You wouldn't dat eme when I was fat... why should I date n
Replies
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harsh opinion:
Maybe you at a bigger you wasn't his cup of tea. And him being attracted to you for being smaller is not wrong. If he likes a certain look on a woman, then he likes a certain look. No one ever walks up to a person out of nowhere because they look like they have a great personality. That doesn't even make sense. You COULD oblige him. Allow him to court you and all that jazz. But remember... If you EVER get bigger? (pregnancy, car accident, something in your body stops working and causes massive water weight) you cannot be upset if he starts treating you crazy or leaves or stops courting you.
So to answer your question, I think you're thinking along the right lines as far as picking up on what he likes and feeling like he or anyone should like you when you don't even think you're so hot. Because looks fade and nobody wants to talk to someone who they believe ONLY want to talk to them for their looks. But he isn't wrong for being attracted to you because you're slimmer.
At the very least, talk to him. Maybe he's attracted to your will power and strength. Perhaps he sees a really strong woman who took herself from being someone who she obviously didn't like too much, to someone who saw a flaw, grabbed it by the horns, and made it work out for her.
All the best :drinker:0 -
There are girls I see every day at the gym that I find attractive, but I don't hit on them or bother them. Women are not always approachable when working out. I wonder if the women I shoot little smiles at think I'm not worth their time because I "didn't notice" them weeks ago???
Do women really think this way... that it's because they were heavier in the past, and now my sudden attention is purely from their weight loss? Of all the potential reasons for this situation, I'd say the OP has picked the one drawing on her insecurities. Sorry, but that's one guys POV. :flowerforyou:
I'd say just be happy he is showing you attention, and don't worry about trying to understand why it didn't happen earlier.0 -
If you feel flattered, feel flattered. If you're offended, feel offended. Either is your prerogative. What I will say is that I don't think it's wrong for him to not be attracted to you when you were heavier, and now finding himself to be attracted to you. Don't you look at yourself in the mirror now and find yourself more attractive than before? Then why should a stranger feel any different?
Even when I was at my heaviest, I never dated an overweight guy. They're not my type and I don't feel bad about that.0 -
Aren't we all initially attracted to what we see, though? Given that we don't know the person before we start talking to them, looks are the first thing we notice... so you've been working hard, and he likes what he sees! Be flattered and keep busting *kitten*!0
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General consensus so far-
Be happy he finds you attractive and shows interest
There are tons of people out there that havent had that luxury, or used to have that luxury and no longer do..0 -
hrm.
like many of the other responders, i don't quite get this.
when a once-skinny girl who used to get attention gains weight, she sometimes notices a lack of male attnetion. Realizes she is out of shape, works hard to lose the weight and then gets boy's attnetion again. She is happy and content.
but when a girl who was overweight for maybe a long time ~loses~ the weight and then notices boy's attention, she gets pissed they didn't notice her when she was larger?
Huh?0 -
Maybe you're right, and he is ogling you, but what he is attracted to is the energy, confidence and strength you must project. Maybe he looks to you for inspiration, or maybe he's trying to see what exactly you are doing to get such great results! No matter the reason, be flattered and keep on keeping on!0
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Why do women put way too much thought into things? Quit over thinking and over reacting.
Yes, please!0 -
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.0 -
let me get this straight
You are upset that he didnt notice you when you were bigger and now that he is noticing you, you are upset? :noway:
Makes "PERFECT" sense to me.......
or not.0 -
harsh opinion:
Maybe you at a bigger you wasn't his cup of tea. And him being attracted to you for being smaller is not wrong. If he likes a certain look on a woman, then he likes a certain look. No one ever walks up to a person out of nowhere because they look like they have a great personality. That doesn't even make sense. You COULD oblige him. Allow him to court you and all that jazz. But remember... If you EVER get bigger? (pregnancy, car accident, something in your body stops working and causes massive water weight) you cannot be upset if he starts treating you crazy or leaves or stops courting you.
So to answer your question, I think you're thinking along the right lines as far as picking up on what he likes and feeling like he or anyone should like you when you don't even think you're so hot. Because looks fade and nobody wants to talk to someone who they believe ONLY want to talk to them for their looks. But he isn't wrong for being attracted to you because you're slimmer.
At the very least, talk to him. Maybe he's attracted to your will power and strength. Perhaps he sees a really strong woman who took herself from being someone who she obviously didn't like too much, to someone who saw a flaw, grabbed it by the horns, and made it work out for her.
All the best :drinker:
I absolutely agree with this.
Someone is not shallow just because they weren't attracted to someone else who may have been bigger (if that even is the reason).
I've been a bigger girl and haven't been attracted to in shape men before....it's more than just personality and I really think it's unfair to just say "Forget him..he should've approached you before you got healthier". Take it as a compliment and strike up some convo...may be something incredible i.e. a relationship or a friendship (if you're not single)...that would suck to miss out on.0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
Maybe he noticed your progress and is secretly proud.
Or maybe your boobs hit your chin when you bounce.
you smiled. he took notice. you probably shouldn't have smiled.0 -
I would be attracted to the commitment you are showing by being there every time I am there. Besides, looks are only part of attraction.0
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but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
don't take it as an indictment against your former self, but a compliment to your current self.0 -
NEWSFLASH: Guys like women they are attracted to.
Yeah, really. IF he noticed you before, and that's a big if, and wasn't attracted, why does that automatically make him a jerk if he's attracted now that you're in better shape? It's not like he knew you, knew your personality, and was only avoiding dating you because of your appearance. He's a stranger.
If the tables were turned would you think you were such a terrible person? If you suddenly noticed some guy who'd been working out for months and had lost a bunch of weight?0 -
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
Sounds like you have already made up your mind. If you wanna be offended, by all means be offended. You may be missing out on something that could be very interesting......but if you will always have that animosity because he did not notice you when you were larger, he does not stand a chance. And honestly, neither do you....0 -
Maybe he's just shy and has been building up his courage.
I like this one. guys can be wusses too
and to be honest, maybe it doesn't have to do with the weightloss at all, maybe he really did just notice you. it's sort of like not really noticing that guy in class with you, and just poof, noticing him one day for no particular reason. he didn't do anything, didn't sit anywhere new, you just noticed him... 0 -
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
But he doesn't KNOW you, then when you were heavier, or now! Besides, it's been proven that when we're physically active, we produce endorphins that result in more energy, happier moods, etc, etc, etc, so it stands to reason that since you've been working out and losing weight, you're most likely feeling better about yourself, giving off a more positive energy, and probably projecting a more positive attitude = why wouldn't someone be attracted to that? It has nothing to do with the person you are = he doesn't know that person. Yet. If you give him a chance.0 -
be happy he's looking, one day the guys will stop looking and you will be sad.
Keep in mind that people can look drastically different when they are 20/50/100 pounds heavier/lighter. A friend of mine saw me and chased me down wanting to say 'hi', she had to tell me who she was since I didn't recognize her (she had gained about 75 lbs)
Maybe you have changed your looks so much that suddenly this guy started noticing you.0 -
I wonder if the OP has her own personal standards for being attracted to men? Just about everyone does. Assuming (deep breath) that your hunch is even remotely accurate, why is he not allowed to have his own standards? :flowerforyou:0
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but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
Has the dude even talked to you!?!?0 -
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
But he doesn't KNOW you, then when you were heavier, or now! Besides, it's been proven that when we're physically active, we produce endorphins that result in more energy, happier moods, etc, etc, etc, so it stands to reason that since you've been working out and losing weight, you're most likely feeling better about yourself, giving off a more positive energy, and probably projecting a more positive attitude = why wouldn't someone be attracted to that? It has nothing to do with the person you are = he doesn't know that person. Yet. If you give him a chance.
on top of that, there are reasons that we have become, as a species, drawn and attracted to certain physical traits. it's not shallow in most cases, but an indication of values. the OP has added value to her attraction, and others can see it...this whole thing just drives me batty to think HE is shallow because he wasn't attracted to someone he found less attractive.0 -
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
But he doesn't KNOW you, then when you were heavier, or now! Besides, it's been proven that when we're physically active, we produce endorphins that result in more energy, happier moods, etc, etc, etc, so it stands to reason that since you've been working out and losing weight, you're most likely feeling better about yourself, giving off a more positive energy, and probably projecting a more positive attitude = why wouldn't someone be attracted to that? It has nothing to do with the person you are = he doesn't know that person. Yet. If you give him a chance.
I also agree with that above. When I was heavier I was very shy and kept to myself. avoided eye contact with others. self confidence was non-exsistent. now I feel better and my shyness is alot less as well.0 -
I think it was when you were heavier you weren't nearly as funny or charming. Now that you've lost weight he can tell and is really attracted to your personality.0
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I think you should just smile and take it as a compliment and go about your business.0
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You need to relax and be happy luv, if you don't like him then move on. You are spending too much time on this when it is obvious you are not impressed.
There will be more men, if you find in a few weeks he is sweet and you do like him then go for it. Don't make too much of a thing over little things that don't matter. How comfortable and happy he makes you feel is the most important thing :flowerforyou:0 -
but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
But he doesn't KNOW you, then when you were heavier, or now! Besides, it's been proven that when we're physically active, we produce endorphins that result in more energy, happier moods, etc, etc, etc, so it stands to reason that since you've been working out and losing weight, you're most likely feeling better about yourself, giving off a more positive energy, and probably projecting a more positive attitude = why wouldn't someone be attracted to that? It has nothing to do with the person you are = he doesn't know that person. Yet. If you give him a chance.
on top of that, there are reasons that we have become, as a species, drawn and attracted to certain physical traits. it's not shallow in most cases, but an indication of values. the OP has added value to her attraction, and others can see it...this whole thing just drives me batty to think HE is shallow because he wasn't attracted to someone he found less attractive.
exactly. we are drawn to fit mates. and to the OP maybe the guy enjoys an active lifestyle. and while you were fat he knew he wouldnt be able to have that with you. but now that you are in better shape...0 -
Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight.
So what?
It is true that opposites attract but not nearly as much as shared goals and values. People want to be around people like them. Most of us are narcissistic on some level.
You've dropped some weight and he probably identifies with you more and finds you more attractive.That's the way things generally go.
Welcome to the club. Your key to the executive washroom is being cut.0 -
General consensus so far-
Be happy he finds you attractive and shows interest
There are tons of people out there that havent had that luxury, or used to have that luxury and no longer do..
^^^This.0 -
maybe you just had a booger and he was staring at it. ****!0
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