Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"

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  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Sad part is we're all answering to someone who can't handle a compliment....the reality is there was no good answer (or good enough)....you could say "hey good job" and the reaction will be "really? is that all you have to say?"....or you could say "I'm proud of you" and it infers that "oh, so you're my parents and I'm like your kid now"....but either way you strike me as someone who can't handle a compliment...so here goes.....you did work.....you appear to weigh less...I hope knowing that feels good \m/

    OP I could care less about your goal-achievement success ratio. How's that?
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    On the other hand.... when someone tells me they are proud of me, I am certain they are mocking me or just trying to make me feel better... so please know that I am taking my own advice. Im not offended by it... but I do feel as though it's given out like a pity cookie.

    ohhhhh you deadlifted 70 pounds, that's so cute Im so pwoud of yooooo *bops nose*

    fml

    Thing is, you arent on my friends list, but i HAVE admired your before and after pics...its kind of pride by association.. I am proud of you...i know the struggle...ive known it for a long time...and i know how proud i feel of myself.
  • JustLindaLou
    JustLindaLou Posts: 376 Member
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    OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)

    I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.

    I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!

    Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Sometimes "Im proud of you" is the best response to seeing the results of someone's hard work. Because they know that if they had done what youve done, they'd definitely be proud of themselves.

    I dont know why you feel the need to be offended by people seeing your success, especially in church where you're supposed to be building each other up. If you got a better attitude, I'd be proud of you :)

    winner
  • vatblack
    vatblack Posts: 221 Member
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    OP - I think I know where you are coming from. However, if it is the compliment itself that makes you feel bad and not the unfortunate, inappropriate use of "proud", then there might be something within you to look at.

    I used to feel really bad when people told me I looked good when I lost weight. The reason was that I immediately started thinking how they didn't appreciate/like/love/accept/approve of me before. It is a hurdle I had to overcome myself. They are commenting on what they believe is something that makes you happy. It is not a value judgement on your "former" self - as I used to see it.

    Not saying this is what's happening here, but it is something that happens to people who make big changes in their lives.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    I hate it when people tell me they're proud of me. What a drag.

    31lbs lost?

    I'm SO proud of you!!!!:flowerforyou:

    and 18 lbs lost...I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
    and now I need to go to work so my boss will be proud of ME!

    Oh my!
    All these people being proud of each other...WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???
  • garita93
    garita93 Posts: 276 Member
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    Those who are saying they are proud of you, who don't now your daily struggles, what do they know what to be proud of???

    For losing weight?
    For becoming healthier?

    I guess maybe I have issues too :sad: , parent issues that is. Being called a fat a** my whole life (I weighed 109 at 7 mos pregnant!) then that person saying they are proud of me almost makes me sick to my stomach to hear. Like the OP just said, maybe it is more of who it is coming from.
  • njmp
    njmp Posts: 277 Member
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    OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)

    I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.

    I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!

    Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!

    I love that you posted this! Nice to see that you don't take yourself too seriously ;)
  • JenMarie8781
    JenMarie8781 Posts: 377 Member
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    They are basically giving you a "pat on the back" and saying GOOD JOB! Why would you complain about that? lol
  • Jugie12
    Jugie12 Posts: 282 Member
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    Hell, I would LOVE for someone to be proud of ME!
  • rainwalkerSK
    rainwalkerSK Posts: 81
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    Okay, so it's an idiomatic use of the word "proud," but any English teacher who doesn't recognize that the story of the English language is a story of evolution should probably have their credentials reexamined. If someone came up to you and said "You look terrific!" would you accept the compliment? Or would you nastily remind them that the origin of the word "terrific" is the Latin "terrificus," meaning frightening, therefore what they just said was actually an insult? If so, you could probably benefit from some therapy.
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    I hate it when people tell me they're proud of me. What a drag.

    31lbs lost?

    I'm SO proud of you!!!!:flowerforyou:

    and 18 lbs lost...I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
    and now I need to go to work so my boss will be proud of ME!

    *Sigh* You guys are too much.... I'm so proud that you're proud!
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
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    OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)

    I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.

    I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!

    Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!

    I just want to say I absolutely love your response. It's introspective and mature, and I applaud. :flowerforyou:
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    I hate it when people tell me they're proud of me. What a drag.

    31lbs lost?

    I'm SO proud of you!!!!:flowerforyou:

    and 18 lbs lost...I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
    and now I need to go to work so my boss will be proud of ME!

    Oh my!
    All these people being proud of each other...WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???

    It's a scary world out there... all this pride floating around...
  • twkelly
    twkelly Posts: 91 Member
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    OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)

    I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.

    I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!

    Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!

    I have to congratulate you for being able to take feedback. A lot of people would get offended by others not "getting" their point of view. You rock! Happy weight loss!
  • tamheath
    tamheath Posts: 702 Member
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    WOW.of all the things to complain about:frown:

    Maybe they are intelligent enough to know how hard it is to accomplish what you have done.

    They are trying to be supportive and you are whining about their choice of words. Its just an expression.

    I expect a bunch of PMs from you ALL saying you are PROUD of ME for losing 40 pounds and kicking *kitten*.

    I welcome it.
    \\

    I'm proud of you, JULES2B!
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    On the other hand.... when someone tells me they are proud of me, I am certain they are mocking me or just trying to make me feel better... so please know that I am taking my own advice. Im not offended by it... but I do feel as though it's given out like a pity cookie.

    ohhhhh you deadlifted 70 pounds, that's so cute Im so pwoud of yooooo *bops nose*

    fml

    Thing is, you arent on my friends list, but i HAVE admired your before and after pics...its kind of pride by association.. I am proud of you...i know the struggle...ive known it for a long time...and i know how proud i feel of myself.

    Im proud for you too! I see you everywhere. You are always either inspiring, snarky, funny or informative with a twist. So you naturally help other people be proud of themselves :wink: :drinker:
  • DeadEyedSuburbanite
    DeadEyedSuburbanite Posts: 34 Member
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    OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)
    ...

    I love that you posted this! Nice to see that you don't take yourself too seriously ;)

    Agreed. It's good you can shake off a little dog-piling OP!
  • zebraspots2069
    zebraspots2069 Posts: 213 Member
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    I am so sorry, but i don't get it? you are upset that someone, that is trying to be kind, says I'm Proud of you?.... now if they said" You lost weight?, ABOUT TIME"
    then you have a complaint...
    sorry, but it just seems so petty
  • m60kaf
    m60kaf Posts: 421 Member
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    Maybe proud is a good and self-less persons trait that would show itself in a less well adjusted person as jealousy

    .... so the latter can't quite relate to it!?

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