Public Transportation & Giving up your seat

lickmybaconcakes

I'd usually offer my seat to someone else who was in more need of it (gender,age,disability regardless)the only exception being if when someone asks me and they make it seem as though it is their divine right to have the seat, even though I'm already sitting there.

It is courteous to offer; but from the other person it is rude to expect it.

Why should one be expected to abide by a virtue but in return the reverse is ignored?

knapowell

I'm not surprised by anything anymore. Last summer, we took our first family vacation to Disney. Each day we took the buses back and forth to the parks. I couldn't believe how rude people were - and these were primarily families. When the buses would fill up, my husband and I would sit our children on our laps (4 and 9). If someone with a small child/baby, pregnant woman, etc would get on and there was no seat, we would stand and let them sit, but I was disgusted how most people acted (it really was most, I know it was the middle of August, and blazing hot, people were tired, but seriously most people would not even look you in the face). On one trip, our 4 year old fell asleep as we were waiting for a bus back to the resort. My husband and I had to stand and take turns holding him, while other parents let their small children, teenagers, and even their bags have seats to themselves.

Batchoy

Men should give up their seats for women. Young people should give up their seats for the elderly. The able should give up their seats for the disabled. It saddens me that this is even a question.

I happily give up my seat to the elderly, disabled, and pregnant and people with children, but having received abuse for opening doors for women and letting a women have my seat and been told that I was a chauvinist, misogynistic pig for doing so my position has become that unless a woman clearly needs the seat I will sit on it, and if I get to the door first I will walk through it first and she can hold the door open herself unless she clearly can't. What goes around comes around.

It is clear to me that there are many women young and old who do not have the manners that I was brought up with.

EmCarroll1990

I think this thread has turned hilarious. Now, we're complaining about men being gentlemen by giving up their seats and opening doors for women? Seriously women! What the heck is wrong with you?

I bet if a man was walking in front of you and let the door shut as opposed to holding it for you, people would be getting all pissy about that as well.

Personally, I love a door being held open for me, and a seat being offered to me. Shows there are still some gentlemen left in this world. And to those that still do this, thank you. It puts a smile on my face and sets me up for a great day.

WickedGarden

Now, a question - would you give up your seat in the front or back (the seats that are sideways and larger, and usually meant for elderly/disabled) for someone who is extremely obese? I'm talking someone who 400+ lbs. Is it discrimination if you deliberately don't (for whatever reason), or is it sort of offensive to assume they need a seat? Or... what? Some other reason you would or wouldn't?

yes, the busses here actually have signs near the front seats that state "these seats are reserved for handicapped and/or elderly riders-you may sit here but must give up the seat if it needs to be used"

I also witnessed a young punk (he was 14-16 with his pants around his ankles)who was sitting there, the bus was full, and a senior citizen with a walker got on the bus, he didn't move (the other seats had elderly people in them) the bus driver yelled at him to give up his seat or he was welcome to walk to his destination. He made some comment and the driver made him get off the bus.

I don't 'automatically' get up, I always offer my seat to someone if they look like they need it. Once I offered my seat and the guy said, "If I sit down, I won't be able to get back up! Thanks anyway"

To answer the OP's question, the elderly lady shouldn't have to ask the kid to give up his seat. he's an idiot. If he does go off on her, I wouldn't blame her if she beat him over the head with her purse.

TheBraveryLover

But as for the men giving up his seat for a lady...it's all in how the individual feels about it. I would not take a seat if it was offered to me by a man who was there first just because I'm a woman, but I definitely would not be offended if he offered. Some men were raised to do things like that, some don't believe it's necessary. Neither are wrong, in my opinion, just different view points. The thing that bothers me is all the friggin assuming and judging people do about these types of situations! I don't expect anyone to give up their seat for me because I'm a lady, but I appreciate the thought behind the offer. But I also wouldn't notice a LACK of an offer on a crowded bus I was standing on. And I'm sure a lot of the women out there feel similarly.

There's no reason to get the grumpies about what different people would do in this situation (Men giving up seat for ladies or not). That's a waste of energy, in my opinion.

Very well said, Mallory. I actually have been offered a seat by men (young and old) and I accept every time:happy:, but I don't expect it. It's a nice gesture and makes me feel more womanly and feminine. But it's not something I notice if I happen to be standing on a crowded bus. I do, however, notice how nearly every time I step onto a train or bus, the men who're waiting at the stop almost always let the women get on first. Maybe I just live in a courteous city? (ironically, it's Chicago haha)

boomboom011

I think this thread has turned hilarious. Now, we're complaining about men being gentlemen by giving up their seats and opening doors for women? Seriously women! What the heck is wrong with you?

I bet if a man was walking in front of you and let the door shut as opposed to holding it for you, people would be getting all pissy about that as well.

Personally, I love a door being held open for me, and a seat being offered to me. Shows there are still some gentlemen left in this world. And to those that still do this, thank you. It puts a smile on my face and sets me up for a great day.

:drinker:

thepetiterunner

I feel that there is a set of common sense, courtesy rules that should be implemented when giving up a seat to someone else:

1. All youngish, able-bodied men, should give up their seat to a woman (elderly or not).
2. All young people (both female and male) should give up their seat to someone elderly or disabled.
3. Most people should give up their seat to pregnant women or women carrying a small child (I'm talking babies here).

I just figure I'm young and healthy, active and in good shape so I don't need the chair as much as others do. It saddens me that this college guy gets annoyed when an elderly woman asks for a seat. It's not a question in mind, that she should have it.

almonds1

What are your thoughts on this?

I was just reading the advice column in Reader's Digest, there was a question from a college age guy. There is a campus wide bus system that is free to the general public. Recently an elderly woman has been riding the bus and he wants to know if it is appropriate to tell her off because she always asks one of the college kids to give her a seat.

Now, I have been thinking about it and I admit, it makes me a little sad.

college, high school, grown up...doesnt matter, offer it!!!

prose58

Men should give up their seats for women. Young people should give up their seats for the elderly. The able should give up their seats for the disabled. It saddens me that this is even a question.

I agree with this. On the C-train I see young people sitting that should be offering a seat to someone else. Too busy with their headphones in their ears to see or care.

rml_16

I'm not surprised by anything anymore. Last summer, we took our first family vacation to Disney. Each day we took the buses back and forth to the parks. I couldn't believe how rude people were - and these were primarily families. When the buses would fill up, my husband and I would sit our children on our laps (4 and 9). If someone with a small child/baby, pregnant woman, etc would get on and there was no seat, we would stand and let them sit, but I was disgusted how most people acted (it really was most, I know it was the middle of August, and blazing hot, people were tired, but seriously most people would not even look you in the face). On one trip, our 4 year old fell asleep as we were waiting for a bus back to the resort. My husband and I had to stand and take turns holding him, while other parents let their small children, teenagers, and even their bags have seats to themselves.

Interesting ... We go to Disney a couple times a year. I've seen people not give up seats, but I've never once seen someone use a seat for a bag when a bus or the monorail was full.

That's beyond rude.

LauraMacNCheese

I think this thread has turned hilarious. Now, we're complaining about men being gentlemen by giving up their seats and opening doors for women? Seriously women! What the heck is wrong with you?

I bet if a man was walking in front of you and let the door shut as opposed to holding it for you, people would be getting all pissy about that as well.

Personally, I love a door being held open for me, and a seat being offered to me. Shows there are still some gentlemen left in this world. And to those that still do this, thank you. It puts a smile on my face and sets me up for a great day.

You just reminded me of something...when I first moved to NV, I was going to a store and I held the door for the people behind me and they looked at me like I was from another planet, LOL! :laugh:

Nopedotjpeg

I just figure I'm young and healthy, active and in good shape so I don't need the chair as much as others do.

Then why do you need someone to give it up for you?

EmCarroll1990

I think this thread has turned hilarious. Now, we're complaining about men being gentlemen by giving up their seats and opening doors for women? Seriously women! What the heck is wrong with you?

I bet if a man was walking in front of you and let the door shut as opposed to holding it for you, people would be getting all pissy about that as well.

Personally, I love a door being held open for me, and a seat being offered to me. Shows there are still some gentlemen left in this world. And to those that still do this, thank you. It puts a smile on my face and sets me up for a great day.

You just reminded me of something...when I first moved to NV, I was going to a store and I held the door for the people behind me and they looked at me like I was from another planet, LOL! :laugh:

Weird how politeness and courtesy are so lost now a days.

KristysLosing

I remember waddling to the back of a bus and standing as it took off when I was heavily ( hugely) preggers. Then a man from the front stood up in the isle and yelled out....."come here and have my seat- and you should all be ashamed of yourselves!!"
So I waddled back down there red faced as the whole bus sat silently as they'd been told off!!

What an awesome guy!

k8blujay2

Personally, I don't expect people to give me a seat (at least not right now)... as I'm an able bodied woman... not that it matters anyway, as we don't even HAVE public transportation around here... but when I was in college... I lived on a busy route as well (well it was super busy at the beginning of the semester and then dwindled down as the semester went on) to the point were we were all like sardines in a can, people would have to jump off and then on again to let people off... Anyway, It's just a considerate thing to do to give up your seat for those that have a hard time standing on a moving bus or train... There is nothing wrong with being considerate.

As far as chivalry is concerned... I don't expect it, but I like it when it happens. If I ever have a son, I will be teaching him to be chivalrous... in my opinion, it's a sign of respect, not degradation.

MrDude_1

Men should give up their seats for women. Young people should give up their seats for the elderly. The able should give up their seats for the disabled. It saddens me that this is even a question.

I happily give up my seat to the elderly, disabled, and pregnant and people with children, but having received abuse for opening doors for women and letting a women have my seat and been told that I was a chauvinist, misogynistic pig for doing so my position has become that unless a woman clearly needs the seat I will sit on it, and if I get to the door first I will walk through it first and she can hold the door open herself unless she clearly can't. What goes around comes around

first.. dont blame one persons behavior on the entire sex.... and dont use one persons poor manners as an excuse for your behavior.
second.. theres an elegant modern solution to this.

I will hold the door for the person.
A polite person will thank me or gesture a thanks.
An average person will walk through it, but not say anything.
A total ***** will call me a pig. I can then do one of two things.

take the higher road and say how I hold the door for everyone, and shes being sexist for thinking its because shes female.
or take the lower road and call her a c*nt.
what road I take depends on the environment.

ItsCasey

Men should give up their seats for women. Young people should give up their seats for the elderly. The able should give up their seats for the disabled. It saddens me that this is even a question.

Why should men have to give up their seats for women? Are women inherently unable to stand for as long as men are?

I mean, I understand the cute idea of being chivalrous, but why can't a women show respect for a man by offering up her seat to him? Is that not a courteous gesture that any human being can offer another, without expectation? Why are men expected to act respectful like that, and women aren't? Or would a woman offering up her seat to a man just be too bossy, and no longer respectful, just because she has a vagina?

Ever notice how much hatred chauvinists have for women and how much hatred extreme feminists have for men? That's the path we're headed down, as a society, because people think chivalry is just a "cute idea." This is what happens when we fail to acknowledge and respect the fundamental truth that men and women are different.

EmCarroll1990

Men should give up their seats for women. Young people should give up their seats for the elderly. The able should give up their seats for the disabled. It saddens me that this is even a question.

I happily give up my seat to the elderly, disabled, and pregnant and people with children, but having received abuse for opening doors for women and letting a women have my seat and been told that I was a chauvinist, misogynistic pig for doing so my position has become that unless a woman clearly needs the seat I will sit on it, and if I get to the door first I will walk through it first and she can hold the door open herself unless she clearly can't. What goes around comes around

first.. dont blame one persons behavior on the entire sex.... and dont use one persons poor manners as an excuse for your behavior.
second.. theres an elegant modern solution to this.

I will hold the door for the person.
A polite person will thank me or gesture a thanks.
An average person will walk through it, but not say anything.
A total ***** will call me a pig. I can then do one of two things.

take the higher road and say how I hold the door for everyone, and shes being sexist for thinking its because shes female.
or take the lower road and call her a c*nt.
what road I take depends on the environment.

I'd call her a c*nt.

WhittRak

Men should give up their seats for women.

Sexist much?

It's not called "sexism" it's called being a gentleman. Get it right.

ncahill77

I always get so pissed when I see some young guy sitting there with ladies (young or old) and older men standing....get your lazy *kitten* up!

I also say ma'am, but if people don't like it that's ok because I am not acting polite for you, I do it for me.

KristysLosing

You offer your seat to a lady. Period.

I'd like to smack that kid. Some 19 year old futzing with his iPod and wants some old woman to stand while he sits comfortably. That's not a man. That's a little boy who could use some manners.

Bull****...

I ride the train everyday. And readily give up my seat to pregnant women, women with small children, anyone with a cane or obvious handicap... even a really old frail looking person. I am the first to offer up my seat. Or if someone asks, sometimes you dont feel well and really want a seat, people ask and I will stand.

But ANY lady? That is just plain craziness. She and I both worked all day, and I happened to be lucky enough to score a seat for 20 minutes. Such are the breaks we are all equal in the world! I actually think offering your seat to an able bodied woman other then some lame attempt to hit on her should be considered an insult to her. why does she need your seat, is her vagina too heavy to stand with?

Did you spend your day in heels, like women are "supposed" to in the business world?

I take the bus or train almost everyday, and its almost always elderly men that ever offer me their seat.

For what its worth, I always decline. I consider myself a huge feminist and it isn't an insult for a GENTLEMAN to treat you like a lady.

I only wear heels on the weekend... but I might have spent half the day climbing bridges or crawling through a tunnel. Sorry your shoes hurt, bring some sneaker for the commute

Sorry...I have to agree. We wear heels by choice. Regardless of who expects us to, it's a choice we make. And I also agree that, while it may be gentleman like, there is no need for a man to offer his seat to any woman who comes through the door. Now hold the door open, or the elevator door, that is always appreciated, but I do the same if I'm the first one there.

ejohndrow

It shouldn't have anything to do with sex. The able should give their seats up to the less able. I'm a female (obviously), but I'm in good shape. If I'm in a place where there are seats such as public transportation, or an airport etc., I will gladly give my seat up to someone who needs it more.

Heaven71

Poor thing...she shouldn't have to ask....she should have many guys offering their seat up anyway. Geez....I even offer my seat up to the elderly, kids and pregnant women.

^This


Kids don;t see much beyond the here and now and next weekend, they fail to empathise because no one ever taught them that it will be them one day anfd you should do unto others. My question to him would be...

How would you feel if it was obvious that you needed to sit and someone healthy and happy told you off for asking? Yeah, you'd be mad as all He((

MrDude_1

I'd call her a c*nt.

I think I'd get along with you. :laugh:

ski0721

People are terrible on the Boston public transportation system. It it very rare that I see anyone get off their a** for a person who could really use a seat. Sad indeed!

EmCarroll1990

I'd call her a c*nt.

I think I'd get along with you. :laugh:

Hahah!

beattie1

A long time ago, travelling home from work on the Tube in London, 8 and 1/2 months pregnant, knackered, I stood for some time, strap-hanging, staring at men hiding behind their papers while I wondered whether to ask someone to give me their seat. After a few minutes, someone DID offer me their seat - it was a middle-aged woman. I was SOOO grateful - and despised all those male loafers who had ignored me.

These days people, especially women, are more assertive & I hope anyone in the same position these days would feel able to tap the person sitting in the seat labelled "Please give up this seat if someone else needs it" on the knee and ask to sit down.

ncahill77

I'm not surprised by anything anymore. Last summer, we took our first family vacation to Disney. Each day we took the buses back and forth to the parks. I couldn't believe how rude people were - and these were primarily families. When the buses would fill up, my husband and I would sit our children on our laps (4 and 9). If someone with a small child/baby, pregnant woman, etc would get on and there was no seat, we would stand and let them sit, but I was disgusted how most people acted (it really was most, I know it was the middle of August, and blazing hot, people were tired, but seriously most people would not even look you in the face). On one trip, our 4 year old fell asleep as we were waiting for a bus back to the resort. My husband and I had to stand and take turns holding him, while other parents let their small children, teenagers, and even their bags have seats to themselves.

I have picked up peoples bags before and put them on the floor to open a seat, all while giving the say something *kitten* look to them. Inconsiderate pr#cks.

k8blujay2

I always get so pissed when I see some young guy sitting there with ladies (young or old) and older men standing....get your lazy *kitten* up!

I also say ma'am, but if people don't like it that's ok because I am not acting polite for you, I do it for me.

Being from Texas I am quite often called ma'am... I used to be offended at it when I was in my teens because I wasn't "old enough" to be a "ma'am" (by the way, I'm also a Military brat so Ma'am and Sir were expected titles in my household)... that is until my best friends brother explained that it is out of respect that they call me ma'am...