Why don't I get hit on?

MisterDubs303

Others have said it, and I'll say it again. I guarantee they notice you; you are very attractive in multiple ways. Just flash that pretty smile to reassure them that it's OK to approach you. Nobody wants to think they're going to get snapped like a twig if their attention is unwelcome and you look like you could do it. And I really do mean that in a good way, honest. I think I would be a little intimidated unless I knew it was OK to approach.

JNick77

This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

no one looks my way.

Is it just me, or is that odd? I mean, even taking into account the fact that I am probably more photogenic than actually good looking, it still seems a bit odd that no one EVER looks at me in real life if I'm considered, at least on here, to be not bad looking.

It just doesn't make sense.

Thoughts?

ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.

Don't know. Physically you're attractive, got a nice bod, and flexible. If you're confident or a strong woman that might turn some men off unfortunately.

Jennisin1

I don't think I am particularly attractive (esp with being chubby right now), but I get looks and stuff all the time. (Had a guy leaving the gym as I was going in tell me "Have a nice afternoon, Beautiful" just today). I can only think it is because I look happy and like I am nice.

AthenaErr

I think its a bit of a two-way street. You need to seem approachable. A smile, eye contact, someone who seems open to other people interacting with them - it can be totally innocent but I think there needs to be some element of that there for a guy to try to strike up a conversation. Its not really about looks - the most beautiful girls may not get approached much because they either are stand offish or guys assume they will be stand offish

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

Annette_rose

You look amazing!!!! I am not a guy but if I were, I would hit on you I do think men are a bit intimidated maybe, especially if you are often with a group of women in a setting. I have "heard" that men are more likely to approach a woman when she is alone rather than with a group of friends. But, I am not a man so not sure if that is true or not. Have you thought of a dating website such as Match? Just an idea. That way you kind of hold the cards as to whether or not you want to reply etc. Of course, if you are just going through a divorce maybe you are not ready for that yet. Just know, you are beautiful and your body is awesome!!!

crisanderson27

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...the contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

Annette_rose

I think its a bit of a two-way street. You need to seem approachable. A smile, eye contact, someone who seems open to other people interacting with them - it can be totally innocent but I think there needs to be some element of that there for a guy to try to strike up a conversation. Its not really about looks - the most beautiful girls may not get approached much because they either are stand offish or guys assume they will be stand offish

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

Ohhh she is so right about eye contact!!! I recently went to a bar with some friends and one of my male friends told me not to make eye contact with the men, lol. Depending on how you look at them...eye contact can definitely be an attraction for them.

kschr201

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...they contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harrassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harrassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

Want to move to the east coast? :P The things I've had shouted at me on my way to class are ridiculous...

sweetteacher123

Confidence is one of the most appealing parts of a woman. I'm guessing from your post and your comment about self-esteem is you are not radiating this. Feel good and work on yourself first; the rest will follow.

Jennisin1

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...the contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

My company hold this standard across the board as well. But I can tell you, if you are ever having a bad self esteem day, throw on a hard hat and walk a construction site. You will feel like a supermodel by the end of it... it is like they have never seen a woman before. (Even without cat calls or offensive behavior)

TheUnwritten

CoryIda I know exactly how you feel. I go unnoticed all the time even now that I lost all my weight. I'm not saying that was my reason for losing weight but I would love to meet someone that I can actually talk too and start enjoying life with.

DominiqueSmall

There's this saying in Italy that a woman who is "loved" is a woman that is beautiful and drawing of men. In Italy there a several levels of love from friendship to romanitc inlove kind.

I have this great male friendship, two actually, that really make me feel great (not romantic kind) and I have been hit on so much I can't even tell you.

It's like when you are happy and content with your life and your relationships, you suddenly become the girl all the guys want.

Anyway, I said all that to say I would focus on yourself, becoming more confident and the guys will eventually come.

Lastly, the rules have changed for the poor guys. I relly think a lot of them have no clue what to do anymore. They get it coming and going. So maybe be friends with some guys and letting things happen (if they do) will help.

BTW, just because you don't think anyone is checking you out, isn't necessarily so. I have had several men tell me they wanted to ask me out but thought I was too good for them :-(

I think it is as hard for guys as it is us gals.

Oh ... and one other thing. I have had tons of guys tell me they are just too busy. So this may not be about you but just a fact of life for them at this point in thier lives.

crisanderson27

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...the contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

My company hold this standard across the board as well. But I can tell you, if you are ever having a bad self esteem day, throw on a hard hat and walk a construction site. You will feel like a supermodel by the end of it... it is like they have never seen a woman before. (Even without cat calls or offensive behavior)

I was explaining this to my girlfriend just the other day! I was talking about how I refuse to hire attractive women, whether in the office or even for delivering parts to the jobsite. She said it was descrimination...I agreed completely, but also explained my reasons. The interoffice drama becomes a serious liability. NO man in the office, married or not, doesn't pay the girl extra attention, and I would be setting myself up for a sexual harassment case immediately (yes, the company itself is partially liable...no thanks, not going there). As a delivery girl or any other position with onsite responsibilities...work pretty much just flat stops till she's offsite, and if you can believe it there's actual safety consequences! I don't understand it, but it's like putting on the hard hat immediately mentally sets the last time he got laid back a year.

As for moving back east...lol, if I had work, you bet!

_Bob_

It would seem that I am needed in Arizona, I'll be right there...

TheBraveryLover

Hmm, maybe the area you live in? Also, are you introverted or friendly when you meet new people? If you'd like a little attention (who doesn't?), I'd suggest going out one night with the girls, with a sexy dress on, for drinks. You'd definitely get hit on then. :-)

HonkyTonks

Guys can be shy and sometimes afraid to show interest in case they are rejected (the same as girls).

Elzecat

This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

no one looks my way.

Is it just me, or is that odd? I mean, even taking into account the fact that I am probably more photogenic than actually good looking, it still seems a bit odd that no one EVER looks at me in real life if I'm considered, at least on here, to be not bad looking.

It just doesn't make sense.

Thoughts?

ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.

I wish I had an answer for you, as I can totally relate. I've lost over 40 pounds in the past year and my guy friends (and female friends) keep telling me how great I look...but noone actually ever asks me out or hits on me. Sigh.

Shelby814

I know I don't know you, but could it be a confidence thing? In my experience, guys like a confident woman. Even at my biggest, if I went out with my thinner friends, I was the one that got hit on. I think it was because I walked in like I owned the place. The cleavage probably helped too. LOL.

kaitlynnrogers

holy cow! you're gorgeous! you probably just don't notice that they are!(:

LisaGamerGirl

If you carry yourself with confidence & dress your body type well, you WILL get noticed!