Why don't I get hit on?

poustotah

I was in the gym the other day and this guy was there helping some girl lift the weights off of the rack that she wanted to work on. I've kind of gotten to know this guy so I jokingly said, "now how's come you never help me lift the weights off of the rack." He laughed but his response really hit home. He said to me, "have you seen yourself? You lift more than most of the men in here. I really don't think you need the help." And we had a good laugh about it. But here's the thing. I never think anyone notices me and I don't care if they do or not. But they do. Enough so that they know I don't need help setting up my bar. So here's what I've come to realize, it doesn't matter if someone else notices you. You gots ta love you and that's gotta be enough. When you stop caring whether or not someone else is noticing you things will change. You are beautiful, you are smart, you have made AMAZING progress and you need to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "damn, everyone on MFP was right, I am a sexy beast!"

simplyeater

Are you sure you're paying attention? I find it hard to believe!!!

anima_gemella

cant understand why not, had a look at ur pics n ur beautiful lovely smile maybe they are just shy? or stupid...one of the 2 xx

chrissismone

I think you have to be cool with who you are. Like when I'm at the gym I don't smile or anything nor when I'm out too much bc that encourages folks to talk to you. However if your in your element and your good with you then I feel those who can deal with you will approach. Not every girl is a smiley type and that doesn't work for all. All that smiling and such makes me repel with such gusto. I'm sassy and general the ***** and I'm good with that. Men do look and they will approach in due time. I might look like I might bite I just nibble.

OfficialPR

Are you open? Do you smile when you enter a room? Look straight ahead and at guys' eyes?

Supposedly, I'm cute here on MFP.. but in real life I didn't get hit on as much as I do here on MFP.

BUT I've changed some things about myself and have noticed a difference. Here on MFP I'm open and confident. It shows through my posts.

In real life, I'm definately confident now but was having trouble showing it. Now that I'm really secure with myself and my self esteem has went up, I didn't know how to go from being in the background to making myself a show stopper instead. :bigsmile: I'm not the hottest girl at all but when I go out, I smile as soon as I enter the room at everybody. I look up when I'm walking. I stick my *kitten* out and walk with a sway in my hips. I play with my hair. I size attractive guys up and down and smile at them. I look into their eyes when I talk to them and smile. (smiling seems to be a good thing with guys)

All these little things have made a great impact and now I will have guys come up to me to talk.. not just notice me from afar.

Some guys might be intimidated but I think the looking approachable thing can change some of that.

This might be a fake it till you make it thing, according to you since you said you have low self esteem. Just know you're beautiful, BELIEVE IT!

Speaking from a guy's perspective, if a woman carries herself with confidence regardless, that WILL get a guy's attention. How long? Well that takes into account his taste along with hers but it will provide the initial draw. With regards to Cory, I agree you're quite beautiful and there will be guys that are intimidated always but that's not a reflection of anything wrong with YOU, it's a lack of confidence in THEM! Thus continue to do what you're doing and I'm confident you will get scooped up, perhaps it'll Mari, you never know...:laugh:

_Dan_

I would so hit on you, but then my wife would kill me in my sleep. She's got these crazy "rules".

I'm in the same boat as Hawksbillus ^_^

JamesLeichter

Most men are shy and easily intimidated. Most men need for a women to give them some type of hint or signal that they have a shot at you; especially when you are attractive. Another thing to remember, when most men check out women, they try not to get caught - so you may not be noticing how many guys are looking you over.

Tybalt71

Boys can be shy.

THIS^^^^^^^^ *Rollz eyes*

twinlaced

They're just intimidated.

bbbgamer

we are intimidated by your awesomeness!

_LilPowerHouse

I'm afraid you're going to hit me over the head with a big club and carry me off to the cave.


j/k. I think people do look at you, you just don't notice.

Id have to agree, Im sure guys look but you just dont notice.. and some guys have it down to an art so they just dont get caught looking.. (im one of them.. LOL) but in all honesty i dont see why they wouldnt look, you are eye candy to look at..

AlixDuncan

You're beautiful! And your hair colour is to DIE for! It could be that you just don't notice when they are checking you out....I mean they're good at hiding it! Or it could be that you're just TOO gorgeous......guys think you're out of their league

memcd911

You remind me of my mother (only way younger, obviously. and in better shape). You probably don't notice people looking your way. My mom lost like 80 lbs and swore no one noticed or gave her the time of day, but she gets hit on seriously every time I'm around her. B/c she has low self esteem she just doesn't recognize it b/c she doesn't believe anyone actually would be.


Make sure you're HONESTLY open to receiving the attention. It's bound to be there in bucketloads.

rharris86dc

I have been wondering the same thing. Not to say that I don't get looked at, I do notice that guys look at me. But I look at people walking around/in restaurants/wherever, too, so just looking doesn't really mean anything.

No guy, ever, has come up and said hi, or offered to buy me a drink, or stuck up a conversation. Not before I lost weight, not during, not now, not EVER.

I mean, I don't think I'm God's gift to the planet or anything, but I do spend time attempting to look presentable and polished, and I would like to know that the effort is worthwhile. Maybe I should stop using make-up/doing my hair/wearing clothes other than sweatpants, lol.

Note to guys: stop being little b*tches, and talk to hot chicks! If you're scared, you'll get worse than shot down, b/c you didn't even take the chance!!!!

neverstray

If you just say hi to people, you wouldn't believe the difference it can make. I think everyone is right about opening up. But, it has to show in your body language, eyes, and face. If you say hi, but quickly turn away, that's a mixed message. But, if you say hi, almost like you know someone, and maintain eye contact and a smile, people really respond to that. I started doing that around my neighborhood. I just started saying hi as people walk by. And, pretty soon, people would stop and chat for a while, where before, they never did that. It's just a thing. You have to let people know that it's OK to talk to you.

chrisy0316

I completely felt like this while going thru my divorce. Then I took a step back and panicked b/c I was getting hit on...by guys old enough to be my father, with no teeth. The guys my age wouldn't even look at me and then the guys younger than me would glance and run.
My best friend once told me that I was putting off the "Don't hit on me" vibe that could be felt for miles. So I forced myself to relax and focused on the fact that going thru the divorce showed me exactly what I want and don't want in a relationship and that I wasn't going to settle for less.
I ended up finding a lot of what I don't want out in the world and what I want was waiting for me all along.

legmotor

You are very beautiful!

I have the same problem too! Not the beautiful part......the "guys don't hit on me part"!

I would only hope you are kidding, but you ARE beautiful. I don't know which sorry, son-of-a-gun told or convinced you otherwise.

La_Amazona

Also, as a newly divorcee, I don't know the details of your divorce BUT my marriage had me in a funk. I felt horrible about myself, my life, my marriage, everything. It wasn't until I lost that 260lb man that I just blossomed.

I rarely got hit on when I was married but like I said, I felt low. Now I'm single ready to mingle, confident, dress up all the time (and I've noticed you do too), love my body including my boobs (my ex made me very self concious about my breasts), love love love ME. And all it took was getting rid of him.

I'm not trying to talk down on your STBX, but maybe that has some to do with your low self esteem and maybe you'll blossom like I did. :flowerforyou:

CoryIda

You're beautiful! And your hair colour is to DIE for! It could be that you just don't notice when they are checking you out....I mean they're good at hiding it! Or it could be that you're just TOO gorgeous......guys think you're out of their league

As someone who spent the better part of their first 27 years (and I'm still 27 for a couple more weeks) being told she was ugly and unattractive, I find the "too gorgeous" thing a bit hard to believe, but thanks. lol

AlixDuncan

I mean from what I hear, you're a tall, confident and beautiful woman....maybe some men find that intimidating. And if that true, those one's aren't worth worrying about if they don't think they can handle you! lol

Coyla

Well, I had an experience that made me smile.

I was walking past a guy in the gym who was totally interested in his phone. He had just come in the door that I was about to leave through. I expected him to look up at me as I walked by but was disappointed when he didn't. (hey, im proud of my weight loss and I want to know people notice!)

In any case, I watched his reflection in the glass as I opened the door and TOTALLY saw him check me out, he completely turned around to look at me!

So, guys try to be sneaky about it but you *can* catch them sometimes Maybe you just aren't seeing it.

Yay!!! You go girl!!!!

To the OP: I don't get hit on either. I'm friendly, but not very flirty. And I'm also insecure.

One time I put a little too much Rum in my Coke, and I got a little too tipsy and a little too flirty with all the males around me. That's when I got hit on. I suggest the Rum/Coke approach.

hollyberry2012

to the OP...you said it yourself..."I don't really want to be picked up, just noticed."....you are being noticed..but not being 'picked up'...we get from others what we put out there ..mental vibes...

now say..."I wanna be picked up, you can notice me later!!" hehe...or "Notice I want to be picked up, and do that little eye thing you know you know how to do."

LorinaLynn

I'd hit on ya. And I don't play on that team.

For a while, VH1 had a show called Tough Love, which was mostly really, really lame, but it was interesting in how they taught women dating and flirting skills they somehow missed out on growing up.

I can't flirt my way out of a paper bag. When I was single, I'd sometimes get hit on, but never by guys I was actually interested in unless I approached them first. I'm kind of shy, terrible with small talk, plus I think I gave off a "don't mess with me" vibe. If I'm not smiling, I look pissed. If I am smiling too much, I look vapid. Can't win!

In that regard, internet dating was PERFECT for me, because I could choose a photo where I looked friendly and approachable, and choose my words to showcase my quirky personality. After a few emails or phone calls, I had an idea if I had anything at all in common with the dude, so when we met, I didn't feel so shy. The ice was already broken, so I could get right on with being my *tosses hair* naturally charming self. :laugh:

AlixDuncan

You're beautiful! And your hair colour is to DIE for! It could be that you just don't notice when they are checking you out....I mean they're good at hiding it! Or it could be that you're just TOO gorgeous......guys think you're out of their league

As someone who spent the better part of their first 27 years (and I'm still 27 for a couple more weeks) being told she was ugly and unattractive, I find the "too gorgeous" thing a bit hard to believe, but thanks. lol

Well you should start believing it! I'm all about trying to make ladies see themselves the way others TRULY see them, as beautiful beautiful beautiful

elimendoza31

Every one tells me I'm good looking but in RL i dont get hit on..My friends keep telling me to lower my guard and to take the ( f**k off sign off my forehead):grumble: ... Sorry about my language:blushing: .. But you are beautiful!! :flowerforyou:

bonthomas85

as my boyfriend said to me about his pulling days men are like lions they look for the weakest gazelle why would they waste their time and energy going for the fastest one?? we then had a little tiff about was he calling me a weak gazelle but hey thats another story!! hahaha

annameier8706

Maybe it's your location? No joke, and I know it sounds dumb. Im living in central california right now and never get hit one, but Im on vacation in Portland, Or (which is where I'm from) and have gotten hit on every where I went... Maybe the guys your around just don't appreciate your beauty like they should

spynoodle

I can't remember the last time anyone hit on me. Then, I remembered....I DON'T GO OUT! Well, besides work and the gym!!

pammbroo

MFP friends are the BEST, aren't they???


While looks alone may work for those who are off-the-wall gorgeous, I think for the rest of us, it is more about confidence. If you are confident and it shows, people are drawn to you. Your self esteem obviously fuels that confidence factor.

I agree with the others in that you are probably being noticed, but not noticing it.

While I notice that I get "looks" once in awhile, I'm never approached.

Won't someone please buy me a drink?! :sad:

Coyla

Question for the men here: Is flirting in a joking way the same as actually flirting? I think some women are not sure how to read that kind of flirting.