Significant other not going to work/school when they say the

saragato

I kinda did that with my first job. Note, though, I'm in a long distance relationship so it's not like we're living together and having to split bills. I had told him I got a job which was ultimately to save up to move to him, but after day 2 I couldn't work anymore because I had dislocated my knee on an 8 hour straight shift and had to quit a month later when the orthopedic doctor said I couldn't go back. I didn't tell him until after a short visit almost 5 months later because I was ashamed of myself and didn't want to have him ashamed of me or disappointed my efforts hadn't worked. Granted I never told him when I was going to work, I just never told him I no longer had the job. Now after I quit my second job I told him the same day, mainly because it had been a mentally scarring experience and I knew he'd understand.

But back to the proposed situation, if my guy was not going to work and instead choosing to watch TV or whatnot and let me handle the breadwinning, there would be words. Because really it's not fair and two it's kind of showing a bad side to them. It's fine to be lazy or to have a day where you really don't want to be at work and maybe take a sick day, but when you're telling me one thing and you're doing another then it's just stupid. When my parents first got married my father did that to my mother because he was constantly getting fired for arguing with the manager/boss or being rude to the customers or just plain not showing up. It was only when bills stopped getting paid that my mother noticed and read him the riot act, which was right around when she got pregnant with me. The whole problem was he didn't want to admit he was in the wrong (which he was) or that he had screwed up (which he had) and so he just let things go on and then got mad when he had to go work at, gasp, a video rental store (and mind you this was a man not even 5 years shy of being in his 40s, not just some kid) so my mom could lessen her hours and then go on maternity leave. After I was born my dad quit his job, supposedly, and made my mom go back to work early so he could take care of me, which as you can imagine didn't happen.

Long story short of my personal story was 6 years later they got a divorce because my father continued to get fired from jobs, not tell her, and various other elements that just boiled down to him being a selfish person.

FoxCarter

The person who you can control is yourself and your response.

DON'T be an enabler for her behavior.

loseweightjames

i don't mind cheating. Cheating is fine, I don't expect someone to want their favorite food every day for life even if it is their favorite.

but lying, especially about school, work and money, is serious.

there is no sense in talking. People do not change from words, not until put in a situation forcing them to change.

I've begun looking for houses to rent, I'm just fortunate to I have money to handle this situation

crisanderson27

She should have told you what she was up to. This said, she should dump you for spying on her. Unforgivable and illegal in some states to covertly track someone with a GPS or other tracking device.

Really? I disagree.

Completely.

First, he's paying for the phone, and even if she's paying 'her part' it's on a family plan. When you're on a family plan and have the locating service, it REGULARLY notifies you you can be located by GPS. I know...all the phones on my family plan are locatable, up to five (I'm only using 3 at the moment).

So much for illegal, in any state.

As for unforgivable...yeah, lying about going to school and sitting at home on your *kitten* to your SPOUSE (we're not talking live in boyfriend here, or even just boyfriend)...is unforgivable. Lying about having/not having money or what you spent it on or whether you have it to spend on something like gas to get to school (which is a joint responsibility in the long run) is unforgivable. Saying, after you were handed $100 to GET gas...that you would go to school, and not going is unforgivable. And finally, lying about BEING at school, AGAIN!!...and using an old picture to uphold the lie, while you're out blowing the money given to you TO GET TO SCHOOL...yeah, unforgivable.

Tracking your spouse (again...not girlfriend or live in girlfriend...but someone who has supposedly devoted her life to promoting your mutual happiness) via cell phone to prove they are lying to you over and over and over??

I'm thinking that's not only forgivable, but understandable, and even...honestly, probably pretty damn recommended considering the possible consequences.

Heaven71

She should have told you what she was up to. This said, she should dump you for spying on her. Unforgivable and illegal in some states to covertly track someone with a GPS or other tracking device.

Really? I disagree.

Completely.

First, he's paying for the phone, and even if she's paying 'her part' it's on a family plan. When you're on a family plan and have the locating service, it REGULARLY notifies you you can be located by GPS. I know...all the phones on my family plan are locatable, up to five (I'm only using 3 at the moment).



So much for illegal, in any state.

As for unforgivable...yeah, lying about going to school and sitting at home on your *kitten* to your SPOUSE (we're not talking live in boyfriend here, or even just boyfriend)...is unforgivable. Lying about having/not having money or what you spent it on or whether you have it to spend on something like gas to get to school (which is a joint responsibility in the long run) is unforgivable. Saying, after you were handed $100 to GET gas...that you would go to school, and not going is unforgivable. And finally, lying about BEING at school, AGAIN!!...and using an old picture to uphold the lie, while you're out blowing the money given to you TO GET TO SCHOOL...yeah, unforgivable.

Tracking your spouse (again...not girlfriend or live in girlfriend...but someone who has supposedly devoted her life to promoting your mutual happiness) via cell phone to prove they are lying to you over and over and over??

I'm thinking that's not only forgivable, but understandable, and even...honestly, probably pretty damn recommended considering the possible consequences.

^^^^^^Agreed Completely!^^^^^^

ninaquelinda

i don't mind cheating. Cheating is fine, I don't expect someone to want their favorite food every day for life even if it is their favorite.

but lying, especially about school, work and money, is serious.

Wow, Really?

BootcampJunkie

At the end of the day what she is doing is 100% WRONG! You should put your foot down and tell her to get her *kitten* to school or........... wait for it............... MAKE YOU A SANDWICH!
Hey if shes gonna be sitting on her *kitten* at home she might as well put herself to good use.

loseweightjames

She should have told you what she was up to. This said, she should dump you for spying on her. Unforgivable and illegal in some states to covertly track someone with a GPS or other tracking device.

Really? I disagree.

Completely.

First, he's paying for the phone, and even if she's paying 'her part' it's on a family plan. When you're on a family plan and have the locating service, it REGULARLY notifies you you can be located by GPS. I know...all the phones on my family plan are locatable, up to five (I'm only using 3 at the moment).

So much for illegal, in any state.

As for unforgivable...yeah, lying about going to school and sitting at home on your *kitten* to your SPOUSE (we're not talking live in boyfriend here, or even just boyfriend)...is unforgivable. Lying about having/not having money or what you spent it on or whether you have it to spend on something like gas to get to school (which is a joint responsibility in the long run) is unforgivable. Saying, after you were handed $100 to GET gas...that you would go to school, and not going is unforgivable. And finally, lying about BEING at school, AGAIN!!...and using an old picture to uphold the lie, while you're out blowing the money given to you TO GET TO SCHOOL...yeah, unforgivable.

Tracking your spouse (again...not girlfriend or live in girlfriend...but someone who has supposedly devoted her life to promoting your mutual happiness) via cell phone to prove they are lying to you over and over and over??

I'm thinking that's not only forgivable, but understandable, and even...honestly, probably pretty damn recommended considering the possible consequences.

you are correct, both iphones are in my name on my plan

but if she dumped me and left, that would save me the trouble of moving out

loseweightjames

i don't mind cheating. Cheating is fine, I don't expect someone to want their favorite food every day for life even if it is their favorite.

but lying, especially about school, work and money, is serious.

Wow, Really?

yes. Some call it a open marriage, even though i hate that term.

everyone fools around and everyone's happy, no jealousy problems, win-win

endlessloser

You mentioned she had access to the business bank account... is it in her name? Is the business in her name? Is SHE working it or are you?

Not sure what state you live, but I would be protecting that ASAP if its your business. This is something my father stressed to me years ago when I started my business, and even though eventually I did add my hubby as my partner, I was still 51% owner and he 49%. (I'm back to 100% owner, but that's for tax purposes as he now has a full time job out). Thankfully we've got a great marriage (going on 22 yrs!) so I've never had this issue - *however*, you absolutely need to protect yourself legally/financially.

And I do agree with others - she may be suffering from depression. It's not helping the situation though, but sometimes people spend more $ when they get depressed.

When my father got antsy or down a little, he bought a car... then he ended up getting another one. (Note, many years later, and to be fair, they did need it). He surprised my mother with a new car just last year... and I know him, it's kind of been a joke in our family that he does stuff like that. *However* he was always a great provider as a father, and has always been very good about money (has $ put away in rrsps etc).

But - while he had the money to do it - some people don't - but depression can make them go shopping. It might make them either "forget" their problems, or distract them, or they think it'll make them feel better.

Not saying its right at all - just saying that the shopping part (from what you're saying about her failing twice nursing), perhaps she's going through a form of depression/unsureness about herself, and this is what she's doing to "help" herself (which obviously is doing the opposite).

Anyway - check on that business stuff!!

cakeums

i don't mind cheating. Cheating is fine, I don't expect someone to want their favorite food every day for life even if it is their favorite.

but lying, especially about school, work and money, is serious.

Wow, Really?

yes. Some call it a open marriage, even though i hate that term.

everyone fools around and everyone's happy, no jealousy problems, win-win

I'm not saying that type of relationship can never work, cause it does work for some people...but I'd hardly say that everyone's happy here. Sounds like your marriage is ****. Don't you think that because you both fool around on the side that she could think it's okay to lie to you about "less serious" things, since sex is usually pretty serious to most people? Or do you think that could be leading to her obviously totally defeatist attitude? Sounds like looking for one of you to move out is the way to go.