Why do people ignore friend requests?

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  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    once you hit a certain number, if you are sincerely trying to be a supportive friend, it gets hard to sincrely support too many people, especially when you have some who interact and some who never ever do.

    I also delete for lack of interaction, because if there is no activity, I don't know you and if I don't know you, I don't know how to support you.... (you being general here).
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    because I have nearly 200 "friends" on here. It's difficult to stay on top of the ones I have and support them properly, I never know if I'm adding value to their experience or not. this community is about support, and I like to support the "friends" I have, so when there's no note and the profile is fairly private and they haven't bothered to read my profile I have no idea whether or not we'd be a good fit as supportive friends.
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    If people cba to read my profile and leave a short message saying who they are then that's not exactly a great intro that screams "i'm going to be active and support you". It seems to me more like "I can't really be arsed, but I'm kinda lonely". I don't believe in automatic entitlement - you want me? Put in some effort. Sheesh. Call me a princess or whatever the term is these days, I don't care but I feel it's about other people valuing you - if they can't put the effort in it's not going to work between us.

    On the flip side of your question - do people think they're too good to leave a message? Personal preference. If you like not having former contact, fine - just as we can see, a lot of people do.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    If people cba to read my profile and leave a short message saying who they are then that's not exactly a great intro that screams "i'm going to be active and support you". It seems to me more like "I can't really be arsed, but I'm kinda lonely".

    On the flip side of your question - do people think they're too good to leave a message? Personal preference. If you like not having former contact, fine - just as we can see, a lot of people do.

    Also, as we've established, if you're British, you are more likely to be accepted as my friend no matter what. :-)
  • coliema
    coliema Posts: 7,646 Member
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    I see a lot of peoples profiles that say, " I won't accept friend request without a message!" or " Let me know what we have in common and I might add you."

    Honestly? this is a support website! Do people really think they are too good to add people? Or think to many people want to be their friend? Whats wrong with that?

    Im sorry but I just don't understand. If someone wants to be my friend and needs me for support or wants some inspiration, I wont deny them. Its not like you have personal information on your profile that people could track you with like Facebook.

    Can someone explain this to me?

    I have a message on mine saying that I won't accept people if they don't leave a small message as to where they found me or why they added me (for support, motivation, etc). It's not that the person is, as you say, "too good" to add someone but I would like to know where someone found me or why they want to add me. If I added every person that sent me a request, I would have a bunch of Inactive Users in my list, which is why I changed my message to say that on my page.

    Everyone has their own ways of running their profiles, if you do it differently, fine. I have my own way, just like everyone else. Does it really bother you that much?
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    If people cba to read my profile and leave a short message saying who they are then that's not exactly a great intro that screams "i'm going to be active and support you". It seems to me more like "I can't really be arsed, but I'm kinda lonely".

    On the flip side of your question - do people think they're too good to leave a message? Personal preference. If you like not having former contact, fine - just as we can see, a lot of people do.

    Also, as we've established, if you're British, you are more likely to be accepted as my friend no matter what. :-)

    Yeah, you like being treated mean and kept keen by us brits eh Rml xD What are you like :p
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 572 Member
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    If you try to add me without a message, I will check out your profile to see if you are legit. I prefer messages but are not usually needed in order for me to accept you. I accepted this guy one time, and he was as vulgar as could be, so I deleted him. It is a risk you take I suppose.
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    I like to know a little something about a person before I accept a friend request, but I generally accept all requests.

    Keeping people on my friend list is another story. If I find people are on starvation diets - living on 700 calories of diet coke, celery sticks and tuna packets, I don't keep them. If I spend time cheering someone on - commenting on their good diary choices and admiring their workouts, and they never say a single word to me for weeks and weeks, I don't keep them. I also don't keep people who openly criticize my diet/workout plan. I'm fine if you want to do Paleo or Atkins or vegan or eat 100% clean. I'll never criticize your choices. I choose to follow a plan of moderation (it worked!!) and haven't asked for input on how to lose more. If you tell me that 55% of my calories from carbs is too much without me asking 'Hey... what do you think of my carb intake', you're dropped from my friend list.

    All in all, I like keeping my friend list small enough that I can keep up with everyone on it. I just like to form personal relationships with like-minded people.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    It's pretty much the same rules for any site that gives you the options of having friends. I used to be a regular on another forum that had the friend feature, which was nothing more than displaying them on your profile, and people sent and received requests left and right because someone had said something they agreed with or they found inspirational or they lived in the same state/country/general region. And it was a support site, but granted it was 98% women so there wasn't a problem of possible creepers.

    Weight loss is a bigger deal, though. People want people who will not only support them but have similar goals or at least won't be someone who is sabotaging themselves and may or may not take someone with them just by association. They don't want those that aren't making an effort when they're working their butts off, they don't want people that are using this place to be their personal soapbox or as a dating site (I've actually been defriended by someone because I didn't join the chorus of free therapists and *kitten*-patters when he whined) and some just don't want people they have nothing in common with, goal-wise or anything else. It's like with Facebook, lots of people won't accept requests if they don't know the person or if a friend doesn't know them or if they don't say why they want to be friends. You're choosing who to surround yourself with and sometimes a blank message and a photo isn't going to give away just what kind of person they are.

    But me personally I'll accept any request simply because I don't care who they are. If someone reads something of mine here and decides that despite my sarcasm and the sourpuss look in my profile picture they want to watch my progress and let me watch theirs, then hey.

    As for the whole "no men better send me requests" thing... I kinda understand that since again you never know intentions and some just don't want to be bothered with a chance they'll be hit on. I think I've seen mention some don't accept them out of respect for their SO/spouse, but that's their choice. If a guy sees a blatant "NO MEN" notice on their profiles, just cruise on. You can't get sore over someone who's made it clear they won't support you for that reason only no matter what the reason is behind it. Plenty more will accept them.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    but granted it was 98% women so there wasn't a problem of possible creepers.
    You don't know my friends, apparently.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    I accept anyone who asks -- I've never made a request myself -- because I'm happy to support anyone who thinks I can help. Unfortunately, I don't have time to leave everyone individual messages every day. If people are offended by that, there's nothing I can do.

    I've seen a few messages on people's profiles listing their detailed requirements for accepting a Friend request. They should get over themselves.
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    I was going to accept a blank friend request, but then I took an arrow to the knee....
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    I reject them because I am tired of being treated as a sex object by hot slutty women.


    So let me get this straight! You added me as friend, because I'm not hot enough, or not slutty enough! Just wondering....

    Not at all! But I can only be treated like a piece of meat for so long!
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    personally I will accept any friend requests...don't need any explanations or anything...I assume that i've been found either from mutual friends or on the message boards...those who some feel may not eat enough well since everybody has different needs well thats ok too...many different reasons for many different things...if you don't log for long periods of time then I would hope you come back but I know things happen...what I do prefer is having friends that interact...I know I do...lots...and its more interesting and fun being able to do so...another preference..a picture...not a must but its good to see who i'm interacting with...I won't creep them or anything but if its there I just may take a look same as anybody...no ignores here ever
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    If people cba to read my profile and leave a short message saying who they are then that's not exactly a great intro that screams "i'm going to be active and support you". It seems to me more like "I can't really be arsed, but I'm kinda lonely".

    On the flip side of your question - do people think they're too good to leave a message? Personal preference. If you like not having former contact, fine - just as we can see, a lot of people do.

    Also, as we've established, if you're British, you are more likely to be accepted as my friend no matter what. :-)

    Yeah, you like being treated mean and kept keen by us brits eh Rml xD What are you like :p

    Brits are just ... awesome. I like when you talk to me.
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    Brits are just ... awesome. I like when you talk to me.

    Haha xD *blush*
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
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    Meanwhile - on a related topic - I hate that when a request DOES come with a message the message disappears as soon as you accept. So, unless I've committed it to memory (or cut and pasted it elsewhere to save) I can never go back to see it again. Seriously flaw in the system if you ask me.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    Meanwhile - on a related topic - I hate that when a request DOES come with a message the message disappears as soon as you accept. So, unless I've committed it to memory (or cut and pasted it elsewhere to save) I can never go back to see it again. Seriously flaw in the system if you ask me.

    Agreed!
  • Mcctin65
    Mcctin65 Posts: 507 Member
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    I'm shy and private. I have a small, but excellent group of friends here, and that makes me happy. Do you want me to be unhappy or something?

    Depends...

    Please fill out this questionnaire:

    A. Political Affiliation
    B. Blood Type
    C. Am I Nerd?
    D. Cats or Dogs
    E. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?
    F. Do you eat your exercise calories?
    G. Will lifting make women bulky?

    After you fill out that very informative survey I can properly answer your question.

    ;-)

    Just kidding, I mean you no harm :-D

    ^^ another reason I love MFP! Very creative and inspiring people reside here!
    I just changed my profile to request a message with friend requests. If I request someone, I send a message so they know (think) that I'm not a stalker or creeper (or am I?) It's nice to know where they saw you so you can relate and I want to keep my list small so it's not one more thing overwhelming me.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
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    I dunno, I only have two friends on here. My mom and some other lady that added me when I first joined. I'll probably accept it if people send them to me, it's nice to have people comment on my stuff. XD

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