Does anyone else NOT want kids?
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I have to say that "it is your choice" BUT being a parent of 20 year old twins boy/girl, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I always told myself that I was lucky my mom/dad put me on this world and I got the opportunity to experience life. If your parents didn't want you than you wouldn't exist...so to me It is only natural to want to have a part of me enjoying what I got to enjoy which is life. Am I broke most of the time, YES...do I go without so my children have it all, YES... Does my heart stop beating when they are hurting, YES...Does my life feel complete and full when I hear their laughter, joy and see their accomplishments, YES... Being a parent is Priceless and being a parent doesn't stop EVER!!! So if you truly feel that you can't love someone that strongly or put yourself behind someone than you aren't ready to be a parent. Being a parent takes LOVE!!!
Really? People with this attitude are insulting to people who are CHILD FREE BY CHOICE. It isn't that I can't love. It isn't that I feel unprepared. It isn't that I am not grateful for my life. Some of us just choose not to reproduce. I refuse to accept that my main purpose in life is to make more humans. There is more to my life than that.
I experience love with my friends, family, and husband. I take on responsibility in my pets. I can pass my knowledge to my students. I can be remembered by making a difference with my research. Children can also provide these things, but they are not necessary.0 -
I'll never forget my urologist, a funny old Korean Army veteran named "Doctor Wong",,,Well vasectomies take a while to 'kick in' and the tubes can grow back together. Lost of people just don't wait long enough. Just like lots of people use the pill incorrectly and then say they got preggers on it. Sure there's a 1% possibility if you use it 100% correctly, but the vast majority of oopses are due to incorrect use or antibiotics.
"Remember - you no safe yet. You do what you gotta, e-jack-you-rate 16 times. You bring me number 17 in this cup and I check. Only then you safe" :laugh:
Yup,,, Doctor Wong fixed me dong. Hehehe,,,
Once the surgery is healed and the system is "flushed" and a clean sperm count of Zero is found, Vasectomy is about 99.999999% safe.0 -
I'm 30.....still on the fence. I love my nephews but my husband and I are still unsure if having kids is the right choice for us.0
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I'll never forget my urologist, a funny old Korean Army veteran named "Doctor Wong",,,Well vasectomies take a while to 'kick in' and the tubes can grow back together. Lost of people just don't wait long enough. Just like lots of people use the pill incorrectly and then say they got preggers on it. Sure there's a 1% possibility if you use it 100% correctly, but the vast majority of oopses are due to incorrect use or antibiotics.
"Remember - you no safe yet. You do what you gotta, e-jack-you-rate 16 times. You bring me number 17 in this cup and I check. Only then you safe" :laugh:
Yup,,, Doctor Wong fixed me dong. Hehehe,,,
Once the surgery is healed and the system is "flushed" and a clean sperm count of Zero is found, Vasectomy is about 99.999999% safe.
LOL ejackyourate :laugh:0 -
I'm 20 and as of right now. I NEVER want children. I can't ever see myself with kids.0
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I love (most) kids. I have one. We are done.
So I constantly get the "when are you having another?" "You can't just have one, that's not fair to him!"
How is it not fair? He has friends he's grown up with since birth, cousins that he loves, classmates at daycare.. a large church family with tons of kids to interact with.. but at the end of the day, I don't lose my mind running after 2 or more children!
We're young too. I'm 28, husband is 31. So people just assume we're going to continue to spit out kids.. nope, doesn't always work that way!
THIS! I just found out I am pregnant, and I was an only child. I want to have one child, and that's it.0 -
I'm childfree. You are definitely not alone.
Don't let anyone get into your reproductive/sexual business; that's your info to know and yours alone. People are so damn nosy about other people having kids. If you want kids and can't have them for some reason, people will butt in. If you don't want kids, people will butt in. If you have kids, sometimes people still butt in telling you to have more/stop having them. It's just like, it's none of your damn business!
And I too am tired of the notion that one can only be truly happy with children. Maybe some people have to be completed by their kids, or their spouses, or their careers. But I am complete and happy on my own. Get out of everyone else's lives and live your own in the way that makes you happy. That's all.0 -
I am 28 and my husband and I are high school sweethearts so we've been together 11 years, married for 3. We both are pretty sure we don't want kids. I would say about 75% sure anyway. I get it from his family all the time..."When am I going to get a grand baby?". I get pretty annoyed so I also would love to read everyone's responses when I get some time. We have a niece and a nephew and we love to hang out with them but we are so happy to have our own time when they go home. We do a lot of traveling and kids don't fit in to that at this time in our lives. If we changed our minds later in life, we would adopt. There are SOOO many kids out there that need someone to love them and I see no point in bringing more kids into this world when there are already so many here.0
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I'm 41, I've been married for 12 years, and am childless by choice. I don't dislike children in general (although some of them suck) and I don't doubt that I'd be a good parent - it's just not a lifestyle that I've ever been interested in. I like my friends' children just fine, and I have a niece that I think is the coolest thing ever - and I'm an awesome aunt.
Neither my parents nor my in-laws have ever given us any hassle about our choice to not have children and no one has ever told me I'd come to regret it. And I don't.0 -
I've always wanted kids and when they were born i enjoyed every minute of being with them...UNTIL THEY BECAME TEENAGERS!!!!
Now I always say I should had two dogs instead of two kids!!!! LOL!!!!0 -
I never wanted kids, never had them, and yet I get along fine with them. I think everyone is different, and parents etc. can be so pushy and thoughtless about wanting people to provide them with little human 'toys' to play with--0
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The way I see it, not enough people who didn't want to have kids don't have kids and then they become awful parents. You're doing the right thing by sticking to what you want.0
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i dont want any! 28 years old, but I was 12 when I decided I did not want to have any. I have to agree with many of the readers here, it doesn't seem likely that this late in the game you are gonna want them. Talk with your husband. Get a feel for how he feels, if he can sway you then baby-makit away. But if he doesn't want any, and you do not want any, then stick with it. Have HIM tell the MIL that you both have decided against kids.
She'll take it better coming from him, because it will look like HE had a say in the decision making, and not "my stupid daughter in law doesn't want to have kids..." Dont give any other reason than that because it will sound like you are making excuses and quite frankly, it is no one's business but you and your husband.
Other than that, you two can move onto making better decisions... like where you will travel for your retirement. :flowerforyou:0 -
I was born to a parent that didn't want a child.
that parent didn't believe in adoption "Who wants somebody else's mistake?" (I was told this constantly)
that parent treated me with hatred and resentment every single day of my life.
I no longer have contact with that parent.
So, please please PLEASE, STOP IT with the "you'll change your mind' BS.
I have no kids, and will NEVER have kids.
/end rant0 -
I was born to a parent that didn't want a child.
that parent didn't believe in adoption "Who wants somebody else's mistake?" (I was told this constantly)
that parent treated me with hatred and resentment every single day of my life.
I no longer have contact with that parent.
So, please please PLEASE, STOP IT with the "you'll change your mind' BS.
I have no kids, and will NEVER have kids.
/end rant
That was me! I was told while growing up that I caused my mother to never have a life. She told me how once I was of age, she'd finally have a life. Like it was my fault she never accomplished anything.
But yes, if our minds are made, people do need to stop it with the "you will change your mind" bs because it isn't going to happen. It's better to know that you don't want kids and not have them than to just give in, have them, and then treat them like crap!0 -
When we got married (6 years ago), my husband and I both did not want children (he was 26, me 21). We did make it an open ended argument though, and agreed that in 5 years (putting him at 31 and me at 26), we were allowed to bring the topic up guilt free. I still was not ready. I had other things on my plate and bringing a child into that situation at that time would have been unfair. I asked for another 5 years to get my career taken care of (i was looking for new employment) and to pay off my car/his truck and other bills. Right now, at 27, I have moments were I try to picture myself with children, and I can sometimes see it and then sometimes I cant. I understand that these things can change with time though. I am more open to it now than 6 years ago though. My mom wanted me to have a child so bad and I sometimes regret not having one before she passed. Though I was not ready and it was not a good enough reason for me to have a child0
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I've already posted on this topic--but one more thing. You don't have to work this out with your in-laws. This is not their deal; it's between you and your husband. But you do have to work it out with him. If he's hinting that he wants kids, and you don't as in you're positive that you don't and you're not at all open to the possibility, then that's the biggest problem you've got. There are a lot issues that can be fixed in a relationship. This isn't one of them. You have to resolve this one way or the other with him.0
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I'm 32, have been married for 9 years, and do not want to ever have kids (husband's the same). I'm going to be brutally honest here. I'm a very selfish and short-tempered person who likes her free time and already struggles with taking care of herself and giving the care needed for any type of pet animal to stay alive (fish, guinea pigs, turtles -- we live in an apartment). I've also babysat enough of my friends' children over the years to know that I am not good with babies, toddlers, or any kind of child that can't take care of themselves up to a point. The frustration sets in and I have to go find their mothers before a child gets shaken or some other horrible horrible outcome. Thus, I don't babysit anymore. EVER.
And to those people that say "well, you'll change after having your own baby," I say "What if I don't and end up like all those terrible mothers in the news?" because, truth be told, that is a viable outcome as well. But, hey, at least I know I shouldn't have any and are taking the steps needed not to. Not every woman is mother material. :flowerforyou:
I told my parents and my in-laws this when I got married. They never brought up the subject again. :laugh:0 -
I was born to a parent that didn't want a child.
that parent didn't believe in adoption "Who wants somebody else's mistake?" (I was told this constantly)
that parent treated me with hatred and resentment every single day of my life.
I no longer have contact with that parent.
So, please please PLEASE, STOP IT with the "you'll change your mind' BS.
I have no kids, and will NEVER have kids.
/end rant
:brokenheart: I'm sorry you had to go through that.0 -
I was born to a parent that didn't want a child.
that parent didn't believe in adoption "Who wants somebody else's mistake?" (I was told this constantly)
that parent treated me with hatred and resentment every single day of my life.
I no longer have contact with that parent.
So, please please PLEASE, STOP IT with the "you'll change your mind' BS.
I have no kids, and will NEVER have kids.
/end rant
:brokenheart: I'm sorry you had to go through that.
thank you :flowerforyou:
I'm alive today, and thankful that I know I have people I can count on that aren't biologically related.0 -
I'm alive today, and thankful that I know I have people I can count on that aren't biologically related.
Family isn't necessarily those who share the same DNA as you.0 -
My MIL told my me (while my man was sitting next to me) that she should have never had children. And he agrees with her. Depsite her good intentions, she's STILL a terrible mother, and grandmother. He turned out awesome, can't say the same for his sister though. It offended me when she said that, but my fiance just shrugged, didn't affect him at all.0
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Having children is NOT something you're "supposed to do" just because you're married. One of my closest friends and I (both married) are not having children. I've never been the "mommy type", and never have wanted children. I've had several other friends tell me what a smart and bold decision it was NOT to have kids. To me, it was never an option.0
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Ever since I can remember, I've always said that I don't want kids. Even when I met my future husband back in 1998, I told him that I didn't want kids. He's always thought that my thought on the matter would change. We did try to have kids about a year or so ago, but I think nerves got in the way. We even got tested to make sure that everything was "working". I really think it didn't happen because its not meant to happen and I wasn't ready even when I was willing. Today I am 100% sure that I don't want kids but my husband does. I even get hints dropped from his parents about it. People at my work are shocked that I am 31 and without kids. They think kids are the best thing in the world and I just don't feel that way. I have two cats and a dog that my husband and I take care of and I am fine with that (as they can be a handful). I don't think we're ready money wise to have a kid and I don't have the mentally for one. Someone once told us that if you have love, you don't need money. I don't believe that. I grew up very poor, in a trailer park where the cats we had ate better than us on some days. I'm good with how my life has turned up and I have great plans and ideas with my (hopefully) writing career. Feels good to just rant about that.0
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I always dreamed of growing up, getting married, and having a gang of kids...you know happily ever after and all that.
then reality hit... found out hubby can't have kids...now 36 i really dont regret not having any... considering our marriage is about done and i'm looking into divorce..glad there are no little ones to ruin with the break up. Although i'm not totally against other peoples kids, if i happen to meet someone with kids... i'll consider that a plus.0 -
I'm to late for that, my first kid was 4 years ago and my second was 2 months ago.... Before I had my first I hated kids but when they are your own it's different.
Yep, me, too. I could not stand baby sitting and would do anything and everything to avoid it. My kids are my life....and they're grown now....but I wasn't planning to have any, but I also wasn't completely opposed to it either. .....and then I got pregnant at 19. Ha! So much for planning. To my total surprise, I turned into super mom and just loooooved it. I had a second and would have had more if my ex was willing. I ended up divorced and married a man with four kids, including triplet sons, and we all have lived happily ever after. Going back to before I had kids, I would have NEVER thought I'd take to it. Now I'm a grandma and I just love the kiddos, but once again, I'm not big into babysitting, although I will when it's really needed. The hubby and I both love when they come visit and love when they go home.
That said, if you don't want kids, don't have them. It's simple as that. I don't know how to break it to your MIL, and rest assured that she will have a cow, but you don't have to have kids if you don't want them. If your husband can't live with that, he doesn't have to.....it's all about choices.0 -
If you are on the fence don't have them there are 7 BILLION people in the world! Check out this link for some perspective http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/ If you really want children AND you have the resources, energy, intellect and enthusiasm then go ahead. Children really change your life and I believe one needs to be 100% committed (there are some amazing parents out there). But children are extremely expensive, they will change your relationship (sometimes for the better but often for the worse at least temporarily) and they are also horrendous for the planet/environment. So there are pros and cons, but really I think there are too many thoughtless pregnancies/oops pregnancies/my parents did it so I should do it pregnancies and also not enough foresight to either terminate or give the child up for adoption if the couple is clearly ill prepared. Of course the answer is proper use of birth control (with an emergency back up birth control) in the first place but alas...
To answer your question yes we are out here I am happily childfree at 39 with no regrets.
ETA: Sorry I forgot to add this. As for the advice I would just stave people off by changing the subject. I had to do that for years. Now that I'm at the tail end of my reproductive lifespan I don't really get it anymore. I have a lot of snide remarks you could give people such as when someone asks about children say "we're $%##@ like mad but it doesn't seem to be happening!" or say with a smile "god hasn't blessed us with children" or "Maybe we are doing it wrong would you mind explaining what we are supposed to be doing?" start crying and say "It's medically impossible!" all of these will remind people that it is none of their business. As for the MIL or your own parents when they say they want grandkids tell them they should have had more children to up their odds. It's not your responsibility. But of course these responses are a wee mean spirited
Totally agree!!0 -
I don't want kids. Never have. I'm 26 and had my tubes tied at 22 or 23. The doctors tried to talk me out of it. I said "my body my choice. I'll call you when I'm childless at 40 and blissfully happy." Just because you're a woman apparently that means you're supposed to want kids. Just say you don't want to wreck your body to bring another baby into this world when so many others are up for adoption or whatever.0
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I defo want more kids. Just need to find a girl and then her want to put up with me and have kids with me. A stretch I know! :laugh:0
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That would be me. I never wanted kids. Don't have to worry about it now, I'm gonna be 52 in October.0
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