Favorite CLEAN jokes?
Replies
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Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.
They left because they couldn't find a table.
Brilliant!0 -
My favorite Chuck Norris joke:
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Still laughing about this one!!!!!0 -
Argon walks into a bar and the Bartenders say, "Hey, we don't serve global gases here".
Argon... doesn't react.
If beer nuts cost $2, how much do Deer nuts cost...????
Just under a BUCK!!!! :laugh:
What sound does a piane falling down a mine shaft make.....?????
A FLAT MINOR!!!!! :laugh:
OK... OK.. ONE MORE....
How much does a pirate pay to have his ears pierced.....?????
ABOUT A "BUCKANEER"... (BUCK AN EAR)..... HAHAHA.... :laugh:0 -
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some milk. "we don't have any milk" The duck turns around and walks out.
Next day, duck comes back "Got any milk?" "For the second time NO! We don't have any milk! And if you come back I will nail your feet to the floor!!!" Duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in "got any nails?"
Bartender:"No"
duck: "got any milk?"
*snort* I can't breath... i can't breeeeath!0 -
What did the fish say when ran into the wall.
DAMN0 -
Two distant cousins meet up at a family reunion. One is a rancher, who lives in Texas. The other is a farmer in Missouri.
The Texas rancher is bragging: "I can get in my truck just after breakfast and drive in a straight line until sundown and STILL not reach the edge of my ranch."
The Missouri farmer straightens his hat, "Yep, had me a truck like that once, too"0 -
well, me and my two grown up kids are laughing.0
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What made Keith Sweat and Bobby Brown? The sun!
What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist! lol
Have you seen the latest pirate movie? Do you know what it was rated? It was rated ARRRRRR!0 -
How do you catch a polar bear with a can of peas and a saw? Cut a hole in the ice and pour the can of peas into the hole. When the polar bear come to take a pea you kick him in the icehole.0
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here's a slew:
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
Same guy in the ocean?
Skip
Same guy at your front door?
Matt
Same guy in a building on fire?
Bernie
On a wall in a museum?
Art
and there's more...0 -
A cop pulls over a man for speeding after a bit of a car chase, and says to the man, "Look, I have had a long day and if you tell me one I have never heard before I will let you off." man looks at the cop and says "Last week my wife ran off with a cop...I thought you were trying to give her back."
HAHAHAHAHAHA! For the win right here!0 -
what's pink and hard?
a pig with a flick knife.0 -
On the bus, a young lady kept sneezing and giving a little moan
After about 10 minutes of sneezing and moaning, I asked her what the problem was.
She told me of a terrible condition where, every time she sneezes, she has an orgasm.
I said "that sounds awful, are you taking anything for it?"
She said "Yes, Pepper".......0 -
What's green and has wheels?
Grass, I was just kiddin' about the wheels.
Dumb...but still makes me laugh.
hahahahha...steeling this one!!!0 -
What is Darth Vaders mothers name??
Ella (Ella Vador - Elevador)
What is Luke's favorite car ??
Toyota (Toy Yoda)0 -
What's brown and sticky?
A Stick
Courtesy of my 3 year old nephew
lol, I'm still laughing about this one
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Irish heritage here so I can tell it, and if you are Irish, you know the truth of it:
A man driving home from celebrating St. Patty's Day gets pulled over by the police. The officer says, "Sir, have you been out drinking?"
The man says, in his Irish borough, " Aye, I had a wee drop to celebrate the great St. Patrick."
The officer, " well sir, your driving is erratic. Did you realize your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"
The man responds, " Oh, thank God, I thought I had gone deaf..."
St. Patty's ? reallllly??? :noway:
But St. Patrick was English so he was Patrick and not Padraig..... /runsawayfromthrownwhiskeybottles
Still the patron saint of Ireland...
Almost all Irish find it offensive to say "St Patty".
Wow, some people get offended at ANYTHING, its just a jokes thread, laugh and have fun.....jeez0 -
Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.
They left because they couldn't find a table.
LOL0 -
How do you define a will?
It's a Dead Giveaway.0 -
A pirate walks into a bar, with a ship's wheel sticking out of his waistband. The bartender says, "Do you know you have a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?". To which the pirate says, "Aarrgg, and it's drivin' me nuts!".
Crying laughing!!!0 -
My all time favorite stupid/clean joke...
What kind of cheese isn't yours?
Nacho cheese!0 -
This is my husbands favorite joke of all time...
Two camels walking through the desert. One looks at the other and says " I don't care what people say, I'm thirsty!!"0 -
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its
cruising altitude, the Captain announced:
'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.
Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to
Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth,
uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed!
Some moments later the Captain came back on the PA;
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to
you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
One Newfie passenger yelled,
'lord tunderen jezis, you should see the back of mine!0 -
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was intense/in tents0 -
Why was Peter Plan always flying?
Because he can Never Land!0 -
There was a boy born in the states with no eyelids. Unfortunately, no surgeons knew what to do. They flew him over to Asia to get an emergency surgery. They ended up taking skin from his pecker and using it to create eyelids.
He'll be okay, he's just a little c*ckeyed.0 -
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick
What's the name for the sex change operation going from a woman to a man?
An addadiktome
The surgery for the other diresction?
Lopitoffame0 -
2 potatoes are walking down the street, how do you know which is the prostitute?
The one with the sticker that says "Idaho"
Love it!0 -
How do you tell if a chromosome is male or female?
You pull down its genes.0 -
Mine:
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
:laugh: :laugh:
JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THEM! Stop explaining your jokes! lol They are funny!
Good one! :laugh:0
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