Why don't I get hit on?

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Replies

  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,340 Member
    A lot of it is confidence. I'm not thin. I'm pretty average looking. But because I carry myself like I am the baddest b!itch in the club, I get to turn down a lot of men. Even when I'm with the sorostitutes who look like porn stars. If you truly believe you are a hottie, everyone else does too.
  • jakobscalpel
    jakobscalpel Posts: 6 Member
    Boys can be shy.

    This is it. Men are more afraid of looking a fool (via potential rejection) than they let on. That was certainly my experience. Of course, we grow out of it and grow in confidence as we age but by then we are usually paired off.
  • _Christine_
    _Christine_ Posts: 1,385 Member
    I smile a lot. It works for and against me.
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    ETA - I just looked at your pictures. With that body, you could be 80 and I wouldn't care as long as you looked my way. lol

    :blushing: seriously I did.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    ETA - I just looked at your pictures. With that body, you could be 80 and I wouldn't care as long as you looked my way. lol

    :blushing: seriously I did.
    You did blush or you did look?

    Either way, my day is made. :)
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Maybe you just aren't noticing them noticing you.

    The other day I was walking into the gym and a car pulled up and a girlfriend of mine was yelling my name. She said she had wolf whistled at me and called out "hey hot momma" a couple of times and I never even looked up. I really didn't hear her and would have thought they were calling out to someone else, anyways.

    I do get hit on occasionally, but the one that I enjoy having pay attention to me is my gym crush. If anything, he is even more shy than me and he really tries to flirt, but then he gets all tongue tied and shy. It's really cute, especially considering we are both in our mid 40s.
  • Crying_In_Color
    Crying_In_Color Posts: 246 Member
    Don't know, be the aggressor. That's what I always did. If I wanted something, I'd go after it. Don't wait around for him to make the move when you can.
  • kimber0607
    kimber0607 Posts: 994 Member
    Totally think it has to to with attitude and how approachable you make yourself
    Besides the cold cut man in shoprite I get zero action..LOL
    A group of ladies in town go out for GNO every few mnths, and the same woman always gets hit on..she is very very upbeat....happy...dancing...eye contact....I guess she has approachable slapped on her forehead...

    Kim
  • amsparky
    amsparky Posts: 825 Member
    This is a seriously awesome post. I think the mental aspect is tougher than the physical one at times! My husband has told me numerous times that it's the attitude and vibe I put out - dang it, I guess he was right! ;)

    Maybe we need an attitude adjustment group for women?
  • qtiekiki
    qtiekiki Posts: 1,490 Member
    Men are afraid of rejection. I don't get hit on either, but I don't care since I am married.
  • mauryr
    mauryr Posts: 385
    "Why don't I get hit on?" is a question we guys ask ourselves, too - and except for the lucky few ideal male specimens who get hit on explicitly, this has a different dynamic from the male perspective - and it dovetails with the female experience, from what I've been reading here.

    The question translated for us guys (those of us who are mere mortals) is more like "why don't girls seem receptive to my initial advance?" - and "initial advance" might be as simple as first eye contact across the room. "Seeming receptive" to something like that is just holding eye contact for about half a second, and not scowling or freezing - or instantly looking away. Even simply continuing your conversation, but with an easy smile is a cue for further engagement.

    There are other signals like this. They are subtle, but important.

    And, like you, I've been through a divorce, fairly recently. Once the funk lifted, my results improved dramatically. Losing the weight helped too, I'm sure.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Move to nyc. Construction workers and delivery guys hit on anything that moves around here
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Move to nyc. Construction workers and delivery guys hit on anything that moves around here
    Hm...

    (taking notes)
  • Musikelektronik
    Musikelektronik Posts: 739 Member
    Besides the cold cut man in shoprite I get zero action..LOL

    Try a different store. :smile:
  • nicehormones
    nicehormones Posts: 503 Member
    Maybe you are stand offish. Don't feel too bad though, I always only get hit on by creepers and old men. Like a guy at work the other day who after asked me where the nearest strip club was... Like I know??
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Maybe you are stand offish. Don't feel too bad though, I always only get hit on by creepers and old men. Like a guy at work the other day who after asked me where the nearest strip club was... Like I know??
    There are at least 5 within an 3 mile radius of my house. I know where they all are. I don't go to them, but living in the ghetto does mean living near lots of interesting businesses.
  • pepper396
    pepper396 Posts: 33
    I have the very same issue... sometimes they say it is the way we think and need to be positive yada yada... "confidence is sexy?" I tried all of these things. GUYS ONLY HIT ON ME "ONLINE." Never have they hit on me in person!!! EVER unless DRUNK! LOL
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
    I don't have the guts to approach most women so it's probably the same thing for them.

    I also don't hit get on ( IRL anyway) but sometimes I might notice a lady looking at me. Or at least I THINK they're looking at me. Could be just my imagination and they're just spotting something behind me.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Do you go to places where you would get hit on?

    Do you walk fast and purposefully? Maybe you aren't giving them a chance. I get noticed when I'm walking along normally, but if I'm really focused on "get into this store, buy my stuff, get out", nobody's going to bother.

    Do you make eye contact with people? I have always been pretty bold about doing that, and it seems to get a lot of attention.

    By the way, try this: if you're walking past someone and he's standing in front of a reflective surface like a store window, look at his reflection after you pass. He's watching...
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    I don't have the guts to approach most women so it's probably the same thing for them.

    I also don't hit get on ( IRL anyway) but sometimes I might notice a lady looking at me. Or at least I THINK they're looking at me. Could be just my imagination and they're just spotting something behind me.
    I just checked out your pictures...
    They are definitely looking at you. :flowerforyou:
  • lifening
    lifening Posts: 9
    Everyone is always acting like they are not interested in everyone else. It's just the way people are now-a-days. As long as you perceive them as "together" and "happy", then they get what they want. It's all pretty superficial. It's so odd that there are 7 billion people in the world, yet many of us are single and not sharing our lives with someone else.
  • eriemer
    eriemer Posts: 197
    It's the reason you see very "unattractive" people with super hot spouses! One of my friends: male, 6.5, 400 lbs, hairy, and sometimes smelly always had hot girls hanging all over him. Why you ask? He was the happiest, funniest, most honest, very curtious, and most friendly person I've ever met. He always oozed with charisma and personality. If your a Debbie Downer, it's hard to look attractive. Also if your a loud obnoxious person, your actually repelling men.

    I have another friend who before I met her I would see her at work and think, gosh she's one of the most attractive women I've ever seen. Then I met her and started hanging out with her. She was loud, rude at times, would invite herself to things, was *****y, gossiped, was inappropriate, caused a lot of drama, always thought her way is best, always has to be right, and always felt sorry for herself. To this day she hasn't had one long term relationship. I've known her for close to 10 yrs.

    What I'm getting at is being attractive is not only on the outside, it's on the inside too!
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    It's the reason you see very "unattractive" people with super hot spouses! One of my friends: male, 6.5, 400 lbs, hairy, and sometimes smelly always had hot girls hanging all over him. Why you ask? He was the happiest, funniest, most honest, very curtious, and most friendly person I've ever met. He always oozed with charisma and personality. If your a Debbie Downer, it's hard to look attractive. Also if your a loud obnoxious person, your actually repelling men.

    I have another friend who before I met her I would see her at work and think, gosh she's one of the most attractive women I've ever seen. Then I met her and started hanging out with her. She was loud, rude at times, would invite herself to things, was *****y, gossiped, was inappropriate, caused a lot of drama, always thought her way is best, always has to be right, and always felt sorry for herself. To this day she hasn't had one long term relationship. I've known her for close to 10 yrs.

    What I'm getting at is being attractive is not only on the outside, it's on the inside too!
    Okay...

    But I am fairly certain that I am a pretty nice person.
    Definitely shy, very stubborn, but generally nice.
    I genuinely like people.
    I don't *think* I am hideous on the inside.
  • Coyla
    Coyla Posts: 444 Member
    I don't have the guts to approach most women so it's probably the same thing for them.

    I also don't hit get on ( IRL anyway) but sometimes I might notice a lady looking at me. Or at least I THINK they're looking at me. Could be just my imagination and they're just spotting something behind me.


    I just checked out your pictures...
    They are definitely looking at you.

    Ditto. They're checking you out.
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    You probably are, and don't realize it.

    Or it's because you're really really really really tall, they're intimidated by you.

    The guys you want to hit on you, might not.

    You're gorgeous,though, so don't fret.(=
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    You probably are, and don't realize it.

    Or it's because you're really really really really tall, they're intimidated by you.

    The guys you want to hit on you, might not.

    You're gorgeous,though, so don't fret.(=
    So when I wear my 6" heels and I walk around towering over everyone at 6'4" that probably doesn't help things, does it?
  • eriemer
    eriemer Posts: 197
    You could always take up bar sports like pool and darts. Guys like that kind of stuff. Oh and beer. Guys like beer and straight guys like girls. So girls who like beer is like winning the lotto. Oh and Sports, find a sport you like, then you can talk sports, while shooting pool, and drinking beer. Instant perfect girlfriend. If it backfires you gain a whole lot of guy friends, thus increasing your social status making you more desirable. :)
  • TriciaZ944
    TriciaZ944 Posts: 317 Member
    I don't get hit on either. I wouldn't worry about it you are beautiful and men are missing out!
  • CarolinaButterfly
    CarolinaButterfly Posts: 25
    May sound wired but ignore guys..they love a chase.
  • MiniMichelle
    MiniMichelle Posts: 801 Member
    Do you make eye contact? You know the "come hither" eyes?
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