Not accepting new friends. Need to... vent? Im not angry.

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  • brookepenni
    brookepenni Posts: 787 Member
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    I didn't realize that people were so overwhelmed, not to mention so important, that they feel the need to declare they are not accepting friends.

    Really... seriously??? This is a fitness website.. get over yourself.

    And, OF COURSE, I will be your friend. :)

    LOVE THIS^

    Why? Why does this make me self important?
  • ginnylee74
    ginnylee74 Posts: 398 Member
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    I have read most of the replies on this thread(haven't read them all) but I am one of the people OP is complaining about. I have a lovely little disclaimer on my profile that says Friend Requests must either have a message or we should have some things in common because I want to keep my friend list under 5 pages. I also explain why I don't log on this site any longer.

    I'm not doing it because I'm a snob or part of a clique. I do it because I was getting all these random friend requests, and then I'd add them and they'd sit on my list doing nothing or they would complain about everything/ask questions/opinions about every little thing related to diets and it drove me nuts.

    So call me what you want, but it's a choice... and I'm ok with it.

    I'm curious, if you don't log on this sight anymore, use your gym instead and the "friends" only complain and drive you nuts, why don't you just close your account here on MFP???????? What do you use this sight for? I thought it was to help yourself get your weight under control. and have a healthy life style. I'm not trying to be rude. I really would like to know. :smile:
  • amoffatt
    amoffatt Posts: 674 Member
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    I'm always on the lookout for new friends. I regularly delete those who are not being healthy, not logging in, etc.

    True, but...not logging in doesn't always mean a person is not being healthy.
  • darkrider42
    darkrider42 Posts: 5,340 Member
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    I have read most of the replies on this thread(haven't read them all) but I am one of the people OP is complaining about. I have a lovely little disclaimer on my profile that says Friend Requests must either have a message or we should have some things in common because I want to keep my friend list under 5 pages. I also explain why I don't log on this site any longer.

    I'm not doing it because I'm a snob or part of a clique. I do it because I was getting all these random friend requests, and then I'd add them and they'd sit on my list doing nothing or they would complain about everything/ask questions/opinions about every little thing related to diets and it drove me nuts.

    So call me what you want, but it's a choice... and I'm ok with it.

    I'm curious, if you don't log on this sight anymore, use your gym instead and the "friends" only complain and drive you nuts, why don't you just close your account here on MFP???????? What do you use this sight for? I thought it was to help yourself get your weight under control. and have a healthy life style. I'm not trying to be rude. I really would like to know. :smile:


    I thik she means she doesn't log (her food or exercise) on here....not that she doesn't log on to the *site* anymore ...
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    I have read most of the replies on this thread(haven't read them all) but I am one of the people OP is complaining about. I have a lovely little disclaimer on my profile that says Friend Requests must either have a message or we should have some things in common because I want to keep my friend list under 5 pages. I also explain why I don't log on this site any longer.

    I'm not doing it because I'm a snob or part of a clique. I do it because I was getting all these random friend requests, and then I'd add them and they'd sit on my list doing nothing or they would complain about everything/ask questions/opinions about every little thing related to diets and it drove me nuts.

    So call me what you want, but it's a choice... and I'm ok with it.

    I'm curious, if you don't log on this sight anymore, use your gym instead and the "friends" only complain and drive you nuts, why don't you just close your account here on MFP???????? What do you use this sight for? I thought it was to help yourself get your weight under control. and have a healthy life style. I'm not trying to be rude. I really would like to know. :smile:


    I thik she means she doesn't log (her food or exercise) on here....not that she doesn't log on to the *site* anymore ...

    Exactly what she said.

    Plus my gym site does not have a community option like this site does.. which I happen to like.

    I used MFP from April through November-ish to get my weight under control.. and now I use it for the community aspect and to further my fitness knowledge.
  • SexyCook
    SexyCook Posts: 2,253 Member
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    I have that note on my profile, but I answer messages if people who aren't on my friends list have specific questions or need a particular piece of advice or encouragement.
    I can't speak for everyone, but at least that's what I do.

    Agree with this...I had it up on my profile but it didn't stop anyone from sending the request...Its not so much about the ego...I support and expect it so I can't run thru tons of pals...The point of having pals is to support so if I am missing you do to to many friends that's no help or fair!!! I welcome questions on my journey as well as emails in reference to eating/exercise...Good luck to you in your journey!
  • brookepenni
    brookepenni Posts: 787 Member
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    I'm always on the lookout for new friends. I regularly delete those who are not being healthy, not logging in, etc.

    True, but...not logging in doesn't always mean a person is not being healthy.

    But how can you help and support a person as a FRIEND if your not logging in?
  • ilike2moveit
    ilike2moveit Posts: 776 Member
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    Yes, that would bother me too! I would love to have as many friends and support that I can get so please feel welcome to friend me!
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    So many judgemental people, all gathered together in one place. I'm terrified of being crushed by the herd of high horses.

    How about if we all try to let other people do things their own way, seeing as it doesn't really affect anyone apart from that person? Shall we try that for a change? You know. For fun.
  • committomittxoxo
    committomittxoxo Posts: 339 Member
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    I get it.. I mean, sometimes I'll see someone's comments left for a mutual friend's update and I'll think, "Hey, that's someone that I might enjoy as a buddy." Or maybe they seem really funny. And I've been declined. It kind of sucks because I want to stand up for myself and say, "Hey, I'm actually a really nice person!" --But that's okay. I realize that people are on here for different reasons. I log in everyday but I don't always log food and exercise. I'm here because MFP helps me keep fitness on the brain and I love being a cheerleader for my friends! I do the best I can to comment on other people's updates and read their diaries, even if it is just a simple "Way to go, girl!" I do have a lot of friends on my pals list so I might not get something in every single time but I do my best, and publicly apologize for absences. So, I always accept friend requests but I understand those that don't. *shrugs shoulders*
  • JadeRabbit08
    JadeRabbit08 Posts: 551 Member
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    General reply to the thread not the OP -

    Well looks like I am one of these rude stuck up self rightous ummm just trying to think what were some of the other insults posted, egotistical etc people.

    Having a wall that is so busy I can't even keep up with whats being said seems like a completely meaningless thing to do.
    Taking someones choice to be selective because they have time contraints and want to actually provide quality support to others as a personal rejection of you is being too sensitive. If you have 1000 friends how is that really supporting others? If you are on my friends list and I cant remember your name my list is too long. (for me)

    Sure some people just want a general cheer squad from the people on their friends lists and having huge numbers of "friends" works for them and I don't make judgements about that choice. Thats all they need and it works for them and their group.
    The irony is the amount of judgement on here for people who choose to keep their friends lists short. The only name calling so far has been from the "friendly" people.

    People who have closed friends lists have still answered mail I have sent them and been friendly and helpful.
    Just because you keep a short friends list doesnt mean your not friendly or are unwilling to help.

    Some peoples reasons for having short friends lists maybe due to being an introvert. Being an introvert is not a crime its just a character trait. Extrovert are energised by being around people, introverts become energised from withdrawing. Everyones needs are different and judging and insulting others whose support needs don't match yours isn't very attractive.

    To the OP, when I first started, a few of the profiles I read had messages of the sort you have come across. No need to be discouraged it doesn't take long to find good quality people here or if you just want a big cheer squad and that works for you just a few threads like this and you will get lots of friendly offers. Just dont take it as a personal rejection if some people are at their limit before you came along.

    (Edited to add that I do think I am incredibly awesome though.) :)
  • Soapstone
    Soapstone Posts: 134 Member
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    Don't stress about it. I haven't taken a lot of time to reach out to people here yet with friend requests-I work out, log my food, and read the forums to try to make sense of all the (often conflicting) advice, and I love reading success stories. My "weight loss journey" is pretty solitary, for the most part. I like that, in a way. Don't worry too much about what people think of you; focus on your health and your fitness goals and live and let live :)
  • akjmart2002
    akjmart2002 Posts: 263 Member
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    It's the.... Internet. Not your entire life. Don't let it get you down, nor should you assume that every adult in the world should or wants to be your "friend".

    Does it keep you from following your fitness plan? Nope.

    Should it distract you from your (hopefully existent) real world interests and relationships? Nope.
  • vanessaclarkgbr
    vanessaclarkgbr Posts: 765 Member
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    I've arrived late to the thread and probably it's been covered, but I've done this recently as I've not been able to come on here so much yet every time I log an exercise or a diary I've had loads of supportive comments - which I haven't 100% been able to return - which makes me an un-supportive friend so I removed anyone who hadn't logged or we hadn't had dialogue for a while, and put that message up.

    Originally I said please send me a message with a friend request so I know what you're about - but that just gets ignored, so now I don't feel bad rejecting those at all, and I'd still accept anyone who sent a genuine message. I'm not a big blog updater, but did help run a little group for UK friends with exercise challenges once which I didn't make private, and it got hijacked by a kid with an attitude problem, so that would be my reason for making any others private. I think what I'm trying to say is try sending these people you want to interact with a private message to tell them why, if they aren't idiots they will be supportive of you I'm sure! x
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    There are so many people on here. If someone doesn't want me as a friend, that's their loss. For every person you see who doesn't accept new friends, there are tons more who will and be happy to do so. The worst thing you can do is to waste your time worrying or wondering why that person didn't approve your request... f*** them and keep moving on! Life is way too short.
  • cairney4698
    cairney4698 Posts: 237
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    Feel free to add me. I am always happy to accept friends that are going to help me on my journey.
  • PeggysDad
    PeggysDad Posts: 105
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    I love a nice busy wall, anyone can add me and I guarantee they will be accepted :)
  • hungryPHATbunny
    hungryPHATbunny Posts: 84 Member
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    It's the.... Internet. Not your entire life. Don't let it get you down, nor should you assume that every adult in the world should or wants to be your "friend".

    Does it keep you from following your fitness plan? Nope.

    Should it distract you from your (hopefully existent) real world interests and relationships? Nope.

    Couldn't have put it better...well said above
  • gemiwing
    gemiwing Posts: 1,525 Member
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    Meh- if it's meant to be then they'll find me through the message boards or something. I don't view it as a personal insult (they don't even know I exist) but rather I showed up at the party too late and it was already full.
  • reaolliemama
    reaolliemama Posts: 489 Member
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    Feel free to add me. I try to be supportive of all my friends...I was recently dumped by someone whose blog I thought was inspiring and I sent a friend request...I was accepted...then all of a sudden nothing from them...I investigated and found we were no longer friends, so I sent another request with a message asking why and got a reply stating they had too many friends and I hadn't made enough "supportive" comments so I didn't make the cut, but I was being given another chance to be a better pal and was accepted again, well no thanks... I'll admit, sometimes I'm busy, but I usually try to at least give a "way to go" or a "keep on pushing" to friends on my wall...

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