Favorite CLEAN jokes?

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  • Birder150
    Birder150 Posts: 677 Member
    What do you get when you cross 50 deer with 50 pigs?

    A hundred sows and bucks.
  • muzmacol
    muzmacol Posts: 358 Member
    New teacher waiting in class for some late arrivals. Eventually Timmy walks in, 'whats your name and where have you been?' My names Timmy and i've been up Rose Hill.

    Next boy walks in 'Name and where have you been?' My names Jonny and i've been up Rose Hill'

    Next a girl walks in, teacher say whats your name and where have you been Girl says 'my names Rose Hill'
  • Lainn
    Lainn Posts: 281 Member
    Why did the blonde have square boobs?












    She didn't take the kleenix out of the box
  • Lainn
    Lainn Posts: 281 Member
    A cop was patrolling the neighbor hood one night when he saw a blonde on her hands and knees in the road under the street lamp. He pulled over and said, "Can I help you with something miss?" The blonde replied "Yes please! I lost my 5k diamond earring!"

    He got of the car and started looking around on the ground with her. "Did you lose it right here?" he asked. "Oh no" she replied, "I lost it 6 blocks away, but the lighting it better over here."
  • Mikerails
    Mikerails Posts: 9 Member
    One of my favorite clean blonde jokes:
    ==================================
    A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."

    "What do you mean?" said the doctor.

    The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."

    Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."

    Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."

    The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"

    "Why yes," she said.

    "I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."
  • OH_matt
    OH_matt Posts: 228 Member
    What do you call a medical organization for retired pirates??















    AARRRRRRRP
  • gtchs
    gtchs Posts: 116 Member
    2 potatoes are walking down the street, how do you know which is the prostitute?







    The one with the sticker that says "Idaho"

    LOL.. Good one.
  • BodyPumpDaveInFL
    BodyPumpDaveInFL Posts: 30 Member
    Why is six afraid of seven?
    Because seven eight nine.
  • tobafa
    tobafa Posts: 344 Member
    Three older men were sitting at a diner talking about the affects of getting older and how it has changed them.

    The first man says "I get up at 6:30 and want to start the day with a good, long pee and I end up just standing there. Nothing"

    The second man says "I know what you mean. I get up at 6:30 wanting to start the day with a good bowel movement and all I do is sit there. Nothing."

    The third mans says "At 6:30 I have a good, long pee and I empty my bowels with no problem."

    They ask in unison "what's wrong with that?"

    He says "that's at 6:30. I don't get up til 7:00."

    :D
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    WHy is 6 afraid of 7?.....because 7, 8, 9
  • southofmadness
    southofmadness Posts: 316 Member
    A scientist walks into a bar and says to the bartender: 'I'd like a cool glass of H2O please'.

    The guy sat next to him - wanting to appear smart - says: 'I'll have a glass of H20 too'.

    His funeral is on Monday.

    haha.awesome!
  • TheMerryPup
    TheMerryPup Posts: 186 Member
    Three attractive women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
    so there was the mouse and cat they walk into the bar... the mouse says to the cat, " what ya getting?" cat says "dinner to go"
  • BCKS
    BCKS Posts: 287 Member
    What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?





    Bison.



    (Bye, son) :laugh:
  • sweetyedie
    sweetyedie Posts: 104 Member
    wow
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
    2 men walk up to a bar, one ducked!
  • Lifting_chick
    Lifting_chick Posts: 275 Member
    Whatdid the left nut say to the right nut?






    Why we hanging? Slim is the one that shot her :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
    Columbia South Carolina Headline News....

    Tornado rips through local cemetary. Thousands dead!

    LOL
  • lensgirl82
    lensgirl82 Posts: 21
    lol too funny :)
  • RAF_Guy
    RAF_Guy Posts: 230 Member
    A White Horse walks into a village shop.

    Amazed by what he sees the shop owner says "We have a pub in the village named after you"

    The horse pricks up his ears and replies "What! You have a pub named Trevor!"
  • Pengi81
    Pengi81 Posts: 336 Member
    A hunter has been in the woods for over and hour, with no luck

    He decides to slump off home, dejected, when he suddenly comes across a gorgeous, buxom naked blonde sat on a log in the clearing. "Well hey there big boy" she called out.

    Liking what he sees he replies "ooh, are you game?"

    "You bet I am, handsome!"

    BANG...

    (my favourite joke ever!)
  • sjeagle30
    sjeagle30 Posts: 292 Member
    2 peanuts were walking down a dark alley........one was assulted :tongue:
  • tobafa
    tobafa Posts: 344 Member
    A blind man mistakenly walks into an all female bar. He walks up to the counter, orders a drink and asks loudly "anybody wanna hear a blonde joke?" The large woman seated next to him says "buddy, I gotta warn you. I'm a professional power lifter and I'm a blonde. The bartender is blonde and has a baseball bat behind the counter. The woman to your right just got out of prison for nearly beating a guy like you to death and she's a blonde. My other friend here? She's a heavy weight MMA fighter, also a blonde. The woman standing behind you drives trucks for a living and rides bucking bulls for fun. She's a blonde. You sure you wanna tell that blonde joke?" The man thinks for a moment then says "thanks for the warning. I'd hate to have to explain it five times..."

    bud um bum.. :D
  • janenightingale
    janenightingale Posts: 55 Member
    What's the difference between pink and purple?












    Grip
  • tobafa
    tobafa Posts: 344 Member
    What's the difference between pink and purple?

    This one I like. :D












    Grip
  • Pengi81
    Pengi81 Posts: 336 Member
    I've just remembered one of my other fave jokes!

    What should a Scottish person do if they find a trumpet growing in their garden?

    They should root it out! (or when said in Scottish accent "Root it oot" ergo "Rootytoot!")
  • maryduggins
    maryduggins Posts: 219 Member
    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?










    Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup!!!:bigsmile:
  • mandrox1
    mandrox1 Posts: 33
    What do you call a Pig with no legs?



    A GROUNDHOG! hahahhahaha (yes I'm a dork)
  • chauncyrenayCHANGED
    chauncyrenayCHANGED Posts: 788 Member
    If you're Asian when you walk into the bathroom, and you're African when you walk out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?








    European!
  • maryduggins
    maryduggins Posts: 219 Member
    If you're Asian when you walk into the bathroom, and you're African when you walk out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?








    European!


    aaaaaaaahahahahahaha that's good(;

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