You wouldn't dat eme when I was fat... why should I date n

daryls

Maybe the transformation is a turn-on?! Being able to stay the course on something difficult shows a strong person - and also one that can make positive change. Eh, one conversation can change your life!

hellraisedfire

you can't see personality across a room... everyone is beautiful in their own way, but it truly speaks volumes about a person that physically takes care of themselves.

amblee125

Honestly, I would feel extremely flattered and it would make me want to work that much harder. He is probably very impressed by your hard work and dedication as many men want that in a woman! Now it's different if it's someone you used to date lol. My ex husband had a big issue with my weight to the point of name calling and berating me..now that I'm losing weight and he isn't I would never give him the time of day.

"If you can't love me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"

Kelekat

Or maybe you're over-thinking the whole thing.

Mallory0418

Could it be that he sees how far you have come and finds your determination attractive? I've come by this a few times myself as I've lost more and more weight. In some cases, yes, some people were shallow enough to take notice just because I "looked better", but not everyone is like that.

One guy I'd known when I was at my heaviest and never showed any interest, but when I saw him again 50 lbs lighter, he took interest and I asked him why. He told me that not everyone could do what I did, and am still doing. It takes a very strong person to stick to your goals and work for them. He found a new respect for me and that made me more attractive to him.

So I say, give him a chance if he approaches you. You never know!

dbanks80

Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.

The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?

I am a little confused...maybe it's because i've been married for so long i don't know how the dating/single life works. But if he didnt speak to you then when u had the weight and he doesnt speak to u (just stares) now that you've lost the weight..how can u assume he is now interested in dating u when he still hasnt spoken to u and he just stares?

WhitneyT586

I say let him look all he wants. You are doing this for YOU. And if he gets the courage to speak to you instead of just watch you, you just might like him after all.

Rhea30

Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.

The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?

Maybe those are just the machines he wants to use and if you're noticing him looking at you maybe he is wondering the same thing as to why you are looking at him.

Happinessgrl

I would just walk up to him and say "Dude, are you admiring my weight loss, wanting to go out with me, stalking me, or just waiting for my machine..." :-) Have fun with it, it will come with the territory. The more confidence men see in you, the more attractive you will be to them.

PlunderBunneh

So we tell ourselves and tell each other that we want to lose weight at least partially to look better. So why do we get all butthurt when we look better, and other people notice we look better, and respond accordingly?

If this isn't someone you've actually had a conversation with, it's just someone that you've noticed has started making oogly eyes at you, then take it as a compliment. It isn't like he knows you personally, and didn't like you.
Might be the simple truth, with a bit of weight gone and determination showing, he finds you more attractive.

sabified

I'm confused. Did he say he wasn't interested in you because you "were fat" before? If not, then why would you jump to that conclusion? That's on you, not him.

I agree with this... If he was someone you had spoken with and were clearly able to discern that he had NO interest in you (whether or not he explicitly said it was because you were fat) then I would understand and completely agree with your attitude towards him. A person should be with you based on your personality, not your looks, and if that's the most important thing to someone then I don't want to know them.

BUT it doesn't sound like this is the situation for you- sounds like this is just some random gym goer who's started to take an interest in you. There could be lots of reasons as to why he didn't before- or maybe he did and you just didn't notice.

To answer your question... don't be offended!

jsapninz

Just be flattered. He may have been looking at you before and you did not notice, or maybe he is equally attracted to your dedication to being fit as he is to your looks, so now he is making the googly eyes at you.

I am trying to take it as compliment but it makes me very uncomfortable to be oogled at when i am trying to push through a workout.

There is a FINE LINE between creepin' and being interested. Trust your gut.

mlc3409

I know a few others have said this but I have to agree. He might have noticed you when you first started. Out of respect for your new investment in yourself he kept a distance so that you can get your barrings. If he uses equipment near you I am sure it is his attempt at Being there for you if you need help or something without invading your space. As he has watched you lose weight, gain confidence and get a handle on things I am sure he is enjoying watching you grow into the healthier you. You may not have noticed him before because things were new to you and you were focused on getting into a routine and staying on track. He might understand that and didn't want to be a distraction. I say the next time you go in there and he is there just smile and say hi (if you are interested) and let things take its course. If he is attracted to you then that will give him the opening to talk to you. If he isn't (which I can't see if he is watching you) then you might want to approach him and just politely tell him that you have noticed on a number of occasions that he was watching you and that makes you uncomfortable. I am sure he will offer you some kind of explanation and you can go from there.

Just don't be too hard on him. There are some guys you just have to take with a grain of salt.

NotGoddess

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

I hope you weren't as aggressive as you sounded here. Your story shows the guy was looking for a way to start a conversation and you jumped all over him. Give the guy a break and see where things go-don't put your insecurities on him. You may end up having a great time.

sabified

hrm.

like many of the other responders, i don't quite get this.


when a once-skinny girl who used to get attention gains weight, she sometimes notices a lack of male attnetion. Realizes she is out of shape, works hard to lose the weight and then gets boy's attnetion again. She is happy and content.

but when a girl who was overweight for maybe a long time ~loses~ the weight and then notices boy's attention, she gets pissed they didn't notice her when she was larger?

Huh?

I know for women it's more psychological, what they're attracted to. Appearance does play a role but not as much compared to a guy. If a girl didn't like me because I was fat, I wouldn't blame them. If they liked me when I am thinner I understand.

The only situation I won't go for it is if I liked a girl, and i wanted to be with her, but she didn't want to be with me okay. That's fine. If i lose weight and look better then she wants to be with me? not going to waste my time. She already had her chance.

I agree with everything EXCEPT when you said women are less concerned with appearance than guys. Being SHALLOW is not a male or female trait!!! I know more than enough SUPER SHALLOW people- and there are just as many women as men!!

I know this is a bit random, but it bothers me when people take personality traits and make them into guy/girl things... PERSONality, not WO/MANality mmmk???


*Edit to add* I haven't read the whole thread (and am going now so probably won't) but it sounds like the guy is interested in you and you are making it about a before/after thing instead of just being invested in what's happening now. If you're looking for a relationship (or open to the thought of having one) and this guy seems like someone who you may want to be with then put the feelers down and go with the flow. If he's not someone you're interested in (taking what you feel about his perception of your weight out of the equation) then move along. He doesn't sound like a jerk, and this is coming from what you've said of him, when you clearly seem to think he is.... that being said this opinion is based on reading your comment as quoted in what the person above me said. If there is more to it, and I haven't seen it, then by all means ignore me.

Either way, enjoy your day

ElizabethRoad

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

I hope you weren't as aggressive as you sounded here. Your story shows the guy was looking for a way to start a conversation and you jumped all over him. Give the guy a break and see where things go-don't put your insecurities on him. You may end up having a great time.

I disagree. I think if you're crazy you should let people know that up front.

lorenzoinlr

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

boomboom011

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

the audacity! sheesh God forbid you think someone is attractive based on their umm looks! :noway:

kealambert

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

that kind of crazy talk is bound to get you killed sir!

peacefulsong

Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.

but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?

because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.

Isn't most initial attraction skin deep? Unless he is someone you actually knew personally and had talked to, etc, before, what else does he have to go on? How often does anyone look at a man they've never met before and don't find particularly attractive, and think "hey, I'd like to get to know that guy!" They probably don't register at all in any significant way. The only way this whole situation would really bother me is if this was someone I knew personally, as a friend or acquaintance, who was clearly categorically uninterested until I started losing weight. But if this is just someone you've seen in passing at the gym and never even spoken to, it seems a little unfair to hold it against him.