Does anyone else NOT want kids?

BrienJD

I don't. Don't have the desire, skills or temperment and no patience for it. Father material I am not and I know it.

Arwen280804

I don't know to be honest.

Some days yes, some days no. I know my husband is on the fence over the whole subject too.

We are both in our mid-30's now, so I guess time is running out. Never sure if it is hormones that cause me to want to have kids some day, or not!

But for now at least we are happy as we are.

philOHIO

My honest opinion...

I thought about it... wasn't a priority. Then I saw my baby daughter. It changes your entire life seeing your eyes look back at you. Something you will never understand until it happens. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything!

Emancipated_Tai

I'll be 30 this year & never been pregnant. I knew when I as 8 that I didn't want kids. It's your decision. MIL isn't pushing a screaming bloody fetus from her uterus, so tell her to mind her own business!

shaynak112

I don't plan to have kids. I'm 21 so I still have some time to decide but I really don't want kids. My boyfriend doesn't either. Ugh kids just creep me out.
I said possibly I may adopt in the future but that's it.

MsEmmy

I know many couples who decided not to have kids and I totally support them even though I have 2 myself. Out of all the people I know who have said they never want kids (and I know a lot of people because I've worked as a teacher and changed jobs a few times) I only know of one person who changed her mind and after years of saying she would never have kids, she had one at 38. The rest are all happily childless.

I was never maternal til I had my two boys. I would visit relatives who'd had a baby and would rather play with the pet dog than hold the child! But I had my kids young at 24 and 26 and wouldn't have it any other way - it gave me a focus and motivation to train as a teacher to provide for them. It made me more considerate towards other people and closer to other members of my family. Other people can do that without having kids to show them the way! One of my boys has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and it's not been easy but we have the most amazing fun times (as well as some crappy ones!) and I wouldn't change him for the world.

I dont think it's selfish at all to not want kids, it shows thought and maturity and knowing yourself well ....far more selfish to have them and not give them a good life.

MJ7910

i thinks it's really rude for people to pressure each other to have kids. if someone doesn't want to have any, it is totally their decision and actually "forcing" someone to have a kid could be worse for both the future kid and the parents. I dont' get why a lot of people think that others have to make the same decision. I only want one kid and i already have her and i get a lot of pushback for that decision. people say i'm selfish to only have one, that i'll regret it, etc. but really i see this as my and my partner's decision and if he doesn't want any more kids and i don't want any more kids, why have more? just to satisfy other people. no, i don't think so. for the longest time i didn't want any kids and one day i was 30 and decided i did. it just works out for us to have one and i don't think she'll be mad some day we didn't have more. my husband is an only child and he loved it. i have 4 siblings i never really see because we all live so far away. so there is no guarantee having more than one kid will make them close friends or even like each other. so really it's a personal thing. it is no one's business but yours. my advice woudl be to think of something that annoys them if they keep bringing it up and ask them "why dont' you do.... *insert whatever behavior they don't want to do*?" they are the ones being selfish if they think you NEED to have kids to be a better person or whatever.

BettyIW

As
a young girl I always told myself some day I was going to have six children. why? I don't know! And the fact of the matter is, I did give birth to six children. Understand too that two of those children were conceived while being on birth control!! I guess I was just destined.
My oldest child said he never never wanted to have children because in his words, 'Mom, I'm too selfish, I want to go and do whatever I want without the concern of a child/ren. I want to sail around the world and experience life first hand.' I remember telling him that I hoped then he didn't have any children if that was his true desire.
He had this mindset until the age of 36 when his life turned upside down. One day he called me and said, 'Mom, I've met a woman I really love and I want to be the father of her much desired baby daughter!'. Wow! Their daughter was born when my son was 37 years old. Gracie is my granddaughter through my oldest son. I cherish her because I thought I never would have a grandchild through my oldest son.
The cute thing is: He is the most loving, most doting Daddy!! He called me after he had taken his infant daughter to her medical appointments and would say, 'Mom, this is the circumference of her head, etc., etc. etc. It is so awesome for me to see him being an awesome Daddy in his daughter's life. He cherishes her and is so proud of his child.
My oldest daughter too said she never wanted to have children. But in her late twenties she called and said, 'Mom, we're thinking of having a child.' Next thing I know she called and said, 'Hey Mom, I'm pregnant!' How exciting for them.
I'm grateful they didn't have children when they said they didn't want any kids.
But I agree, if you don't want kids, don't have them.

DeeVanderbles

I'm 23, my fiance is 31. We have decided that we don't want kids. Our relationship is perfect the way it is and I truly don't think children would be healthy for our relationship. Also, I do not have the patience for children. I am selfish and like my current lifestyle and don't want to change it.

But, it is funny how things change. When my fiance and I got together 2.5 years ago I wanted a baby asap. But within a few months, that changed completely.

I love children and would love to have some nieces and nephews to spoil some day but having my own is just not for me.

rchupka87

Most of my friends and family think I am insane. I have wanted kids my entire life. I wanted to give birth, and go natural, and breast feed. I have had my future kids names picked out for YEARS. I finally found the guy. And he’s amazing. And he came with two kids. A girl who is now 10, and a boy who is now 5. We have been together for four years. The way I look at it – I have my kids. I don’t want any more. I went through the diapers and the pacifiers and the potty training with his son. I have heard the speeches about what I missed out on. I missed being pregnant, and having a baby shower, and feeling your child kick inside you. I missed out on child birth, and midnight feedings and a lot of firsts. Their first steps, their first word… I missed a lot. Sure, once in a while, it crosses my mind. We will see a child out that has red hair, and we make comments, that’s what our baby would look like… But it is always a fleeting thought. It never lasts, and I have no real desire to have my “own” child. My family is complete the way it is.

cloud2011

I think the norm is to want kids, which doesn't mean you have to want them. But try to be more understanding of your mother-in-law. It might be rude of her to ask in your view, but it's completely typical of most in-laws to want grandchildren. So it's not that she's trying to make you do something you don't want to do, or corner your husband, etc. I think she's trying to express her own anticipation and excitement.

Any way you slice it, if you decide not to have children, your mother-in-law will be disappointed. While it's not your job to make her happy, maybe a little empathy toward her perspective will give you the ability to deal with her questions, rude or not.

coachblt

When I was younger, I was in the same boat as many as you...not wanting children. Then I met the woman I would eventually marry and it was our desire to bring life into this world that was one of our own. Fortunately for us, we were gifted with 2 beautiful daughters. I fell in love the minute I saw them. Love like I'd never felt before...not even for my wife.

The first time they sprint into your arms screaming the word daddy...your heart melts and shines at the same time. It's a remarkable feeling, one that only parents can understand really. Yes, they will anger you. Yes, they will disappoint you and yes, they will drive you crazy...but even with all that...they will LOVE you if you show them the path in which to love.

Fast forward: We are now divorced and I love my daughters just the same as I did back then. Looking at them grow, I'm amazed and honored to be called their "daddy".

I'm one lucky dad.


As for the lady who talks about not having kids as being selfish: get a grip! Mother Theresa didn't have children and she was in NO way selfish. Priests and other clergy have chosen not to marry and they aren't selfish either. Sure, there are selfish people who don't want kids because all they want to do is buy things for themselves, party, etc...and that would be selfish. However, there are many that choose to give in so many ways without having children and that a noble choice.

BTW - what does the 1 square foot have to do with anything, anyway?

Obviously I didn't make myself clear. What I was trying to say was that those who don't want kids because they want THINGS and such in [place of kids tend to be selfish. I really admire people who devote their whole lives to doing for others, like Mother Theresa and priests and clergy and lay people. The whole thing about a square foot was to show that God knows what He is doing and there is plenty of room on this planet for all the people He has created.

Indeed, God does know what he's doing and for the sake of the children, He has chosen some of these people NOT to have kids. We should be thankful.

Flamingalah

WoW! This is great! Someone else doesnt want kids either! Im 33yo and never wanted kids. And I cant stand how people look at me like Im a weirdo because of that. Ive thought about asking this question recently but hought Id never get any replies!. Good luck with the MIL hun xo

daffodilsoup

Obviously I didn't make myself clear. What I was trying to say was that those who don't want kids because they want THINGS and such in [place of kids tend to be selfish. I really admire people who devote their whole lives to doing for others, like Mother Theresa and priests and clergy and lay people. The whole thing about a square foot was to show that God knows what He is doing and there is plenty of room on this planet for all the people He has created.

With all due respect, what about resources? There simply aren't enough resources to support the world population, especially if it hits 9-10 billion as expected. You and I differ greatly regarding religious beliefs, but I find it upsetting that people take the idea that "God knows what he's doing" and let themselves ruin the planet. I won't bother asking why God "knows what he's doing" with some children and leaves others with abusive parents, because I simply don't believe in his existence.

Also, does it really matter if people want things instead of kids? How exactly do you define "things"? My boyfriend and I have no desire for kids - we'd rather have a beautiful, clean house filled with breakable, beautiful things that we bring home from our worldly travels, that we can take at our leisure with no regard for school schedules or soccer practice. My lifestyle is awesome already - why ruin that with kids?

healthymom76

When I was younger, I was in the same boat as many as you...not wanting children. Then I met the woman I would eventually marry and it was our desire to bring life into this world that was one of our own. Fortunately for us, we were gifted with 2 beautiful daughters. I fell in love the minute I saw them. Love like I'd never felt before...not even for my wife.

The first time they sprint into your arms screaming the word daddy...your heart melts and shines at the same time. It's a remarkable feeling, one that only parents can understand really. Yes, they will anger you. Yes, they will disappoint you and yes, they will drive you crazy...but even with all that...they will LOVE you if you show them the path in which to love.

Fast forward: We are now divorced and I love my daughters just the same as I did back then. Looking at them grow, I'm amazed and honored to be called their "daddy".

I'm one lucky dad.


As for the lady who talks about not having kids as being selfish: get a grip! Mother Theresa didn't have children and she was in NO way selfish. Priests and other clergy have chosen not to marry and they aren't selfish either. Sure, there are selfish people who don't want kids because all they want to do is buy things for themselves, party, etc...and that would be selfish. However, there are many that choose to give in so many ways without having children and that a noble choice.

BTW - what does the 1 square foot have to do with anything, anyway?

Obviously I didn't make myself clear. What I was trying to say was that those who don't want kids because they want THINGS and such in [place of kids tend to be selfish. I really admire people who devote their whole lives to doing for others, like Mother Theresa and priests and clergy and lay people. The whole thing about a square foot was to show that God knows what He is doing and there is plenty of room on this planet for all the people He has created.

Indeed, God does know what he's doing and for the sake of the children, He has chosen some of these people NOT to have kids. We should be thankful.

Totally agree!

Bronx_Montgomery

I don't like other peoples kids. Im big on discipline and just can't stand looking at kids running around making a fuss and the parents who do nothing.

Back to the subject at hand. Lately I have heard a lot about that. Im a bit surprise as of recently I have never seen so many woman and men who do not want kids. I do not have any but def. want some. Whats funny is that there is a huge stereo type when it comes to Spanish Males. I always get a surprised look from others when they realize I am a 30 yo Spanish male with no kids. They are like....What?! you don't have kids?! LMAO

suzieqcookie

There is no easy answer... i have 3 and can tell you it's the hardest job EVER, so it's nothing to go into lightly. I will say that my sister was very anit-kids and once she hit her mid 40's its something she regrets because now it's too late. I would say give some thought to what your life will look like at 70.... imagine Christmas or other holidays at that age. What does it look like without kids? Sad or an opportunity to take an awesome vacation? Are you cool with no kids visiting you in a nursing home (God forbid!)? So now and for a long time you haven't wanted them, and you might never. Just remember, no matter what, you have to live your life. Have you been able to talk to any other childless by choice people over the age of 50 yet?

neverstray

I think people that don't want kids are selfish.

LOL. Ducking.

Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.

Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.

It's not a joke. Seriously. Someone has to care for you when you can't care for yourself; manage your money, estate, make sure your care facility is the best you can afford, take care of your medical affairs, etc. There a lot of *kitten* that needs tending.

daffodilsoup

I think people that don't want kids are selfish.

LOL. Ducking.

Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.

Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.

It's not a joke. Seriously. Someone has to care for you when you can't care for yourself; manage your money, estate, make sure your care facility is the best you can afford, take care of your medical affairs, etc. There a lot of *kitten* that needs tending.

I find it interesting that you said that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but then say that you had kids so that you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old. How is that not selfish?

songbyrdsweet

I am 25 and casually dating someone...we had one mention of kids and neither of us wants them (he's 30). I don't foresee myself ever having one and I probably shouldn't anyway, because I'll be WAY too busy to be a quality parent. He's the same way. All these conceiving on birth control stories are freaking me out. :noway: I mean...were you taking the pill at the same time every day? Didn't miss any? Been on it for a long time? No antibiotics? EEEEK!

catpow2

I'm also at the end of my reproductive years and chose not to have kids. Once you're in your 40s, people will stop asking you When you're in your 20s and 30s, especially when you're married, they ask because having children is still the norm in our culture. I was married at 28 and for years I just acted like I was on the fence--'oh, we're thinking about it' or 'maybe next year.' Truth is, I never wanted children and I knew it from a young age, but it was easier to not get into it. And 28 is actually pretty young to say you're NEVER going to do something. Heck, 45 is young to say you're never going to do something! But biology intervenes, and I'm looking forward to NOT having to think about birth control. Can you imagine? What a concept.

I'm a teacher, and I like children. I like playing with children, I like working with children, I like helping children. But, unlike others on this forum!, I like other peoples' children. And I want to go home at the end of the day and be with my husband and my cats and not have to worry about taking care of anyone else. I fully believe that being a parent is the toughest job there is, and I don't need to be one to get that. It's a very, very personal decision, and in this day and age, birth control can be pretty darned effective and women get to decide what they want to do with their lives. You get to make that choice.

wolfehound22

Who's to say you'll never want kids, you could. That being said its is your choice, and if you feel that way, then don't let anyone else influence you. Just straight tell them how you feel. I always wanted kids, but only one or two, my wife on the other hand wants a bunch, I'm sure we will meet somewhere in the middle. I love my son to death, but somedays I miss the no kid life, so much easier. I wouldn't change a thing, but I can see why some people just wouldn't want to go that route.

wolfehound22

I am 25 and casually dating someone...we had one mention of kids and neither of us wants them (he's 30). I don't foresee myself ever having one and I probably shouldn't anyway, because I'll be WAY too busy to be a quality parent. He's the same way. All these conceiving on birth control stories are freaking me out. :noway: I mean...were you taking the pill at the same time every day? Didn't miss any? Been on it for a long time? No antibiotics? EEEEK!

Well, no birth control is 100% effective, other than just not having sex. Sry to say, but you can be on birth control and use a condom and still get pregnant. Hell even having a vasectomy doesn't always work, I have a cousin who has had three kids since he got snipped. Sometimes it just happens.

breezymom81

I am 25 and casually dating someone...we had one mention of kids and neither of us wants them (he's 30). I don't foresee myself ever having one and I probably shouldn't anyway, because I'll be WAY too busy to be a quality parent. He's the same way. All these conceiving on birth control stories are freaking me out. :noway: I mean...were you taking the pill at the same time every day? Didn't miss any? Been on it for a long time? No antibiotics? EEEEK!

Well I have a 10 yr old that I conceived on the pill- same time everyday, never ever missed no antibiotics....but the pill does nto woprk for me- I react differently to hormons. Best thing that EVER happened to us. But I knew I wanted to be a mother! If you know 100% for sure then you need to use multipule protection and maybe talk to your dr about it!!

elenathegreat

So Much ignorance out there, it amazes me. if you look at the stastistics there is enough room in TEXAS for everyone on the planet to have one square foot. That is just texas! Come on people. I think there are way to many selfish people in this world, why do you think Germany is at negative population growth.If everyone thinks like this what do you think will happen in 50 years? Good thing your parents didn' t think like you or you would never have been given a chance to experience your wonderful life.

:huh:

Yeah. You can raise all the unwanted children there in Texas. What's your address?

:flowerforyou: The winner of the BEST RESPONSE EVER.

Hear, hear!:drinker:

hesn92

I don't! Oh, too late.

elenathegreat

Children are wonderful, but they are a lifetime commitment. I commend people who know its not something they are willing to take on. It doesn't make you less of a person.

This is well said. I think much less of people who have children without this much consideration, and then do a crappy, half-*ss job raising the poor little buggers they put on this earth just because they listened when they were told "you need to have kids"!!:grumble:

boyslie72487

I'm glad I'm not the only 24 yr old that feels this way!!!!! I never imagined myself getting married and having kids and living in a house with a white picket fence. I did change my mind to get married when I found the right guy, but as for kids NO THANKS! He wants one and tell him "As soon as you can pop one out, you can have it!" I'm not maternal at all, I love my nephew but it's great when I can give him back. Sadly my future mother in law doesn't seem to get the whole "I'm not having kids" thing cus she started planning my baby shower about a year ago :ohwell: She even said to us "Well even if you guys adopt, I'll still throw you a baby shower!" Umm a kid is a kid and I don't want one. :flowerforyou:

hikercpa71

I'm 51, wife is 48, and we have never regretted not having children. Not in the least!
Lots of nephews and nieces. Love them all. Just none of our own, and it has brought us
even closer as a couple. Peace to you all. SteveD, Lexington KY

MJ7910

I think people that don't want kids are selfish.

LOL. Ducking.

Nah, j/k. But, I always wonder...who will take care of you when you can't take care of yourself. that's why you have kids. Isn't it? That's my reason.

Please tell me this is a joke. You were joking...right?? It is not my kid's job to take care of me. I would never put that on them.

It's not a joke. Seriously. Someone has to care for you when you can't care for yourself; manage your money, estate, make sure your care facility is the best you can afford, take care of your medical affairs, etc. There a lot of *kitten* that needs tending.

I find it interesting that you said that people who choose not to have kids are selfish, but then say that you had kids so that you'd have someone to take care of you when you're old. How is that not selfish?

the thing is that if the kids don't want to do that, they won't so that's not really a good reason to have them. i know a lot of elders that have been abandoned by their adult children and they are in nursing homes because their adult children didn't want to take care of their parents' needs. so really nothing guarantees one's kids will take care of them. no one guarantees siblings will be close. the only reason to have kids is that you want to. nothing else is really a good reason. and if you don't want to, then you shouldn't. you shoudl do what's right for you. and you should never expect another person to take care of you. that's just not right. that is a burden for a child to expect that their whole life they will have to take care of their parents and it's not fair to them if that is the only reason they exist. just my 2 cents. have them because you want to have them and will enjoy them. otherwise, don't.