Public Transportation & Giving up your seat

AussieGem

Now, a question - would you give up your seat in the front or back (the seats that are sideways and larger, and usually meant for elderly/disabled) for someone who is extremely obese? I'm talking someone who 400+ lbs. Is it discrimination if you deliberately don't (for whatever reason), or is it sort of offensive to assume they need a seat? Or... what? Some other reason you would or wouldn't?

I have never been in a situation but I would assume that people in this category would know that an offer for them to sit isnt offered to be offensive but to genuinely help them. I would offer at least get up and make an offer. Is that correct??

rml_16

It dismays me, all this sexist talk and examples of women giving men a hard time for opening doors or giving up seats (although, the "jockeying" in an elevator to let me off first is silly but still sweet). Women, when a man does this for you, he is treating you with RESPECT. Be flattered. Be honored. Be grateful. You are not somehow inferior because he held your door nor does he think you are. Quite the opposite, really. He's thinking very highly of you. I think it's adorable.

To the men...feel free to hold my door. I will smile and probably wink at you and will most definitely say thank you. It's not necessary to give up your seat for me, but on my commuter train, it's happened more than once. And the feeling is amazing. I think I've only accepted once because he was already standing and insisting.

Back to the OP, YES, all able bodied should give up their seat for someone who needs it, pregnant, elderly, etc.

I totally agree. I never understood the anger about having a door held, but in college I took a feminist theory class and finally got my answer.

Apparently, the tradition goes back to when women wore hoop skirts and couldn't reach a door to open it. So, current feminists (the ones who get upset over such things, anyway) blame men for women having to wear fashions that made every-day life difficult and so they see the gesture as condescending.

I'm in the camp that if you want to hold a door for me, I will do nothing other than thank you and smile.

escloflowneCHANGED

would you give up your seat in the front or back (the seats that are sideways and larger, and usually meant for elderly/disabled) for someone who is extremely obese? I'm talking someone who 400+ lbs. Is it discrimination if you deliberately don't (for whatever reason), or is it sort of offensive to assume they need a seat? Or... what? Some other reason you would or wouldn't?

I would offer my seat if I could see any type of discomfort from standing on the bus. Regardless of age, sex or weight.

livinginwoods

You offer your seat to a lady. Period.

I'd like to smack that kid. Some 19 year old futzing with his iPod and wants some old woman to stand while he sits comfortably. That's not a man. That's a little boy who could use some manners.

Bull****...

I ride the train everyday. And readily give up my seat to pregnant women, women with small children, anyone with a cane or obvious handicap... even a really old frail looking person. I am the first to offer up my seat. Or if someone asks, sometimes you dont feel well and really want a seat, people ask and I will stand.

But ANY lady? That is just plain craziness. She and I both worked all day, and I happened to be lucky enough to score a seat for 20 minutes. Such are the breaks we are all equal in the world! I actually think offering your seat to an able bodied woman other then some lame attempt to hit on her should be considered an insult to her. why does she need your seat, is her vagina too heavy to stand with?

I agree with this statement. Many men are on their feet all day long or doing back breaking work. Many women sit behind a desk all day long. Why should a man give up a seat for a woman unless she was pregnant, elderly or disabled?

I used to ride the bus in LA and I was always offered a seat and I took it when it was offered. But I never expected it. Our bus driver in the morning would yell at anyone who did not offer their seat to the disabled or elderly. I would also offer my own seat. It is the right thing to do.

Eaglesfanintn

Men should give up their seats for women.

Sexist much?

How is that sexist? How is having the good manners that my parents taught me sexist? I say ma'am and sir, I hold the door open for my wife (and would open her car door if I wasn't having a problem with my car and had to unlock it from the driver's side - but I did when it worked properly). I say please and thank you and, yes, I give up seats on public transportation for women, the elderly or anyone that appears to need a seat. Even at the unhealthiest point in my life, I'd gladly give up my seat for someone who needed it more.
I consider myself a very progressive person - but being progressive doesn't mean you have bad manners.

CountryBoy65

It dismays me, all this sexist talk and examples of women giving men a hard time for opening doors or giving up seats (although, the "jockeying" in an elevator to let me off first is silly but still sweet). Women, when a man does this for you, he is treating you with RESPECT. Be flattered. Be honored. Be grateful. You are not somehow inferior because he held your door nor does he think you are. Quite the opposite, really. He's thinking very highly of you. I think it's adorable.

To the men...feel free to hold my door. I will smile and probably wink at you and will most definitely say thank you. It's not necessary to give up your seat for me, but on my commuter train, it's happened more than once. And the feeling is amazing. I think I've only accepted once because he was already standing and insisting.

Back to the OP, YES, all able bodied should give up their seat for someone who needs it, pregnant, elderly, etc.

Good post. I was raised as a southern gentleman. Giving up your seat, holding doors, opening car doors,.....the works. I have always done this, for any female, regardless of age. As time goes on, there are more and more women who seem offended when I do this. Granted, the majority of people are thankful and polite, but that one in 10 or so that wants to make it an issue makes it difficult to know what to do. How am I to react when I am publicly embarrassed by someone simply for offering a seat, or holding a door, or allowing someone to get off of an elevator first? After a while, it seems easier to just pretend to be in bolivian and ignore those around you. More and more, the world seems to be moving on, and moving away from the common courtesies that I was taught as a child, and that I still try to teach my son. I still do try to do these things, but I also look at the situation and evaluate how my actions will be received. I recently took a co-worker to pick up her car from the shop at lunch. When we walked out to my truck, I opened the passenger door for her. She thanked me and got in, and when I had come around and got in the driver side, she told me that she had been dating the same guy for several years, and that he had never opened her car door for her. I was astonished, because I have always done that. But it really is amazing how many times I have been embarrassed by someone for offering a seat, or holding a door. Its damned if you do, and damned if you don't....

mdsjmom98

I would give up my seat for the elderly, or for a pregnant woman, or someone with a child. As a woman I would not expect anyone to give up their seat for me JUST because I'm a woman. If I had a ailment that may not be obvious (i.e. back issues) I would ask if someone would. I have ALWAYS raised my boys to hold doors for everyone, not just women, or to help out when someone appears to be struggling. At 2 years old, my son held a door for a lady (without prompting) and the lady not only told me what a good job I was doing raising him, but thanked me for raising a kid with manners. As a society we have fallen far away from manners, and I think we all appreciate when someone is polite as opposed to being a jerk. I wish we could go back to a better time when people had manners.

Mallory0418

It dismays me, all this sexist talk and examples of women giving men a hard time for opening doors or giving up seats (although, the "jockeying" in an elevator to let me off first is silly but still sweet). Women, when a man does this for you, he is treating you with RESPECT. Be flattered. Be honored. Be grateful. You are not somehow inferior because he held your door nor does he think you are. Quite the opposite, really. He's thinking very highly of you. I think it's adorable.

To the men...feel free to hold my door. I will smile and probably wink at you and will most definitely say thank you. It's not necessary to give up your seat for me, but on my commuter train, it's happened more than once. And the feeling is amazing. I think I've only accepted once because he was already standing and insisting.

Back to the OP, YES, all able bodied should give up their seat for someone who needs it, pregnant, elderly, etc.

Well said. Couldn't agree more.

EmCarroll1990

I will gladly give up my seat for the elderly, disabled, people with children, pregnant women, or people carrying a lot *kitten*/bags/suitcases. I understand men are trying to be polite when they give up their seat for me, and I say 'thank you' and have a seat, but it seems a little ridiculous, especially when it's someone around my age, to give up their seat for me.

Now, a question - would you give up your seat in the front or back (the seats that are sideways and larger, and usually meant for elderly/disabled) for someone who is extremely obese? I'm talking someone who 400+ lbs. Is it discrimination if you deliberately don't (for whatever reason), or is it sort of offensive to assume they need a seat? Or... what? Some other reason you would or wouldn't?

Honestly, to answer your question, no I wouldn't. For two reasons: 1) You already stated, they may take it as an insult. 2) Just because I am smaller than you, and it's your choice to get to the size you did, doesn't mean I should give up my seat for that reason.

christine24t

I think if a man WANTS to give up a seat to a woman, it would definitely be appreciated, but again like people have said, men work just as hard as women. If the woman is pregnant, elderly or disabled, then of course he should give it up, just because he is able-bodied.

passifloraFoetida

The only reason why I don't do it more often myself is because I have health issues that make it hard for me to stand for long periods of time, or expend a lot of energy. When I'm already fighting to get through my day, the last thing I want is to be asked to give up my seat. But I'm one small part of a large group of people my age, some of whom are perfectly healthy, and should. When I have the energy to get up and stand I will. Otherwise, just keep in mind that people with hidden illnesses get really good at not appearing sick to others. If the student, like myself, politely turns you down, stating that they have health problems, please don't take it the wrong way. It's already awkward enough for us. Not everyone who is young, is healthy. Young people are just better at hiding it.

(I know this is kind out of left field as far as the conversation goes, but I just wanted to throw the viewpoint in there, as this type of situation comes up surprisingly often for me in different forms, and it always leaves me feeling awkward and guilty; like I'm being judge for a burden I wish I didn't have to bear.)

Just as an example, there was one time recently where my boyfriend and I were at an Olive garden that was packed waiting to be seated. The waiting area was full up, and we were standing by the door when I suddenly began to have a pretty severe low blood sugar (trembling, overheating, blurry vision, confusion, weakness, nausea ect.), and realized I wasn't going to be able to stay standing. My boyfriend had to help to the ground, while the seemingly healthy onlookers just watched me have a medical emergency. No one offered a seat, or asked if I was okay. They just watched. He ended up running to the bar, and bringing me back a soda to sip on until I could sit up under my own strength again. These episodes happen to me frequently and without warning. I could have had a huge meal an hour ago and it wouldn't be a stretch for it to happen. The conversation reminded me of this, I'm not sure why.

FaugHorn

MEN should always give there seat up for women, children, and handicap PERiOD. bus, plane, train where ever. no need to concider.

"Plane"

If there are not enough seats on a plane I think there's something SERIOUSLY wrong with the airline.

What people do to be nice and what they're expected to do is completely different. It's nice that someone gave up a first class seat to someone in the military, but I wouldn't expect anyone to do that.

Perhaps he was thinking bathroom seat

just trying to get my point across...

I know :flowerforyou:

MrDude_1

MEN should always give there seat up for women, children, and handicap PERiOD. bus, plane, train where ever. no need to concider.

"Plane"

If there are not enough seats on a plane I think there's something SERIOUSLY wrong with the airline.

What people do to be nice and what they're expected to do is completely different. It's nice that someone gave up a first class seat to someone in the military, but I wouldn't expect anyone to do that.

Perhaps he was thinking bathroom seat

just trying to get my point across...

I know :flowerforyou:

wait... why is she in the bathroom with you?

TheRoadDog

I always give up my seat to an elderly person and/or a woman. That's the way my father raised us. I always will.

On the flip side, just for argument's sake, how does Equality of the Sexes play into this? Should a healthy male give his seat up to a healthy female? Equality is not a "pick and choose what you like best" endeavor. All or nothing?

passifloraFoetida

I always give up my seat to an elderly person and/or a woman. That's the way my father raised us. I always will.

On the flip side, just for argument's sake, how does Equality of the Sexes play into this? Should a healthy male give his seat up to a healthy female? Equality is not a "pick and choose what you like best" endeavor. All or nothing?

In my honest opinion, no. If a healthy male gets to the seat first, there's no reason why he should have to give it up to a women based solely on her gender. The way I see it, it can go both ways. There's absolutely no reason why a women can't also give up her seat for a man, or for that matter open/hold open a door for one. It's just a passing polite gesture, that depends solely on the choice of the one with the opportunity to make it.

darkmouzy

That actually kind of pisses me off on the bus or even on the skytrain when ever an elderly person or even a pregnant woman gets on I automatically get up and stand. I'm young and can handle the sways and turns while they can't without holding onto somthing for dear life.

That guy in the article is such a tool.

MrDude_1

I always give up my seat to an elderly person and/or a woman. That's the way my father raised us. I always will.

On the flip side, just for argument's sake, how does Equality of the Sexes play into this? Should a healthy male give his seat up to a healthy female? Equality is not a "pick and choose what you like best" endeavor. All or nothing?

I had to honestly think about the thread before I replied. I look at it differently.

I always give up my seat to someone that needs it more then me. That's the way I was raised.



With all the sexist arguments, that statement took more thought then it should have...

downsizinghoss

This thread strikes a chord with me. I am still really fat, but at my worst it was hard for me to stand for long periods of time. If I did have to stand my back would get sore and I would get uptight. When I get uptight, I sweat like a beast.

I was raised to give up my seat to women, and anyone that needed it. At that point in my life I would often avert my eyes and I knew if I stood it would make the rest of my day miserable. I would go out of my way to be able to sit down and I wouldn't offer it up unless it was someone that was in dire straits.

The fact that I couldn't/wouldn't give it up totally humiliated me and fueled the whole self-loathing, fat-*kitten* mentality that still works against me once in a while.

I could have handled it if a medical condition kept me in my seat, but my own lack of willpower regarding my weight and feeling of worhtlessness made me feel like less of a man.

Now, if there are less than 1-2 seats available, I stand and let the next person have it.

dmpizza

They should offer the seat, but she should understand that the kid's tuition is paying for her ride.

eatherhey

Now, a question - would you give up your seat in the front or back (the seats that are sideways and larger, and usually meant for elderly/disabled) for someone who is extremely obese? I'm talking someone who 400+ lbs. Is it discrimination if you deliberately don't (for whatever reason), or is it sort of offensive to assume they need a seat? Or... what? Some other reason you would or wouldn't?

Oh god that is a difficult question. I think I would be embarrassed if someone offered me the larger seat. I wouldn't make a scene about it and I would politely accept (just to be out of the way) but I would feel a little hurt inside. (which might drive me more towards my goals o.O)