Why don't I get hit on?

MisterDubs303

Others have said it, and I'll say it again. I guarantee they notice you; you are very attractive in multiple ways. Just flash that pretty smile to reassure them that it's OK to approach you. Nobody wants to think they're going to get snapped like a twig if their attention is unwelcome and you look like you could do it. And I really do mean that in a good way, honest. I think I would be a little intimidated unless I knew it was OK to approach.

JNick77

This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

no one looks my way.

Is it just me, or is that odd? I mean, even taking into account the fact that I am probably more photogenic than actually good looking, it still seems a bit odd that no one EVER looks at me in real life if I'm considered, at least on here, to be not bad looking.

It just doesn't make sense.

Thoughts?

ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.

Don't know. Physically you're attractive, got a nice bod, and flexible. If you're confident or a strong woman that might turn some men off unfortunately.

Jennisin1

I don't think I am particularly attractive (esp with being chubby right now), but I get looks and stuff all the time. (Had a guy leaving the gym as I was going in tell me "Have a nice afternoon, Beautiful" just today). I can only think it is because I look happy and like I am nice.

AthenaErr

I think its a bit of a two-way street. You need to seem approachable. A smile, eye contact, someone who seems open to other people interacting with them - it can be totally innocent but I think there needs to be some element of that there for a guy to try to strike up a conversation. Its not really about looks - the most beautiful girls may not get approached much because they either are stand offish or guys assume they will be stand offish

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

Annette_rose

You look amazing!!!! I am not a guy but if I were, I would hit on you I do think men are a bit intimidated maybe, especially if you are often with a group of women in a setting. I have "heard" that men are more likely to approach a woman when she is alone rather than with a group of friends. But, I am not a man so not sure if that is true or not. Have you thought of a dating website such as Match? Just an idea. That way you kind of hold the cards as to whether or not you want to reply etc. Of course, if you are just going through a divorce maybe you are not ready for that yet. Just know, you are beautiful and your body is awesome!!!

crisanderson27

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...the contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

Annette_rose

I think its a bit of a two-way street. You need to seem approachable. A smile, eye contact, someone who seems open to other people interacting with them - it can be totally innocent but I think there needs to be some element of that there for a guy to try to strike up a conversation. Its not really about looks - the most beautiful girls may not get approached much because they either are stand offish or guys assume they will be stand offish

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

Ohhh she is so right about eye contact!!! I recently went to a bar with some friends and one of my male friends told me not to make eye contact with the men, lol. Depending on how you look at them...eye contact can definitely be an attraction for them.

kschr201

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...they contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harrassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harrassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

Want to move to the east coast? :P The things I've had shouted at me on my way to class are ridiculous...

sweetteacher123

Confidence is one of the most appealing parts of a woman. I'm guessing from your post and your comment about self-esteem is you are not radiating this. Feel good and work on yourself first; the rest will follow.

Jennisin1

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...the contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

My company hold this standard across the board as well. But I can tell you, if you are ever having a bad self esteem day, throw on a hard hat and walk a construction site. You will feel like a supermodel by the end of it... it is like they have never seen a woman before. (Even without cat calls or offensive behavior)

TheUnwritten

CoryIda I know exactly how you feel. I go unnoticed all the time even now that I lost all my weight. I'm not saying that was my reason for losing weight but I would love to meet someone that I can actually talk too and start enjoying life with.

DominiqueSmall

There's this saying in Italy that a woman who is "loved" is a woman that is beautiful and drawing of men. In Italy there a several levels of love from friendship to romanitc inlove kind.

I have this great male friendship, two actually, that really make me feel great (not romantic kind) and I have been hit on so much I can't even tell you.

It's like when you are happy and content with your life and your relationships, you suddenly become the girl all the guys want.

Anyway, I said all that to say I would focus on yourself, becoming more confident and the guys will eventually come.

Lastly, the rules have changed for the poor guys. I relly think a lot of them have no clue what to do anymore. They get it coming and going. So maybe be friends with some guys and letting things happen (if they do) will help.

BTW, just because you don't think anyone is checking you out, isn't necessarily so. I have had several men tell me they wanted to ask me out but thought I was too good for them :-(

I think it is as hard for guys as it is us gals.

Oh ... and one other thing. I have had tons of guys tell me they are just too busy. So this may not be about you but just a fact of life for them at this point in thier lives.

crisanderson27

Wolf whistling at building sites however is just pack behaviour and totally random.

I send my guys home for three days without pay for that behavior. If it goes beyond that, or more than once...they are terminated. When we work at Arizona State University...the contract with the college states that if 'any man on a building crew is determined to be harassing any woman passing by, he shall be immediately reprimanded. Multiple offenses shall result in immediate termination. Harassment may consist of staring for more than two seconds.'

I find it easier to hold to the same standards everywhere, rather than expecting them to just change for ASU jobs lol.

My company hold this standard across the board as well. But I can tell you, if you are ever having a bad self esteem day, throw on a hard hat and walk a construction site. You will feel like a supermodel by the end of it... it is like they have never seen a woman before. (Even without cat calls or offensive behavior)

I was explaining this to my girlfriend just the other day! I was talking about how I refuse to hire attractive women, whether in the office or even for delivering parts to the jobsite. She said it was descrimination...I agreed completely, but also explained my reasons. The interoffice drama becomes a serious liability. NO man in the office, married or not, doesn't pay the girl extra attention, and I would be setting myself up for a sexual harassment case immediately (yes, the company itself is partially liable...no thanks, not going there). As a delivery girl or any other position with onsite responsibilities...work pretty much just flat stops till she's offsite, and if you can believe it there's actual safety consequences! I don't understand it, but it's like putting on the hard hat immediately mentally sets the last time he got laid back a year.

As for moving back east...lol, if I had work, you bet!

_Bob_

It would seem that I am needed in Arizona, I'll be right there...

TheBraveryLover

Hmm, maybe the area you live in? Also, are you introverted or friendly when you meet new people? If you'd like a little attention (who doesn't?), I'd suggest going out one night with the girls, with a sexy dress on, for drinks. You'd definitely get hit on then. :-)

HonkyTonks

Guys can be shy and sometimes afraid to show interest in case they are rejected (the same as girls).

Elzecat

This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

no one looks my way.

Is it just me, or is that odd? I mean, even taking into account the fact that I am probably more photogenic than actually good looking, it still seems a bit odd that no one EVER looks at me in real life if I'm considered, at least on here, to be not bad looking.

It just doesn't make sense.

Thoughts?

ETA - I was *not* fishing for compliments. I was simply curious. Also, I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed.

I wish I had an answer for you, as I can totally relate. I've lost over 40 pounds in the past year and my guy friends (and female friends) keep telling me how great I look...but noone actually ever asks me out or hits on me. Sigh.

Shelby814

I know I don't know you, but could it be a confidence thing? In my experience, guys like a confident woman. Even at my biggest, if I went out with my thinner friends, I was the one that got hit on. I think it was because I walked in like I owned the place. The cleavage probably helped too. LOL.

kaitlynnrogers

holy cow! you're gorgeous! you probably just don't notice that they are!(:

LisaGamerGirl

If you carry yourself with confidence & dress your body type well, you WILL get noticed!

ebaywidow

I don't either....never did.

Karrix

Confidence is key. When you know you look good, others see it too.

AABru

Fake it til you make it...not the best motto for everything in life, but the best for confidence issues. Confidence is sexy, and I'm guessing that you are feeling a little ignored because of your divorce as well.

ryall70

yeah I don't get hit on in rl either so unfortunately have no insight.

Sorry I came here to see what the answer is since I don't ever nor have ever been hit on in real life.

LOL I came on to see also. Maybe ya'll are getting hit on and don't know it. I'm oblivious to that stuff, my friends usually have to tell me.:laugh:

rgbcgb

I am 75 years old, so a lot of water has passed under the bridge. For me, good looks was only one part of the formula. I'm sure you have heard the old adage, looks are only skin deep. Well, for me it is true. While still in high school my best girl friend was a skinny, freckled face gal. To this day she is still in my memory s. It was because she was so neat on the inside. So, not really knowing you, the question is: are you neat on the inside? I'm sure you are, but some how you must let others realize the gem you are. Put your self where you would like others to be. Present your self with confidence.

lisaleone71

If you define "hit on" as someone approaching you to chat you up and directly ask for your number, that seems to be something a lot of people don't do as they get past mid-twenties. Do people smile at you when you make eye contact? If so, they notice something. Smile at others and see what their reaction is. It's a much better indicator

Deza85

I don't have much experience in that area myself, but confidence can be a big turn on. It's not the short dress or the perfect hair, it's the strut of the girl who knows she looks good...

I have a hard time telling why people look at me, and as for actual flirtations from guys... Can't say that it's happened more than 2 or 3 times in my life but then again I'm not known for being terribly observant. :glasses:

EBFNP

There's this saying in Italy that a woman who is "loved" is a woman that is beautiful and drawing of men. In Italy there a several levels of love from friendship to romanitc inlove kind.

I have this great male friendship, two actually, that really make me feel great (not romantic kind) and I have been hit on so much I can't even tell you.

It's like when you are happy and content with your life and your relationships, you suddenly become the girl all the guys want.

Anyway, I said all that to say I would focus on yourself, becoming more confident and the guys will eventually come.

Lastly, the rules have changed for the poor guys. I relly think a lot of them have no clue what to do anymore. They get it coming and going. So maybe be friends with some guys and letting things happen (if they do) will help.

BTW, just because you don't think anyone is checking you out, isn't necessarily so. I have had several men tell me they wanted to ask me out but thought I was too good for them :-(

I think it is as hard for guys as it is us gals.

Oh ... and one other thing. I have had tons of guys tell me they are just too busy. So this may not be about you but just a fact of life for them at this point in thier lives.

THIS! I had so many guys from my past tell me they liked me at one time but thought I was a goody good for them to ask me out. Sigh..Like how am I suppose to know if you don't tell me? lol..It doesn't help that I am super shy and introvert...add in being 5'10.

AlSalzman

This is a semi-joke and semi-serious.

I'm working on my self-esteem, which has always been crappy but is improving.

The thing is, here on MFP I am quite fortunate that I have lots and lots of very supportive friends who give fabulous compliments.

They say that I am attractive, but in real life...

no one looks my way.

...snip...

Supportive friends? Uh, no... I have supportive friends... they post things like "good burn" and "hooray 155 days logged in!"

You? You've got a bus full of female admirers panting and drooling in every thread you post in. You ARE getting hit on, every day, constantly.. it's just not by dudes. You don't notice it because you're not looking for it or you've ruled it out as a possibility. And that's fine, to each their own. I'm just saying... you've got a free pass on the L-train pretty much anytime you want it from a good chunk of this board's population, so don't gimme that "I'm not getting hit on" stuff.

MaraDiaz

Watch Tomb Raider or the first Matrix move right before you go out somewhere. Then be Lara Croft or Trinity. Don't strut it, don't think, "Here I am, going down the street, walking like Lara Croft/Trinity," that won't work. You gotta feel it. Feel like a confident, sexy, bad*** woman.

If you catch the trick of it, heads will turn. Just don't get so into it you kick someone's teeth in by accident. :laugh:

Of course, until you stop faking it and really know you're a sexy, bad*** woman in your heart, you're putting out some false advertising, but you didn't say you wanted someone to come up and ask you out, you just want looks, so fake it all you like!