Why don't I get hit on?

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  • Meg177
    Meg177 Posts: 215 Member
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    First, you're a somewhat prolific poster so I've read quite a few of your posts. Having said that - I'm a fan. Unfortunately, you consistently describe yourself with terms such as average, ok, adequate, decent, etc.. My wife would attest to the fact that i carry myself with confidence to spare - but really i'm just your everyday, normal jacka**. If i accomplished half of what you have i would walk through every door like I owned the fu**ing place - and you should too. The handful of guys that you'll intimidate will be mowed down by those you attract.
    Have a great day!
    That is definitely an interesting way to look at things. What I have accomplished actually makes me a little self-conscious because I do *not* want to come across as arrogant, but maybe I swing too far the other way.

    So... what have I learned?

    * Tall women are scary
    * Redheads are intimidating
    * Men might be afraid I could beat them up because I am in good shape
    * I might be noticed and not realize it
    * I need to smile more and make eye contact
    * Being shy can come across as unapproachable
    * A lack of confidence shows up
    * Alcohol loosens up inhibitions
    * Wear heels with confidence
    * Wear flats so I'm not so tall
    * Even if I am attractive to look at, a crappy personality might make me unattractive
    * SinIsIn, _snw_, and LorinaLynn would all hit on me even though I'm a girl and so are they.

    Hm... did I miss anything?
    Sigh...no.

    Men notice everything with estrogen that is anywhere in their vicinity from you fat to you thin to your 12 year old daughter and your 95 year old grandmother (assuming you have either one of the last 2). I promise you are being noticed. then they evaluate for all the fun that is (dress cute and comb your hair:). They jostle around and check out who else is noticing. They are really good at covering it up (same reason a cat covers her poop - A little shy, a little embarrassed, doesn’t want to get yelled at ...). It’s really funny. Watch them do it to someone else. Seriously.

    You aren’t getting hit on because you don’t want to be and rightly so. When you’re "available" you’ll be available and they will start to hit on you and there will be nothing you’ll be able to do about it.

    This was all explained to me by a man and I have found it to be true.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Maybe you just don't come across as sexually available (which can be a good thing if you are in a committed relationship).

    I think self esteem comes more into play in the quality of partner you attract or are willing to accept.

    I have come across (not literally mind) a number of women with horrible self esteem who get hit on pretty regularly. This is because they are reasonably pretty as you are but critically, and to put it bluntly, they look like they really, really like to bone at the drop of a hat and are open to it. I'm not saying this is the only criteria for getting hit on but it certainly helps.

    So, in conclusion, I have no clue as to the advice I am giving here...
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,689 Member
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    So... what have I learned?

    * Tall women are scary
    * Redheads are intimidating
    * Men might be afraid I could beat them up because I am in good shape
    * I might be noticed and not realize it
    * I need to smile more and make eye contact
    * Being shy can come across as unapproachable
    * A lack of confidence shows up
    * Alcohol loosens up inhibitions
    * Wear heels with confidence
    * Wear flats so I'm not so tall
    * Even if I am attractive to look at, a crappy personality might make me unattractive
    * SinIsIn, _snw_, and LorinaLynn would all hit on me even though I'm a girl and so are they.

    Hm... did I miss anything?

    Ummm, Yes ..... just be yourself. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: and don't ask knuckleheads like us for advice. :tongue:
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Maybe you just don't come across as sexually available (which can be a good thing if you are in a committed relationship).

    I think self esteem comes more into play in the quality of partner you attract or are willing to accept.

    I have come across (not literally mind) a number of women with horrible self esteem who get hit on pretty regularly. This is because they are reasonably pretty as you are but critically, and to put it bluntly, they look like they really, really like to bone at the drop of a hat and are open to it. I'm not saying this is the only criteria for getting hit on but it certainly helps.

    So, in conclusion, I have no clue as to the advice I am giving here...

    I have nothing to say. :laugh:
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Maybe you just don't come across as sexually available (which can be a good thing if you are in a committed relationship).

    I think self esteem comes more into play in the quality of partner you attract or are willing to accept.

    I have come across (not literally mind) a number of women with horrible self esteem who get hit on pretty regularly. This is because they are reasonably pretty as you are but critically, and to put it bluntly, they look like they really, really like to bone at the drop of a hat and are open to it. I'm not saying this is the only criteria for getting hit on but it certainly helps.

    So, in conclusion, I have no clue as to the advice I am giving here...

    I have nothing to say. :laugh:

    Well, it is rude to speak with your mouth full...
  • Meg177
    Meg177 Posts: 215 Member
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    Maybe you just don't come across as sexually available (which can be a good thing if you are in a committed relationship).

    I think self esteem comes more into play in the quality of partner you attract or are willing to accept.

    I have come across (not literally mind) a number of women with horrible self esteem who get hit on pretty regularly. This is because they are reasonably pretty as you are but critically, and to put it bluntly, they look like they really, really like to bone at the drop of a hat and are open to it. I'm not saying this is the only criteria for getting hit on but it certainly helps.

    So, in conclusion, I have no clue as to the advice I am giving here...

    It isn't advice it's information and really good, much needed information. Thank You!
  • tageekly
    tageekly Posts: 3,755 Member
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    I've been waiting for an opening for months now!

    Hey baby, how you doing? :wink:


    But seriously, I like this advice from TK266 best:
    Ummm, Yes ..... just be yourself. and don't ask knuckleheads like us for advice.
  • jcdellop
    jcdellop Posts: 18
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    I have the very same problem and the same reaction to it - I would just like to feel noticed!! I've been married for a long time and it would be nice just to get some reassurance that I'm still here . . . not as "mommy" or "wife", ME. Sometimes I wonder if I have the kind of face that just looks mad all the time even though I'm not.

    Reassuring in a strange way to see that someone as pretty as you are feels the same way. And I would agree with those that are telling you that you probably do get noticed but you don't necessarily see it.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    I had a hot chick hit on me at the gym. She was carrying a barbell accross the room and hit me with it.
  • rotnkat
    rotnkat Posts: 393 Member
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    I would totally hit on you if I buttered my toast that way, but I love men. I betcha guys are checking ya out, but they might be shy or nervous when it comes to a very confident woman.
  • Mina133842
    Mina133842 Posts: 1,573 Member
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    you forgot : no Mom jeans. lol! ;)
  • Joie89
    Joie89 Posts: 4
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    Only BOYS stare and hit on women. MEN on the other hand show casual/ subtle interest and allow you to decide if you want to take part in flirtation. Next time your out notice the subtle smiles and shy looks not the perverts that stare, whistle, honk, and make stupid noises. ;)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Apparently, you just need to hire a personal trainer.:laugh:
  • Tybalt71
    Tybalt71 Posts: 1,081 Member
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    Apparently, you just need to hire a personal trainer.:laugh:
    im available, trainer here-Ty
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    I went to the courthouse today and had a homeless man with no teeth and a Sean Connery voice tell me that I was "beautiful... too beautiful to ask for money from." ---- I don't think I made eye contact or smiled, but I must have done SOMETHING different. :)
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Only BOYS stare and hit on women. MEN on the other hand show casual/ subtle interest and allow you to decide if you want to take part in flirtation. Next time your out notice the subtle smiles and shy looks not the perverts that stare, whistle, honk, and make stupid noises. ;)

    This is good advice, and very true. Unless I was in a social situation where approaching a woman was expected (club, pool hall, etc), she would have had to return at least a real smile for me to go talk to her.
    I went to the courthouse today and had a homeless man with no teeth and a Sean Connery voice tell me that I was "beautiful... too beautiful to ask for money from." ---- I don't think I made eye contact or smiled, but I must have done SOMETHING different. :)

    It's a step forward!
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,167 Member
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    I don't hit on anyone unless i kinda started seeing her often....not just like a 1 day random thing (i'm shy but i try and pick up subtle hints)
    sometimes i wanna hit on a random girl that i see somewhere but i don't wanna do it and come out as a creep
  • Kimdbro
    Kimdbro Posts: 922 Member
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    I'm told that I am perceived as "intimidating" and give an air of "don't approach me" followed with a touch of "aloof" and "angry" (I'm norwegian... I perpetually look angry, particularly when I add on a few extra lbs) so, perhaps you give off similar airs - unbeknownst to you. Best of luck.
  • jching29
    jching29 Posts: 163
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    I think attitude has a lot to do with it...I think my girlfriend is the most gorgeous woman alive (I also thought this before we started dating) but, to be honest, her personality is difficult to wade through when you first meet her. She can be rather intimidating. However, if you're nice, smart, funny and pretty...just wait. Someone will come along who won't be able to keep their eyes off you ^w^
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
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    This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

    I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

    The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

    They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

    no one looks my way.

    Is it just me, or is that odd? I mean, even taking into account the fact that I am probably more photogenic than actually good looking, it still seems a bit odd that no one EVER looks at me in real life if I'm considered, at least on here, to be not bad looking.

    It just doesn't make sense.

    Thoughts?

    ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.

    You migt be what is considered unapproachable. I have been told I am unapproachable, I've been told I look serious or in some cases out of their league. I consider myself average and know some find me attractive and some do not. Don;t take it personal.

    Maybe try an experiment, when you see someone you might have an interest in, be conscious of the way you look at them and use your facial expressions to be more friendly with your smile and eyes. See if that makes a difference. I am in a relationship so when guys try to get my attention, I seriously frown and look away to avoid the awkward, I'm taken convo.

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