You wouldn't dat eme when I was fat... why should I date n

sabified

I'm confused. Did he say he wasn't interested in you because you "were fat" before? If not, then why would you jump to that conclusion? That's on you, not him.

I agree with this... If he was someone you had spoken with and were clearly able to discern that he had NO interest in you (whether or not he explicitly said it was because you were fat) then I would understand and completely agree with your attitude towards him. A person should be with you based on your personality, not your looks, and if that's the most important thing to someone then I don't want to know them.

BUT it doesn't sound like this is the situation for you- sounds like this is just some random gym goer who's started to take an interest in you. There could be lots of reasons as to why he didn't before- or maybe he did and you just didn't notice.

To answer your question... don't be offended!

jsapninz

Just be flattered. He may have been looking at you before and you did not notice, or maybe he is equally attracted to your dedication to being fit as he is to your looks, so now he is making the googly eyes at you.

I am trying to take it as compliment but it makes me very uncomfortable to be oogled at when i am trying to push through a workout.

There is a FINE LINE between creepin' and being interested. Trust your gut.

mlc3409

I know a few others have said this but I have to agree. He might have noticed you when you first started. Out of respect for your new investment in yourself he kept a distance so that you can get your barrings. If he uses equipment near you I am sure it is his attempt at Being there for you if you need help or something without invading your space. As he has watched you lose weight, gain confidence and get a handle on things I am sure he is enjoying watching you grow into the healthier you. You may not have noticed him before because things were new to you and you were focused on getting into a routine and staying on track. He might understand that and didn't want to be a distraction. I say the next time you go in there and he is there just smile and say hi (if you are interested) and let things take its course. If he is attracted to you then that will give him the opening to talk to you. If he isn't (which I can't see if he is watching you) then you might want to approach him and just politely tell him that you have noticed on a number of occasions that he was watching you and that makes you uncomfortable. I am sure he will offer you some kind of explanation and you can go from there.

Just don't be too hard on him. There are some guys you just have to take with a grain of salt.

NotGoddess

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

I hope you weren't as aggressive as you sounded here. Your story shows the guy was looking for a way to start a conversation and you jumped all over him. Give the guy a break and see where things go-don't put your insecurities on him. You may end up having a great time.

sabified

hrm.

like many of the other responders, i don't quite get this.


when a once-skinny girl who used to get attention gains weight, she sometimes notices a lack of male attnetion. Realizes she is out of shape, works hard to lose the weight and then gets boy's attnetion again. She is happy and content.

but when a girl who was overweight for maybe a long time ~loses~ the weight and then notices boy's attention, she gets pissed they didn't notice her when she was larger?

Huh?

I know for women it's more psychological, what they're attracted to. Appearance does play a role but not as much compared to a guy. If a girl didn't like me because I was fat, I wouldn't blame them. If they liked me when I am thinner I understand.

The only situation I won't go for it is if I liked a girl, and i wanted to be with her, but she didn't want to be with me okay. That's fine. If i lose weight and look better then she wants to be with me? not going to waste my time. She already had her chance.

I agree with everything EXCEPT when you said women are less concerned with appearance than guys. Being SHALLOW is not a male or female trait!!! I know more than enough SUPER SHALLOW people- and there are just as many women as men!!

I know this is a bit random, but it bothers me when people take personality traits and make them into guy/girl things... PERSONality, not WO/MANality mmmk???


*Edit to add* I haven't read the whole thread (and am going now so probably won't) but it sounds like the guy is interested in you and you are making it about a before/after thing instead of just being invested in what's happening now. If you're looking for a relationship (or open to the thought of having one) and this guy seems like someone who you may want to be with then put the feelers down and go with the flow. If he's not someone you're interested in (taking what you feel about his perception of your weight out of the equation) then move along. He doesn't sound like a jerk, and this is coming from what you've said of him, when you clearly seem to think he is.... that being said this opinion is based on reading your comment as quoted in what the person above me said. If there is more to it, and I haven't seen it, then by all means ignore me.

Either way, enjoy your day

ElizabethRoad

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

I hope you weren't as aggressive as you sounded here. Your story shows the guy was looking for a way to start a conversation and you jumped all over him. Give the guy a break and see where things go-don't put your insecurities on him. You may end up having a great time.

I disagree. I think if you're crazy you should let people know that up front.

lorenzoinlr

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

boomboom011

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

the audacity! sheesh God forbid you think someone is attractive based on their umm looks! :noway:

kealambert

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

that kind of crazy talk is bound to get you killed sir!

peacefulsong

Forget him. He should have approached you before such a big change. Just going to the gym says something positive about you. That would have been a good ice breaker.

but if he wasn't attracted, why would he? is he not allowed to be attracted to someone's looks over another?

because this new found attraction is only skin deep. I am still the exact same person I was before losing weight has not affected my personalitly in the least. I always thought I was sexy and attractive, Perhaps this is why it bothers me so much.

Isn't most initial attraction skin deep? Unless he is someone you actually knew personally and had talked to, etc, before, what else does he have to go on? How often does anyone look at a man they've never met before and don't find particularly attractive, and think "hey, I'd like to get to know that guy!" They probably don't register at all in any significant way. The only way this whole situation would really bother me is if this was someone I knew personally, as a friend or acquaintance, who was clearly categorically uninterested until I started losing weight. But if this is just someone you've seen in passing at the gym and never even spoken to, it seems a little unfair to hold it against him.

Rhea30

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

Would he had any reason to notice you before? If he wasn't Mr Biceps would you had noticed him? Or if he wasn't looking at you would you have noticed? You might of been giving off the same signals so you must had stared at him back to even noticed.

lorenzoinlr

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

the audacity! sheesh God forbid you think someone is attractive based on their umm looks! :noway:

I'm telling ya, I've really had it. The next woman that encourages me and compliments me on how much progress I've made losing weight, my working out and how I look, I'm really gonna tell her off!

10acity

might not be because of the weight loss- could be he didn't "appear" interested before because he wasn't single at the time, or as another poster said, you didn't notice. oblivious because you're working out and doing your own thing.

I have to agree with this. I'd have a completely different answer if you had a FRIEND who was suddenly interested now that you've lost weight. But this guy doesn't know you. For him, there is not yet anything to BE attracted to other than your body. He doesn't know you, so he's not discounting the wonderful person you are by acting as if your outward appearance matters more. He could've missed seeing you before for a myriad of reasons-- many of which have already been suggested. So now he's taking notice, that's flattering. And let's be honest with ourselves; this is part of the reason we do this, is it not?

JanetLM73

I'm married and very happy but yesterday I went out for a long walk, I stopped in at the grocery store and a Man hit on me, this has not happened since before I got pregnant with my son who is 13 next week....I was so flattered.

I noticed my hubby is acting like when we first started dating...he's always loved me no matter what size, but I think he is becoming attracted to me all over again, it's great. So if I were you, I would just go with the flow.

AbsoluteNG

Just because he noticed that you lost weight, doesn't mean he's interested in you. Pretty big difference. Don't flatter yourself unless he actually tries to ask you out on a date.

medicrenee

bump. I'm on the path of he is shy, maybe he is insecure and building up to even be able to say anything to you...I have people smile at me all the time. I guess I don't take it as anything and the people that work out next to me or are there at the same time I look at and say cool they are as dedicated as me... secretly I wonder if they notice when I don't show up.lol

10acity

Also : "oogle" isn't a word, guys. Ogle.

Ogle.

NoAdditives

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

I hope you weren't as aggressive as you sounded here. Your story shows the guy was looking for a way to start a conversation and you jumped all over him. Give the guy a break and see where things go-don't put your insecurities on him. You may end up having a great time.

I disagree. I think if you're crazy you should let people know that up front.

I definitely agree! Show your true colors from the start so that you can either truly connect or not waste your time.

Lolli1986

Totally agree. Staring is rude... staring at my butt is ruder... staring at my butt when i'm running on a treadmill, sweating and uncomfortable is EXTREMELY RUDE. Staring right where I can see you staring is totally disrespecting me, how it may make me feel, etc.

Sure, it may be difficult to not look at a hot piece of *kitten* shaking in front of you, but that hot *kitten* is attached to a person whose feelings you may (or may not) disrupt. Keep it to covert glances, guys.

And wth at him gym-stalking you.... that is so uncool. Is it really that hard to say hi to a woman who SMILES AT YOU? Good on your for saying what you said.

that's it, next time I hit the YMCA I am going in wearing one of these:

but to me the cardio machines/treadmills gals don't grab my attention. it's the ones that lift. :blushing:

When, oh when, did it become not-rude to stare? Was I secretly raised in the 1940s then transported to this crazy land where it is a compliment to be stared at? Staring is right up there with pointing, yelling, all those other things that our parents told us not to do because they are rude.

I manage to go the the gym without staring at every sweaty bicep that walks past..... oh right... wait... must not be my respect for those men's feelings and the fact that they are busily working away, uncomfortable, maybe feeling ****e about themselves for not being as buff as the guy they can see behind me..... no, you're right, it's totally my crazy glasses, because without them I have no control over my lady-hormones and would otherwise forget that biceps have people attached to them.

It's a compliment to be spoken to, asked out, COMPLIMENTED even - it is not a damn compliment to be stared at, EVER, and it never has been. I'm happy to even take a glance as a compliment, but not staring.

BarbWhite09

I think you may be looking into it too much....It may just be a coincidence that he's there when you are...You say he's been going there since you have, so maybe he chooses a machine near you because you're a familiar face. It doesn't necessarily mean he has a thing for you. If he does have a thing for you just be flattered...

rextcat

keep up the good work and if hes intrested he will prolly come over and say something

rdsxgrl28

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

I hope you weren't as aggressive as you sounded here. Your story shows the guy was looking for a way to start a conversation and you jumped all over him. Give the guy a break and see where things go-don't put your insecurities on him. You may end up having a great time.

I disagree. I think if you're crazy you should let people know that up front.

I definitely agree! Show your true colors from the start so that you can either truly connect or not waste your time.

I TA - he now knows you are straight foward no BS, he can either deal or door.

As far as starnger as compared to friend - I know I had guys I knew for years hit on me after I lost weight. It wasn't my "workout ethic" they admired PLEASE if you believe that I got a bridge & some land in the everglades for sale. ROFLMAO!!!

StarvingDiva

I would be flattered. After all we all are attracted to a certain type, just because someone likes to date someone fit or in good shape because they are as well doesn't mean they are a shallow person, everyone has a certain "attraction" to the opposite sex. For example I love bald men, and I like a slight little belly on my guy, I don't know why I just do, but if someone is morbidly obese, I'm just not attractive, even though I myself am heavier. It's just what attracts you to the other person, maybe not that you dropped some lbs your cuteness is shining through and he's taken notice. Lets face it, most men are visual, so they are going to approach people they are physically attracted too first and then the attraction to personality tends to come later.

hbrittingham

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

Seriously, I just don't understand getting bent all out of shape. I have almost the exact same thing going on at the gym. I've been a member there for almost 3 years and so has this one guy. In October, he suddenly started greeting me with a big smile (I had noticed him before, but I don't think he had really noticed me). By October, my weight loss had come along and I was spending more and more time at the gym and I think that's partly what he noticed since we both worked out at the same time of day. He is a nice looking man who really works out hard and I find him very attractive. Apparently, he feels the same way. I guess I would say that we are each other's gym crush. LOL. I find it flattering that he finds me attractive. I haven't felt that way in a long time and it's a huge ego boost to walk into the gym and have him looking to see where I am and seeing his face light up when he sees me. Honestly, I am pretty sure I was invisible to him just like I was to everyone else before I lost weight. And even more honestly, if he wasn't attractive, I don't think I would have ever noticed him.

Nikki206

I don't find myself attractive at the size I am now, why should anyone else? I'm lucky to have a boyfriend who has put up with a 50-70 lb. weight gain and still compliments me but at the same time if I were single, I honestly couldn't blame anyone for finding me unattractive. That's just my thing.

Also, what if he used to be fat and he was not "attracted" to you because he wasn't sure if you were serious about weight loss. I would never be with someone who had unhealthy eating and exercise habits because it would be too hard for me to go back to that. I need to be with someone supportive and who also is focused on getting/staying healthy. So now that he knows you're serious maybe that is what is attractive. Just a couple thoughts!

ironanimal

Someone overweight doesn't give off the impression they take great care of themselves. As an extension to this, how is someone going to be able to care for another person if they can't care for themself? Someone fit or making an effort to improve gives off the exact opposite vibe.

boomboom011

I have a thread going which suggests you women aren't any different.

Isn't it natural to be attracted to someone who's...um....attractive?

the audacity! sheesh God forbid you think someone is attractive based on their umm looks! :noway:

I'm telling ya, I've really had it. The next woman that encourages me and compliments me on how much progress I've made losing weight, my working out and how I look, I'm really gonna tell her off!

yea people cant just go around thinking other people are attractive. there are some real creeps and pervs out there. be careful.

StarvingDiva

for the record today at the gym "mr Biceps" was there. So when I was working out in the areobics room alone we came in to do some skipping which of course made me a feel alittle awkward. So I turned around and asked if he'd like to take a picture so I could get on with my workout, He laughed and said "well not exactly the ice breaker I was hoping for" I told him he was making self conscience and if he wanted to talk to me he should have just said something rather than stalking me while I'm trying to workout. I asked him if he wanted to go for a coffee after the gym. He said sure. While at coffee I told him what I thought about the not noticing me before and he said he did and that he was impressed with the changes to my body. I asked if he would have agreed to coffee 40 lbs ago and he said he couldn't really answer that cuz it didnt happen.

If I was at a gym and went into a room to "skip" and you were there, I'm not sure if you own the aerobic room, or if when you are in there nobody else is allowed to go in or what. But if I went in a room to skip rope or whatever and the guy in front of me asked me to take a picture, I would be offended by them and tell them I didn't realize they owned the room and would have left, you would left a really bad impression on me with that attitude.

NeedANewFocus

If he is under 32 y.o., please send him over to me and he won't bother you anymore :bigsmile:

im under 32...lol..*wink wink*. lol :laugh:

seriously though.....i understand what you mean. ive noticed the same thing since I've dropped weight. I remember, when I started, that I was wanting those people to look my way but now....I'd rather they didnt because I feel like if I wasnt worth it then then why am I all the sudden worth it now. :noway:

minnesota_deere

Okay I have a rant. I go to a male dominanted gym only because it's close to home. I go i do my thing and i leave. I am not there to pick up guys or socialize. there are plenty of skinny fat girls wearing lulus and a ton of makeup for the hot bods to oogle.

The last couple of days i notice that this guy, who is very attractive probably early to mid 30s, Is always there at the same time as me. He stares at me and uses machines close to mine. I smile and go about my business, He has been going there since I started and never gave me the time of day before, when I would maybe see him once a week. Now I just feel like he's taking notice because i've dropped some weight. Should i be flattered or am i right to be a little preturbed by this new found attention?

you were fat, you must not be anymore, lighten up a little for god sakes, so you lost a few pounds, big deal. don't let it go to your head and start snubbing people.