"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"
Replies
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You cannot know how true this is. I have recently lost 126lbs (still have 44 ish to go) and even now it's amazing the difference I see in the way I'm treated. From people chatting and being friendly at sporting events for my kid to men holding the door open, it shocks me more often than not and sometimes I can't believe how NICE people are being until I realize how NICE they WEREN"T before. I haven't gotten to the point of seeing someone who is large and feeling that towards them yet--still too new to me, but I have seen them and think, "if you could only know how worth it, it is to lose the weight".0
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One of the worst types of prejudice nowadays is the one against fat people, exactly because it's approved by society. Turnstiles, bus seats, plane corridors, etc, everything is made to remind you that you're overweight and that if you don't change that reality you simply won't fit in, and won't make use of things because they weren't designed for you. It's a constant reminder that you need to lose weight no matter what, as if the television and magazines didn't show you enough of that already.
I've never been "obese" (even that word has a huge "weight" on it. It's one of the heaviest words I know!), but I've seen how much suffering my father has been through because of his obesity. People would look at him with curiosity as he entered an elevator, and grimace if they had to sit by his side on a plane or bus.
It really creates a stigma, and it's hard to get rid of it when you reach your goal and realize you're suddenly surrounded by people who did not want your company before you became "normal" (to their own disfigured paradigms, at least).
The text states the absolute truth. Thank you very much for showing us that perspective.
wait what? because the world is only so big, and buses can only be as wide as the street they'll drive on, and rollercoasters can only have so much space and weight.. it's discriminating against fat people? then i think that because ceilings are only so high, they're discriminating against tall people. and because my kitchen cabinets were built this way... it's rude to me because i'm short. nooo... the world is built for what is "average." being 700 lbs isn't average because it isn't healthy. being 4 ft tall isn't average because it's not too common. the world is what it is. you can be fat and rude just as you can be skinny and rude. and if a guy doesn't hold the door for me, i don't assume it's because i'm unattractive, i assume it's because he's a *kitten* who was raised poorly. that's just my opinion0 -
Wow....that was SO well-written and exactly what a lot of us have gone through. Thanks so much for sharing that!!! :flowerforyou:0
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*like*0
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Thank you for sharing this!0
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AN absolute blessing from GOD to read this today. God bless you , my dear, as you have endured, not many women would with the hurdles of hatred thrown at them like that. NannaB.0
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bump also to read again and again when I feel down.0
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It's sad to think that fat-shaming is still one of the only socially acceptable forms of "abuse" left. As odd as it sounds, I'm thankful every day that I was overweight for 16 years+. Yes, I want to get healthy, but being "fat" taught me a sense of compassion and empathy for people I never would have been enlightened to without having experienced first-hand the inequality in treatment. Great story, thank you for sharing!
I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the process of losing weight, for various reasons, and I really do thank GOD that I spent the first 25 years of my life overweight, because it has taught me so much about myself and the stigma attached to ANYONE who isn't "normal"-whatever that means. Some things you just can't understand unless you've experienced them.0 -
It's sad to think that fat-shaming is still one of the only socially acceptable forms of "abuse" left. As odd as it sounds, I'm thankful every day that I was overweight for 16 years+. Yes, I want to get healthy, but being "fat" taught me a sense of compassion and empathy for people I never would have been enlightened to without having experienced first-hand the inequality in treatment. Great story, thank you for sharing!
You can be compassionate and empathetic without ever being over weight. thats a pretty unfair statement.0 -
Love it! But I can honestly say that the discrimination can sometimes go the other way, as well...
A week ago I was walking with a good friend, one of my work-out buddies and 2 young, fit, beautiful blonde women ran past us. They got about 5 houses ahead of where we were and turned into the driveway, apparently having finished up and returned home. My friend sort of shook his head and said, 'Don't you almost want to hate people like that?' When I asked, 'People like what?', he said, 'People who have never had a weight problem in their life.' I replied, 'What if they are MFP success stories? What if a year ago one or both of them was overweight and just starting out to lose weight and get in shape? Maybe they worked hard to reach a goal and are continuing to work hard to keep it. I looked like that once upon a time ago & I'm steadily on my way to looking like that again.'
I try not to judge people too harshly one way or the other, but I know I am often judged for being oerweight. I hope one day I am also lucky enough to be judged for being fit & healthy.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I liked reading this but I guess it is in perspective too...I want to shed 85 pounds and what is amazing to me is that I am a very confident person in who God created me to be:):):):) I am very outgoing, I LOVE people and I make friends anywhere! I am actually a Christian Life Coach and it's been amazing to see lives changed and it has been super humbling for me time and time again b/c I am constantly WORKING on ME but I try to take the focus off of me so that I can help others and serve them! Here lately I have been telling myself that i need to PUT ME first even more so that God can use me to my fullest potential in this life! Since I am overweight, it affects my life in some ways that "irritate" me more than anything. Like I really believe it is a distraction for me sometimes b/c I am too worried about "hiding my gut and butt" so that it is not so noticeable and I think to myself "man, once I shed this weight off I will not have to worry if I am at the right angle for a picture". Those things annoy me but honestly I really do like myself.......the biggest thing here is that I know God created you and me for a purpose to live life to the fullest and to ENJOY IT!! I was raised in an abusive family that abandoned me and I had to work through alot as a teen and young adult but somehow I was blessed with the most amazing husband EVER! His unconditional love shows me that no matter if I have some flab around the middle and my booty is not the smallest, he thinks I am amazing and He treats me like a princess!
All this to say that YOU and ME are sooo HARD on ourselves and honestly ladies.....I don't look at people with prejudgements...If you have tatoos.....AWESOME...You have nose rings....Awesome!! If you wear glasses or have extra around the middle..awesome b/c you are MORE than what outward appearances. You were created for a unique purpose and you ROCK!!! Your heart/personality/smiles/compassion/LOVE that you share with others is what makes YOU, YOU!!!! God reminds me of this often that I am not defined by the scale!!! I share all of this as I go through some emotional heartache of my own for "feeling worthy or good enough" but then I am reminded that I am special no matter what my pants size says;):):) I am on a journey to shed this weight to be the best person, mama and wife I can be to be HEALTHY and teach others how to do the same. To live life Long and to the fullest without the distractions of my gut or butt!! I am losing this weight b/c I don't want to miss out on anything in life. I want to fit on the roller coaster rides better and not feel so squooshed...I want do higher hikes up the mountain and go for back packing nights away, I want to run a half marathon with my husband and friends. I want to PUSH myself beyond what I dreamed or imagined and know that I DID This!!
Honestly I think that while we are losing weight we need to have our right reasons in place and not what others "expect or think of us" When I hit 30 years old, I got the "I don't CARE What others think" attitude more!! For the first 29 years of my life I was living to "PLEASE" everyone else and now that I am 32, I am waking up more and more to see that life is meant for so much more than to be stressed out about things that others think of us!! Like for reals...if people are that miserable in there life then they need to make a change so they choose to be happy! AND as we all lose weight we become much more "happy" and more "confident" b/c we are peeling another layer off of ourselves and stepping out in boldness to take life by the horns and DO IT!! That is a very ATTRACTIVE to people and that is what they are noticing too, not just the physical. My encouragement to all of us is to be our VERY BEST US we can be!!!! Lets not settle for anything less:)0 -
Wow! Such a great article! Thans for sharing! And, so many great experiences by others!0
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WOW....incredible read...I love the way she writes...she is honest....I mean to the point HONEST and it is sobering to see this point of view.0
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*bumping to read later*0
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I really enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing!0
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One of the worst types of prejudice nowadays is the one against fat people, exactly because it's approved by society. Turnstiles, bus seats, plane corridors, etc, everything is made to remind you that you're overweight and that if you don't change that reality you simply won't fit in, and won't make use of things because they weren't designed for you. It's a constant reminder that you need to lose weight no matter what, as if the television and magazines didn't show you enough of that already.
I've never been "obese" (even that word has a huge "weight" on it. It's one of the heaviest words I know!), but I've seen how much suffering my father has been through because of his obesity. People would look at him with curiosity as he entered an elevator, and grimace if they had to sit by his side on a plane or bus.
It really creates a stigma, and it's hard to get rid of it when you reach your goal and realize you're suddenly surrounded by people who did not want your company before you became "normal" (to their own disfigured paradigms, at least).
The text states the absolute truth. Thank you very much for showing us that perspective.
wait what? because the world is only so big, and buses can only be as wide as the street they'll drive on, and rollercoasters can only have so much space and weight.. it's discriminating against fat people? then i think that because ceilings are only so high, they're discriminating against tall people. and because my kitchen cabinets were built this way... it's rude to me because i'm short. nooo... the world is built for what is "average." being 700 lbs isn't average because it isn't healthy. being 4 ft tall isn't average because it's not too common. the world is what it is. you can be fat and rude just as you can be skinny and rude. and if a guy doesn't hold the door for me, i don't assume it's because i'm unattractive, i assume it's because he's a *kitten* who was raised poorly. that's just my opinion
I agree - when I was too big to fit into a roller coaster ride, I didn't think "man, they need to make these seats bigger". I thought, "Man, I wish I wasn't so fat". Same thing with airplane seats, turnstiles, etc.0 -
Bump!!!!0
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Thanks for sharing...it truely is an eye-opener. I have been on both sides of the fence and I try to always remember that and the hurt feelings I had from comments. It is something I needed to read today
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Very well written! Thank you for sharing!0
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Wow. I can so relate to this. I've been very heavy for the last 10 years. At a wedding, a friend (who happens to be a RAGING alcoholic) came up to me and let me know how much happier I'd be if I just "walked away from the table now and then". Having the vice of food is one of the few shortcomings that people can see the from the moment they lay eyes on you. No one can tell, upon passing glance, who's addicted to alcohol, drugs, work, porn... whatever. But God help you if a cookie is your weakness because it suddenly becomes fair game for anyone.0
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It is true what you said, i have bad experience and that happened when I was 28 weeks pregnant. I happen to visit my mom one of my uncle ask me what is the secret of my fitness and how do I maintain my weight. I felt so bad. Now what ever happened I dont want any one to call me fat...0
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This article applies not only to fat - it applies to everything (in a western society) that falls outside of western ideals.
For example, I used to dress like a boy. That was what I liked to wear, not really for any reason other than that i liked it and could do lots in it and didn't really care about clothes much. Probably the only thing more terrifying than a girl who dresses like a boy is a boy who dresses like a girl...
I am by no means 'ugly', but if I throw my hair in a pony tail I with boy's clothes I could probably be considered plain.
A few years ago I met a nice guy - the first guy I have ever REALLY been drawn to and sexually attracted to. I felt this huge primal urge to emphasise everything 'feminine'. I figured that there was nothing unhealthy about this, so I started growing my hair longer, painting my fingernails, wearing skirts, and just generally transferring a lot of my artistic expression into my appearance.
The world changed completely.
Suddenly, I was pretty. Instead of melting into a background with all the things that don't catch people's eye, I started catching everyone's eyes, mostly men's. They were suddenly much nicer to me, and much more rude at the same time... happy to leer and stare openly, shout out car windows.
My friends, many of whom were feminists, started to judge me very poorly and treat me badly. A whole sub-society that I enjoyed became cut off to me.
...
Unfortunately, a large part of the reality behind fat-hate, mostly against women, is some underlying expectation that all women strive at all times to appear as attractive as possible. If you 'let yourself go,' cut your hair, don't wear heels, don't grow or implant boobs, or don't wear skirts, you will be socially punished. If you do all these things you will be rewarded.
As I am not a man I can't even speculate on what the social punishments are for being fat or ugly (or short?)...I cant only speak about what I experienced and what I observed driving it. It's like I was a bad dog who needed to be ignored, and suddenly I was a good dog who deserved lots of attention.
Fat is one among the many aberrations for which you may be punished. It is the one for which you may be punished most cruelly, though.
Others for women include:
- too muscley (too masculine)/not enough muscle tone
- too much makeup/no makeup
- too much hair
- short hair
- pants/shorts (oh if you don't wear a skirt you won't even believe how much reward skirts get)
- shoulders too big/hips too small
- too aggressive
The perversion is not what men find attractive, so much as the fact that it is applied to EVERY social/work interaction and opportunity.
The downside, of course, is that if you manage to find the right balance between all of these things, suddenly the social reward switches around to punishment - you must be a b*tch and a bimbo and deserve to be treated poorly and sexually harassed and leered at because that's all you're good for.
It's a messy world out there.
Harsh truths! /agree0 -
It makes me happy, sad and mad all at the same time.
Exactly this. This PERFECTLY sums up what I feel about getting thinner. I literally could not have worded it any better.0 -
Bump0
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This is so true. At my top weight I was 300 lbs. I lost about 100 lbs via surgery and even though I was still heavy, the way I was treated before and after was shockingly different. I was in college at my heavest and people would get up and move if i sat in a desk near them, as if my being fat was contagious. Nobody wanted to be my lab partner in class, as if being fat also made me stupid. I graduated with a 3.9 gpa in the top 10% of my class. I took a semester off to have weight surgery. Upon my graduation I had lost the weight and people I had been in school with for four years finally took notice of me. They finally started allowing me to sit in their study groups. They finally stopped laughing when I walked in the room. The jokes I'm sure they use to say about me, they started telling to me about other over weight students. I was no longer the "fat freak" they ignored, but that by far didn't make them my friends. They may have accepted me because I was more socially acceptable in size, but I couldn't forget how they made me feel for the previous four years. And yet, they wondered why I declined their invitation to the after graduation party.0
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One of the worst types of prejudice nowadays is the one against fat people, exactly because it's approved by society. Turnstiles, bus seats, plane corridors, etc, everything is made to remind you that you're overweight and that if you don't change that reality you simply won't fit in, and won't make use of things because they weren't designed for you. It's a constant reminder that you need to lose weight no matter what, as if the television and magazines didn't show you enough of that already.
I've never been "obese" (even that word has a huge "weight" on it. It's one of the heaviest words I know!), but I've seen how much suffering my father has been through because of his obesity. People would look at him with curiosity as he entered an elevator, and grimace if they had to sit by his side on a plane or bus.
It really creates a stigma, and it's hard to get rid of it when you reach your goal and realize you're suddenly surrounded by people who did not want your company before you became "normal" (to their own disfigured paradigms, at least).
The text states the absolute truth. Thank you very much for showing us that perspective.
wait what? because the world is only so big, and buses can only be as wide as the street they'll drive on, and rollercoasters can only have so much space and weight.. it's discriminating against fat people? then i think that because ceilings are only so high, they're discriminating against tall people. and because my kitchen cabinets were built this way... it's rude to me because i'm short. nooo... the world is built for what is "average." being 700 lbs isn't average because it isn't healthy. being 4 ft tall isn't average because it's not too common. the world is what it is. you can be fat and rude just as you can be skinny and rude. and if a guy doesn't hold the door for me, i don't assume it's because i'm unattractive, i assume it's because he's a *kitten* who was raised poorly. that's just my opinion
AGREED!!!0 -
I've lost 100lbs (80 in the last 15 or so months) and I can vouch for the accuracy of this article. It's sad, but she's right!0
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Can totally relate!!! Thanks for sharing its very emotional!0
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At 230 pounds people always held the door for me,infact I got treated no diffrent at 230 than I do now at 175 or when I was 120.
Where do you live? In certain parts of the country (or even in the world) this is more pronounced. People in Oregon are less likely to behave as described, but it is still here. I've experienced it enough to know exactly what all of you are talking about and have the same reaction - I'll always be fat inside and never trust anyone who didn't love me just as much when I was fat - will always have trouble knowing whether or not to trust new people. I've spent a lot of my life being outraged by people's attitudes.
I know it can be brutal in Southern California where there is a particular obsession with "beautiful people" and where many swear that a Calif. "10" (as in female ratings) is much higher than a '10' elsewhere. Move 1,000 miles to the north in Portland and the Calif. attitude is regarded with disdain, even by former Californians.0 -
Being mean to overweight persons is one of the most accepted forms of discrimination tolerated publicly. Thanks for sharing0
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