You wouldn't dat eme when I was fat... why should I date n
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I've had similar thoughts like these, but I'm fighting them out. When it comes down to it, attraction is partly a physical thing, and if I wouldn't have been attracted to myself before (I would not have been), then I can't be offended that someone else wasn't. Besides, a good friend pointed out to me that more than just my body started to change when I started to lose weight. I'm more confident, I'm happier, I'm a little more outgoing in some ways, and I have more energy. It's not just the weight itself that holds off the attraction, but several other things as well. Besides, if health is important to him, maybe knowing that you're willing to take care of yourself and be healthy factors in, too. Could be a million things.
Or it really might be the very simple truth that you're hotter or cuter or prettier now that you've lost weight, and he likes the new look. Sounds like a pretty flattering thought to me.
It's not too far off from imagining that a guy was always around you, but he wore disheveled, dirty clothes, never took care of his hair and let it go scraggly, etc. Many women wouldn't be attracted to that because to them, it doesn't look good (and it might say a lot about him). But if he decided to wash his clothes and wear things that flattered him, wash his hair, and get a hair cut, he'd likely get a lot more attention. Doesn't make those women awful because they didn't notice or weren't attracted before. He just wasn't what they were attracted to at that point. Not necessarily the same thing as being overweight, but still.
Not to mention that it's hard to be attracted to your intelligence, your rapier wit, or your adorable, bubbly personality from a look across the gym.
Anyway, my thoughts are - take it as flattery (and wonderful proof of how well you're doing) and don't hold it against him. 0 -
Congratulations on your weight loss first of all.
Secondly... it's really not clear from what you posted in your OP that he's attracted to you at all. Unless there are other things that you haven't said, it's really just a huge leap to conclusions as far as I'm concerned.
He's smiled - you're at the same gym, perhaps he hadn't started his workout yet or had just finished. I don't notice people (male or female) during my workout at all, but I'll smile if someone makes eye contact and I see them.
He's used equipment near yours - perhaps you're on his favourite machine. I get used to using a specific bike or cross-trainer and am quite disconcerted if someone else is on it - using the next one along is making the best of a 'bad job' for me.
Do you think you might be really overreacting? Has this man actually said anything other than friendly conversation to you? Asked you out on a date? Dropped to one knee to propose? I think you should stop carrying your overweight baggage with you now that you've lost it and treat other people as if they're not judging you on it because they probably aren't.
I've seen your follow-up post and if that is any indication, I really don't think you're going to be bothered by this man in future. He'll be backing away, I think, as you sound very, very fixated on your heavy body rather than what you are now. That's extremely unattractive - not just in look but in attitude.0 -
Perhaps he admires your commitment and sees your progress. Just because he didn't notice you before is not a reason to write him off now. You could be missing out on a great friend.
I understand when you say " you didn't want to date me then, why do I want to date you now", but I hope you'll be a little forgiving of others.0 -
I see this has already been resolved but I just wanted to say wtf at all these "you should be flattered" comments or comments about him staring being a compliment or whatever. It made her uncomfortable! Regardless of his motivations or whether or not it was a change made by her weight loss, staring and creeping up on someone is rude and can be creepy. Women don't exist to be stared at and we don't have to be flattered because some guy feels like following us around to stare at us. If it makes her uncomfortable, that's what matters, not his intent behind it.0
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Also : "oogle" isn't a word, guys. Ogle.
Ogle.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle. It's more fun that way :P
But seriously, thanks for the correction. God only knows how long I've been putting an extra O in there. How embarrassing.0 -
for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.
If I was at a gym and went into a room to "skip" and you were there, I'm not sure if you own the aerobic room, or if when you are in there nobody else is allowed to go in or what. But if I went in a room to skip rope or whatever and the guy in front of me asked me to take a picture, I would be offended by them and tell them I didn't realize they owned the room and would have left, you would left a really bad impression on me with that attitude.
I guess you didn;t read the beginning of this thread, I said he always uses the same or nearby machines., I just felt awkwardly stalked so I said something turns out my hunch was right. He also told me I seem unapproachable because I am so into what I am doing and have an air of classiness that says "step away" hahahaha. Anyways, today we chatted rather than stare and he spotted me on some machines that I probably wouldn;t attempt by myself so alls good. Still not sure he's a guy I would consider dating but he makes a good gym mate.0 -
I see this has already been resolved but I just wanted to say wtf at all these "you should be flattered" comments or comments about him staring being a compliment or whatever. It made her uncomfortable! Regardless of his motivations or whether or not it was a change made by her weight loss, staring and creeping up on someone is rude and can be creepy. Women don't exist to be stared at and we don't have to be flattered because some guy feels like following us around to stare at us. If it makes her uncomfortable, that's what matters, not his intent behind it.
Thank you.0 -
for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.
If I was at a gym and went into a room to "skip" and you were there, I'm not sure if you own the aerobic room, or if when you are in there nobody else is allowed to go in or what. But if I went in a room to skip rope or whatever and the guy in front of me asked me to take a picture, I would be offended by them and tell them I didn't realize they owned the room and would have left, you would left a really bad impression on me with that attitude.
I guess you didn;t read the beginning of this thread, I said he always uses the same or nearby machines., I just felt awkwardly stalked so I said something turns out my hunch was right. He also told me I seem unapproachable because I am so into what I am doing and have an air of classiness that says "step away" hahahaha. Anyways, today we chatted rather than stare and he spotted me on some machines that I probably wouldn;t attempt by myself so alls good. Still not sure he's a guy I would consider dating but he makes a good gym mate.
Actually, other than mentioning staring one time, there is nothing here that sounds like he was creeping on you. You even described him as very attractive:
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
It sounds like you were more ticked that he ignored you before and now that you have lost weight he's paying attention to you. No mention of being stalked and you even asked if you should be flattered. Most people aren't flattered by being stalked. Very odd.0 -
I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.
Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?
the audacity! sheesh God forbid you think someone is attractive based on their umm looks! :noway:
I'm telling ya, I've really had it. The next woman that encourages me and compliments me on how much progress I've made losing weight, my working out and how I look, I'm really gonna tell her off!
yea people cant just go around thinking other people are attractive. there are some real creeps and pervs out there. be careful.
I just know I'm not attractive and, dammit, I hate being patronized.0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
god you are a mean spirited b!tch!!! you were fat, now your not get over yourself. i can't stand women like you!!! just becuase you lost 40 pounds you think your *kitten* doesn't stink anymore. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. YOUR STILL FAT!!!
I'm sorry but you're saying SHE'S mean spirited with a rant like that? That was completely over the line and says a lot about you and your character, not her. WOW.0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
god you are a mean spirited b!tch!!! you were fat, now your not get over yourself. i can't stand women like you!!! just becuase you lost 40 pounds you think your *kitten* doesn't stink anymore. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. YOUR STILL FAT!!!
I'm also offended, your grammar is terrible. You are using "your" in situations where "you're" is the correct usage. You aren't capiltalizing words, you spelled "because" wrong, and you are mean.0 -
god you are a mean spirited b!tch!!! you were fat, now your not get over yourself. i can't stand women like you!!! just becuase you lost 40 pounds you think your *kitten* doesn't stink anymore. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. YOUR STILL FAT!!!
[/quote]
Wow! You sound like a delight to be friends with. Troll much??0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
god you are a mean spirited b!tch!!! you were fat, now your not get over yourself. i can't stand women like you!!! just becuase you lost 40 pounds you think your *kitten* doesn't stink anymore. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. YOUR STILL FAT!!!
I'm sorry but you're saying SHE'S mean spirited with a rant like that? That was completely over the line and says a lot about you and your character, not her. WOW.
Both are out of line , neither of you are qualified to judge someones character from a few paragraphs from the internet , it is not correct to make assumptions and then from them take a stereotype.0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
god you are a mean spirited b!tch!!! you were fat, now your not get over yourself. i can't stand women like you!!! just becuase you lost 40 pounds you think your *kitten* doesn't stink anymore. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. YOUR STILL FAT!!!
I'm sorry but you're saying SHE'S mean spirited with a rant like that? That was completely over the line and says a lot about you and your character, not her. WOW.
Both are out of line , neither of you are qualified to judge someones character from a few paragraphs from the internet , it is not correct to make assumptions and then from them take a stereotype.
STEP OUTTA LINE ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL CUT YOU OFF....0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
god you are a mean spirited b!tch!!! you were fat, now your not get over yourself. i can't stand women like you!!! just becuase you lost 40 pounds you think your *kitten* doesn't stink anymore. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. YOUR STILL FAT!!!
Holy crap. Wtf is this comment?0 -
Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.
The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?
god you are a mean spirited b!tch!!! you were fat, now your not get over yourself. i can't stand women like you!!! just becuase you lost 40 pounds you think your *kitten* doesn't stink anymore. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. YOUR STILL FAT!!!
I'm sorry but you're saying SHE'S mean spirited with a rant like that? That was completely over the line and says a lot about you and your character, not her. WOW.
Both are out of line , neither of you are qualified to judge someones character from a few paragraphs from the internet , it is not correct to make assumptions and then from them take a stereotype.
agreed, sorry i was out of line, after reading her responses it really set me off! felt bad for the dude and the way he was treated.0 -
Truthfully if i was the guy at the gym , and after reading all the pages of this RANT i would not be interested in you or seek you out again. Very hard on yourself and him for me to see a lasting relationship. Good luck with the next guy that makes a mistake and takes interest in you.0
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Truthfully if i was the guy at the gym , and after reading all the pages of this RANT i would not be interested in you or seek you out again. Very hard on yourself and him for me to see a lasting relationship. Good luck with the next guy that makes a mistake and takes interest in you.
Newsflash: Not every woman lives her life worrying about or based around what will or will not make guys interested in them.0 -
I guess you didn;t read the beginning of this thread, I said he always uses the same or nearby machines., I just felt awkwardly stalked so I said something turns out my hunch was right. He also told me I seem unapproachable because I am so into what I am doing and have an air of classiness that says "step away" hahahaha. Anyways, today we chatted rather than stare and he spotted me on some machines that I probably wouldn;t attempt by myself so alls good. Still not sure he's a guy I would consider dating but he makes a good gym mate.
Nope I read the whole thing. You must not have felt too threatened by this supposed stalking if you went on a coffee date with him.0 -
Truthfully if i was the guy at the gym , and after reading all the pages of this RANT i would not be interested in you or seek you out again. Very hard on yourself and him for me to see a lasting relationship. Good luck with the next guy that makes a mistake and takes interest in you.
Newsflash: Not every woman lives her life worrying about or based around what will or will not make guys interested in them.
Where was that implied? The OP's rant and stance is ridiculous, honestly. Attraction begins with looks 9 out of 10 times and if someone overweight was something that guy didn't find attractive, it stands to reason that he would not notice her. The amount of venom and spite in this thread is insane. Although he may have been leering, staring or whatever, he didn't do it to upset her.0 -
Truthfully if i was the guy at the gym , and after reading all the pages of this RANT i would not be interested in you or seek you out again. Very hard on yourself and him for me to see a lasting relationship. Good luck with the next guy that makes a mistake and takes interest in you.
Newsflash: Not every woman lives her life worrying about or based around what will or will not make guys interested in them.
Newsflash: ~~~ She does !0 -
If I'm glaring at you, it's probably because you've spent the last 10 minutes on your phone while casually sitting on the last piece of equipment I have left to complete my circuit. Now I'm 10 minutes late to my favorite treadmill and it gets taken by a, God forbid, walker. I take another and the whole time I'm disgruntled because I don't like MSNBC and that's all that is on the TV in front of the replacement. Now I'm disgruntled and 10 minutes late for dinner and a shower so I go to bed pissed off and hungry and late. I wake up 10 minutes late and can't get to work on time. I know that text convo was really important so it's ok. Oh, you've lost 40 pounds? Sorry I didn't notice you before.0
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It also could be that he doesn't recognize the new you compared to the old you. I was in the grocery store one day and my own son walked past me twice! He got to the end of the aisle and called to ask where I was. I told him to turn around. He still didn't see me until I started waving my arms.0
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Give the guy a break.
Looks are what attract us to others. How can he be interested in your "personality" if he doesn't know you?
It is completely fair for a guy to gain interest in a woman when she becomes more attractive. If he was your bff since forever and only wanted to sleep with you when you became skinny, it would be a different issue.0 -
So now men can't show any interest in women that have lost weight or they may be labelled shallow because they may or may not have started noticing her because she's lost weight..wow this is confusing.0
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poor guy.0
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but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.
because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.
But he didn't know you before. If he had been a good friend of yours prior to this, you'd have a point. But how is a total stranger supposed to know that you're the same person now that you were when you were bigger? Did YOU ever approach HIM and try to get to know him as more than just "the guy I see at the gym once a week?" If not, why didn't you?
I will never understand why so many women seem to think that a man should just be able to look at you and immediately know that you are the most awesome person who ever lived and that what you look like shouldn't matter at all. That's just not how it works. We don't get to choose who we are attracted to.
I used to live next door to a really good-looking guy who never said more than hello to me ... until I lost a lot of weight, and he suddenly wanted to stop and chat every time he saw me coming and going. One day, he even left a note on my door with his phone number. Now, I could have taken the "To hell with you because you didn't care about me at all when I was overweight" approach. But I put my big girl panties on, and I realized that as I lost weight, I had not only become more attractive, but I had also become friendlier and more approachable. I got to know him better, and I discovered that he is actually a very nice guy.
Don't miss out on the chance to get to know a good guy under the misguided notion that he should've seen your inner beauty all along. That's fairytale stuff that doesn't happen in real life. The truth is harsh, but it is what it is.0 -
Fact is...he may have seen you as a fat slacker gym wannabe but maybe he's been watching your progress and is impressed and attracted now. It happens, don't discredit someone just because they didn't take notice before.
^^^That's what I was gonna say. If he's been going to that gym (or any gym) for a long time, he's probably seen overweight people come in and start working out faithfully at first, then fizzle out on their dedication. Maybe he's noticed that you're really committed and not just a New Year's resolutioner. Give the guy a chance.0 -
Maybe you are just now noticeing him. I know when I am feeling good about myself and doing well with weight loss I am a little more observant...Not walking with my head down. Maybe you are just doing that well that you are more confident and you are holding your head a little higher...take it as a compliment. You are lookin better and feelin better.:smokin:0
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I can't believe this topic is still going strong! Is this for real?! Or am I dreaming?! :sick:
Poor man......He needs love too! I would love him, and cherish him, and call him 'darling'. :sad:
I'm alright! :bigsmile:0
This discussion has been closed.
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