He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?
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As a domestic violence educator, I believe you are being abused. I know you aren't from here but here is a link to the "Am I or Do I Know a Victim" page on my local shelter's website. http://hubbardhouse.org/domestic-violence/victim/
It may help. Please be safe. And know that abuse is not your fault.0 -
It's abuse. . .
This ^0 -
I know what you're saying, but with emotional abuse it's generally not the individual incident that makes it abuse. It's more like a habit of saying this kind of thing... tearing someone down slowly.I'll play devil's advocate here for a moment and say maybe in arguments where he said "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard" is not abuse. In honesty I've said that to my wife and she has said it back to me during political, work, religious, etc. conversations because sometimes they are honestly the stupidest thing I had ever heard. Enough on the devil's advocate there. As for the rest such as the belly, the "talking down" in front of others, etc. yes, mental abuse.0 -
RUN.......FAST!!!!!0
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Maybe you are "stupid" for putting up with it
Are you effin kidding me??0 -
Seriously though, I was in a very similar relationship in my early 20's. When I did decide to get out of it he turned into this really nice guy and then I felt like I made the wrong decision and went back to him. It got worse, way worse. Never in a million years would I do it again and I honestly believe that if I saw him on the side of the road I might run him over.
Regardless if you have kids, would you want your daughter to be treated that way? How about your mother?
Get out now and let him know that he really "isn't all that" and you can do better.
Best of luck.0 -
1 - It IS abuse.
2 - You are NOT stupid.
3 - Don't accept treatment like that from anyone. It isn't love and it isn't respectful.
4 - Sent you a PM with link to a support site.
Been there, done that, got the dang ugly teeshirt.
/hugs!0 -
Get out now before you end up pregnant and marry this *kitten*. You think you feel like crap about it now? Imagine how it would feel to bring children into it? Never continue to date a man who behaves this way!0
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Oh honey.....how can you not know??? If it doesnt feel good to you and he wont stop then it is abuse!0
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I know it's hard to leave someone like that. Sounds to me that you already have your way out by moving to Canada. Once you're not around the constant abuse and douchebaggery just take a minute to realize how much happier and better off you are without him. Don't let him back in either, break off all ties, and then smile! You'll be happy it's over, maybe not right away but eventually. And one day you'll find a man who doesn't make you have to question these things!
I know the time away will help me so much. I miss being myself. I'm a happy person but in this relationship I find that I doubt myself continously. I have to go it's inevitable and that 's my opportunity to leave him for good.
He knows I;m mad at him for calling me stupid ..I have not talke to him. I don;t plan to get into heated arguments for as long as I make the decision in my mind of what it is I'm going to do ...I'll just ride out the next 2 weeks.0 -
So sorry you are dealing with this. It is abuse all the way around.0
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This is a bad situation. Classic signs of a future headline that reads "woman killed by boyfriend". Don't walk...run... far far away. It is never bad at the beggining which is why women stay, but it's very apparent that he has no respect for you.0
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Oh honey.....how can you not know??? If it doesnt feel good to you and he wont stop then it is abuse!
In a way I didn't want to admit it . I had excuses for him . He messes up and then he tries to make up for his actions
but then he says that I need to behave better for I tick him off.. then I though it was me not treating him right ...
but no...it not the case
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He sounds like a miserable jerk. Run, don't walk.0
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I know what you're saying, but with emotional abuse it's generally not the individual incident that makes it abuse. It's more like a habit of saying this kind of thing... tearing someone down slowly.I'll play devil's advocate here for a moment and say maybe in arguments where he said "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard" is not abuse. In honesty I've said that to my wife and she has said it back to me during political, work, religious, etc. conversations because sometimes they are honestly the stupidest thing I had ever heard. Enough on the devil's advocate there. As for the rest such as the belly, the "talking down" in front of others, etc. yes, mental abuse.
Correct. If it is with every single argument that a person says that then yes, that would be clarified as emotional abuse. I was just going off the story that didn't identify if this was a single event or everyday event so, being a criminal justice student, I had to go on the story and the "evidence" presented, so I have to presume this was a single event.0 -
I know this is a heavy response to a forum topic, but I just want to hug you. You deserve better. It doesn't matter if he says he's joking or not. It's just not funny and he seems to be taking every opportunity to belittle you to make himself feel like a big deal. You are strong enough to be alone and SO better off without him. Please get out of there. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. Especially because he will most likely try to argue you into staying and make you feel bad for leaving. Don't fall for that crap. I'm praying for you!0
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Don't wait, and I say that because it sounds like as your trip approaches, the situation may get more volatile. Because he is well aware of your trip. Begin as soon as you possibly can.....Begin your new life!
I agree COMPLETELY! Pack your bags and stay with a friend for the next month. (I'm assuming you are living together... If not, just don't answer the door for him nor take his calls.)
Even if he is being "playful" (I really don't see how being called names and slapped is being playful. but maybe that's why I married a man who never called me anything worse than my own name and wouldn't slap me unless i was asleep and couldn't wake up while the house is on fire), you don't like being "played with" like that and need to end the relationship.
I also agree with the woman who suggested you NOT kick him there. It sounds tempting, but imprudent. What if it only escalates the situation. I know it's supposed to be a sure fire way of incapacitating a man, but what if it doesn't?0 -
You're NOT stupid
You're NOT crazy
This guy is a manipulative control freak who is getting off on belittling you!
Why wait? Leave his *kitten*!
You deserve so much more :flowerforyou:0 -
He sounds like an idiot. I hope May comes quickly for you. Good for you for leaving.0
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ANd this my friends is how it begins......It took me 5 years and 2 kids later to leave, with a pfa, only to go back for a year and allow him to makeme pay for my mistakes...I left again in 2005 and have not LOOKED BACK, get out NOW, before you have kids, although he has nothing to do with them, and they were super young they dont remember him run run run...far far away...It was emotional at first for me, then physical, and I know its not easy and I know you will do what you want to do be it leave or stay, and maybe in time you will see this man for what he is, controlling and unkind and NO damm good for you at all.....and its easy to sit here and ask for advice, but when it comes down to going, thats the hard part.
Clearly you live together, is it your place, his place or jointly leased??? it makes a difference, if its yours serve him with a eviction notice, and dont llook back, if your afraid of what he will do after, get a PFA, then he cant come near you and the police will hve to escort him into your home to get his things. If its his place or joint, then to avoid hasle, I would pack my **** and get the hell out. in 2005 I packed my 3 kids in the car and what ever I could fit, at drove from columbus Ohio to erie pa, with 28 bucks in my pocket, I knew how much gas it would take me to get here, and I had snacks for the kids, and the clothes on our backs, I have not looked bakc...since then I have : met my husband, graduated from college, had gastric bypass surgery, lived and learned and loved, and forgotten but best of all I was able to forgive in my heart. But I never want to see him again.
You can do it if you choos to do it. YOU ARE STRONG, YOUR ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE BETTER THAN HE IS BY 1 MILLION MILES, IN FACT HE IS NO GOOD, AT ALL, NOT EVEN A LITTLE TINY BIT.
For a long time before I left I would look up mental abuse online and I was the poster child, but even that didnt convince me, just one day I decided I was better than that, I felt empowered and I think that was when I lost 80 pounds, and he didnt have that to hang over my head.
Good luck and god bless.0 -
I don't know if you're really young or just raised this way or what, but you need to understand something: no one has the right to do this to you against your will even if he is playing. "Playing" is not even a consideration. If you tell him not to do it, it needs to stop, immediately and forever.He tends to smack me for no reason, he says he is playing . Whenever I say something that he doesn't like , he "playfully" grabs me and " Playfully" slaps me on the face...although it's not hard ..it does hurt at times and I'm getting tired of him doing that . It's just so immature. the silly slaps on my face and my *** randomly uuggg..so tired.
I know it's all clear from the outside, but manipulative people have a way to make you feel wrong and guilty about the horrible things they do TO you. It's pretty destabilizing to have to deal with this kind of person, you come to doubt of yourself, what you're feeling...
I'm very glad that you saw through him before it was too late. :flowerforyou:0 -
It's abuse so please run fast! I suffered for year with physical and verbal abuse and finally ended it. I'm so much more healthy and happy and found a great guy that loves both my daughter and myself.0
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Oh honey.....how can you not know??? If it doesnt feel good to you and he wont stop then it is abuse!
In a way I didn't want to admit it . I had excuses for him . He messes up and then he tries to make up for his actions
but then he says that I need to behave better for I tick him off.. then I though it was me not treating him right ...
but no...it not the case
Yeah... he abuses you and then tries to make it your fault? Classic abuse symptom. A good friend of mine and my sister were both in similar situations. The friend waited too long and had to sneak out of her own house to get away. For my sister, it was a transformation in her ex's personality that heralded the problem, and it took her a while to see it for what it was. But both of them are safe now. You'll be safe too. It's not your fault, you're not stupid, and yes, you need to leave him as soon as is safely possible.0 -
I'm glad you are leaving. He sounds horrible.0
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If you have to ask, you know it is.
^this
^A thousand times this.
Let's get real though. And I say this with compassion and for the OP, he treats you like this because you let him.
Abusers only go after victims. As much as I don't wish to make you feel bad, you have to come to terms with the very real possibility that if and when you do get rid of him (and you should), that you will replace him with someone just as abusive. That's the unfortunate cycle of abuse. It's a two sided agreement.
I strongly suggest therapy. Not couples. You for you. You need to figure out why you attract this. Why you would allow it. And most importantly, how not to repeat it.
You can break the cycle, but you first have to own your part in this. Don't be a victim. Take charge. It's your only life.
Take care and be good to yourself.
Ed.0 -
Oh honey.....how can you not know??? If it doesnt feel good to you and he wont stop then it is abuse!
It moght not be that obvious if she grew up in an environment like that. I wish I had a forum when I was still of impressionable age!0 -
If you feel you needed to ask this question then you already know the answer on this. If he doesn't make you feel like a million dollar lady, and he has to put his hands on you in a unloving way. Then it's abuse physcially and emotionally. Get away while you can because it will certainly only get worse. The fact that he has you on facebook but guarded should tell you somethings... Get out girl...0
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Leave him, Honey. This will not get better. :-(0
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Oh honey.....how can you not know??? If it doesnt feel good to you and he wont stop then it is abuse!
In a way I didn't want to admit it . I had excuses for him . He messes up and then he tries to make up for his actions
but then he says that I need to behave better for I tick him off.. then I though it was me not treating him right ...
but no...it not the case
Have you seen the commercial from DrugFree.org that the mother is in denial that her son is doing drugs. The same thing. It is denial and it is a drug and it is enabling for him. No, he is the one not treating you right.0 -
It is physical and emotional abuse! Don't put up with that. You need to be with someone who will be crazy about you and not look at you in disgust. If he is not letting you see his photos and info on facebook it means he is hiding something. Please leave him ASAP!!!!0
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