Polygamy, Your thoughts.
Replies
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Any willing relationship between consenting adults is perfectly fine by me. Polygamy, same-sex marriage, whatever.
As long as all the participants are adults and are not forced into the relationship or segregated completely from society as part of the relationship.
I fail to understand why it would even be my business to judge...0 -
The reason you could not share your husband ... you were raised with the "notion" that it's OK for a woman to have a positive sense of self worth. It's OK for you to feel that your are equal to a man.
Girls raised in polygamy are not taught this. If a woman who share's her husband is jealous ... the woman has a problem. She's the bad guy. It's not like "Big Love" ... girls raised in this environment are taught they are second class citizens.
I hate to break it to you but my best friend was raised in a very loving Christian household with two heterosexual parents. She chose a poly-amorous (I know that's not polygamy but, let's face it, most people don't know the difference and use them interchangeably) and they discuss any negative emotions that may arise to prevent them from festering, though truthfully she has less of them then the men in the relationship.0 -
I put it this way. As long as all people involved know about everyone else, do what you do.
I don't want to be judged by other people so I try not to to judge.
Would I want to be in a poly relationship? No, but that's me and my choice.
I know polys, hell I know gay/queer polys. They make it work and I'm still friends with them.0 -
Legally, polygamy would be a MESS. Can you imagine legally distributing wealth, earnings, and everything else to multiple wives in the case of divorce? Because in many states they wouldn't just have access to child support, they'd have access to the house and paychecks. That would just be a nightmare trying to figure out who was more entitled to what, and how it would all be distributed. Would the wife who was first be entitled to more goods, because she came first? Or would they all have the same rights? Setting that precedence in court would be a nightmare for a judge without any legal history to go from. I pity the fool who could end up taking on the first civil case, haha.
That being said, I don't particularly care what adults do with their marriages. If they're happy, more power to 'em.0 -
O here, please, let me be the one with the backwoods opinion. It's disgusting, as far as sanitation goes...well let me not go there *gags* gives their children a seriously warped sense of life, no stable self appreciating woman could be in that relationship, and it's ultimately all about the man...I mean what century are we in here? And I won't be arguing, so to everyone that decides they should tell me I have no business telling other people what makes them happy, please don't waste your time b/c I'm not even going to recheck to see the response I get....I've read enough of these I know what it will be.
I am so sick and tired of people acting as though there is nothing morally right or wrong; just whatever makes you happy.....morally polygamy is WRONG (oh no did someone say there can still be something WRONG is this world, how dare me) I mean what if i think stealing makes me happy? Why should the government or anyone be allowed to tell me that I can't do that? Come on, it makes me happy and it's only me on this whole huge planet so don't you dare tell me stealing is off limits to me...it might be for you...but not for me because while it might make you feel guilty, it makes me soooo happy... GET REAL! You're not a one person world here for your happiness.
Some "personal" decisions effect society as a whole when they're allowed to run rampant (because some people are so far gone their personal right and wrong meter is BROKE).....so let's think of the good of society...do we want submissive doormat women? do we want girls raised in this thinking they should be a doormat? boys raised to think their king of the castle? and let's not forget DISEASE!!! For such an educated, medicinally & technologically advanced country there are some really idiotic thinking (or lack there of) going on. Please enjoy roasting me
I have no interest in roasting you. I actually think you have some very valid and informed opinions. I was raised to respect everyone's opinions and also to be cognoscente that everyone lives and loves in their own way and that no family is the same as another. Tolstoy tells us "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" I was raised to be well educated, passionate, socially responsible, financially wary, politically active and as philanthropic as I can be. I was raised in the suburbs with a lawn, a dog, and four wonderfully committed parents. My family was not and is not polygamist. We are polyamorous which is entirely different and is in no way based in any kind of dogma or doctrine. I'm glad this question was raised but I caution anyone against generalizations.0 -
The reason you could not share your husband ... you were raised with the "notion" that it's OK for a woman to have a positive sense of self worth. It's OK for you to feel that your are equal to a man.
Girls raised in polygamy are not taught this. If a woman who share's her husband is jealous ... the woman has a problem. She's the bad guy. It's not like "Big Love" ... girls raised in this environment are taught they are second class citizens.
that is also how girls are raised in the middle east, even Mexice (the oldest boy of the family gets no discipline and is revered) it's someone else's culture. I feel lucky I was born in america, I feel lucky I was raised Wiccan and not brainwashed by a Christian family - there's many who don't agree with that. Everyone will never agree on everything.
What about being brain washed by a Muslim family? Or a Jewish family? Why are Christians the bad guys in this?0 -
Just in case you actually do come back to check responses (and I really hope you do!) I just wanted to address some issues you brought up in your eloquent reply to this issue. :flowerforyou:
Now, I could go all internet warrior here and quote stuff from teh interwebz, I'm just going to address a few things with anecdotal evidence, based on the 2 poly "triads" that I personally know.no stable self appreciating woman could be in that relationship, and it's ultimately all about the man...I mean what century are we in here?
Both triads I know are 2 men, 1 woman, and it's not all about any one person. It's about fulfilling the needs: mentally, emotionally, and yes, sexually of all 3 people. It's a give and take relationship for all three people.I am so sick and tired of people acting as though there is nothing morally right or wrong; just whatever makes you happy.....morally polygamy is WRONG (oh no did someone say there can still be something WRONG is this world, how dare me) I mean what if i think stealing makes me happy? Why should the government or anyone be allowed to tell me that I can't do that? Come on, it makes me happy and it's only me on this whole huge planet so don't you dare tell me stealing is off limits to me...it might be for you...but not for me because while it might make you feel guilty, it makes me soooo happy... GET REAL! You're not a one person world here for your happiness.
Who are you to decide morality? Contrary to popular belief, this country was not founded by "Christian leaders" and the Bible really has no place in law-making. I mean, whose Bible is the "right" one? Your example of "stealing makes me happy, so I should be able to do it" is comparing apples to oranges. As many people have said here, as long as it hurts no one, they are okay with it. Stealing negatively impacts someone...the owner of the store from which you stole, is one example that comes to mind. It hurts them financially--by taking product that they paid for without paying. How does living a poly lifestyle hurt anyone? If the adults are of sound mind, legally able to make decisions in their state (usually, it's 18,) and entering into the relationship of their own volition? How does that negatively impact anyone?
What disease? I'd love to see the stats on sexually transmitted diseases in the mono community versuse the poly community. For the two triads I know, the married couple had been monogamous their entire relationship--about 9 years, before they brought their third in. He was a best friend of both of them, had been responsible sexually in his past, and before they started the physical part of their relationship, he was tested to ensure that he didn't have anything. (He didn't.) When they are together in the bedroom, both men wear condoms, because she isn't on any sort of hormonal birth control--she and her husband use condoms when it's just the two of them as well. Their third has said that he doesn't want to be with anyone else, but if he was to be, he would use condoms. How is this propogating the spread of disease any faster than the drunken frat boys that frequent the bar scene?and let's not forget DISEASE!!!
The other couple has been together for about 15 years--until they started their poly lifestyle, they had only been with each other. They have had a few girlfriends, and EVERYONE gets tested before they start anything sexually.
Responsibe, consenting adults that do what they want in their relationships are definitely not the downfall of this country (I can only assume that you were talking about the United States.) If you want to really look at the things contributing to the problems, I could list about 100 other things for you...and poly relationships would not make the list.
So, that's just my $.10 (I typed to much for it to be considered just 2 cents.
Thankyou, I was going to post something similar, but you said it much better than I would have.
My thoughts on polygamy, polyamory, and any other life style, if it isn't hurting others & is between consenting adults, I really don't care.0 -
I wouldn't do it. I just dont like the idea of sharing my boyfriend/husband.
To me it seems like eventually someone would become jealous. I've also seen some documentaries about polygamists and it seems like the women are sort of brainwashed. But hell, it's their life.0 -
I dont think anyone should dictate what people do in the privacy of their own home. I know I do enjoy watching Sister Wives - getting a peek into someone else's lifestyle. I do have issues should it come to abuse of a person be it old, young, man or woman, then I believe intervention should superceed.
But to each their own, what someone does in their home with their marital relationship. It is their personal beliefs, not my place to judge.0 -
what is cracking me up here is everyone assuming the relationship would be one man with multiple wives. I have friends in my life where it is one woman and two men. It's not about the men sharing the woman. They all love (and enjoy) each other equally.
Ha! I was just thinking that myself. Interesting assumption.
I could use a few more men around to help my partner with his chores, that's for sure!0 -
I'd be totally cool with seeing different guys at once. Same with a boyfriend doing it too.0
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Id be more than happy with another man around (lol!), but Im far too jealous to share my husband with another woman.
I dont think its any of the government's or our business if its consenting adults... Apparently the abuse rate is higher, but they said the same thing about gay marriage, too.
Assuming that statistic is true, the abuse rate is probably higher because polygamous relationships are currently "fringe" relationships and have a significantly higher incidence in cults which involve forced underage marriages and coercion. If polygamy was mainstream and considered legitimate, that statistic would probably vanish as a natural result of a higher percentage of willing/voluntary polygamous marriages.
It's kinda like saying the incidence of criminal behavior is higher among illegal drug users - well of course it is. If doing the drug is criminal, 100% of drug users are engaging in criminal behavior.0 -
More the merrier...:bigsmile:0
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while it isn't my gig, I get and respect why it would be someone else's.To each his or her or their own.0
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My spouse can be with whomever she wants to be with, and I will not care a single bit. I am not her owner, keeper, boss. It would not change how I feel about her.
If she brings me turkey or chicken bacon, I will divorce her.0 -
If everyone is happy in the relationship then I don't care. You shouldn't HAVE to marry anyone you don't want to. I don't know much about it but I know in some places the girls are married off as young as 13. That is SICK. 40 year old men should not be marring 13yr olds.
Plus I don't get why any guy would want multiple wives. Yeah lots of sex but also lots of nagging and that is a whole lot of periods. Plus one man having to keep 3+ women sexually satisfied. BURNOUT. LOL
Guess I never thought of it the other way around. 1 woman a few men. Nah. That is way to much. Maybe other chicks are down and thats fine. I don't have enough of a sexual apatite for 1 man much less 3+
What about 2 women and 2 men. That would make life easier and you can always explore the other way. WIN!0 -
...do we want submissive doormat women? do we want girls raised in this thinking they should be a doormat? boys raised to think their king of the castle?
Sorry, but I think we already teach those very ideas with many TV shows, movies, books, and music.0 -
It's not for me... I'm too possessive of my hubby. He says having one wife is all he can handle. He's very happy with just one spouse.
I'm not against it though, as long as everyone is happy and okay with it in the relationship. I wouldn't consider it cheating because all the other gals in the party would know about it and such. I don't think it's a problem.0 -
Having all the women would be great....until they sinc up...then fantasy over!0
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Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to have another wife to help with everything. Then I realize what I want is just a live-in housekeeper/chef/babysitter.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to share my husband with another woman (or multiple women). But, I don't have a problem with it. It's not something I totally understand, but if all parties involved are consenting adults and they are happy, who am I to say it's wrong? I wouldn't marry another woman, but that doesn't mean I think gay marriage is wrong. I think all these "one man, one woman" restriction on marriage are stupid. Consenting adults should be free to marry other consenting adults no matter what their gender or how many of them there are.0 -
Reminds me of an episode of the Addams Family...
Morticia: Gomez, do you know what the punishment is for bigamy?
Gomez: Yes. Two wives!
:laugh:
It was hard enough for me to find ONE person I wanted to spend my life with, and while our relationship is pretty effortless, I can't imagine the balancing act of trying to please/appease/satisfy multiple partners.0 -
Not for me.0
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their life their choices
(sorry if this bad grammar)0 -
I've starting feeling like, as long as people are happy and aren't causing harm to others, let them live their damn lives. Regardless if they're gay, polygamists, Mormons, whatever. People should be allowed to be happy - no one should infringe on that (as long as there's no harm being caused.)
What she said. I personally couldn't be in a polygamist marriage, but if someone else chooses to do so who am I to judge? As long as they are consenting adults and happy.0 -
2+ mother-in-laws = FAIL!! :-0
Hahaha I never thought about that!0 -
I however agree that 1 mommy, 1 daddy, is the best environment for a child.
If I may ask, why?
I know this is a very common belief. But I just want to know why people think that. I could prove it wrong 8 different ways from Sunday. But everyone always says it and I just always wonder why...
Because both religion and society (often these go hand and hand depending on where you live) have pounded this into our heads from the time were were old enough to say "mama" and "dada"0 -
...do we want submissive doormat women? do we want girls raised in this thinking they should be a doormat? boys raised to think their king of the castle?
EXACTLY!! ban the Bronte sisters!! ... wait, what?0 -
O here, please, let me be the one with the backwoods opinion. It's disgusting, as far as sanitation goes...well let me not go there *gags* gives their children a seriously warped sense of life, no stable self appreciating woman could be in that relationship, and it's ultimately all about the man...I mean what century are we in here? And I won't be arguing, so to everyone that decides they should tell me I have no business telling other people what makes them happy, please don't waste your time b/c I'm not even going to recheck to see the response I get....I've read enough of these I know what it will be.
I am so sick and tired of people acting as though there is nothing morally right or wrong; just whatever makes you happy.....morally polygamy is WRONG (oh no did someone say there can still be something WRONG is this world, how dare me) I mean what if i think stealing makes me happy? Why should the government or anyone be allowed to tell me that I can't do that? Come on, it makes me happy and it's only me on this whole huge planet so don't you dare tell me stealing is off limits to me...it might be for you...but not for me because while it might make you feel guilty, it makes me soooo happy... GET REAL! You're not a one person world here for your happiness.
Some "personal" decisions effect society as a whole when they're allowed to run rampant (because some people are so far gone their personal right and wrong meter is BROKE).....so let's think of the good of society...do we want submissive doormat women? do we want girls raised in this thinking they should be a doormat? boys raised to think their king of the castle? and let's not forget DISEASE!!! For such an educated, medicinally & technologically advanced country there are some really idiotic thinking (or lack there of) going on. Please enjoy roasting me
^^ THIS ^^ Although, I would have chosen my words a little nicer, to make more people happy
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Are we talking about it being equal among the sexes? Could a woman have more than one husband or is it just for the men? I can't see a man being able to share a woman in the way that some of the women who live this lifestyle share a husband. My husband notices every single guy who looks at me, I think he'd have a coronary if he had to share me.0
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i am allllll for it. Help raising kids, household assistance, built in playmates for my kiddos... yes please! PLUS, there's always a babysitter around so you can get a bit of 1 on 1 time with the hubs. i don't get laid near enough as it is, so cutting down on that would suck, but if we could find a few bi poly girls...
Also - If i could find a few guys down for this, i'd be ALL IN.0
This discussion has been closed.
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