"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"

LadyLuckAJ

I LOVE this article. I have been trying to explain this phenomenon to my friends buy they don't understand. I too have started to experience men holding doors open for me and randomly greeting me. I get treated better. It makes me happy, sad and mad all at the same time.

This! I feel so connected to this article and the above is completely me. great feeling, sad feeling and utterly pissed off at times. Actually turned a guy down, because i know he saw me when i was bigger size 18/20 (or early stages of my weight lost) but now that i am smaller size 8, he decided to talk to me and i decided to joke and walk away.

MrsAFR

So much of this rings true for me. I used to be 18 stone (252lbs) and I lost 7 stone taking me to around 154lbs which was a UK size 10-12 at 5ft 7. When i was bigger I couldn't get a job even when i was the best qualified. When i did get a job I was told by my boss that I needed a bigger wardrobe as when I reached up my belly hung out of the bottom of my tops. I had people shout at me on the street telling me to take my Halloween mask off! I had men who would sleep with me (regularly) but wouldn't commit because they were ashamed of me. Or who would commit to me but tell me not to tell any one because they were embarrassed!

Its unbelievable how cruel people can be.

When i lost the weight I had one man approach me and say wow! you went from and ugly duckling to a beautiful swan ! I screamed in his face that I was still the same person on the inside!

I had lots of men interested in me but knew none of them would have been had I been the 18 stone I had been previously! I also got a promotion at work and my predecessor told me that I wouldn't have got it had I still been fat!

Now I'm back to 199.8lbs after having my baby and losing control of my eating habits. I really feel the pressure to be thin again. I know thin people look upon fat people as different! I know we are treated differently in all aspects of life! Although this time around shifting the weight is hard! I'm determined to get back into the club but like this lady I will always be fat on the inside!

ozofeliz

No, you are not the same person. You are more strong and more confidence. I lost 90 pounds and i'm more active, more proactive, less lazy. I change. You became a example for your kids. Example of discipline, sacrifice, effort. Sex life ?

And what the people think. GO TO THE HELL !!!!

redneckcaseysgirl88

Bump- want to read this later!

JeanneTops

What's hard for us to accept is that how other people treat us really has nothing to do with us. It has to do with how they feel about themselves. What's even harder to accept is that, how we think other people are judging us has mostly to do with how we feel about OURSELVES.

Sometimes its can be as simple as something like: you're having a bad day and you're wearing a frown as you walk around. Other people, perhaps having a bad day themselves, interpret this as "She was rude/mean/stuffy/overbearing/whatever to me." Remember this the next time someone walks by and "frowns at you". He may not be frowning at you at all, most likely he is thinking about himself. Do you think about every person you walk by and adjust your facial features to what you think about him/her?

Are people deliberately rude or mean at times? Of course. Is it because of how they feel about how you look? Probably only if how you look triggers some internal feeling they have about themselves. My guess is that most people are worried that they themselves look fat, that they don't exercise enough, that they are living unhealthy lifestyles. It's not so much, "I don't like fat people" as "I think other people don't like fat people and I don't want them to think that way about me." Or it could be that they're having a bad time about something else all together.

People who are secure in how they feel about themselves aren't rude or mean because they are sure that they are likable and liked. People who are secure in how they feel about themselves can also slough off rudeness or meanness because they are sure that they are likable and liked. It always hurts, of course, but it doesn't hurt so much if you remember that you are likable and liked. If you aren't letting go of the hurt, then you need to work on remembering that because you are NEVER going to change other people.

The grass isn't greener on the other side. There have been countless MFP posts by people who have lost weight and find that they have lost friends and are receiving comments like: "You've lost too much weight", "You look too skinny", "You're not going to lose any more are you?" and, the hardest one of all: "You can eat this now - you're already skinny!" People say these things for the same reason that they are mean or rude to fat people. They feel guilty about their own size, eating and exercise habits. They're afraid that others are comparing them to the smaller-sized you and judging them to be the "fat one." You learn you're either going to lose friends or you're going to have to slough off these comments as well.

We are, each and every one of us, self-centered but also socially dependent creatures. If we consciously work at it, we can keep keep our fears of being shut out and disliked from influencing how we treat others. If we really work hard at it, we can let being liked and loved keep us secure from being hurt by those who don't. No matter what size we or they are.

annathomas88

That is a powerful read! Thanks for sharing!

MrsAchu76

bump for reading later - excellent post

kaylou

this is such a great read! and a what a wonderful statement...staying fat on the inside!

lornaloo3

bump

KH9107

bumping for later

StigmaEnigma92

(Sorry for the bump, I know it's an old thread, but this kind of interests me a lot, this is long, so feel free to tl;dr if you wish)

I lost 100lbs last year after 10 months of dieting, and I can attest to the fact that people do treat you much differently from when you're fat and when you're thin.

When I was 17st (238lbs) I was rarely ever insulted to my face, but people treated like as if I was invisible. They would look right through me. On things like buses someone who would sit beside me because it was crowded would make it clear they don't want to sit there, and they would quickly move when another seat became vacant. When ordering from fast food joints or take-a-ways, the person working there would give me the look of "do you really need to eat this?" even if they were friendly, I don't know what it is, but it always made me feel really horrible. People would stand out of my way when they saw me coming in narrow spaces, which felt really awkward. Men would show me absolutely zero interest, I only got hit on one when I was that fat, and it was by a random man at the bus stop, sometimes I would try approaching men myself. They would be nice, but that was it, they'd give the impression they'd rather be somewhere else and I'd find myself being the one asking questions and them answering, one avoided giving me his number and even though he seemed really nice when we were speaking, he became really cold on facebook and deleted me 2 days after.

On a personal level, family would treat me different. My mum and dad would always give me looks of concern and sometimes straight up say what they were thinking. "Do you really need to be eating that?", "you'll never lose weight if you eat like that". Relatives such as my grandma and aunts/uncles would give me weird looks when they saw me, they wouldn't see it, but it was obvious what they were thinking ("woah you've put on loads of weight!"). I was a recluse so I didn't have many friends, there was two but I mainly spoke to them online (we met online via gaming). There was (well is) this one guy I was close to. He was pretty much my best friend, we spoke every second day and confided a lot in each other. Now unknown to him I actually had romantic feelings towards him, but he always considered me a sister/best friend, he would always be interested in actually dating other girls and then when they'd break up I'd always be there to help him pick up the pieces. It used to both hurt and grind my gears when he ranted about how there was no good/loyal girls around and how when he was in a relationship he'd make a much bigger effort to see them than me, even if they lived a lot further away, which always seemed to cut deep. I was obviously friendzoned by him, kind of like the female version of the "nice guy" stereotype. Then we both got busy and I kind of realised our friendship was unhealthy for me, I wouldn't say I was obsessed with him, but I felt too emotionally invested in him, so I decided to step back a bit for a while, I guess it helped he was in a relationship and was busy at university.

So over the course of 10 months I dieted and lost weight, for many reasons, my health as well as my looks. By the time I was about to meet my goal weight, I was astonished at how differently I was being treated. My parents were proud, I went to see my grandma who hugged me and congratulated, when I saw another aunt she did the same and actually admitted in a nice sounding way that when I was fat I wasn't really nice to look at. People in public treated me better, they would sit by on the bus, men would offer to help me, men at work would invite me for drinks, people became drawn to me and wanted to be my friend, I wouldn't feel guilty ordering junk food because the person serving wouldnt look at me oddly, I socialised a bit more, and my close male friend's relationship ended. During the months after we became as close as we were in past, speaking more, but even he took a bigger shine to me, and then he randomly admitted that he liked me, and told me how himself and I were inseparably close and so on, and asked me out. Now I'm not bitter or cynical, but it seems really obvious it was because of my weight which was why he never liked me more than a friend before. He just wasn't attracted to me when he was fat, and I'm not bitter over that either, funnily enough. Even though he'd always claim that looks don't matter, I think everyone values physical appearance in other people, especially romantic partners to a degree. He himself was a very fit guy (he was into sports), kind of muscular, and very tall, and I would be lying if his physical appearance wasn't one of the reasons I liked him. At this point I happened to be interested in someone else, so we didn't go out, but we're still close friends, though.

So yeah. That's just how life is I guess. It's easy to be resentful in a way, but I've just chosen to embrace being my new weight and the social benefits. We're all "shallow" and judgemental to a degree. I personally don't mistreat anyone based on their weight or any other ailment but some people just do and always will. Being fat isn't considered acceptable because slim people see obesity as a choice and something which is reversible with a "little exercise and eating properly". I used to always wish when I was fat that people would accept that food can be an addiction just as much as alcohol or drugs.

ej_glen

But it doesn’t stop me from being angry that I had to lose weight to reap these benefits. Of those who are nice to me now, who would have been rude to me before? Which ones made the cruel jokes? Who can be trusted?

This.

I've lost a lot of weight before and immediately noticed a difference in how I was treated. In some ways I think I re-gained it because my "fat self" was a comfort and I'd almost betrayed her by joining this group of slim people who never had time for her...

hatton83

I honestly enjoyed this story. I can somewhat relate to what she is saying, I am sure most of us can. I sometimes feel like I am seperated from the "skinny" people. I want to be healthy and feel good in my own skin. I hope I do not forget where I come from and always be a part of Team F.A.T.

seamanny

I'm in the middle of reading Good Omens by Neill Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, this quote came to mind while reading the article and subsequent replies:


"He rather liked people. It was a major failing in a demon.
Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into the design, somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse."

This is so true, thanks for sharing this.

reginadelmundo

Congratulations first of all, but -- you're an incredible writer!!

salgalbp

Replying for my topics...

Something struck me in the read..."I hope I always remain fat on the inside"

I agree that being obese has giving me a different take on life and the people in it. I'm definitely more compassionate because I've been there to.

For me though, when I was fat on the inside and outside I was NOT very nice to myself. With what I put into my body as well as what I thought/felt/said to myself.

I have maintained my loss for 3years and it's taking this long to finally "shed" the fat mentality and GOD HELP ME NEVER TO GO BACK! - In the sense about how I spoke to myself. I'll never lose the memories of course but thank God I finally love myself enough to be good to me!

Great read, thanks for posting!
Sal

albatrosssherpa

bump

taliasometimes

what a well written article! Brilliant , she is very honest

Ayesha0624

Really good story!

bggrlzdntcry

Thanks for sharing.

vtmoon

Excellent post and this is not just a western thing, it's all over the world.

jessiwebb

Such a great read. It reminds me of a tv program I watched several years ago, where a thin/fit woman donned a fat suit for a day and received the onslaught of negative, judgmental and abusive behaviors of society. Thanks for posting the article!

a778c466

Bump

victoriavoodoo

What an odd article to see in the success stories sub forum, which is literally dedicated to telling people how much better they look now.

Or maybe it's the responses that seem odd. We are all here to "better" ourselves, no? Either how we look or our health or both.

I think people should be congratulated and encouraged when they extend their life expectancy possibly by years. This refers more to the responses of people who knew someone before they lost the weight; of course strangers being nicer have no idea and are just seeing a pretty girl/cute guy and don't know any better than to treat them how they treat anyone they find attractive.

If I find myself disgusting how can I blame others for having the same opinion?

mk_hammer

While I appreciate the sentiment of this article and, to a certain extent, agree, I've seen a lot of posters complain about how they are judged everywhere they go for being fat. On the whole, other people are generally preoccupied with themselves and do not pay as much attention to you as you think they do. We assume that people are thinking "God, look at that fat person getting all of that fatty food. What a fat fatty," when really they're just thinking about themselves. And, if they really are being Judgy McJudgersons, f--k 'em. Who needs them anyway?

Love yourselves, and everything else will fall into place.

mazmataz

There is definitely some truth to this. However, I really do believe that everything in life is 90% confidence. There are some people on this thread who have gone from over 300lbs to over 200lbs, and they felt amazing, people treated them differently etc etc. Similarly there are people who have gone from over 200lbs to the mid 100's and the same thing happened. What do they all have in common? They lost some weight and felt amazing about themselves!

When you exude confidence and completely believe that you are sexy, worthy and a great person to be around...people are attracted to THAT!

I lost a little bit of weight a while back (still on the warpath lol) and my first night out with my girlfriends, I felt awesome!! I was still heavier than any of them, yet I managed to get two numbers, several drinks bought for me, served quickly at the bar (after some bar tender flirting ). This experience plus some extra personal development work taught me that there is no substitue for some kick *kitten* self confidence!!

joleenl

Awesome read! Thank you!

CharlotteTheCoffeeLover

Awesome article!!! Thank you so much for posting. This article is very true!! I'm amazed at how diffrently I get treated... Before men would let the door smack me in the face, the other day I had 3 of them run to it to open it for me!! I do think it's unfair the way larger women get treated. I know first hand. I've always been large. I mean large. I weigh right now the same as when I was 11 yrs old.

KodAkuraMacKyen

Interesting read and I agree completely. A lot changed for me since I've lost weight. Some people say it's due soley to the increase in confidence and perceived outward treatment but I firmly believe some of it is to do with the 53lbs I no longer carrry on me and society's view and treatment of overweight people.

tianti82

Great article. Sums it all up.