Favorite CLEAN jokes?

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24567…14

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  • linda1243
    linda1243 Posts: 166
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    Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assualted (a salted). He he he.
  • LittleLolita
    LittleLolita Posts: 76
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    What side of a chicken has the most feathers?






    The OUTside!
  • posesed
    posesed Posts: 16 Member
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    What's brown and sticky?






    A Stick

    Courtesy of my 3 year old nephew
  • juicemoogan
    juicemoogan Posts: 999 Member
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    A pirate walks into a bar, with a ship's wheel sticking out of his waistband. The bartender says, "Do you know you have a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?". To which the pirate says, "Aarrgg, and it's drivin' me nuts!".

    That's always been a good one! :)
  • LavenderChamomile
    LavenderChamomile Posts: 52
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    A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replied, "Really!?! You have a drink named Steve?"

    LOL.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.



    They left because they couldn't find a table.
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
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    Irish heritage here so I can tell it, and if you are Irish, you know the truth of it:

    A man driving home from celebrating St. Patty's Day gets pulled over by the police. The officer says, "Sir, have you been out drinking?"
    The man says, in his Irish borough, " Aye, I had a wee drop to celebrate the great St. Patrick."
    The officer, " well sir, your driving is erratic. Did you realize your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"
    The man responds, " Oh, thank God, I thought I had gone deaf..."

    St. Patty's ? reallllly??? :noway:
  • juicemoogan
    juicemoogan Posts: 999 Member
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    A family of tomatoes was walking down the street.. the baby tomato was constantly lagging behind at store windows. Daddy tomato was so mad he went back to baby tomato and squished him. and said..

    That'll make you Ketchup (Catch up)
  • inetgirl
    inetgirl Posts: 174 Member
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    A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender makes it up, hands it to him, and says, "For you, no charge."

    lol... love this..

    Knock, Knock
    Who's there?
    Tick
    Tick who?
    Tick em up, I'm a tongue tied cowboy!
  • stephensmith0929
    stephensmith0929 Posts: 160
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    Did you hear about the blind golfer???









    He drove the caddys nuts!
  • LittleLolita
    LittleLolita Posts: 76
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    How can you tell if a girl is tickelish?

    Give her a little test-tickle!





    What do you do if your pad is on fire?

    You tampon it
  • dorejohn
    dorejohn Posts: 3 Member
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    What do you call a pig doing karate









    Pork Chop
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    I had to google it, told this joke to my dad and fell off the couch laughing.....


    Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.

    One Texan turned to the other and said, “That little gal is havin‘ a bad time. I’m agonna go over there and help.”

    He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his hands and asked “Kin ya swaller?”

    Gasping, she shook her head "no."

    He asked, “Kin ya breathe?”

    Still gasping, she again shook her head “No."

    With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her backside. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, “Ya know, it’s sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works!”
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    :laugh:
    Did you hear about the blind golfer???









    He drove the caddys nuts!
  • missleah26
    missleah26 Posts: 146 Member
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    Why'd the cowboy get a dachshund?



    Someone told him to "get a long, little doggie!"
  • Aureilie
    Aureilie Posts: 213 Member
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    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?








    You poke her face!
  • Charabbidan
    Charabbidan Posts: 24 Member
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    There are two ducks sat in a pond.

    The first duck says "Quack"

    The second replies "Hey, I was about to say that!"
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
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    Whats the chemical symbol for water? H2O

    Whats the symbol for Holy water? H2OMG !!
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,689 Member
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    Two cows are talking.
    Cow 1: "Hey, did you hear about that mad cow disease?"
    Cow 2: "Yeah, but I'm not worried about it."
    Cow 1: "Why not?"
    Cow 2: "I'm a duck."
  • maggie16sweetxoxo
    maggie16sweetxoxo Posts: 314 Member
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    Why did the octopus join the army?

    because hes well armed!! bahaha

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