Favorite CLEAN jokes?

AmberJslimsAWAY
AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
edited December 17 in Chit-Chat
Mine:

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?













Because they have big fingers!

:laugh: :laugh:



JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THEM! Stop explaining your jokes! lol They are funny!
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Replies

  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 462 Member
    What are the dirtiest animals on the farm?


    "Brown Chicken Brown Cow"







    get it
    ?


    sounds like Bow chicca bow wow... lol - yeah it sounds better in person!
  • NKF92879
    NKF92879 Posts: 601 Member
    What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
    Nothing, he just let out a little whine.


    Why can't you tell a secret in a corn field?
    It's full of ears!

    What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    FSH!!!
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
    A man walks into a bar...



























    & says "ouch".
  • cavaaller_85
    cavaaller_85 Posts: 94 Member
    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender makes it up, hands it to him, and says, "For you, no charge."
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 462 Member
    A man walks into a bar...



























    & says "ouch".


    so dumb that i laughed! hahahahaha
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    2 potatoes are walking down the street, how do you know which is the prostitute?







    The one with the sticker that says "Idaho"
  • Nikkei24
    Nikkei24 Posts: 282 Member
    What did the hot dog say when he won the race???





    "I'm a weiner"
  • johnlatv
    johnlatv Posts: 654 Member
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    These are super cute!
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    Ok, newly married couple....home on their first day after the honeymoon.....the husband is ready to head out to work when his wife says hey hun, can I make you something for breakfast? He says hey how about we (ahem ahem) instead...so they go at it.....
    and he takes off to work.
    Lunchtime rolls around and he stops in tellin the wife honey I'm home......wife turns and says ok what do you want for lunch? Well, how about we (ahem ahem) instead?
    so they go another round and he heads back to work.......So he finishes his day and as he walks in, sees his wife sliding down the banister. He turns to his wife and says hey hun, what are you doing?
    I just figured I'd warm up dinner
  • lcchrt
    lcchrt Posts: 234 Member
    Last night I dream''t I was in a muffler...
























    I woke up exhausted.
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,724 Member
    A pirate walks into a bar, with a ship's wheel sticking out of his waistband. The bartender says, "Do you know you have a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?". To which the pirate says, "Aarrgg, and it's drivin' me nuts!".
  • catattack13
    catattack13 Posts: 117
    what's blue and smells like red paint?


    BLUE PAINT.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    What did the fish say when he hit the cement wall? Dam...
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    what's blue and smells like red paint?


    BLUE PAINT.

    I laughed
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
    what's blue and smells like red paint?


    BLUE PAINT.

    I laughed more than I think I should have at this :')
  • MinnesotaManimal
    MinnesotaManimal Posts: 642 Member
    Why was the baby ant so confused?













    Because his Uncle was an Ant too.... ( ant----aunt..... oh forget it...)
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
    Irish heritage here so I can tell it, and if you are Irish, you know the truth of it:

    A man driving home from celebrating St. Patty's Day gets pulled over by the police. The officer says, "Sir, have you been out drinking?"
    The man says, in his Irish borough, " Aye, I had a wee drop to celebrate the great St. Patrick."
    The officer, " well sir, your driving is erratic. Did you realize your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"
    The man responds, " Oh, thank God, I thought I had gone deaf..."
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replied, "Really!?! You have a drink named Steve?"
  • JJShotz
    JJShotz Posts: 43 Member
    What's green and has wheels?






    Grass, I was just kiddin' about the wheels.

    Dumb...but still makes me laugh.
  • linda1243
    linda1243 Posts: 166
    Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assualted (a salted). He he he.
  • LittleLolita
    LittleLolita Posts: 76
    What side of a chicken has the most feathers?






    The OUTside!
  • posesed
    posesed Posts: 16 Member
    What's brown and sticky?






    A Stick

    Courtesy of my 3 year old nephew
  • juicemoogan
    juicemoogan Posts: 994 Member
    A pirate walks into a bar, with a ship's wheel sticking out of his waistband. The bartender says, "Do you know you have a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?". To which the pirate says, "Aarrgg, and it's drivin' me nuts!".

    That's always been a good one! :)
  • LavenderChamomile
    LavenderChamomile Posts: 52
    A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replied, "Really!?! You have a drink named Steve?"

    LOL.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.



    They left because they couldn't find a table.
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
    Irish heritage here so I can tell it, and if you are Irish, you know the truth of it:

    A man driving home from celebrating St. Patty's Day gets pulled over by the police. The officer says, "Sir, have you been out drinking?"
    The man says, in his Irish borough, " Aye, I had a wee drop to celebrate the great St. Patrick."
    The officer, " well sir, your driving is erratic. Did you realize your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"
    The man responds, " Oh, thank God, I thought I had gone deaf..."

    St. Patty's ? reallllly??? :noway:
  • juicemoogan
    juicemoogan Posts: 994 Member
    A family of tomatoes was walking down the street.. the baby tomato was constantly lagging behind at store windows. Daddy tomato was so mad he went back to baby tomato and squished him. and said..

    That'll make you Ketchup (Catch up)
  • inetgirl
    inetgirl Posts: 174 Member
    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender makes it up, hands it to him, and says, "For you, no charge."

    lol... love this..

    Knock, Knock
    Who's there?
    Tick
    Tick who?
    Tick em up, I'm a tongue tied cowboy!
  • stephensmith0929
    stephensmith0929 Posts: 160
    Did you hear about the blind golfer???









    He drove the caddys nuts!
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