Favorite CLEAN jokes?

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Replies

  • whitleynoel
    whitleynoel Posts: 198 Member
    As a blonde I really think that I have heard every blonde joke in the book, I can't help but love this one:

    A blondes house is on fire so she calls 911. She says "Help! My house is on fire!" and the firefighters say "how do we get there?" and the blonde says "duh... big red truck!"

    :laugh:
  • kandyjo
    kandyjo Posts: 4,493 Member
    AWESOME....I'll remember this one :laugh:
    2 potatoes are walking down the street, how do you know which is the prostitute?







    The one with the sticker that says "Idaho"
  • CarolinaGirlinVA
    CarolinaGirlinVA Posts: 1,508 Member
    What do ninjas like to drink?







    WAH-TAH!
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
    What happens when you swallow bullets















    You grow bangs
  • DaBossLady24
    DaBossLady24 Posts: 556 Member
    I had to google it, told this joke to my dad and fell off the couch laughing.....


    Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.

    One Texan turned to the other and said, “That little gal is havin‘ a bad time. I’m agonna go over there and help.”

    He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his hands and asked “Kin ya swaller?”

    Gasping, she shook her head "no."

    He asked, “Kin ya breathe?”

    Still gasping, she again shook her head “No."

    With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her backside. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, “Ya know, it’s sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works!”

    I legitimately just died laughing at work :laugh:
  • darkknightfan
    darkknightfan Posts: 396 Member
    its a proven fact that cannibals wont eat clowns... do you know why ????


























    They taste "funny"
  • i_miss_donuts
    i_miss_donuts Posts: 180 Member
    I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.

    (steven wright)
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    How do you make a kleenex dance? PUT A LITTLE BOOGIE IN IT. :laugh:
  • skatters
    skatters Posts: 48
    What do you call a lady with one leg?

    Lena.



    What do you call her when she gets a wooden leg?

    Peggy.

    What do you call her when someone saws off the tip of her wooden leg?

    Eileen

    And where does Eileen work?

    IHOP

    (ok an old groaner!)
  • Lissakaye81
    Lissakaye81 Posts: 224 Member
    What do you call 100 rabbits in a line walking backwards?



    A receding hare line
  • Judway
    Judway Posts: 246 Member
    Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.” The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.” Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.” Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!” There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick!
  • SinIsIn
    SinIsIn Posts: 1,865 Member
    Why are pirates always angry?



    They just AAARRR!

    :tongue:
  • JLatham325
    JLatham325 Posts: 105 Member
    *Knock Knock*

    "Who's there"

    "Daisy"

    "Daisy Who??"

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    "Daisy me rollinnnn, they hatinnnnnn, tryin to catch me ridin dirtyyyyy"
  • mrskristymiller
    mrskristymiller Posts: 12 Member
    Bump! I cant wait to read these :) I need a good laugh!
  • puppy1002
    puppy1002 Posts: 154 Member
    *Knock Knock*

    "Who's there"

    "Daisy"

    "Daisy Who??"

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    "Daisy me rollinnnn, they hatinnnnnn, tryin to catch me ridin dirtyyyyy"

    I LOVE THIS!!!! I'M GOING TO USE THIS ALL DAY TODAY!
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    Why did the turtle cross the road?



    To get to the shell station
  • jay_bear
    jay_bear Posts: 2
    What did the buffalo say to his son when he left....

    - bison!
  • sharnellgreer
    sharnellgreer Posts: 24
    cute
  • Lissakaye81
    Lissakaye81 Posts: 224 Member
    On this cruise ship is a captain with his parrot. Everyday they go and watch a magician give his show to the patrons on the ship. Soon the parrot learns all the magician's tricks and starts giving them away. Telling people stuff like "the dove is hiding behind the flap in his hat" and "he switched it to his other hand" One night they hit a bad storm and the ship sinks. The parrot and magician are stuck stareing at each other floating on a board. After a long silence the parrot finally says "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"
  • Lotte34
    Lotte34 Posts: 429 Member
    One snowman turns to the other and says, "Can you smell carrots?"
  • SlimSammy2012
    SlimSammy2012 Posts: 893
    One snowman turns to the other and says, "Can you smell carrots?"

    That's Funny!!!!!
  • ambrwaves27
    ambrwaves27 Posts: 206
    My grandfather was a very wise man, I remember his last words to me...
    "Oh my goodness, a bus"


    When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother not screaming and yelling like the other people in the car with her.


    HA! Love it!
  • SlimSammy2012
    SlimSammy2012 Posts: 893
    <~~~~Having a difficult time stifling my giggles and snorts while working!
  • ambrwaves27
    ambrwaves27 Posts: 206
    I saw a man standing beside the road holding a sign that said "Will work for food" so I gave him a coconut.
  • LavaDoll
    LavaDoll Posts: 595 Member
    When's the best time to go to the dentist?









    Two-Thirty.
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
    what do you call a fly with no wings?




    a walk
  • Wen37
    Wen37 Posts: 218 Member
    2 potatoes are walking down the street, how do you know which is the prostitute?







    The one with the sticker that says "Idaho"

    Love it :))))))))
  • tdmcmains
    tdmcmains Posts: 227 Member
    What do you call a cow with two legs?

    Lean beef.



    What do you call a how with no legs?

    Ground beef.
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