Not accepting new friends. Need to... vent? Im not angry.

dad106

I have read most of the replies on this thread(haven't read them all) but I am one of the people OP is complaining about. I have a lovely little disclaimer on my profile that says Friend Requests must either have a message or we should have some things in common because I want to keep my friend list under 5 pages. I also explain why I don't log on this site any longer.

I'm not doing it because I'm a snob or part of a clique. I do it because I was getting all these random friend requests, and then I'd add them and they'd sit on my list doing nothing or they would complain about everything/ask questions/opinions about every little thing related to diets and it drove me nuts.

So call me what you want, but it's a choice... and I'm ok with it.

Hearts_2015

Um, no offense, but this is just weird and kind of creepy. Does she know you posted her pic?

ETA: I saw that you do have permission. Sorry, carry on, people! :flowerforyou:

Psst, I agree, I thought it was a little weird too. I'm glad she was ok with it though b/c she's lovely

I found it very strange when I saw that... I think the rule is to actually ask permission BEFORE you quote another member or use their photo not check for permission after.:huh: :noway:

It makes more sense, sorta creepy if we all went around quoting others & using their photos without their permission...actually I'm not sure it's to be done at all according to the MFP guidelines.

I see that member edited his post due to others concern just in time.:indifferent:

It's okay - yes, it's strange, but not a big deal. I wasn't offended or freaked out.

Well you're a pretty cool chick Cory!:flowerforyou:

SwtKittN

Well I was looking to add you, I have quite afew friends myself while I don't really turn people away, I do decline ones that don't leave messages. I look and saw you have 120+ friends so it looks like this post did the trick for you XD

With so many friends it really is impossible to keep up with people.. I don't think they're saying they're not accepting to be mean, just so you don't request and then wonder why it was never accepted. Even if you have 50 people, and they do say an exercise, plus completing diaries, that alone is 100 comments for 1 person to reply to. Plus I don't simply post wtg, etc, I like to look into people diaries when they complete, see what they had for the day etc it can be VERY time consuming. To the point this weekend I didn't comment on any of my friends really Like I said I wouldn't turn people away but I can understand why people want to limit the number of friends they do have so they can be supportive to all the ones they do have.

lipglossjunky73

Friend me..... I don't post that much, but definitely send me a request!!!!!

I also have a motivational Facebook page if you are interested in joining!!! I have made a lot of nice connections through it!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Perfect-Fit/210745002332718

You may meet some nice like minded people there!!!! Don't let someone's shallow rejection affect you in any way!!!!

tmfpartyof4

I understand. I really do. You have too many already. You really want to be able to support those you have. Whatever.

I get it but it still sucks.

Im having a real hard time right now (I know... wah, wah, wah) and I was reading through the blogs out there to see if anyone can relate. So, I find your words to be inspiring and think that maybe you would be a great support for me.
(totally selfish I know, but I do try to support my friends also. So dont lecture...)

When I click through to your page to send a request Im met with a...

**PLEASE READ***
I am not accepting new friends at this time, [insert reason here]...

ok, that sucks but I move on. Back to the blog. Maybe I can just "subscribe" to it. Maybe just having your words in my inbox will be just as inspiring. So I click subscribe...

Nope, you dont want that either.

So, essentially you have your group and thats it. I get it. I really do.

It still sucks.

I was on that beachbody site and, honestly, its worse there. Everyone's so fit and perfect that they have no need for... newbies? fatties? someone not like them...

Unfortunately, MFP sometimes feels like that.

Sorry, its just a bit disappointing sometimes. Feeling like the outsider...

feel free to add me. Support is important. I know I could use it as well.

snowflowr82

I'm always on the lookout for new friends. I regularly delete those who are not being healthy, not logging in, etc.

Aw I'd hate if my friends deleted me because I didn't log or wasnt healthy,I have had a really bad week this week and I need by friends more than ever when I am like this or else I would probably just give up.xgx

If its been like over a year i will delete them but otherwise i dont because i know we all have hard months/weeks/days.. I befriend anyone that is interested in being my friend or that i feel has a similar goal/obstacles i do in how i relate to them but i will accept anyone that requests I also say WTG, good job so they know that i see and appreciate they are putting time and energy into making this work for them. Wish you all the best towards your weightloss/healthy goals!!! Love this site

piezoeyjune

Kind of junior high(ish) don't you think. The OP has 101 friends, how many more does she need. I really wonder sometimes about the "friend *kitten*" on MFP. I have a couple with 100+ friends but they take it very seriously and offer lots of encouragement. I post on my profile I won't accept friend requests without a reason for making the request. If I don't get a reason then somebody either is a friend *kitten* or didn't take the time to click on my profile. Why would I want someone that isn't really interested enough to check my profile to be my friend?

B4 this thread I had 1 friend. Thanks to the wonderful folks who heard what I was saying and understood. I realize that now I have many and I hope to be there for all. Logically speaking though that may b difficult. L support who/when/what I can and hopefully no one will be offended if I miss them that day.

I wonder how to close a thread so others like u don't see me as some sort of hoarder/hypocrite/psycho etc...

p0stdramatic

I haven't read all of this thread, but I'm sure this has been said before. I keep my friends list short (25-30) because I want to be able to have time to look at everyone's diaries, status updates, weigh-ins, and workouts. I want to have time to comment and give my opinions, input, and advice when needed. I also NEED friends that support me, congratulate me, and call me out. I'm pretty busy, but I know how important it is for all of us to have support.

There are so many people on this site, there are plenty of friends for everyone. I have mine, and I add some occasionally because people come and go. It's not a clique, and it's nothing personal. Several of my friends are actually people I know. These are the people I ended up with. I kept them all for very specific reasons, and I'm sure they would say the same about me. If my news feed is full of updates from 100 people, I just can't keep up. I usually don't have more than 5-10 minutes during the week. That doesn't make me an *kitten*. I just want to be able to give the most support that I can, and I just can't do it when I have too many friends. I'm here to change my lifestyle, get REAL support and give it, not see how many friends I can make.

sarahgilmore

Why don't you just send them a message instead (although now you can't cos they'll know this thread is about them, but in theory...) Say that you liked their blog post, that it helped. Ask a question. Conversation happens. That's how people become friends.
You'll probably find that if there's a connection, the friends thing will eventually come. And if not, then nothing lost.

pauljsolie

Kind of junior high(ish) don't you think. The OP has 101 friends, how many more does she need. I really wonder sometimes about the "friend *kitten*" on MFP. I have a couple with 100+ friends but they take it very seriously and offer lots of encouragement. I post on my profile I won't accept friend requests without a reason for making the request. If I don't get a reason then somebody either is a friend *kitten* or didn't take the time to click on my profile. Why would I want someone that isn't really interested enough to check my profile to be my friend?

B4 this thread I had 1 friend. Thanks to the wonderful folks who heard what I was saying and understood. I realize that now I have many and I hope to be there for all. Logically speaking though that may b difficult. L support who/when/what I can and hopefully no one will be offended if I miss them that day.

I wonder how to close a thread so others like u don't see me as some sort of hoarder/hypocrite/psycho etc...

Sorry, didn't realize you only had one at the start. Removing my foot from my mouth as I type!!!

yogavegan

i always add people.. if they send me a message and tell me something about themselves, and i think my blog is subscribable, i have no idea how to turn that on or off!

i do clean house every few weeks though, and if people havent logged in, i delete them, cuz i dont need any dead weight

tataliciousd89

I accept all new friends who don't piss me off and you haven't done anything to piss me off so we're good there (I'm not easy to piss off). I will delete any of my friends who stop logging in for 5 days in a row tho so you need to be dedicated to this.

noexcuses84

naw i'll b ur friend!! i haven't personally come across any cliques but i'm sure they r out there!

CoryIda

Um, no offense, but this is just weird and kind of creepy. Does she know you posted her pic?

ETA: I saw that you do have permission. Sorry, carry on, people! :flowerforyou:

Psst, I agree, I thought it was a little weird too. I'm glad she was ok with it though b/c she's lovely

I found it very strange when I saw that... I think the rule is to actually ask permission BEFORE you quote another member or use their photo not check for permission after.:huh: :noway:

It makes more sense, sorta creepy if we all went around quoting others & using their photos without their permission...actually I'm not sure it's to be done at all according to the MFP guidelines.

I see that member edited his post due to others concern just in time.:indifferent:

It's okay - yes, it's strange, but not a big deal. I wasn't offended or freaked out.

Well you're a pretty cool chick Cory!:flowerforyou:

Thanks!
(but I'm still one of those mean I-am-not-accepting-new-friends-at-this-time people... just a nice version of one)

metisgirl

you can add me as well...

vickip13

I really respect people having boundaries. It is their own responsibility to only take on what they can handle. You can only assume their motivations. YOUR responsibility is to manage your own emotions and response. It probably has nothing to do with you. You should explore why such an an anonymous rejection has such a profound impact on you.

Jesea

I'm trying to keep my "friends" list to others that have similar situations...similar weight to lose, women, older than 35...just because I feel I can better relate to them and offer more support. So feel free to friend me!

elledo

I didn't realize that people were so overwhelmed, not to mention so important, that they feel the need to declare they are not accepting friends.

Really... seriously??? This is a fitness website.. get over yourself.

And, OF COURSE, I will be your friend.

LOVE THIS^

brookepenni

I actually decline quite a few friend requests. I like to support my friends and cant do that when my list gets extreme. I work full time and I am also a part time Uni student - I dont have hours and hours to sit on this website lol.

I like to have common goals and know why people want to be my friend. No message - no friend is my rule. I also cull self sabotages or people who are constantly negative - I dont need that. I try to help, but then there becomes a limit to how many times I can bang my head on a brick wall. I also remove friends who enjoy McDonalds 4 times a week, go over their calorie goal and then complain that they arent losing any weight week after week.

So in a nutshell - I surround myself with positive people who are genuinely trying to improve thier health and fitness, not necessarily weightloss.

I agree what others have said about you exploring why this bothers you. We are all random strangers, and are under no obligation to open our lives to everyone on here. You can offer as much or as little information to the world - its your choice. And its my choice not to friend the world.

Good luck on your journey. Hopefully you've succeeded with this post and made some new - and who knows - life long friends!

Changinghabits68

I didn't realize that people were so overwhelmed, not to mention so important, that they feel the need to declare they are not accepting friends.

Really... seriously??? This is a fitness website.. get over yourself.

And, OF COURSE, I will be your friend.

I agree! and yes I will be your friend. I have struggles just like everyone else, and the more support we have for one another, the better we will be in achieving our goals.