Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"

yoovie

Maybe proud is a good and self-less persons trait that would show itself in a less well adjusted person as jealousy

.... so the latter can't quite relate to it!?

i like this.

Im proud of you. If I was a less adjusted person, I'd be jealous. But Im not. SO Im happy for you.

yeah i like how that fits. Im keeping this, hope you dont mind.

bradphil87

I have friends, and then I have a group of close friends (these friend I have had for about 10 years and they are all awesome) my close friends know about my goals and my efforts. They support and encourage me, one of them is even my trainer who takes 8+ hours out of his week to train me free of charge. These friends share in my joys and disappointments (not just in weight loss.)

AndiJoy812

OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)

I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.

I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!

Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!

To me, when someone actually takes the time to stop and say, "I am so proud of you!" it just means that they recognized how much hard work and effort that I put into my achievement, and they are being supportive and encouraging. I love, love, love it when someone tells me that!

However, if it came from someone who I knew was insincere, snarky it two faced, I would just say thank you, smile, and walk away. But most people who take the time to say it, really mean it. Weight loss is so difficult, and most people really ARE proud of someone when they work so hard to get healthy. Plus, I say it to most of my MFP friends when they reach their goals, and I refuse to even consider it to be an insult.

yummy_

This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:


It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.

excuse me, miss. i think you have a little something on your forehead there.

no, try again. it's still there.

Contrarian

This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:


It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.

excuse me, miss. i think you have a little something on your forehead there.

no, try again. it's still there.

I can't judge any of you. I have no malice against you and no ribbons for you. But I think that it is high time that you all start looking at yourselves, and judging the lie that you live in.

dwtimeoutt

I use the term loosely but always with good intention. When I say I'm proud of you, what I mean is, I see you have been working on something that takes effort. It can be weight loss, it can be getting through a tough day, it can have variations of meanings. I like to say it in my way as an awknowledgement of someone's accompiishments. I used it often when my children are growing up and as adults they have shared that it made them feel good to recognized no matter what it was.

i_am_losing_it

Yeah, it's an innocent complement. IMO, they are using the word correctly:

Proud [praʊd]
adj
1. (foll by of, an infinitive, or a clause) pleased or satisfied, as with oneself, one's possessions, achievements, etc, or with another person, his or her achievements, qualities, etc.

^^^^^^^^^^This^^^^^^^^^^^^
I tell people I am proud of them. I am acknowledging that they have accomplished something that is not easy to do and I am not saying or implying I had anything to do with it or I would say I am proud of us, we did a great job.
It is sad that you are not happy that someone else is acknowledging your hard work and instead you are getting wrapped up in the fact you do not like the way they worded it. You are missing out on the joy this can bring you by focusing on your pet peeve instead of someone trying to show you they see you and recognize the positive changes.

MsMargie1116

You know, they might be pround FOR you!!! They may not know you or what you've been through, but they know how hard it is to lose weight, especially when it's to a point you can really see it, and they are proud for you.

I know that even though I don't know people, when I hear that they have been so successful at losing weight and doing a great job at it, I am really happy/proud for/of them... Just take it for the complement it's supposed to be. At least they are noticing...

budhandy

I dont want to live on this planet anymore

chrishgt4

This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:


It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.

I don't get how quoting a Charles Manson passage has any relevance to being proud of someone....

yummy_

This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:


It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.

I don't get how quoting a Charles Manson passage has any relevance to being proud of someone....

:indifferent:

Nailrep

My sons grandmother (my exhusbands mom who NEVER had ANYTHING to do with my kids after the divorce) told me that she was SO PROUD of my son because he was in the Navy....This is what I said to her....

"How can you be proud of anything you have absolutely NOTHING invested in?"

It's like being proud that your neighbor bought a new car. Really???

1213shell

I understand/respect the comments and opinions made about my backhanded compliment post. However, I think one should give a compliment with just as much grace as one should accept a compliment (I was very gracious and appreciative). I do not think one should give a compliment and in the next breath, pull the emergency brake. Just sayin'......

I've been told "I'm proud of you" (in a different situation) by people who truly meant it because they know personally of what the situation was. I've also been told "I'm proud of you" by people who just said the words only to do a brain dump later on down the road. There are reasons people feel the need to vent and, unfortunately, these boards cannot truly convey the breadth of the conversation that actually took place -- which I think will prevent me from posting much in the future...not that I posted much in the past.

Having said all this, I do appreciate how hard all you MFP'ers work and think your progresses are outstanding. Congrats to everyone!

InnerFatGirl

My sons grandmother (my exhusbands mom who NEVER had ANYTHING to do with my kids after the divorce) told me that she was SO PROUD of my son because he was in the Navy....This is what I said to her....

"How can you be proud of anything you have absolutely NOTHING invested in?"

It's like being proud that your neighbor bought a new car. Really???

Maybe because he is still her grandson. You're not in her head, you don't know how she feels about him. And you don't need to invest in something to be proud OF them. Sigh.

InnerFatGirl

Okay, so it's an idiomatic use of the word "proud," but any English teacher who doesn't recognize that the story of the English language is a story of evolution should probably have their credentials reexamined. If someone came up to you and said "You look terrific!" would you accept the compliment? Or would you nastily remind them that the origin of the word "terrific" is the Latin "terrificus," meaning frightening, therefore what they just said was actually an insult? If so, you could probably benefit from some therapy.

Hahaha, love this!

To the OP, I loved your response

kimdarren

I completely agree with you, except for the calling them up on it. I'm afraid I wouldn't be that polite. It would either be my foot meeting their backend, or my for fingers and a thumb introducing themselves to their face!

opus649

So it has come to this.

SweetDorothySweat

I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....

Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!

(end vent/thanks for listening....)

I am confident that this is meant as a compliment. Kind of like when my bro in law told me I didn't have "pregnant fingers" anymore. You should just take it for what it is meant to be since they are too ignorant to come up with a better way of telling you they are happy for you.

myfitnessnmhoy

I have a respectful request for people who are offended by compliments if they are not worded the way you want. Can you please do one of the two following things?

1. Wear a sign that specifies the exact nature and wording of the compliment you want to receive should I be in the mood to offer one. Tattooing on the forehead is ideal so I don't break eye contact by attempting to read printed matter that is located in the area of your chest for ladies, and at least not on a belt buckle for guys. That way I don't offend you with inappropriate-looking eye positioning.

2. Warn me that you're not the type of person I want to interact with. Ever. I promise I won't.

tolkienlady

Hey, I know what you mean. I truly hate it when someone says, "I'm proud of you" for ANY reason. I too, want to say to them, "Really? Shut the @#% up!" It feels condescending to me, always has. The only people I want proud of me are my parents. I had a dear close friend who truly cared for me, and every life struggle I had she was right there in the middle of it regardless of whether I wanted her to be or not. She had her ideas about how I should handle things, and frankly some were wrong. But whenever I accomplished something SHE thought I should do...she would say, "I'm so proud of you." I had to tell her to NEVER EVER say that to me again...and I rarely speak to her anymore, and if I do I NEVER tell her anything personal. But I do love her dearly!!!

Here's the thing...when someone else says they're proud of you, it has the undertones of an insult. When someone says "I'm proud of you," it kinda means that I was "someone not to be proud of BEFORE" I accomplished "this or that" thing that they are proud I did. Being proud of someone implies "a judgement" of some kind...a comparison of "how you were before to how you are now." AND I HATE THAT. I was FINE before!!! And I'm FINE NOW!!! I actually asked my friend once..."Soooo you weren't proud of me two weeks ago BEFORE I accomplished this?" And she was speechless and said, "I'm always proud of you." I wanted to reply..."Then why do you say it only after I've done something? Why not say it all the time? Why just say it now? AFTER I'm thin...or AFTER I've finished my degree...or AFTER I played that piano concert? Why can't you say you're proud of me when I'm fat? or when I fail an exam? or if I decide to forgo a concert b/c of nerves? or when I make a huge mistake? or continue talking to that guy you can't stand??"

"I'm proud of you," means that I've accomplished something that someone thinks was "the right thing to do," and that "right thing," is usually based on some societal view of "right." Why do accolades only seem to come when "I've done something society approves of?" And THAT's why I don't like people being "proud" of me. It implies a "before and after" judgement of bad then vs good now, and...it also implies that I am responsible for the other person's feelings. The comment I like most is what someone actually asked me, "So, are you glad you lost the weight?" I was baffled...and I knew why her comment was so different than the cliche "I'm so proud of you" comment. She didn't claim to own my weight loss. She asked me how I FELT about MY OWN weight loss, whereas "I'm proud of you," in addition to implying bad before vs good now, implies also that my behavior somehow affects how THEY feel. And that just doesn't jive with me. Anyway... I'm insulted by it too, you're not the only one.