Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

chrishgt4

I get asked on a lot of dates and I only go on the ones with the guys that I really like. To me it honestly just seem like its a numbers game to guys. If they ask out a bunch of girls eventually one will say yes.

Of course it is a numbers game.

What else do you expect them to do? Sit at home, crying, hoping that women will ask him out?

More women should ask men out. I actually invited my bf out for the first time (it was a group happy hour), and he beat me to the first-date asking out--kinda caught me off guard! I was going to ask him to go to dinner with me and before I could even get the sentence out he asked me out first. I just think if you're interested, do something about it.

AGREED

Rightttt but we all know most guys dont want the girl who has to ask for dates. Unless you were friends prior, any girl asking total strangers out on dates looks totally desperate. Sorry to break it to everyone. But guys be honest here, would you be going after the woman that no one else even wants to ask out?

Or how about being the guy that made her break her rule about never asking anyone out.

coachblt

You damn right he should pay. He should pay every single time they go out...until they have established a relationship. At that point, it should be alternated regularly, but still not a necessity.

I will NEVER let a woman pay on the first 3-4 dates. That's just wrong.

j4nash

Rightttt but we all know most guys dont want the girl who has to ask for dates. Unless you were friends prior, any girl asking total strangers out on dates looks totally desperate. Sorry to break it to everyone. But guys be honest here, would you be going after the woman that no one else even wants to ask out?

Are you kidding me? I've asked guys out plenty of times and never been turned down. Did it all the time in college, and not just to guys I already knew. I think men find it attractive when a woman goes after what she wants. Has nothing to do with being desperate, if men can play the field and go on dates with several different women before deciding to get serious with one, why can't women do the same? I seriously lived like a man in college...

if you enjoy pretending to be a man then more power to you. Dont complain when men dont respect and treat you like a lady though.

And duh of course they're not gonna turn you down. They probably think its a free ticket to your drawers lol.

Another thing I wanna add is a man paying applies to potential relationshio dates. If you want a booty call, then it doesnt even matter

I make it known after a few dates what my expectations are... I want to do things for you because I want to, not because I have to. If it's expected, you're gone. I'll always pay for the first date. I asked her out, its only fair.

It's pretty easy to spot the take care of my types, usually little to no money, attractive to where they get enough attention to get away with it, just looking for someone to support them financially at the end of the day. The ones with the good careers don't get their panties in a wad spending 10 dollars on drinks after I spent 100 on dinner.

I'm not going to "pay" to have the privledge to hang out with a woman.

dancefloordevil

Damn Straight he should

I am always prepared to pay but if he is any kind of a gentleman it wouldn't even be up for discussion

For me....It kind of seperates the boys from the men

Annette_rose

A guy should ALWAYS pay on the first couple/few dates. It's nice and appreciated when a woman offers to help out, but the guy should simply pick up the tab himself. If it was just a casual lunch and she offers to get the tip, I think the guy should agree.

I agree with this ^^^

k8blujay2

I'm old fashioned, too. First three dates, you pay for nothing... but don't be a big spender. Nobody has money these days, so order water and skip dessert, and don't be afraid to suggest a great neighborhood place that doesn't cost much, or just coffee.

After you've been together a while, you can relax... he definitely doesn't need to pay all of the time.

Also, the etiquette used to be that the man is paying, so he orders first... and his order lets you know the right price range for your order. I don't know if people still follow this, but I do.

Edit: if you do the asking, my guess is the expectations would be different.

This is what I did.. sort of.. and I still do it (even though we are married)... I always ask "what are you getting?" so I don't go over in price of what he is ordering....

jofjltncb6

He picked, it was thai, we shared bottle of wine and dish each. Oh and it get's better the food comes out and he serves himself and starts eating before I have even served myself.

I haven't read through to the end of this 14 page novella, but let me jump in here and say....

Oh no he di'n't!

I can see the argument about paying, (and it's one where people frequently run through a door past a bunch of terrified angels huddled outside the room), but there is zero argument for that kind of behavior.

Okay, resume arguing on the internet.

BAMFMeredith

Wow...just wow.

So if a random girl is hitting on you at a bar or college party, you honestly think she wants a future relationship?

I'm not saying its bad to go out and hook up, but dont pretend like its something its not.

Do you think that's the only place people go to meet other single people? I asked out a guy I met at a coffee shop late at night doing homework once when I was 20.

Also, perfectly respectable people go to bars and parties. So you're saying if I found somebody attractive at a party and I asked for his phone number, there's no possible way it could be because I'd like to see him again and get to know him?

sunnyday789

Wow...just wow.

So if a random girl is hitting on you at a bar or college party, you honestly think she wants a future relationship?

I'm not saying its bad to go out and hook up, but dont pretend like its something its not.

What has that got to do with who pays?

grinditout44

Absolutely. There's no excuse for him not to and you shouldn't give it another thought. He should open doors for you too. And he should be wearing a collar. The depths that men in general have allowed themselves to sink in relation to their engagement with women is inexcusable in my opinion. I'm calling for more suits and better manners.

beccaboo46

A man should pay, no doubt! Never have a woman you ask out pay-- unless you never want to get a call from her again!

marieautumn

Of course the man should pay. if he cant afford/doesnt want to pay, then why is he asking me out in the first place? i dont want to date a woman, i want to date a MAN.

inked219

First date a guy should pay, regardless of whom chooses the place - honestly to me it just shows a little class on the guys part. Isn't the point of a first date to make a good impression? Afterwards is different. Their are times I go to pay and my gf is already paying and vise versa.

clover5

If he asked you out...he pays - if you asked him out...you should be prepared to pay. A true gentlemen will pay regardless.

^^ This.

crisanderson27

If he's any kind of man...you won't be paying for the first date, the second date, or any other 'date'. If you're committed to the point where you're no longer going on 'dates'....but going 'out' instead, things can relax a little...but he should still shoulder, or attempt to shoulder the majority of the burden. If you want to financially show your appreciation/equality for the things he's doing...find other ways to do it. A nice dinner at home, pre-paid surprise weekend at a cabin/resort somewhere (but don't expect him not to try to cover expenses while you're there)...etc. Even a special night once in awhile where you FORCE him to let you cover all of the costs. Believe me...he will appreciate those things far more than having to fight you for the check every time you go out.

dp1228

if we are doing multiple things like having dinner and then going somewhere else to have drinks, i may offer to pay for a drink or two. But really though the guy should be paying for it. im a lady damnit! :laugh:

deadstarsunburn

If he asked you out...he pays - if you asked him out...you should be prepared to pay. A true gentlemen will pay regardless.

^^ This.

I agree with this one!
My boyfriend haaates when I pay, but I think after being in a relationship with someone, past the awkward stage, it would be appropriate to take turns.

victoria4321

Rightttt but we all know most guys dont want the girl who has to ask for dates. Unless you were friends prior, any girl asking total strangers out on dates looks totally desperate. Sorry to break it to everyone. But guys be honest here, would you be going after the woman that no one else even wants to ask out?

Are you kidding me? I've asked guys out plenty of times and never been turned down. Did it all the time in college, and not just to guys I already knew. I think men find it attractive when a woman goes after what she wants. Has nothing to do with being desperate, if men can play the field and go on dates with several different women before deciding to get serious with one, why can't women do the same? I seriously lived like a man in college...

if you enjoy pretending to be a man then more power to you. Dont complain when men dont respect and treat you like a lady though.

And duh of course they're not gonna turn you down. They probably think its a free ticket to your drawers lol.

Another thing I wanna add is a man paying applies to potential relationshio dates. If you want a booty call, then it doesnt even matter

I make it known after a few dates what my expectations are... I want to do things for you because I want to, not because I have to. If it's expected, you're gone. I'll always pay for the first date. I asked her out, its only fair.

It's pretty easy to spot the take care of my types, usually little to no money, attractive to where they get enough attention to get away with it, just looking for someone to support them financially at the end of the day. The ones with the good careers don't get their panties in a wad spending 10 dollars on drinks after I spent 100 on dinner.

I'm not going to "pay" to have the privledge to hang out with a woman.

Well I have my own job, apartment, car, went to college and I'm pretty successful. I dont see why I have to settle for a guy who cant even plan a date.

oneIT

So if you are poor I guess you can't date...

kimr41

Don't believe the guy should pay, split it. Always have had a hard time with the guy paying, I'll pay for myself

crisanderson27

So if you are poor I guess you can't date...

Pretty much, unless you're creative. It's amazing the things you can find to do that cost little to nothing, and any real woman will appreciate the effort you put in to ensure she had a good time. But you'd better have a reason for being poor (student, off work injured, etc). Sitting home on the PS3 all day every day isn't going to cut it.

dlyeates

I believe that a man should pay for the first date.....regardless of who asks who!!! I technically asked my hubby out for our first date (after hinting and hinting that I hadn't eaten dinner yet and I didn't know what I was going to do either while we were talking on the phone and finally told him to pick me up and we could grab something together). He paid.....men and women are equal but there is nothing wrong with chivalry!!!!

PS....we've been married 10 1/2 years now!!!

angelinanightangel

I don't believe i've ever paied for a date, and i've been the one to ask a few times. I might have tried to help pay a few times but I was always not allowed, and for the record, when they paied for me they knew they weren't getting into my pants.

AliciaStinger

I agree with frootcat. I would go 50/50 (or pay my share) because I don't like feeling like I owe anyone anything, and I certainly don't want someone telling me I owe him anything. (If he did, the first date would be the last anyway.) I believe splitting it is also the right thing to do, because he doesn't owe YOU anything; how is it fair to put that kind of responsibility entirely on him? I would offer to pay (although I wouldn't offer more than I owe for my part of the bill).

That said, if he REALLY wanted to pay for the whole thing, I wouldn't stop him.

oneIT

So if you are poor I guess you can't date...

Pretty much, unless you're creative. It's amazing the things you can find to do that cost little to nothing, and any real woman will appreciate the effort you put in to ensure she had a good time. But you'd better have a reason for being poor (student, off work injured, etc). Sitting home on the PS3 all day every day isn't going to cut it.

Nothing wrong with living at your parents house and playing PS3 all day. LOL!

taunto

This is what I think of when women say things like "He needs to pay because I'm taking time out of MY day to go out on a date"




PS. I got more respect for this person than most of the "feminists wannabe" who DEMAND that the man pays for the diner

crisanderson27

So if you are poor I guess you can't date...

Pretty much, unless you're creative. It's amazing the things you can find to do that cost little to nothing, and any real woman will appreciate the effort you put in to ensure she had a good time. But you'd better have a reason for being poor (student, off work injured, etc). Sitting home on the PS3 all day every day isn't going to cut it.

Nothing wrong with living at your parents house and playing PS3 all day. LOL!

Nope! Not if you're 14yrs old .

Mr_Cape219

(I only read the first couple pages of the thread, so if this is already said, my bad)

I think that a guy should pay whenever he can. It is gentlemanly to court the lady for a night out. When things begin to go steady and going out becomes a regular trip to a fast food place, then the lady can get the bill sometimes. Whenever my lady and I go out out to a dinner, I take the bill because I was the one to take her out. We've been together for 6+ years (proposal soon) and she is more than happy to take the bill at times, or split it.

New couples, if the guy has less money than needed to go out on a date, they can be creative and go to the park or something, grab a hot dog, and finish the night with a cheap movie or flick at home.

But to answer the question directly: the man should always pay on the first and first couple of dates. If the girl insists on helping with the bill, then tell her she can buy ice cream down the street or something.

SirBen81

He should cook the meal himself.

love22step

So if you are poor I guess you can't date...

A man doesn't have to have a lot of money to date, but a poor man has to be creative and make the most of what's available. There are plenty of options for cheap, but fun dates. If it's apparent a man can't, occasionally, afford a nice restaurant, because he's spending his money on skydiving and toys for himself, that's another story. Steer clear of that man!