Why don't I get hit on?

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  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.
    This is where it's at. Once you actually do exude self-confidence, you'll have other people's interest. I think I'm reasonably attractive woman, not even mainstream gorgeous. But inside, I feel amazing most of the time. I always have. Even when I was big, I was a seriously big fan of myself. People ALWAYS talk to me, men are very often interested in me. Yet, I don't think I look any better than the average woman. I just feel good about who I am and it shows.
    The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

    They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

    no one looks my way.
    It's because you don't believe it yourself yet.
    I wrote a blog that touches on this subject.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/sunkisses/view/just-me-talking-about-myself-again-151693
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    I wasn't hit on when I was 20-something, slim and attractive, it's never going to happen now I'm 40-something, overweight and saggy! I'm not a real eye contact or smile at strangers person.
  • daddiod
    daddiod Posts: 37
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    I think its intimidation sometime. We figure some one like you has a BF and wouldn't want to talk to me. Most of good guys are shy over all. We are not all looking to jump in bed and a lot of time that's the attitude we get from women. I also would have a hard time approaching you. As for this site I have the same problem getting friends. Im not looking for dates but support. But do not get anyones help as they are worried I'm looking for dates here, Not dates just help. :-(
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    Maybe you are intimidating or putting out a "desperate" (as in looking as to whether men are looking at you instead of not thinking of it) vibe. Or you are just oblivious. My mom has always been rather oblivious and would be shocked when guys would say stuff such as, "I've been trying to ask you out for four years!" and at 64 she still gets hit on regularly (and doesn't seem to realize it although it's quite obvious to me and everyone around her :laugh: )

    Another thing is You are a pretty girl (so please stop doubting yourself, especially since you will probably regret it when you are older and look back and realize "I actually was pretty!") but maybe change up your hair, makeup, and clothing. I think it ages you a bit and maybe makes it look like you "aren't interested" in dating.

    Good luck ^_^
  • cms6300
    cms6300 Posts: 163
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    First, you're a somewhat prolific poster so I've read quite a few of your posts. Having said that - I'm a fan. Unfortunately, you consistently describe yourself with terms such as average, ok, adequate, decent, etc.. My wife would attest to the fact that i carry myself with confidence to spare - but really i'm just your everyday, normal jacka**. If i accomplished half of what you have i would walk through every door like I owned the fu**ing place - and you should too. The handful of guys that you'll intimidate will be mowed down by those you attract.
    Have a great day!
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
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    First, you're a somewhat prolific poster so I've read quite a few of your posts. Having said that - I'm a fan. Unfortunately, you consistently describe yourself with terms such as average, ok, adequate, decent, etc.. My wife would attest to the fact that i carry myself with confidence to spare - but really i'm just your everyday, normal jacka**. If i accomplished half of what you have i would walk through every door like I owned the fu**ing place - and you should too. The handful of guys that you'll intimidate will be mowed down by those you attract.
    Have a great day!

    Exactly this! Well said cms :)
  • chuckmcm
    chuckmcm Posts: 16 Member
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    If you are still reading your thread (I don't blame you if your tuned out already).

    Just make sure you are making eye contact and smile.

    I am no stunner and really no reason for any gal to be attracted to me, but I find the most attractive (from my own subconscious point of view) women I meet are the ones who when I make eye contact (when just passing or wherever) they give me a little smile. Enough to now that they are smiling at me and not in the "I want to have your baby", just in a sense that they recognize that I am looking at them (not staring, just the passing glance) and perhaps some acknowledgement that I have given them some positive energy.

    Ok and for the record - record this as a "hit" on you.:wink::wink:
  • nataliefallbach
    nataliefallbach Posts: 105
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    I bet you get hit on and never notice! Hitting on a girl for most guys isn't some stupid line, they usually want to just try to talk to you, or to a friend near you so that they can eventually get into a conversation with you. I am no guy expert but I have always had a TON of guy friends. The guy you want to hit on you is usually the shy one in the corner, the aka "nice guy" who may not approach you. Turn the tides, go talk to them!!!!! I bet you will see that they talk to you.
  • carol989
    carol989 Posts: 19
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    I think it has a lot to do with the situation, sometimes flirting just seems inappropriate, (like at a funeral, lol)
  • Tybalt71
    Tybalt71 Posts: 1,081 Member
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    That will teach ya hun (OP) to post this up in future lol, u know i love ya, now your getting psycho-analyzed by some peeps who are in no position to be judging you anyway-Ty
  • annalee_1
    annalee_1 Posts: 236 Member
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    "Most" men are shy and don't want the rejection, most of my guy friends that are single have said that.... that being said make sure you are approachable I know I have been told I look so serious but once they get to know me then its a different story, so I paste a smile and look serious at work! :) lol
  • raevynn
    raevynn Posts: 666 Member
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    I think a lot of men are a bit intimidated by redheads anyway.

    I know my Dear Hubby told me that he was, for years, due to having a redhead as a gf at a young age... he wasn't sure he was prepared for another one!

    Fortunately, I chased him until he caught me *grin*

    Typical post-event conversation:

    "That was fun. I was talking to ____ about ____"
    "He was hitting on you"
    "Oh, he was not. We were just talking"
    "Yes, he was. That is hitting."
    "Really? dang it! I missed it again!!"
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
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    Most guys your age or lower have been taught by the internet that they're are 3 rules to approaching a hot girl:

    1. Be Attractive
    2.Don't be unattractive
    3. Be attractive

    If we don't meet those 3, we feel we will be considered creepers. Guys who don't feel like they meet all those requirements tend to not hit on the hottest girl in the group.
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
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    I generally get hit on by guys who turn out to be total a-holes. Really frustrates me.
  • annalee_1
    annalee_1 Posts: 236 Member
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    If you are still reading your thread (I don't blame you if your tuned out already).

    Just make sure you are making eye contact and smile.

    I am no stunner and really no reason for any gal to be attracted to me, but I find the most attractive (from my own subconscious point of view) women I meet are the ones who when I make eye contact (when just passing or wherever) they give me a little smile. Enough to now that they are smiling at me and not in the "I want to have your baby", just in a sense that they recognize that I am looking at them (not staring, just the passing glance) and perhaps some acknowledgement that I have given them some positive energy.

    Ok and for the record - record this as a "hit" on you.:wink::wink:


    This ^^^^^^^^
  • Tybalt71
    Tybalt71 Posts: 1,081 Member
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    I generally get hit on by guys who turn out to be total a-holes. Really frustrates me.
    said i was sorry, i sent flowers:flowerforyou: -Ty
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    First, you're a somewhat prolific poster so I've read quite a few of your posts. Having said that - I'm a fan. Unfortunately, you consistently describe yourself with terms such as average, ok, adequate, decent, etc.. My wife would attest to the fact that i carry myself with confidence to spare - but really i'm just your everyday, normal jacka**. If i accomplished half of what you have i would walk through every door like I owned the fu**ing place - and you should too. The handful of guys that you'll intimidate will be mowed down by those you attract.
    Have a great day!

    THIS
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    First, you're a somewhat prolific poster so I've read quite a few of your posts. Having said that - I'm a fan. Unfortunately, you consistently describe yourself with terms such as average, ok, adequate, decent, etc.. My wife would attest to the fact that i carry myself with confidence to spare - but really i'm just your everyday, normal jacka**. If i accomplished half of what you have i would walk through every door like I owned the fu**ing place - and you should too. The handful of guys that you'll intimidate will be mowed down by those you attract.
    Have a great day!
    That is definitely an interesting way to look at things. What I have accomplished actually makes me a little self-conscious because I do *not* want to come across as arrogant, but maybe I swing too far the other way.

    So... what have I learned?

    * Tall women are scary
    * Redheads are intimidating
    * Men might be afraid I could beat them up because I am in good shape
    * I might be noticed and not realize it
    * I need to smile more and make eye contact
    * Being shy can come across as unapproachable
    * A lack of confidence shows up
    * Alcohol loosens up inhibitions
    * Wear heels with confidence
    * Wear flats so I'm not so tall
    * Even if I am attractive to look at, a crappy personality might make me unattractive
    * SinIsIn, _snw_, and LorinaLynn would all hit on me even though I'm a girl and so are they.

    Hm... did I miss anything?
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    First, you're a somewhat prolific poster so I've read quite a few of your posts. Having said that - I'm a fan. Unfortunately, you consistently describe yourself with terms such as average, ok, adequate, decent, etc.. My wife would attest to the fact that i carry myself with confidence to spare - but really i'm just your everyday, normal jacka**. If i accomplished half of what you have i would walk through every door like I owned the fu**ing place - and you should too. The handful of guys that you'll intimidate will be mowed down by those you attract.
    Have a great day!
    That is definitely an interesting way to look at things. What I have accomplished actually makes me a little self-conscious because I do *not* want to come across as arrogant, but maybe I swing too far the other way.

    So... what have I learned?

    * Tall women are scary
    * Redheads are intimidating
    * Men might be afraid I could beat them up because I am in good shape
    * I might be noticed and not realize it
    * I need to smile more and make eye contact
    * Being shy can come across as unapproachable
    * A lack of confidence shows up
    * Alcohol loosens up inhibitions
    * Wear heels with confidence
    * Wear flats so I'm not so tall
    * Even if I am attractive to look at, a crappy personality might make me unattractive
    * SinIsIn, _snw_, and LorinaLynn would all hit on me even though I'm a girl and so are they.

    Hm... did I miss anything?

    Yes:
    *You don't need attention from weak men that are afraid of tall women or red heads.
    *The alcohol lesson is for one night stands.
    *Be tall and proud!! You're supermodel height!!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    First, you're a somewhat prolific poster so I've read quite a few of your posts. Having said that - I'm a fan. Unfortunately, you consistently describe yourself with terms such as average, ok, adequate, decent, etc.. My wife would attest to the fact that i carry myself with confidence to spare - but really i'm just your everyday, normal jacka**. If i accomplished half of what you have i would walk through every door like I owned the fu**ing place - and you should too. The handful of guys that you'll intimidate will be mowed down by those you attract.
    Have a great day!
    That is definitely an interesting way to look at things. What I have accomplished actually makes me a little self-conscious because I do *not* want to come across as arrogant, but maybe I swing too far the other way.

    So... what have I learned?

    * Tall women are scary
    * Redheads are intimidating
    * Men might be afraid I could beat them up because I am in good shape
    * I might be noticed and not realize it
    * I need to smile more and make eye contact
    * Being shy can come across as unapproachable
    * A lack of confidence shows up
    * Alcohol loosens up inhibitions
    * Wear heels with confidence
    * Wear flats so I'm not so tall
    * Even if I am attractive to look at, a crappy personality might make me unattractive
    * SinIsIn, _snw_, and LorinaLynn would all hit on me even though I'm a girl and so are they.

    Hm... did I miss anything?

    You forgot:

    Tucson guys are stupid. Act accordingly lol.

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