Why do people ignore friend requests?

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  • JoyceJoanne
    JoyceJoanne Posts: 760 Member
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    I see a lot of peoples profiles that say, " I won't accept friend request without a message!" or " Let me know what we have in common and I might add you."

    Honestly? this is a support website! Do people really think they are too good to add people? Or think to many people want to be their friend? Whats wrong with that?

    Im sorry but I just don't understand. If someone wants to be my friend and needs me for support or wants some inspiration, I wont deny them. Its not like you have personal information on your profile that people could track you with like Facebook.

    Can someone explain this to me?

    I just want to know how you found me... a particular thread, friends in common etc.
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
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    I accept all types of people, but I do specify a message with a request. If someone has requested me without one and I can see their profile, I can usually gauge by that whether we have anything in common. However, if their profile is set to private, it makes that very difficult. Why should I have to (or want to) add everyone without knowing them? There are lots of people on here who seem to just want to collect friends, not contribute to supporting them. Specifying a message with requests is a good way of filtering these people out. If they haven't even read the first line of my 'About Me' (or have but have ignored it), can I really expect them to interact with me? Are they interested in a friend, or a number? I want friends who I can support, who can support me and who I have at least a couple of common interests with so we can have a good conversation.
  • Dragonfly1996
    Dragonfly1996 Posts: 196 Member
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    I have accepted requests from people with no message but I much prefer to have a message so you know what common ground you have. I think it's polite & I always do it. It just makes supporting & motivating so much easier!! :smile:
  • hanniejong
    hanniejong Posts: 556 Member
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    I have neve denied a friend request yet and it takes me at least 2 + hours to encourage all of them although there are many who don't encourage me. I am getting to the stage where I am wondering how many is enough, but then someone comes along that you feel needs the encouragement and I don't knowck them back.
  • Fred4point0
    Fred4point0 Posts: 160 Member
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    My problem with friend requests is that people will request to be your friends. You add them and they never respond with reciprocal encouragment. What the point of requesting my friendship? To add another notch on their social media belt.I have more important things to do that to reading their feeds on my page. But no worries... The first time I notice such slight I put them on "hide" after about two weeks I then delete them all together. I deliberately go out of my way to respond to ever post that appears on my page. Why can't I expect the same treatment in return. It is not about thinking that one is better than someone else. It is simply about mutual respect and encouragement. If the person requesting my friendship can't understand this simple courtesy. They are too immature to be my friend anyway.
  • thinclo
    thinclo Posts: 164 Member
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    I always ask for a message now. I didnt when I started out here but now that my friend list is nearing 100 I want to make sure I can still be supportive to all of them. If you are not selective with who you have on your friend list the numbers get way out of control and you end up with people whom you have nothing in common with, are not willing to have any interaction with you or dont log in for weeks at a time.Also there are a lot of trolls lurking about so it is important to be selective.
  • psiren28
    psiren28 Posts: 530 Member
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    I'm still at the point where I'll accept all friend requests, message or no message, because maybe people just don't know what to write in an intro message. But I totally understand why people won't. Once you get to a certain amount of friends that you're happy with, you get a bit more selective.

    I have some really cool people on my list who I have something in common with or can support / get support from but I also have a bunch of people who I have no contact with whatsoever. Personally I'd rather have a smaller list of people I actually interact with.

    I prefer to get a message on a request so I at least know why the person wants to add me unless it's obvious e.g. they commented on the same forum thread or something. Maybe it's just me but I don't like to message someone to ask why they added me, I think that if someone sends a request, they should be the one to initiate a conversation. I dunno, I just feel awkward messaging someone I don't know and have no idea why they added me.

    I've had requests from people who don't seem to have anything in common with me, haven't posted in the same thread etc. and no intro message so why do they want to be my friend? I have one who I deleted because she never commented on anything and seemed to disappear from the site for months. She sent me another request a few weeks later so I accepted thinking maybe she gave up and came back... still nothing. Weird!! Why do people add people they have no interest in interacting with? Are they just collecting friends? Are they just nosey?

    I'm at the point in my friends list (60+) where I'm going to be a bit more selective who I add or keep on there, mainly because the newsfeed is getting longer and I'd hate to miss posts from people I interact with because it's clogged up with randoms who added me for no apparent reason. I used to feel bad for deleting people but really, if they don't interact then what's the point?

    I don't think I'm better than anyone and will still add people even if they don't introduce themselves because MOST of the people who have added me are cool. And I don't get loads of requests anyway.

    People who don't add without a message or ignore requests may have a different experience, they may get too many to add everyone, they may have accepted people who turned out to be jerks, I don't think it's anything to do with thinking they're better than anyone else. And really, is it too much trouble to send an intro message if they ask for one? It's not like you have to write a masterpiece, they just want to know how you found them and why you want to be friends.
  • LauriesTrying2BeFit
    LauriesTrying2BeFit Posts: 414 Member
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    i have a message because im fed up of having people add me who dont eat properly, ie less than 1200 cals and they seem to complain a lot too about feeling ill or feeling guilty etc etc, i dont support pro ana diets and so thats why i have a message, i will add people but if they have a bad diet then i delete them
  • em9371
    em9371 Posts: 1,047 Member
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    I agree with lauriey, I get requests from people who eat well below 1000 cals which I dont agree with, I'm pretty sure they wont agree with me eating 2000 cals so why do they want to be my friend, or the ones that add me then never say a word!

    At one point I did accept all friend requests, but I found it really hard to keep up with my news feed and actually talk to any of my friends, which is why I now dont accept most requests, not because I feel I'm too good for some people.
    I would rather have a small number of friends in the same situation as me so we can actually talk and properly support each other, rather than 500 friends and only have time to say 'good job' once a week!!!!
  • Flossycat100
    Flossycat100 Posts: 103
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    I got up to well over 100 friends at one point and they were all active users. I try to encourage and congratulate them all when they post or update because that's kind of the point of this community. But it got exhausting trying to keep up with it all, and it was taking a couple of hours every day which was then eating into my time for other things. Then it stops being as much fun and it gets kind of demotivational- too much like hard work.

    A lot of those friends have now been inactive for several weeks or even months, and I confess it's much easier to keep in touch with people now that I am receiving fewer updates. Over time I have learned that some people stick with this, and these are the people I'm still seeing day in day out and messaging/commenting. The rest have all fallen by the wayside although I haven't 'unfriended' them in case they come back and need support.
  • bio_fit
    bio_fit Posts: 307 Member
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    Someone sent me a friend a request but with no message - I was confused. Who is this? Why have they added me? Where did they find my username? So I am ignoring the request - it just seems very odd to add someone as a friend without saying why, especially when there hasn't been any previous interaction.

    I mean, they seem like a nice person, but i'm not really here for 'friends'. I'm here for myself, so I wouldn't exactly be supportive of this person if I 'friended' them, I would just be a name on their profile. So what's the point?
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    I see a lot of peoples profiles that say, " I won't accept friend request without a message!" or " Let me know what we have in common and I might add you."

    Honestly? this is a support website! Do people really think they are too good to add people? Or think to many people want to be their friend? Whats wrong with that?

    Im sorry but I just don't understand. If someone wants to be my friend and needs me for support or wants some inspiration, I wont deny them. Its not like you have personal information on your profile that people could track you with like Facebook.

    Can someone explain this to me?
    Well you've had six pages of explanations, but not responded to any of them.

    It is precisely that lack of interaction that is why so many people like to have a message with friend requests.
  • JanetLM73
    JanetLM73 Posts: 1,277 Member
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    I add everyone. I remember what high school was like, I hated it, the more the merrier. I support them all.
  • keiraev
    keiraev Posts: 695 Member
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    I only accept people with a message- is that really out of order? I just want to know why they are adding me as I don't like to have too many on my list or I can't support everyone.
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
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    Honestly, why should I have to be everyone's friend? I don't want every last person on this site to be my "friend." I keep friends that I interact with often and have common interests with.

    If I want to interact with other people, I will use the forums.

    This! Difference of opinion. You want to be friends with everyone, others don't. Not sure why it even matters, if you want to be friends with them and they aren't accepting friends, move along. You don't know them personally so why does it matter if you friends with "this screenname" and not "that one"?

    Sometimes it seems like everyone with a lot of friends on here or FB (and don't tell me people who have 500 friends on FB know them all personally and interact with them regularly) think it makes them look popular. Like the kids in high school that asked complete strangers to sign their yearbook. Why?
  • MrsM1ggins
    MrsM1ggins Posts: 724 Member
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    This is my journey..and honestly ...I'll take it with who I want.
    QFT!

    I don't know why people get so hung up on FRs. Invite who you want. Accept who you want. If you FR someone and they don't accept get over it! If you have to, you can always consider it their loss.
  • Shfiftyfive
    Shfiftyfive Posts: 261
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    I doubt people really will want to add someone who makes a thread complaining that people won't add them.
  • KellyBurton1
    KellyBurton1 Posts: 529 Member
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    I accept everyone cause you never know what your missing! I delete when they havnt log for 3 months. or if they are nasty! Happen once!
  • paulyarwooduk
    paulyarwooduk Posts: 109
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    I have a friend who I told about MFP. She has joined for the logging of food and exercise as well as the forums. She doesn't want to get caught up with online friends because she feels she has Facebook for that.
  • futuremalestripper
    futuremalestripper Posts: 467 Member
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    One other thing. I notice there are a lot of profiles that are private, so there's really not much for anyone to say to that person in a FR unless they did see a post. For example if you do a friend search and are looking to make a bunch of friends in your immediate area to work out with, you can't see their profiles to even tell if you are alike. The way I see it is that if someone's profile is private, they aren't accepting FRs.

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