Polygamy, Your thoughts.

spade117

I do not believe, and no one could ever convince me, that it is a healthy environment for children to be raised.

Because you were taught that one way is the only way.

saxmaniac

There's a big difference between polyamory (just messing around with a bunch of people) and legally sanctioned polygamy (multi-way marriage). I have no problem with it in the personal space. Go ahead and do it.

But you have to think "what if everyone did this?" Given roughly equal male/female populations, if a man has two committed wives, then there is going to be one guy who has zero. If lots of men have multiple wives, then lots of men will have none. A big population of men with no wives and no jobs, tends to cause problems. Polygamy is bad for social stability if lots of people do it. That's why it's taboo.

There's not enough women who really want multiple committed husbands (polyandry), to offset the demand for men who want multiple wives (polygyny). So, by default, polygamy = polygyny as a mass effect.

I can't imagine the legal practicality of negotiating a four-way divorce, though...

(EDIT - clarify my terms)

BrettPGH

I do not believe, and no one could ever convince me, that it is a healthy environment for children to be raised.

Nobody has to. They aren't your kids.

spade117

I'm with the (surprising) majority. Don't mess with kids, otherwise it's absolutely none of my business.

How are they "not messing with the kids" when the kids are living in the home?

They aren't hurting them. Just raise them in a loving household is all I ask from any parent really.

As was said earlier, when this happens in tiny religious sects that try to marry off 12 year old girls, that's a HUGE problem. The government abolutely should find these sects and take the children from the homes of these religious nutjobs.

But a group of people who decide for whatever reason that they all love each other and want to raise whatever family they have together in a loving, caring, protective environment...well I'm all for that. It's doesn't make any difference to me if there's one parent, two or 12 involved. It takes a village after all...

You are a much better wordsmith than I.

TeaBea

The reason you could not share your husband ... you were raised with the "notion" that it's OK for a woman to have a positive sense of self worth. It's OK for you to feel that your are equal to a man.

Girls raised in polygamy are not taught this. If a woman who share's her husband is jealous ... the woman has a problem. She's the bad guy. It's not like "Big Love" ... girls raised in this environment are taught they are second class citizens.

I know its like that in some families.. but (and I know they may act different for the cameras) the family on "sister wives" seem perfectly normal.. no degrading the women, a lot of the wives work... they really don't seem that different from the dynamics of most of the families I know.

Oh, I forgot about "Sister Wives" .... the "reality" show .... I'm sure that's MUCH more accurate the "Big Love" the drama.

Seriously .... most of the women here on MFP ..... "I wouldn't share my husband, but......" Do girls raised in the FLDS environment .... really feel like they have a choice? How do FLDS men find women who agree to share, when the vast majority here wouldn't?

IronPlayground

It's a personal preference that shouldn't be interfered with by government. Unless young children are involved (making them marry), then it's not a concern to me.

I agree with this!

bethgames

I could use a spare husband.......:smokin:

76tech

My simple point of view...nothing wrong with it. Everyone has their own preferred type of relationship. As long as it involves only adults (human adults that is) then why not.

Anything from the simple one man two wives to the complex intermarriage type thing where everyone loves everyone else, who cares.

Love comes in more flavors than vanilla.

mtaylor33557

I do not believe, and no one could ever convince me, that it is a healthy environment for children to be raised.

I do agree with this somewhat, but then I think.. well how is it any worse that a child who lives with a single parent that constantly brings boyfriends or girlfriends in and out of the child's life.. at least the home life seems stable and loving for the most part.

I however agree that 1 mommy, 1 daddy, is the best environment for a child. But, so many live in much worse conditions.

faylenechung

I do not have problem with other people having that type of relationship. I personally would not be in that situation but I feel that is my choice to make. If another person wants to have more then one spouse and everyone involved agrees and is of legal age then it should be their business.

MissFit0101

I do not believe, and no one could ever convince me, that it is a healthy environment for children to be raised.

Because you were taught that one way is the only way.

Actually that is completely untrue. I grew up in the south with very narrow minded, racist, prejudice parents, yet I married outside of my race, I believe in gay marriage, etc. etc. Now tell me how that is me thinking that one way is the only way? I don't think so hunni.

Erisad

Wouldn't it be hard enough to have a marriage between 2 people to work? If they want to try having more than one spouse, go ahead but legally it'll be a nightmare. I'm also not the sharing kind of girl so it's not an option for me.

SofaKingRad

But the bible says......


P.G. (AZ,TX)
S.M.ASCE
1+ years of MFP Experience
I like coffee

bathsheba_c

what is cracking me up here is everyone assuming the relationship would be one man with multiple wives. I have friends in my life where it is one woman and two men. It's not about the men sharing the woman. They all love (and enjoy) each other equally.

That's what I was thinking!

The question was "polygamy," not "polyamory." :P

Seriously, polygamy is much more common than polyamory. And the few polyamorous people I know are not much of an advertisement for the lifestyle. It seems to cause them more grief, not less.

Stagezz

I find it very interesting...Not into sharing my Hubs, well maybe if Ginnifer Goodwin was one of my sister wives she is pretty cute. lol

Erisad

But if you let people marry more than one person, what's to stop them marrying more than one coffee table?

Splinters...

:laugh:

Bethie_B

What's the difference between people practicing polygamy and the rampant instances of extra-marital affairs? Oh yeah, polygamists are open, honest and up-front about it, and have homes filled with acceptance and love.

Do what you want, don't hurt the kids, and leave everyone else alone.

ezramedic

I love the show Sister Wives, and they show the reality of polygamy, warts and all.

I think if its something you truly believe, in your gut, then you should live it, and it's up to none of us to judge.

Go for it, I say.

rybo

Interesting.

Nobody likes to share.
Weren't we all taught that sharing is good?

BrettPGH

I however agree that 1 mommy, 1 daddy, is the best environment for a child.

If I may ask, why?

I know this is a very common belief. But I just want to know why people think that. I could prove it wrong 8 different ways from Sunday. But everyone always says it and I just always wonder why...

amybrauch

To each their own. It is not something I would be interested in, but if it works for others, then go for it!

SofaKingRad

Honestly? I wouldn't want it, nor would I want my kids raised with it. That's just my personal opinion and belief, I could really give two and a half sh*ts less what others do.

_Timmeh_

Any guy that wants more than one wife has got to be frickin nuts.

cspong

Id be more than happy with another man around (lol!), but Im far too jealous to share my husband with another woman.

I dont think its any of the government's or our business if its consenting adults... Apparently the abuse rate is higher, but they said the same thing about gay marriage, too.

julesga

Consenting adults can do what they want.

Adults = 18+ not 12 year olds

My only other problem with it is that if you have 12 wives and 48 kids then you should pay to have 12 wives and 48 kids. you shouldn't have 11 wives collecting WIC and Welfare and anything else they can.

QFT

Just_Dot

Just in case you actually do come back to check responses (and I really hope you do!) I just wanted to address some issues you brought up in your eloquent reply to this issue. :flowerforyou:

Now, I could go all internet warrior here and quote stuff from teh interwebz, I'm just going to address a few things with anecdotal evidence, based on the 2 poly "triads" that I personally know.

no stable self appreciating woman could be in that relationship, and it's ultimately all about the man...I mean what century are we in here?

Both triads I know are 2 men, 1 woman, and it's not all about any one person. It's about fulfilling the needs: mentally, emotionally, and yes, sexually of all 3 people. It's a give and take relationship for all three people.

I am so sick and tired of people acting as though there is nothing morally right or wrong; just whatever makes you happy.....morally polygamy is WRONG (oh no did someone say there can still be something WRONG is this world, how dare me) I mean what if i think stealing makes me happy? Why should the government or anyone be allowed to tell me that I can't do that? Come on, it makes me happy and it's only me on this whole huge planet so don't you dare tell me stealing is off limits to me...it might be for you...but not for me because while it might make you feel guilty, it makes me soooo happy... GET REAL! You're not a one person world here for your happiness.

Who are you to decide morality? Contrary to popular belief, this country was not founded by "Christian leaders" and the Bible really has no place in law-making. I mean, whose Bible is the "right" one? Your example of "stealing makes me happy, so I should be able to do it" is comparing apples to oranges. As many people have said here, as long as it hurts no one, they are okay with it. Stealing negatively impacts someone...the owner of the store from which you stole, is one example that comes to mind. It hurts them financially--by taking product that they paid for without paying. How does living a poly lifestyle hurt anyone? If the adults are of sound mind, legally able to make decisions in their state (usually, it's 18,) and entering into the relationship of their own volition? How does that negatively impact anyone?

and let's not forget DISEASE!!!

What disease? I'd love to see the stats on sexually transmitted diseases in the mono community versuse the poly community. For the two triads I know, the married couple had been monogamous their entire relationship--about 9 years, before they brought their third in. He was a best friend of both of them, had been responsible sexually in his past, and before they started the physical part of their relationship, he was tested to ensure that he didn't have anything. (He didn't.) When they are together in the bedroom, both men wear condoms, because she isn't on any sort of hormonal birth control--she and her husband use condoms when it's just the two of them as well. Their third has said that he doesn't want to be with anyone else, but if he was to be, he would use condoms. How is this propogating the spread of disease any faster than the drunken frat boys that frequent the bar scene?

The other couple has been together for about 15 years--until they started their poly lifestyle, they had only been with each other. They have had a few girlfriends, and EVERYONE gets tested before they start anything sexually.

Responsible, consenting adults that do what they want in their relationships are definitely not the downfall of this country (I can only assume that you were talking about the United States.) If you want to really look at the things contributing to the problems, I could list about 100 other things for you...and poly relationships would not make the list.

So, that's just my $.10 (I typed to much for it to be considered just 2 cents.

sarahharmintx

My husband agrees with this:

Any guy that wants more than one wife has got to be frickin nuts.

As long as they are not hurting others, I do not care about their marriage beliefs/activities/spouse list.

However, I do not and will not share. End of story for me.

That's great if it works for you, however, I will not be partaking.

Erisad

Interesting.

Nobody likes to share.
Weren't we all taught that sharing is good?

Yeah but I'd be jealous of the other women. Does he think they're prettier than me? Will he end up divorcing me and staying with them? Am I going to the wife that does all the work while the others make the mess? Will they tell me how to raise my future babies? Will he love them more than me? Basically, I'm too insecure for polygamy.

bcampbell54

I can't say that I know any polygamous people, but I know people.
I think if you looked carefully, you would find most polygamous groups in the US would be more like the Warren Jeffords type, not the "Big Love" "Sister Wives" type. The reason is simple. Why would free-thinking people be even remotely interested in "marrying" more than one person at a time, when there are so many other less-formal relationships one can enter into? Polyamorous, open marriages, these things are much more mainstream than they ever were. Marriage is by its nature a rights-restrictive legal covenant, so I fail to see why they would do this, unless they desired a TV reality show. And there are any number of legal contracts one can enter into, should a more formal relationship be required.
Sorry to be all wordy, I'm sure that will kill this thread...

aba160

I've starting feeling like, as long as people are happy and aren't causing harm to others, let them live their damn lives. Regardless if they're gay, polygamists, Mormons, whatever. People should be allowed to be happy - no one should infringe on that (as long as there's no harm being caused.)

I like you I completely agree. As long as it's not hurting anybody (and by hurting I don't mean hurting their feelings/beliefs) why do you care??