Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh
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For every post you comment on, you have a contradiction.... which is a deadringer for being insecure.
^This. Get our of your own head. We have all been there. :frown: Fight your fear, it will kill a relationship faster than anything.
Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.
First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.
In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.
JMHO
While I respect and understand this point of view, we are pretty no-nonsense... and I'd rather have him tell me I'm slacking and be honest. I am used to Drill Instructor mentality.
Your comment and how it relates to your original post, in itself is a confliction: "we are pretty no-nonsense"
Clearly there is some nonsense going on otherwise you wouldnt have posted your cry for help. It seems to me this isnt just one side stemming from your husband's lacking the ability to tell you a straight-forward answer. Perhaps you have some insecurities coming through as a result of not understanding the whys involved with your husband not wanting to workout with you...I dont know... but, the only answers lie within you, and hopefully within your husband if he will ever give you a straight answer.
I honestly truly believe that he would rather workout with other people because its his time away to do what he wants to do. I dont think your husband is being 100% truly honest with you, but I do believe that there is something on your side that has made you think "why wouldnt he want to be with me?" as the underlying truth with you....
Talk with your husband one on one when the both of you are not pressed for time. You both really need to be working this out... Otherwise, why not find people to workout with on your own? Thats not a bad idea!
LOL. Thanks for being straight forward! Maybe some of it is my own insecurities? And I'm blowing it out of proportion?
He said that it's not b/c he wants to spend time away with me.... we both travel for a living, so we rarely get time together.
For every post you comment on, you have a contradiction.... which is a deadringer for being insecure.
Can you explain this please?0 -
Why can't you just accept that he doesn't want you there. We have given you tons of completely innocent reasons he might want time at the gym without you, and you keep arguing and nagging about it. Odds are, you do the same thing to him. I'm already fed up with your stubborn attitude. I can't imagine how annoyed he probably is by now...
STOP NAGGING HIM ABOUT WORKING OUT TOGETHER!0 -
The first thing you need to do is check his text messages and email.0
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The first thing you need to do is check his text messages and email.
Oh, that sounds like a healthy idea...
/sarcasm0 -
I'm only trying to help, offering advice based on years of experience with this kind of thing. Thank you very much.
Oh, that sounds like a healthy idea...The first thing you need to do is check his text messages and email.
/sarcasm0 -
I'm only trying to help, offering advice based on years of experience with this kind of thing. Thank you very much.
If you have years of experience in relationships where trust is non-existent, you might not be the best person to help or offer advice...
...wait....wait...
I know you! Dammit, I've been HAD!0 -
I've gone to the gym myself for so many years that when my wife wanted to go I felt incredibly awkward with her there because I know her goals etc are different than mine.
You mean her goal isn't to find a hookup?
I go with my wife, but we usually do cardio
and have our earbuds in listening to Pandora.0 -
Maybe you should check my text messages, sister.
I'm only trying to help, offering advice based on years of experience with this kind of thing. Thank you very much.
If you have years of experience in relationships where trust is non-existent, you might not be the best person to help or offer advice...
...wait....wait...
I know you! Dammit, I've been HAD!0 -
Have you said things to him to make him self-conscious? Maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable working out around you.0
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Why can't you just accept that he doesn't want you there. We have given you tons of completely innocent reasons he might want time at the gym without you, and you keep arguing and nagging about it. Odds are, you do the same thing to him. I'm already fed up with your stubborn attitude. I can't imagine how annoyed he probably is by now...
STOP NAGGING HIM ABOUT WORKING OUT TOGETHER!
WOW!!! Angry people!!! Heaven forbid that I try and give you more detail... and defend that he's a solid guy, and that we have a good relationship -esp. when half the people on here are telling me he's cheating. Sad to see that's the immediate conclusion that people jump to.
I actually am chatting with him on messenger cuz we're half way around the world from each other - hence the reason that we try to spend a lot of time together, and that neither of us feel that the other is too clingy... and quote from him "I want as much time with you as I can get".0 -
WOW!!! Angry people!!! Heaven forbid that I try and give you more detail... and defend that he's a solid guy, and that we have a good relationship -esp. when half the people on here are telling me he's cheating. Sad to see that's the immediate conclusion that people jump to.
I actually am chatting with him on messenger cuz we're half way around the world from each other - hence the reason that we try to spend a lot of time together, and that neither of us feel that the other is too clingy... and quote from him "I want as much time with you as I can get".
I'm not angry at all. You just seem really nagging and persistent, so I can understand why he'd want alone time. Either way, it seems like you've beaten the topic to death, so you might want to leave it alone. Men hate that...0 -
he is trying to workout and have some social time with HIS friends.. whats so hard to get about that?
do you honestly need to be with him so much that he cant even go through a hot and sweaty workout without your presence?
are you a grownup and old enough to use this site?
you have to be joking...0 -
Persistent, yes!! Nagging... apparently I am to you! I've only talked to him about it twice....
On the third re-attack about 10 minutes ago, he told me that we just have different definitions of the word motivation... and that his is to have someone support him, whereas mine is to have someone scream at you and push you while you crawl through the mud in the rain, uphill both ways.
I resolved to try and not be so hard-core with him, and he told me he'd love to spend more time with me at the gym.
Problem solved - thanks for all your help guys and gals!0 -
Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.
I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.
Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?
I hate it when ppl play the gender role... I work out just ike the guys do, screaming and all... and so dos he. I am in a hard core career field, and its not b/c im a puss. This post was just a bad idea.
I'm not intending to annoy you by mentioning gender. I happen to hate gender roles too! I workout in exactly the same way as my bf, with the same exercises. The only differences are that I use less weight and I prefer to make less screaming (which is a shyness thing, not a girl thing - although it's more common in females)
You have to accept though that they will play a part. Fortunately, they don't get in the way for my bf and I, he sees me like a friend/training partner as well as a girlfriend and wants to train with me. However, many guys are not like that. Some guys just want to go and workout with their guy mates and keep it separate, some don't. Also, as someone else mentioned, he may want somebody around his own strength levels. You cannot argue that men and women are equal in physical strength, because in 99% of cases, men are stronger, it's the way it is, and sometimes it's more motivating to have someone at the same level as you, or stronger. It brings out the competitive side.
If I went to a gym, and was stronger than everyone there, I'd like it of course, and keep training, but training around other men, 95% of whom are stronger than me, motivates me to get as close as I can to their level. Now if I was training around women, and they were also all stronger than me, that would make me even more competitive, and start settings goals immediately to beat them! You can't do this, if you're already stronger than your training partner.0 -
maybe he is insecure and is afraid he would be embarrassed in front of you. or maybe he doesn't like the idea of other men ogling you at the gym.0
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I like to workout by myself, because it's my time that is separate from my boyfriend. Not that he wants to do the same things as I do in terms of working out, but even if he did, I would reserve a majority of that time to myself, because it's my time, where I can do my thing, and not have to worry about anyone else.
Your husband could be a lot like that. Sometimes, people like having their thing, and they enjoy their time to do their thing. I wouldn't take it personally, if that were the case, because it just means he's making time for himself, which, in the long run, is good for the both of you.0 -
:noway: If Aliens ever find this forum, they'll believe every man on Earth was some kind of sleazy *kitten* who slept with everyone but their own partner. There's always so much venom spat in these threads when someone asks for ideas as to why their man is/isn't doing something.The first thing you need to do is check his text messages and email.
How about this; your workout will be with lower weight or intensity, and thus slow him down?0 -
My wife and I work at different rates, we trained in different sports in school, but we still try to do certain 'middle ground' activities together. She swam and worked out in gyms, I played football and worked out outside, so our strides are in different places.
When we go to the gym together, she's lovely to watch, but when you're benching and squatting, some guys are motivated by more with the unspoken competition of doing a set with a spotter, and then the spotter taking his turn. Fun as my wife is, if I've got a few hundred pounds over me, I need to know I'm covered if something goes wrong.
Likewise, I can't swim for $h!t, but I doggy-paddle in my own lane and make sure she keeps at the effective pace that she's capable of.
When we go running, I do much better than her outdoors than on a treadmill. I'll run ahead to the end, wait for her, then we walk back to cool down together. It's physically difficult for me to match her stride because her jog is half-way between my walk and power-walk (limb difference).
The point is, if anyone takes it personal that someone doesn't want to work out with them, it seems to be more of an issue of insecurity than anything else. If no one wants to work with my because I'm a loud jerk that's too competitive, that's one thing. If someone isn't motivated by my being there, then why would I want to hinder them?
With that said, 1st-post cherry popped, and my wife and I are going to Golden Corral to test our mettle..0 -
LMAO at Shannon.
I would not be pleased. My mind would go to "He has a honey at the gym" or he says he is single or something. My husband loves to work out with me and I'm a big girl. He would do anything to help me. I would really question his motives and THEN...I would just show up at the gym that he works out at and start working out.
Exactly THIS!!!0
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