Favorite CLEAN jokes?

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  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
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    Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.



    They left because they couldn't find a table.

    Brilliant!
  • love2cycle
    love2cycle Posts: 448 Member
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    My favorite Chuck Norris joke:

    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

    Still laughing about this one!!!!!
  • Glovesave3373
    Glovesave3373 Posts: 92 Member
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    Argon walks into a bar and the Bartenders say, "Hey, we don't serve global gases here".


    Argon... doesn't react.



    If beer nuts cost $2, how much do Deer nuts cost...????

    Just under a BUCK!!!! :laugh:


    What sound does a piane falling down a mine shaft make.....?????

    A FLAT MINOR!!!!! :laugh:

    OK... OK.. ONE MORE....

    How much does a pirate pay to have his ears pierced.....?????

    ABOUT A "BUCKANEER"... (BUCK AN EAR)..... HAHAHA.... :laugh:
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 466 Member
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    A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some milk. "we don't have any milk" The duck turns around and walks out.
    Next day, duck comes back "Got any milk?" "For the second time NO! We don't have any milk! And if you come back I will nail your feet to the floor!!!" Duck leaves.
    The next day, the duck walks in "got any nails?"
    Bartender:"No"
    duck: "got any milk?"


    *snort* I can't breath... i can't breeeeath!
  • PearsPeppersandPeanutButter
    PearsPeppersandPeanutButter Posts: 190
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    What did the fish say when ran into the wall.
    DAMN
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,677 Member
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    Two distant cousins meet up at a family reunion. One is a rancher, who lives in Texas. The other is a farmer in Missouri.

    The Texas rancher is bragging: "I can get in my truck just after breakfast and drive in a straight line until sundown and STILL not reach the edge of my ranch."

    The Missouri farmer straightens his hat, "Yep, had me a truck like that once, too"
  • missfluffyxxx
    missfluffyxxx Posts: 2
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    well, me and my two grown up kids are laughing.
  • Brandongood
    Brandongood Posts: 311 Member
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    What made Keith Sweat and Bobby Brown? The sun!

    What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist! lol

    Have you seen the latest pirate movie? Do you know what it was rated? It was rated ARRRRRR!
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    How do you catch a polar bear with a can of peas and a saw? Cut a hole in the ice and pour the can of peas into the hole. When the polar bear come to take a pea you kick him in the icehole.
  • rbear713
    rbear713 Posts: 220 Member
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    here's a slew:

    What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?

    Bob

    Same guy in the ocean?

    Skip

    Same guy at your front door?

    Matt

    Same guy in a building on fire?

    Bernie

    On a wall in a museum?

    Art

    and there's more...
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 466 Member
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    A cop pulls over a man for speeding after a bit of a car chase, and says to the man, "Look, I have had a long day and if you tell me one I have never heard before I will let you off." man looks at the cop and says "Last week my wife ran off with a cop...I thought you were trying to give her back."


    HAHAHAHAHAHA! For the win right here!
  • missfluffyxxx
    missfluffyxxx Posts: 2
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    what's pink and hard?






    a pig with a flick knife.
  • Jferg69
    Jferg69 Posts: 241 Member
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    On the bus, a young lady kept sneezing and giving a little moan

    After about 10 minutes of sneezing and moaning, I asked her what the problem was.

    She told me of a terrible condition where, every time she sneezes, she has an orgasm.

    I said "that sounds awful, are you taking anything for it?"

    She said "Yes, Pepper".......
  • teeley
    teeley Posts: 477 Member
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    What's green and has wheels?






    Grass, I was just kiddin' about the wheels.

    Dumb...but still makes me laugh.

    hahahahha...steeling this one!!!
  • Mikerails
    Mikerails Posts: 9 Member
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    What is Darth Vaders mothers name??

    Ella (Ella Vador - Elevador)

    What is Luke's favorite car ??

    Toyota (Toy Yoda)
  • kristers03
    kristers03 Posts: 74 Member
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    What's brown and sticky?






    A Stick

    Courtesy of my 3 year old nephew

    lol, I'm still laughing about this one :)
  • hisgirl86
    hisgirl86 Posts: 142 Member
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    Irish heritage here so I can tell it, and if you are Irish, you know the truth of it:

    A man driving home from celebrating St. Patty's Day gets pulled over by the police. The officer says, "Sir, have you been out drinking?"
    The man says, in his Irish borough, " Aye, I had a wee drop to celebrate the great St. Patrick."
    The officer, " well sir, your driving is erratic. Did you realize your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"
    The man responds, " Oh, thank God, I thought I had gone deaf..."

    St. Patty's ? reallllly??? :noway:

    But St. Patrick was English so he was Patrick and not Padraig..... /runsawayfromthrownwhiskeybottles

    Still the patron saint of Ireland...
    Almost all Irish find it offensive to say "St Patty".

    Wow, some people get offended at ANYTHING, its just a jokes thread, laugh and have fun.....jeez
  • lohitverma
    lohitverma Posts: 161 Member
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    Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.



    They left because they couldn't find a table.

    LOL
  • Sabrina8338
    Sabrina8338 Posts: 20
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    How do you define a will?


    It's a Dead Giveaway.
  • ambrwaves27
    ambrwaves27 Posts: 206
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    A pirate walks into a bar, with a ship's wheel sticking out of his waistband. The bartender says, "Do you know you have a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?". To which the pirate says, "Aarrgg, and it's drivin' me nuts!".



    Crying laughing!!!

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