Favorite CLEAN jokes?
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Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assualted (a salted). He he he.0
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What side of a chicken has the most feathers?
The OUTside!0 -
What's brown and sticky?
A Stick
Courtesy of my 3 year old nephew0 -
A pirate walks into a bar, with a ship's wheel sticking out of his waistband. The bartender says, "Do you know you have a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?". To which the pirate says, "Aarrgg, and it's drivin' me nuts!".
That's always been a good one!0 -
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replied, "Really!?! You have a drink named Steve?"
LOL.0 -
Three DBAs walk into a NoSQL bar.
They left because they couldn't find a table.0 -
Irish heritage here so I can tell it, and if you are Irish, you know the truth of it:
A man driving home from celebrating St. Patty's Day gets pulled over by the police. The officer says, "Sir, have you been out drinking?"
The man says, in his Irish borough, " Aye, I had a wee drop to celebrate the great St. Patrick."
The officer, " well sir, your driving is erratic. Did you realize your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?"
The man responds, " Oh, thank God, I thought I had gone deaf..."
St. Patty's ? reallllly??? :noway:0 -
A family of tomatoes was walking down the street.. the baby tomato was constantly lagging behind at store windows. Daddy tomato was so mad he went back to baby tomato and squished him. and said..
That'll make you Ketchup (Catch up)0 -
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender makes it up, hands it to him, and says, "For you, no charge."
lol... love this..
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Tick
Tick who?
Tick em up, I'm a tongue tied cowboy!0 -
Did you hear about the blind golfer???
He drove the caddys nuts!0 -
How can you tell if a girl is tickelish?
Give her a little test-tickle!
What do you do if your pad is on fire?
You tampon it0 -
What do you call a pig doing karate
Pork Chop0 -
I had to google it, told this joke to my dad and fell off the couch laughing.....
Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.
One Texan turned to the other and said, “That little gal is havin‘ a bad time. I’m agonna go over there and help.”
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his hands and asked “Kin ya swaller?”
Gasping, she shook her head "no."
He asked, “Kin ya breathe?”
Still gasping, she again shook her head “No."
With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her backside. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, “Ya know, it’s sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works!”0 -
:laugh:Did you hear about the blind golfer???
He drove the caddys nuts!0 -
Why'd the cowboy get a dachshund?
Someone told him to "get a long, little doggie!"0 -
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You poke her face!0 -
There are two ducks sat in a pond.
The first duck says "Quack"
The second replies "Hey, I was about to say that!"0 -
Whats the chemical symbol for water? H2O
Whats the symbol for Holy water? H2OMG !!0 -
Two cows are talking.
Cow 1: "Hey, did you hear about that mad cow disease?"
Cow 2: "Yeah, but I'm not worried about it."
Cow 1: "Why not?"
Cow 2: "I'm a duck."0 -
Why did the octopus join the army?
because hes well armed!! bahaha0
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