Significant other not going to work/school when they say the

cakeums

ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.

Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)

this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).

If your relationship is a good one and this is the only flaw, then counseling, counseling, counseling. If this is just the icing on the cake, I would take a long hard look and make some decisions.

loseweightjames

What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.

I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).

On the iphone (or ipad) you can download the icloud and if you know the user name and password registered to the device than you can track it, or wipe it clean if it gets stolen.

I used the familymap for $10 a month, track two family members even if they do no have GPS on it can tell you what cellphone tower they are near. Only way to defeat it is if the phone dies or is shutoff

loseweightjames

UPDATE: so she said she would get gas and go to school, but she never did. She went to salvation army and kmart. When i asked her about it she said she was at school. I asked for a photo. She sent me some old photo she took months ago because I remember her sending it to me.

I told her i recognize the phone and i needed a new photo. No response.

i'm not sure how we're going to get past this one, she started going to school after we got married and i've encouraged and supported her the entire time

we were looking for a new house, even put money down on a lot because we were going to have one built, but i don't think that's a good idea anymore............
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rml_16

What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.

I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).

On the iphone (or ipad) you can download the icloud and if you know the user name and password registered to the device than you can track it, or wipe it clean if it gets stolen.

I used the familymap for $10 a month, track two family members even if they do no have GPS on it can tell you what cellphone tower they are near. Only way to defeat it is if the phone dies or is shutoff

If your relationship is to the point that you have to use her phone to track her whereabouts, well ...

cakeums

What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.

I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).

On the iphone (or ipad) you can download the icloud and if you know the user name and password registered to the device than you can track it, or wipe it clean if it gets stolen.

I used the familymap for $10 a month, track two family members even if they do no have GPS on it can tell you what cellphone tower they are near. Only way to defeat it is if the phone dies or is shutoff

Okay...not trying to be rude, but I am going to guess that if you feel it's necessary to pay $10/month to see where she is, then there are bigger issues in the relationship than her not going to school one day. (If you were using it for safety reasons, like if you lived in a remote area or something, I would guess you wouldn't use words like "defeat it" when taking about the conditions under which the app doesn't work.) If things are so bad that you're paying for this service, then I would consider both marriage counseling and individual counseling for both of you.

loseweightjames

ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.

Sounds like another excuse. If she doesn't understand that she spends all her money shopping, she won't have money for gas, then something isn't right. I mean, if You know you have $100, and you know you need gas, but still spend it on shopping, you're either 1) Expecting someone to support your shopping habit, or 2) have ZERO planning skills, or 3) making an excuse.

I hope you have separate checking accounts. This either reeks of a major lie or serious financial issues.

JM

we do, but her name's on the business account with all the $$$$$$ in it. I need to transfer the money out... fast.

HMD7703

we were looking for a new house, even put money down on a lot because we were going to have one built, but i don't think that's a good idea anymore............
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The first RED flag is not her NOT going to school but the fact that you have a tracking device on her phone! Does she know this? You have serious trust issues - even if you have reasons not to trust her, you need to nip this crap in the bud before buying a house.

Why does she have to report to you? Is she over 18? A legal adult? I understand she is your SO, but if all she is doing is skipping class to go shopping, is it really that serious? It's not like you tracked her cell phone to some seedy hotel.

Dave198lbs

UPDATE: so she said she would get gas and go to school, but she never did. She went to salvation army and kmart. When i asked her about it she said she was at school. I asked for a photo. She sent me some old photo she took months ago because I remember her sending it to me.

I told her i recognize the phone and i needed a new photo. No response.

i'm not sure how we're going to get past this one, she started going to school after we got married and i've encouraged and supported her the entire time

we were looking for a new house, even put money down on a lot because we were going to have one built, but i don't think that's a good idea anymore............
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if you could in a non threatening way let her know she isnt being honest and you want to discuss whats up? is she embarrassed that she wont pass nursing school? at least she aint having an affair at salvation army and kmart. well...hope not anyway

cakeums

What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.

I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).

On the iphone (or ipad) you can download the icloud and if you know the user name and password registered to the device than you can track it, or wipe it clean if it gets stolen.

I used the familymap for $10 a month, track two family members even if they do no have GPS on it can tell you what cellphone tower they are near. Only way to defeat it is if the phone dies or is shutoff

If your relationship is to the point that you have to use her phone to track her whereabouts, well ...

Exactly. I am married to someone who struggles with depression, and compulsive lying - always when he is totally overwhelmed. (When I get overwhelmed I turn into a mess of anxiety, so neither of us is perfect.) We work on the issues we have because apart from those, our relationship is pretty damn good and we are happy. I wouldn't dream of paying for tracking services...the day I even think about it would be the day I think long and hard about whether it's worth continuing.

loseweightjames

we were looking for a new house, even put money down on a lot because we were going to have one built, but i don't think that's a good idea anymore............
...............
.

The first RED flag is not her NOT going to school but the fact that you have a tracking device on her phone! Does she know this? You have serious trust issues - even if you have reasons not to trust her, you need to nip this crap in the bud before buying a house.

Why does she have to report to you? Is she over 18? A legal adult? I understand she is your SO, but if all she is doing is skipping class to go shopping, is it really that serious? It's not like you tracked her cell phone to some seedy hotel.

yes, it is serious, because.... wait for it..... she's lying about it. AH! Bet you didn't see that coming! She can skip, she can drop out of school, might be repercussions but she can do what she wants and I can take whatever actions I feel necessary, but the lying thing, that's the dangerous part.

she's got a habit of lying, and not about spilling the milk either, about much more serious things that i.... do not want to discuss right now. Point is she's been caught lying this time.

jessicas0215

Cut off their left pinky toe.

^^^
Haha!!

But seriously, just ask them. See if they get defensive or not.... If they are not cheating, great but they are still lying to you.... You need to find out why.

yaddayaddayadda

A seemingly small lie is still a lie... Seems like a communication problem. I would let him/her know that any lie is unacceptable. I would want to know why he/she felt that they could not discuss the situation with me. If it were to happen again, or something of a similar nature, I would consider ending the relationship.

Nikkei24

I would ask them about it. They could have a good reason. Maybe they lost their job and they are ashamed. Or maybe they can't afford to keep taking the classes so they dropped it but don't want you to know cause once again they are ashamed. If it was my spouse or someone im marrying I would really not be okay with the lying about something like that however you have to hear them out.

sculley

I would ask and try to be patient. My husband used to take days off and when I found out that he was lying about working I was HIGHLY upset because I assumed cheating because of our dating history. SO honestly I would listen to the whole story.

Heaven71

we were looking for a new house, even put money down on a lot because we were going to have one built, but i don't think that's a good idea anymore............
...............
.

The first RED flag is not her NOT going to school but the fact that you have a tracking device on her phone! Does she know this? You have serious trust issues - even if you have reasons not to trust her, you need to nip this crap in the bud before buying a house.

Why does she have to report to you? Is she over 18? A legal adult? I understand she is your SO, but if all she is doing is skipping class to go shopping, is it really that serious? It's not like you tracked her cell phone to some seedy hotel.

yes, it is serious, because.... wait for it..... she's lying about it. AH! Bet you didn't see that coming! She can skip, she can drop out of school, might be repercussions but she can do what she wants and I can take whatever actions I feel necessary, but the lying thing, that's the dangerous part.

she's got a habit of lying, and not about spilling the milk either, about much more serious things that i.... do not want to discuss right now. Point is she's been caught lying this time.

I think it's time to come clean about the program and look for a therapist. Just be blunt that you don't trust her and have good reason. In the end, she has a problem for sure. Your problem is figuring out just how much of her problem you are willing to handle.
I really hope it works out for you.

Eaglesfanintn

I feel for you. I'm sure it's a tough situation to be in. As others have said honesty and being able to trust someone are vital to a healthy relationship. I gather, rightly or wrongly, that you wouldn't have the tracking app if there hadn't been a history of lies and deception.
If you guys are both committed to the marriage, then counseling seems like a good idea. If you're not, then get your ducks in a row and make sure you are protected.
Best of luck!

delilah47

She should have told you what she was up to. This said, she should dump you for spying on her. Unforgivable and illegal in some states to covertly track someone with a GPS or other tracking device.

Jellyphant

If I catch someone in a lie, I will make them lie a little more so that I can really bust them.

"So how was work honey?" "What did you do in school today? Oh, that's cool. Was Brittany there? How is she doing?"

See how far they'll go before they trip up. Then drop the hammer.

Yup. This is my strategy. I get the most guilty, dumb expressions from them, haha.

ninjapixie87

Confront her about it.
Keep an open mind and listen.
Find out the real reason why she has been going shopping instead of going to school. Could be she's feeling defeated, depressed, or just doesn't feel that it is the right path for her anymore.
Find out why she didn't tell you the truth. Perhaps she didn't want to dissapoint someone who had put faith in her and pushed her to finish school.

Try to find out what's really going on with her before you make up your mind.
Just don't go in guns blazing, accusing her of whatever and ready to give up on your relationship.

Just my 2 cents.

j4nash

!!!!!!!!Sounds like my ex-wife!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I'm reading my life story because everything you're saying is exactly what I went through.

I feel for you. I really do

She lied about everything. She was in nursing school and would sleep in. I don't even know if she went to school. She lied about her grades. She lied about the big things. She barely got into nursing school after we split and the only reason I think she is motivated now is because she has no other choice. She used to go out on Friday and Saturday and get hammered with a test on Monday and whine about how hungover she was. I didn't trust her because she had a habit of little white lies, since the beginning. It was completely obvious but I didn't know what to do. She told me she had a B in a class only to find out the night before the final that she had a 52 average. I was in shock. And to top it all off I was paying for it. Complete disrespect. I tried to fix it. Just realize you can't. People don't change. It sucks but think about if you two have kids. Hate to say it man, but you're at a crossroads. I got divorced and it sucked but in the long run it was the right thing to do.