason!!

    Don't let them frustrate you, just remember this: They might be able to use diet and excercise to get rid of the internal fat, but they will never get rid of internal ugly

    Overreact much? :huh:

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